The Goal-Setter Mindset

Our biggest obstacle is ourselves. On average, 77% of what you think on a daily basis is negative, self-defeating, or self-deflating. And 95% of what you think today, you also thought yesterday. We are creatures of habit, for good reason. It saves a lot of precious energy so that we can be mindful and open to our current surroundings. But we are only in the seat of our conscious mind, on average, 5% of our day. That leave 95% of our day with our subconscious mind at the helm. This is great news for anyone who has a well balanced relationship between the conscious and subconscious, or for those who have retrained their subconscious so that their best-self is their past of least resistance. But for most of us, this can be a startling realization. 

Personally, I have struggled with mental health issues for most of my life. Although I am now way healthier, happier and more aware of my balance than I ever have been, I still struggle occasionally. What I have realized is, so does everyone! We are not alone in our struggles. 

When we know what we are working with in our mind and body, it becomes much easier to carve out the path to sustainable and enjoyable change. For example, we often assume that we can increase our overall happiness by achieving more or getting more of what we want. Wishful thinking. We have a set point or baseline of happiness that is a combination of our DNA, experience, mindset, experiences and upbringing. When we experience something amazing, our happiness increases for a few hours or days. But it settles back down to our baseline, and that can be jarring and frightening if we had an expectation otherwise. And inversely, we can experience trauma, defeat and tragedy, and our happiness dips way down below our "normal." Good news, it is short-lived. You will bounce back up and settle back into your baseline. Happiness is an inside job. If you are not satisfied with your average experience of happiness, or your baseline, then your work is in the way you talk to yourself. When you change the way you perceive the world, aka your mindset, you change the way you experience the world. 

While I see the importance of setting goals as a catalyst for bold living and making necessary changes to align with core values, I have also realized that the act of setting goals is not enough. Through my history, I have set some big goals. I have accomplished enough of these goals to recognize that my happiness is not waiting in the hands of an external reward. 

More than goals, we need to adopt a goal-setter mindset. What is a MIndset exactly? It is what you focus on, the energy you emit, and your perception of failure, growth and success which shapes your experience of reality. The ultimate goal here is to conserve and create quality positive energy to fuel the journey of your life. If your mindset is draining your energy, than you can set all the goals in the world and have the very best intention, but that won't be enough to keep you motivated and bring you peace and joy along the way. The journey is your life, not the destination. 

With this is mind, how do we get our subconscious and conscious mind to work together?

In the book Switch, by Dan and Chip Heath, they tackle what it takes to lead change while knowing the complexity of the two minds we all have in our head. First, we need to create a road-map of sorts so our conscious mind knows what steps to take. Second, we need a deep sense of Purpose and Why behind the desired change or action. And third, we need to be mindful of our environment and surround ourselves with support and inspiration, edit as we go, and find our flow.

Your road-map will evolve as you get moving and become more clear on where you're headed. That is the fun of the journey. A little bit of uncertainty is what turns an ordinary old day into an adventure.

As I put together my current 5 key steps to a Goal-Setter Mindset, I noted how 6 months ago my steps looked different. And I am aware that when I go through this process 6 months from now, again my wording will most likely change. It is important to allow ourselves to be inspired and guided by others, but it is even more important to learn to be our own inner-motivator. My 5 key steps may serve you well, and you may be able to adjust, tweak and evolve to create a list more on par with who you are now and where you are headed. 

1. CONNECT

Take time each morning to connect with yourself.  Let this be a new experience, focused on being present and mindful versus just going through the motions of a "routine." Connect with your breath, tell yourself what you need to hear, set an Intention based on what you need to keep in mind to honor your growth and your balance. Choose to surround yourself and connect with inspiring people throughout your day who will support you in keeping your fire lit and your heart open. We need to lean on each other occasionally, but we also need to know it is up to us to keep ourselves motivated, moving and grooving. 

2. LEARN

Be a student of life. Let yourself be a beginner. Enjoy the process of trying something new and being open to the perceptions of others. We crave routine but we also need novelty. Switch things up throughout your day to ensure you are bringing in new sensations and stimuli that will support you in your mindfulness. We are creatures of habit. We learn a lot as we step back and notice our reactions and choose to respond instead. Be fascinated by what you notice in your patterns. Be interested, not interesting. Lastly, motion is lotion. When we sweat and move our bodies, we release growth hormones in our brain that will help us learn, adapt and evolve into the wise and best-self creatures that we have the privilege to be. Sweat is for our brain, not just our body. 

3. LET GO

What we think we own, actually owns us. Find freedom in your life by acknowledging that everything is fleeting and temporary. Enjoy the moment for what it is and then let it go. Tap into your flow throughout your day. There are activities/hobbies that you already have and love in your life that bring you into a state of flow. Yoga, painting, creating, cooking, running, meditating, researching something that lights you up, walking and smiling at strangers, etc. There are many ways to find your flow and this is where you will fill your tank with quality fuel for your day. We can't be all effort, strategy and force. We need to let go. We need to let ourselves be and find joy in the simple things. Let go of limiting beliefs. Let go of thoughts that make you feel small, incapable, stagnant or unworthy of what you desire. You get to choose what you focus on and what you tell yourself. So tell yourself what you need to hear and let yourself be. 

"When you give something space to be, you allow it to move and change" Mary O'Malley

4. REFLECT

There is a time and a place for reflection, and it is not all day everyday. Carve out five minutes each night to reflect on your day, acknowledge where you showed strength, what you are proud of, what you are grateful for and what you need to focus on tomorrow to keep your growth and momentum rolling. Notice if you are carrying anything with you from your day. Write down what you need to remember and then let go and allow yourself to tap into self-love and balance to finish your day. 

5. GROW

Growth is not a straight and upward trajectory. It dips, dives, circles, ebbs and flows. In a snapshot of time it easy to beat ourselves up when we perceive ourselves as taking steps backward. But really, it is all forward progress as we learn and grow the most from our darkness, our missteps and our "failures." Let yourself be in process. Let yourself be imperfect. Let yourself be vulnerable and open to your depth and your struggles. When you can learn to smile through your challenges and rise above the momentary shadows, we bounce back quicker and with more resilience each time. This work is not about avoiding failure, it is about learning and loving our imperfections. No failure is a final failure. It is all experience and it is all an important part of the journey. Let your cracks show and others will find the strength and courage to let their cracks show too. 

"It is all forward progress, even when it seems like everything is falling apart" Mary O'Malley

What are your steps to the Goal-Setter Mindset? In other words, what are your steps to Happiness? I would love to hear what you create.

Keep in mind....

1. Create your road-map. Keep it simple and adaptive so there is room to flow and grow.

2. Be grounded in your Why and your Purpose. It is the journey, not the destination, that matters in the end. Find your fuel. 

3. Be mindful of your environment and tweak as needed to ensure it is conducive and inspiring for the change you are creating in your life. 

Happy Trail Blazing xoxo

Whatever you focus on, you create more of

Where your mind goes, energy flows

My Soul Sister

Meet Kalea Mullett. My wild and heart-centered beautiful friend. This girl lights me up from across the world and fuels my soul when we are next to each other. I am so grateful for her friendship and am crazy proud to see her launching her own business to share and spread her love and knowledge. 

I asked Kalea a few questions and here is what she had to say.....

1. What gets you up in the morning?

The desire to help and feel connected is what gets me out of bed each morning. I'm filled with excitement for the people I'll greet with words of encouragement, nature to inspire my mind and offer wisdom for living simply and garbage to find a better place for. I am amazed at how the universe thanks me for living the life I have chosen, being here to help build community and care for this beautiful planet in the process. Sometimes I see a breathtaking sunset, colourful bird feather, unique shell, freshly fallen avocado, sweet smelling flower or new friend to share the open road with. Actions do not go unnoticed. Having watched my sister come into the world with ill health and struggle on a daily basis to have the strength and well-being that so many of us are blessed with, I am mindful not to take mine for granted, and try to make the most of each precious day! Being of service to share experiences and enhance others health and happiness is my main motivator, and I choose to create positive relationships that support and elevate one another.

2. What is your morning routine to tap into your ideal mindset?

I wake up and smile, as BIG as I can until I feel that gratitude wash over my body for the simple joy of being alive! Then I take myself outside, no matter the season, to move my body, pump the blood through my muscles to my brain while connecting to the environment. This allows me to step into an attitude of gratitude, reflect on my blessings and the abundance all around and channel that out into my day. Sometimes I listen to upbeat inspiring tunes, a unique audio book or other times I sing! When I stretch my body, I repeat abundance affirmations and write down what it is that I'm working on that day and get busy!

3. What was your biggest failure that turned into the best thing that ever happened to you?

Great question! Walking away from my gifts, skills and experience based on limiting beliefs (catch the lie in the middle of be-LIE-f). Which lead to plane hopping, deep sadness in isolation as I wandered far from home, removed from my supports and communities who motivate, celebrate and enjoy the beautiful lives we are making up as we go! I feel like I'm in the middle of it at the moment - redefining what it is that I want to share with the world. I'll report back when things are a little clearer.

4. What are three things most people don't know about you?

I've started training for my run, bike, paddle adventure across the Great Trail, spanning 24,000 km across Canada, as a promise I made to my sister and a childhood hero who's lives are worthy of an epic celebration! Another thing people may not know about me is that I have dreams of becoming a dancer. There's something about movement that I can not resist, some free form African style would totally be my jam And lastly.... I have an eye for fashion and architecture. I love how things are put together, from a great outfit to a functional living space. There's something about the feeling it creates that I am truly inspired by. Hence the building of my own tiny house!

5. What are your goals this year?

Create my business which will result in financial abundance and freedom. I have everything I need to succeed, just have to keep working at it every day and value my worth. With some solid planning and insight to start the year, this vision is destined to take flight! Another goal is to venture on an expedition to further my studies of traditional food and medicine with a nomadic tribe. Fuel for my heart and share the teaching of the earth with others.

6. What is your current struggle?

Believing that I am deserving of all the wonders in this world. It is so easy for me to see the potential and brilliance in others, although it doesn't come natural to see that in myself. Although by celebrating with some of the most remarkable humans and sharing whatever it is with them that I can, I believe there is abundance for all, and the world wants me here. Each day I have to check in with myself and remember that I matter, hold value and have a job to do in this beautiful place.

7. What reminder do YOU need to keep yourself motivated this week?

That abundance and success are available to me and always has been. Its simply old worn out stories that no longer fit that are holding me back. Also, this week I have to remember to do one thing at a time, trust in the process and stay open to the guidance of the universe. Today for example I met an extraordinary man at the beach, filled with teachings of the Hawaiian culture. After sharing stories and collecting shells on the beach he invited me to join his outrigger canoe club every Monday, Wednesday and Friday to explore the waters and watch humpback whales in their season of play. This experience would not have happened if I were moving too fast. We must let the experiences catch up to us and grace our lives with their blessings.

8. Where can we find you throughout your week?

This week you can find me running, surfing and exploring the big island of Hawaii. I'll also be crafting up culinary art at my friends beach house, working on my website and enjoying the Waimea farmers market! Sending a little aloha your way. 

So much love for you my sweet friend! For more information about Kalea or what she offers, head to her website, link below xoxo

Step 12 of 12 - Journey to a Whole New Mind

**Posted on the itsdatenightyyc.com website. 

Our year-long journey is coming to an end. I have done my best to provide you with clear steps and concepts to play with that will improve your quality of life by focusing on the power of your mindset. Of course there are practical changes that you can implement into your life to generate a higher vibration, i.e. surround yourself with inspiration, honour your need for sleep, eat a healthy and balanced diet, get your body moving and sweating daily, etc. But just as important, we need to pay attention to and honour the relationship we have with these experiences and these desired practical changes.

If you are dragging your feet through the process or just begrudgingly going through the motions, you will not access the change you are seeking. If you are approaching your diet or exercise with fear, or if you view a misstep with shame and judgment, you are making this much harder than it needs to be. Your mindset, the way you talk to yourself, and the way you respond to the natural ebbs and flows of life are the true magic-makers in this process. What you believe and what you perceive will affect you just as much, if not more, than your actual experiences.

You are not supposed to be perfect.

How do you respond when you make a mistake? This is not supposed to be an overnight magic pill.

How do you respond when you are faced with the need to be patient? Your happiness is not waiting for you at a future destination.

How do you respond when you realize your perception of reality is making life tougher than it needs to be? You are a work in progress, and when you focus on learning and growing, failure begins to lose its grip on you.

As we come back full-circle, approaching the end of another year, it is time to reflect on what is working and to be real with where your area of improvement is.

Take a few minutes to go through these questions and give yourself space and time to take notes.

What have you accomplished last year that you are proud of?

What positive momentum have you created in your life?

What relationships have pushed and grown you into a more complete version of yourself?

What have you learned this year that will you need to continue reminding yourself of?

What habits do you have that are not serving you well? Where are you draining your own energy or getting in your own way?

What do you want to accomplish and create in 2017?

Learn from the past, but don’t carry the weight of mistakes on your back. Reflect, learn, let go, and grow.

As we enter 2017, why not shift your mindset to approach your goals with three key concepts that will elevate your game. Setting goals loses its luster when you have fallen into the pattern of all talk and no action. We are creatures of habit, and our mind craves comfort and routine. While it feels good to set a goal that lights you up, it feels even better to see progress in the direction of your desires.

What is the difference between those who set goals and achieve them and those who set goals and stay stagnant? It’s simple. Those who are successful in their goals know that it is the small, incremental steps that build momentum, create a routine, and compound to produce change.

Goal setting is not the treasure. The real treasure is found in your ability to create and conserve fuel to continue down the new path. This year, rather than getting stuck in setting goals and getting overwhelmed by how far you have to go, choose weekly actions instead. Create small incremental steps that build up to create the traction you are looking for. Questions like these will help you generate positive momentum forward without reaching too far or leaping too big, which can cause stagnation.

Who do you need to enroll for support?

What research do you need to do to build your foundation?

What small step will get you closer to your dream goal?

When you commit to the process and trajectory, you allow this to become routine and lifestyle and you will accomplish more than you can possibly imagine.

3 key concepts to adopt into your vocabulary:

1.  Compound Effect

From the Darren Hardy book with the same title, he tells us this “…is the principle of reaping huge rewards from a series of small, smart choices. Our present reality is an outcome of the little, seemingly innocuous decisions that have added up to your current bank balance, waist line, business success, relationship status, etc.” We have a brain that gets easily overwhelmed when we get caught up in how far we need to go to achieve our goal, so break it down into small steps and celebrate along the way.

2. Growth Mindset

From the Carol Dweck book titled Mindset, we are guided to see that whatever we believe about our abilities will directly affect how we feel and what we accomplish. A Growth Mindset, is a perception shift to allow practice, discovery, and learning through trial and error, knowing that a failure does not mean a final-failure. There is no need to be defeated when we acknowledge that time is never wasted if we are engaged and in love with the process. Learning and growing is the goal, so there can actually be no failure.

3.  Law of Attraction

We are composed of energy. What you put out into the world, you attract back into your life. Rather than thinking you can manifest a Ferrari or wish your dream job into reality, consider that we are an ongoing creation of every interaction we have ever had with others and with ourselves. The way you talk to yourself and the way you show up in relationships produces your unique experience of life. If you desire certain changes in your life, focus on the creative energy you can muster that embodies possibility and keeps you open to connect with others. Your energy will attract similar energy into your life from others. Be mindful and intentional with the energy you are showing up with in every interaction. You want to see change in the world, and it starts with you.

“Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself” – Rumi

Most importantly, love who and where you are now, because this moment, right now, is your life. Happy 2017. Let’s make some magic together.

Death - our Universal Language

The movie Arrival has been on my mind ever since I watched it three nights ago. It is the story of alien arrival on earth. These aliens are in giant egg-shape vessels, and hover above the ground in 12 locations around our planet. Experts are flown in to attempt communication, with the ultimate question, “What is your purpose here?”

While I do not want to spoil the movie for those who have not seen it, for the sake of this creative flow, I will give a few details that are pivotal to the story line. What becomes clear is that these 12 alien structures are deeply connected and seem to have the intention of unifying the discourse across our many nations. Through a universal language, they teach unity along with a gift of perceiving time all at once, rather than in the linear way we are accustomed to, i.e. past, present, and future.

One of the consistent themes, naturally in this genre, is death. The main character struggles with depression and lack of connection to life at the beginning. We see flashbacks (which end up being flash-forwards – hence the exposure to time as being non-linear) to a child, whom she loves dearly, dying of a rare disease. While this character struggles immensely with this throughout the movie, in the end, it brings new life and a deeper connection to the present.

This struck me. She was heart-broken and zombie-like for much of the movie, yet this darkest emotion and intense struggle ended up being the catalyst for her to experience love like she’s never experienced it before. She knew death was coming, as we all do, and she chose the path that would bring her the greatest joy followed by the greatest heart-break.

How often in life do we avoid greatness in fear of losing it? We stop ourselves from taking chances and bold leaps in fear that the fall will be too much to bare. But we all die. Life ends. Life is beautiful and expansive because of the shadows it comes with. We know the light because we know the dark.

I have been lucky to grapple with death in a real and terrifying way. When I was in my early 20s, I realized I had avoided the reality of death and had kept myself sheltered, and comfortable, by assuming life continues on in a different realm. It hit me like a bag of bricks, I do not KNOW what happens after death, and I cannot KNOW what happens until it happens. It felt like the ground was ripped from under my feet, my dream-like reality suddenly became visceral and fragile, and I saw the potential for death all around me. It was like a camera that once was zoomed in on me, offering protection as I was central to the story, suddenly zoomed out and I realized I am not the center of the universe. I am mortal. I am a tiny piece of a much larger system. I became sick to my stomach and was shaking and crying uncontrollably. I was finally awake, and it was terrifying.

Through that process, I learned to think about death everyday. Although this experience rocked me to my core, and took me down to a darkness I was not sure I would ever escape, it ended up being the best thing that ever happened to me. I now live life with a deep understanding and respect for death. I express my love to those around me. I care deeply for the people in my life and for those around the world who struggle. I see the potential for impact and positive shifts in our society. And I believe that I can make a difference. I think about my last days on earth, lying on my death bed, and I think about how I want to feel. Because of this respect and love for life, I make the most of everyday. I want to finish my life with a content smile and a deep knowing that I lived boldly, bravely, authentically, with my heart on my sleeve, and without any regrets. I have devoted my life to living my life fully, and it brings more purpose and energy into my being by leading by example and sharing this with everyone around me.

Back to the movie Arrival. With the universal language these aliens gifted, our society was able to heal old wounds and come together as people, humans, and energetic beings. To me, I see our universal language is Death. We all experience it. We all want to make the most of our time on this planet. Yes we have different beliefs and ideas about death; what it means, where it takes us, what happens, etc. But at the end of the day, we will all die. I think that if we all could allow ourselves to truly feel death, honor death, think about it daily, and love the gifts that death brings into LIFE, we will begin living more fully, aligned with our unique purpose, and see that we are all one.

What have I learned or shifted since my existential crisis? I am much nicer to myself. I see the long-game, and I recognize that being committed to a certain change takes time, patience, practice and trial and error. I see the need for quality fuel in my thoughts, and I know that being hard on myself or getting stuck in regret, expectation, or perfection, is a battle I will never win. I see my duty in life is to fully experience what life offers. I believe that my energy, soul or collective consciousness can obtain so much power and presence that I will welcome death in with curiosity and adventure. I see freedom in breathing in the reality of death and allowing that to fuel my passion and purpose on earth. I see magic in honoring death and bowing down to the awareness and growth that comes from building strength in my mental health and finishing each day with a sense of pride and gratitude.

I honor each day like it is my last, and I forgive myself when I forget to honor the day. I practice awareness to notice my habits and learn the ins and outs of my subconscious programming, because I want to live with intention and conscious choice. I surround myself with inspiration and let go of relationships that resonate in a low vibration. I stay open and curious to what I learn and experience, because I know I don’t know everything, and as I evolve and the world evolves, so to does our understanding of life. I take chances and I put my work out into the world, because I know it lands for some people and will do good for many, including myself. I recognize that my mind will react instinctively, and sometimes thoughts come in that do not serve me, so I redirect my energy and thoughts elsewhere. I see life as a beautiful gift. And I cherish every ounce, every breath, every learning, every failure, every smile, every connection, and every day I am lucky to participate in.

I can't say this is the right way or the only way, all I know is that I feel aligned, alive, and excited for life when I focus on my energy as a catalyst to something bigger and greater than just me.

Cheers to death. Cheers to life. Cheers to allowing your mind and heart to break down, to break open, and to experience the fullness of what you are capable of. 

I would be happy to chat about this if your interest or fear has been sparked. Dive in. Get curious. Beauty is waiting on the other side of your fears. xoxo

**for professional help, check out betterhelp.com

SUCCESS - what is it really?

As a coach and fitness teacher on contract, you can imagine that every day in my life looks different. I changed the way I operate in this world by letting go of my steady and consistent job so that I had the space and time to create my own business. I left the world of a predictable paycheck and into the world of uncertainty and endless possibilities. I absolutely love operating in this new dimension and am invigorated by the challenge of making the most of everyday in the best way that I can.

Something that has become more clear to me in the past week is my unintentional transfer of "old" beliefs into this new way of operating. For example, the term Success has been shaking up inside of me, in need of a new meaning.

I used to see success as a result of impeccable execution. I saw success in my ability to get a promotion, earn a bonus, and close down shop in an efficient manner so that we could all wake up and do it all over again the next day. What I have noticed is that when I am busy, creating and executing workshops, writing and publishing, meeting new clients and supporting current clients to have breakthroughs, and seeing an influx in my income, I am programmed to feel successful. But on the days or weeks that I slow down, where I don't connect as much with clients or receive emails of interest or referrals, when I don't tap into a creative flow to write or create, when I don't succeed in cultivating an environment for breakthroughs, or when my income rests at a point that is not sustainable long-term, I am programmed to feel unsuccessful. But I need to call bull-shit.

As part of my unfolding in 2017, I am taking inventory on these stale limiting beliefs that are not serving me. I am served when I believe in my ability, when I conserve and create positive energy, and when I focus on my effort more than the fluctuating outcome.

With that in mind, I choose to explore what my definition of success is and will write this out so that I can remind and repeat these thoughts until they become my new way of Being. 

What is "Success"; i.e. I know I had a successful day when I...:

• Move to music and work up a sweat (moving to music)
• Either make money or plant seeds in the direction of something that has the potential to make money
• Make progress in my own understanding and interplay between my conscious and subconscious patterns and habits
• Follow my own "rules" for life, create and edit as I go, and always remember that nobody is perfect.

Success is a mindset. As long as you spend less money than you make, you will be ok. As long as you have a deep sense of purpose and a WHY behind your actions, you can do almost anything. Whatever you focus on, you create more of. Choose abundance, confidence, creativity, and trust that your unique impact in this world creates ripple effects. It's time to tap into your inner-wisdom and march to the beat of your own drum. 

How do you define Success in your life? I'd love to hear ;)

Sweat for a Cause

I love conversations around Mental Health. Hearing about people's struggles, growth, triumphs, and passion for creating support has changed my life for the better. As someone who has struggled with various mental health issues, I know how healing it is to be heard, loved, and educated with empowerment. And although some people struggle more than others, everyone knows the darkness of depression and defeat, even in small doses it leaves a mark. 

 I am proud to be a part of this amazing event at SAIT that is growing in size and influence each year. The Make Some Noise campaign was created by SAIT Trojrans to promote mental health awareness on campuses and is endorsed by the Canadian Mental Health Association (CMHA) in Alberta.

On Monday January 23 join us for a 100 person spin class lead by Motivator Andrew Obrecht.

This event is free to participate in. Register here to save your bike!!!!

• DETAILS:
• Make Some Noise for Mental Health 100 Bike DJ SPIN Event
• Monday January 23, 2017
• noon - 1 pm
• Irene Lewis Atrium, Heritage Hall Building, SAIT Main Campus

The goals of the Make Some Noise Campaign are to:

• reduce/eliminate the stigmas related to mental health, wellness and mental illness. 
• create awareness about local mental health resources on campus and the Canadian Mental Health Association (CMHA).
• encourage empathy and understanding by developing an open-minded perspective through conversations about mental health.

Watch Make Some Noise for Mental Health Video:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CgjK7iQiuao

Visit SAIT Trojans Make Some Noise for Mental Health webpage: http://saittrojans.com/sports/2015/1/21/Make%20Some%20Noise%20Campaign.aspx

Like the Make Some Noise for Mental Health Facebook page https://www.facebook.com/MakeSomeNoiseforMentalHealth?ref=hl

I will be on a bike sweating to Make Some Noise for Mental Health. I would love to see you there! Who's coming??

**Check out betterhelp.com for more info and resources on mental health

Get creative with your Reminders

Being busy can be a blessing, but it can be many other things as well. Sometimes, being busy will take you away from what your heart desires most. Being busy can get you swept up in drama; falling into the emotional pendulum swings as you become more tired and irritable. But being busy with growth-minded thoughts, actions, relationships, learning, experiences, and love can be the best gift you could ever receive in this lifetime. To find balance between these extremes of "busy-ness" we need to fuel our minds and bodies and develop reminders and pathways to tap into our unique inner-evolution. 

While I have found success with an appropriately displayed sticky-note, expressive art on my walls, or daily-reminder alarm in my phone, in my experience, these routes lose their luster quickly. They melt into the background and become another thing in my life I glance over due to familiarity. It is not that these reminders are ineffective, they just aren't enough.

We are creatures of habit. We get used to anything and everything, for better or for worse. When we can cultivate our ability to be mindful and aware of how thoughts create reality, it becomes clear that a deeper connection and relationship with our 'thoughts' is a valuable pursuit. To create change in the world, we need to step into the full-capability as unique human beings.

In order to continue reminding myself of my passion for growth and the joy and contentment it comes with, I reached out to a special someone in my life who I was excited to support. My friend Krista owns and creates her life daily through her business Chalice Grove. Krista and I are kindred spirits and have encouraged and cheered each other on as we both started businesses and made major life changes.  

One of the many gifts Krista brings to the world, is a one on one session that is a journey through your chakras and a special made mala that speaks to you stepping into your power. That is a short way of describing something more complex and transforming, but if you are intrigued, check her out here...

I had the opportunity to meet with Krista for this fun and exploratory session, and walked away with clarity and motivation. What stood out in this session was my inner-knowing that I can trust my momentum and allow things to unfold, rather than force what isn't ready. It was a notion of softening and surrendering. I found a deeper connection to my heart center, and acknowledged that as amazing as it is that I choose my partner every single day, it is time that I step up and choose myself everyday too! There were several moments that brought a sense of calm and peace washing over me, as I reconnected with a part of myself that was craving attention. 

Two weeks later, I received my mala. 

The four stones Krista chose for me:

Turquoise: protects and blesses the wearer; it is a truth stone that symbolizes the time to be honest with yoruself by attuning the physical to higher realms. It works at the throat chakra to enhance communication skills. This gem stone is a stone of self-realization helping you to better understand yourself, your ideas and emotions

Sunstone: is a powerful aid to bring joy and other positive feelings into your life. They have a strong solar energy, and they embody within them the warmth, strength, and openness of the sun. As they awaken cosmic consciousness, this makes them strong stones for the more challenging times we are living in

Citrine: is a joyful stone of abundance and prosperity, but what may people don't know is that it also helps in assisting in self-love and the inner success of the soul on its journey. It is a stone of the solar plexus chakra and it increases, magnifies, and clarifies personal power and energy. 

Carenelian: gives you motivation and aids in clarifying your goals, aligning you with the best path for you by giving you courage and confidence to move forward. This stone aids in manifesting what it is that you require to move forward and aids you in making new clearer decisions once on that path.

I don't know how these stones have this power. I do know that language can distort reality, meaning gets lost in translation, and over-time messages get mixed. I make it a general practice to not believe (at least not initially) most things when I hear something stated as 'fact.' At the same time, I know that regardless of what the 'truth' is, when we believe (in) something, we give it power. I think our minds are much more powerful than we can generally comprehend. Because of this, I see 'beliefs' as a placebo pill. And some placebos I am more than happy to take.

If I know that it takes repetition to create positive change and momentum, I will believe in myself and bring reminders and inspiration into my life. If my mind will believe what ever I repeat most, it makes sense to set my goals and tell myself what I need to hear each morning. We create our reality by how we show up in life. This mala, reminds me of what I need to keep me in balance. I can choose a mantra daily that speaks to what my body and mind is asking for, and repeat it as I touch each bead. I am reminded to repeat what I want more of, and to stay grounded in my purpose. More than a pretty piece of jewellery, this mala anchors me in my direction of choice and reminds me how to cheer myself on. 

Thanks Krista for the amazing experience and beautiful mala. You are making positive waves in this world and I am thrilled to be on this journey with you. xoxox

***For more on the power of our beliefs - watch this TED talk about Stress, and how our belief about stress can alter the effects on our body and mind. 

WORD of the YEAR - UPDATE

Hey everyone, 

I know it is tough to align schedules to get everywhere you could ever want to do. With that in mind, I have adapted my Word of the Year plan to accommodate more of you. 

There is still a group workshop scheduled Saturday, January 14 from 3-5pm at The Village (4039 Brentwood Road NW).

In the meantime, If you would like to meet up for your own private, or small group, Word of the Year workshop, let's connect. I love the conversation around goals, efficiency, progress, and health. Through a series of questions, or flowing conversation, we will discover what One Word captures your area of growth and desire. By the end of a 2 hour conversation, you will leave with a personalized piece of inspiring art.

I'll bring all the supplies needed. Reach out with questions. 

marinmccue@gmail.com

 

Here is the link to register for the January 14, 2017 Word of the Year Workshop

Tap into your ideal STATE

One of the few things that many successful and disciplined people have in common is a routine that taps them into their ideal state. Whether this is a morning routine, a ritual before speaking engagements, or a midday reminder, the key is consistency and adaptability.

While I was first developing my routine, I labeled it as a Morning Routine and forced myself to engage in certain activities to get my mind in a place of possibility. What I realized over time is that each day calls for something different, and while my "routine" now varies day to day, the goal is the same....tap into my ideal STATE of mind. 

I had some deeply ingrained negative self-talk patterns and found myself in negative energy often throughout my day. I felt like I was trapped inside a shell of pessimism, and I didn't know how to reconnect with who I truly was deep down. 

I discovered that taking time in the morning to Mind-Map my Intention for the day created a positive state of possibility, curiosity, and overall motivation to do the work. And what is 'the work'? Well, it is whatever you deem as needed to accomplish what you want in your life. We all are drawn to certain activities, experiences, status, and people. This may be a bold assumption, but from what I gather from others and feel for myself, we are all seeking fulfillment - a sense of living our purpose and a feeling of progress.

We want to swim in our natural Happy Chemicals, and we want to feel sustainable and balanced growth. Not for you? Sometimes we can fear our full-capabilities because it seems like it will be so much work or that it is too risky. But I ask, what better way to live life than to pursue one's dreams and learn to fall more in love with life as you elevate yourself with each challenge faced?  

We are creatures of habit. 95% of what you thought yesterday, you will also think today. More than 40% of your daily actions are completed on auto-pilot. Habits save us a lot of time and energy, allowing more energy to be directed towards our higher-consciousness and bodily functions. We are simply incomprehensible complex machines after all. The problem is, most of us drain a lot of energy throughout our day; worrying, worrying that we are worrying, in fear, fearful that we will always be fearful, negatively comparing, judging, eating shitty food, feeling bad about eating shitty food, and ultimately, ruminating in the past and projecting into the uncertain future. 

Not that these activities are useless, or that our work is in detaching from them all together, but how about that age-old wisdom of Balance?

I am all for being pragmatic and compassionate. It is a beautiful gift to be able to reflect on your actions and determine where you may have fucked up, where you exceeded expectations, and where you coasted. Not to make you feel bad, but to be a witness to 'what happened,' detach from any story of guilt, blame, or shame, and choose a course of action. It is what it is. Sitting and stewing in your regrets is not a necessary element of forgiveness, learning, and growth. 

But, again, we are creatures of habit. Our subconscious learns to fear similar situations when it feels shame, regret, embarrassment, or any other negative emotion, because its job is to protect you by avoiding similar "danger" in the future.

Living on auto-pilot leaves you at the mercy of your animalistic subconscious. A life lived with mindfulness, strategy, and balance puts you in the driver-seat, creating and editing your life's work as you breathe through it. Way more efficient. 

Good news: Your inner-wisdom is waiting to be heard and it is eager to guide you towards creating the life your heart is yearning to sing. 

I know one thing for sure, everyone learns differently. I have found a lot of pleasure in reflecting on what works in my life and finding ways to translate into adaptable forms of practice. Writing is one of those outlets. Being in the process of writing a book, I found myself in need of truly understanding how to tap into my ideal state more regularly throughout the day. Here are what I deem to be the 5 Keys to Tapping into Your Ideal State:

1. Deep Belly Breaths

It is a common issue to not know how to breathe deep into the belly. Many of us have spent most of our life sucking our belly in, thinking that holding it tight all the time will make our muscles stronger and leaner. Well, turns out the opposite is true. If you hold your belly in all day long, your core muscles are exhausted and will not develop properly, in balance. So let that belly hang! Put your hand on your belly, and breathe deep. Feel your belly button expand away from your body. Pause at the top. Slowly exhale, and assist your belly button in towards your spine, hollowing out until there is nothing left. Now, let go of tension and allow your belly to inflate like a balloon. Continue for five deep belly breaths. 

When we breathe like this, our mind and body tap into natural relaxation and release. Our habitually fearful or anxious mind will calm down when our breath leads the way. Let your breath be your greatest teacher.

2. Get to know Your Higher-Self

I struggled a lot as a teenager. I found it to be so frustrating to sit down and do any exams to learn more about what I could do for a living or what kind of category I fit in based on IQ type questions. I would read a question and my answer would be, "sometimes yes, sometimes no," or "it depends," or "when I am in a good mood yes but when I am in a bad mood, hell no." These exams made it more clear that I was a community within my own mind and body. Your Higher-Self is the you you strive to be. It is you when you have had a good sleep, you have eaten well, you have taken time to connect with others, connect with yourself, and you feel you are making progress forward. That is who you are at your core. Get to know that core. What does it feel like? How do you respond when you are in that state? What external conditions support you in tapping into that state? What internal conditions are necessary for you to tap into that state? This is the most important relationship you will ever foster, you between you.  

3. We crave Progress

We are biologically hardwired to crave and love progress. We get a boost of dopamine when our mind and body assess a situation as promoting our survival. Progress feels good. Begin your day by completing something on your to-do list. Whether you begin with the biggest or top priority item, or just follow the mantra of "Just Start," our mind reacts with dopamine which will motivate you to keep going. 

4. We naturally Compare

We are biologically programmed to notice others and compare ourselves in terms of status. The problem is not that we compare ourselves, the problem is we believe these thoughts to be fact and pure truth, and allow ourselves to feel bad or do crazy things to get attention. We can fill this gap by taking time daily to think and write out what we are grateful for. You can take time daily to reflect on how far you have come and what you are proud of. And, take time to acknowledge the beauty and the benefits of where and who you are in this moment. There are always ways we can negatively compare ourselves, and others, but we can reverse that habit and learn to retrain our thoughts to absolutely love and appreciate what is. 

5. Save energy to Respond versus React 

We have a certain amount of energy to use on a daily basis. There are ways to create a bit more and conserve what we have. But overall, the best plan of action is to limit the amount of ways you waste or drain your own energy. When you have a tank full of fuel, you are able to step back from a situation and consciously choose how to respond versus getting caught up in your auto-pilot reactions. When you notice you are replaying a past event, over and over in your mind, remind yourself that you are not fixing anything and are wasting energy you could use for something productive. Redirect your thoughts to gratitude, growth, and do-overs. When you notice you are fantasizing about the future, in worry or in excitement, remind yourself that happiness can only be found right now, with a deep belly breath, and a content smile on your face. Know that this is not about being perfect or training your mind to be always focused and in the present moment. The practice is in noticing what isn't serving you well, choosing love and compassion, and returning to your breath and contentment in the now. The practice is in returning, not staying. The beauty is in growth, not perfection. 

Find time each day to tap into this ideal State. Each time you do, it becomes easier and more accessible. It is not a race, and it is not about getting the most done each day. Allow this to be journey, a lifestyle, and a long-game. Over time, with persistence and consistency, you are going to create epic shit and be who you truly want to be. 

Word of the Year - 2016 was all about CONNECTION

Hey beautiful people,

It is approaching the end of the year, and that generally brings a feeling of coming full-circle, finishing what you started, and allowing this chapter to close to create space for what is next. For the past several year, I have engaged in the process of choosing one powerful word to focus on for the year as my foundation for growth. Our words are powerful! The intention we choose and the focus we align with will impact how you feel and how you show up in life. We are creatures of habit; 95% of what you think today you also thought yesterday. Not surprisingly, approximately 95% of your daily life is operated by your subconscious, the system where your habits, programming, limiting beliefs, and stale patterns are all being housed. 

You want different results, you need to change up the way you think. We can spend most of our life on auto-pilot, wondering why we fall in the same patterns and struggle with the same issues. Your thoughts dictate your reality. 

Choosing a Word of the Year has proven to be a huge driver in my success and development. 2016 has been all about Connection. I wanted more heart-felt, raw, and elevating connections. I saw the opportunity for more support and more love in my life. What started as conscious and intentional coffee dates, eye contact, and genuinely curious questions, turned into beautiful friendships and collaborations.

At the start of the year I had to remind myself often that my word was Connection and that I needed to make a conscious effort to breathe this into each day, allowing the unique energy of each day to play into this intention. But soon, it became more natural and came to mind without force or effort. Connection became my new way of being. This helped me heal a part of me that has felt disconnected from myself and from the world. I realized that I was still numbing emotions with tv, smoking weed, and over-exercising. I committed to getting to know these shadow-sides of myself and embrace these compulsions for trying to protect me the only way they can. 

I read more about Connections, I brought it up in conversations more often, and I reflected on how I was showing up and what Connection was teaching me and bringing into my life. I now feel more aligned on my path, more confident in my journey, and more compassionate for the parts of me that are softer or less-developed or understood. I am a work in progress, and Connection has been my reminder all year that I am full and complete on my own, yet elevated when I get out of my head and breathe into the connections in this moment. 

I have developed a process of questions, reflection, and mind-mapping to help you choose your Word of the Year. Your word will excite you and make you nervous. It will point at what needs to shift and what needs to be uncovered and developed in the light of day. Together, we will each land on our own powerful word, and then take some time to put it on canvas, because we all know we need reminders. Regardless of whether you think you are a creative person or not, it does not matter. The self-talk and limiting beliefs that pop up while we engage in the art project will be teaching and reflection moments to let go of perfection, embrace the message, and love what your unique energy puts on canvas. 

Two dates are available for this workshop, Saturday December 10 (3-5pm) and Saturday January 14 (3-5pm), at The Village (Brentwood area, just off Crowchild). All details and info can be found on the Workshops Scheduled page, or head to the link below to register. 

Reach out with questions, I would love to hear from you. Have an amazing day xoxox

An excerpt from my book....coming soon ;)

Reflect...Shift...Let Go...Grow

Things are shifting. I am shifting. I am opening. 

Things are evolving. My relationships are deepening, and some are dissolving. 

I hear there is a Super Moon making an appearance on Monday. While I am not an expert (or avid believer) in horoscopes, I have felt the energy shift when the moon gets up to irregular business. We are all energy. We are effected by energy....some more than others. I choose to believe that this Super Moon is an opportunity to clean out more old patterns by allowing this vibrant energy to sweep through my system and realign me with my unique power. Because of this belief, I plan to be mindful and reverent on Monday night as I meditate in this space and allow myself to be open to what comes up. I am looking forward to that. 

I continue to learn to let go and allow things to unfold, rather than forcing, pushing, and thinking my speed is the only way. My pain and struggles are not mine alone. When I listen, choose love and patience, and release rather than 'wish away' these stale patterns, I heal myself and I heal those around me. 

I am surrounded by people who light me up in different ways, who make me see what I have kept hidden for years, and who are supporting me in healing - and strengthening - what once felt broken. I am a work in progress, and through my daily diligent work, I am inspired even more to create this path of coaching, creating, and connecting. 

In the past several weeks I have met with many beautiful and inspiring people, all who are standing tall on their path and living a life of their own creation - or are deeply curious and invested to get there. Together we dove into conversations about learning and direction. Some of our paths are so aligned that collaborations are a must, while others I hold so much gratitude and excitement for, but know that collaborations aren't meant to happen just yet. Timing is everything. 

What shifts are you feeling? What are you noticing in your own mind, body, and relationships? What are you ready to release? What will you build in that space that you leave vacant? Who will you be without those stale patterns? Who are you? It's time to step into your power, and know that you do not need to do it alone. 

I am changed, altered, supported, and challenged by every person in my life, and I am so grateful for every relationship I have. You all know who you are. 

Here are a couple of the fun and mind-body expanding experiences coming up over the next couple of months....

Bend & Brunch at Craft

Sunday November 27

*10am Yoga (all levels welcome), followed by a delicious Brunch. Come for yoga, or both. This event fills up quick so click below to register. 

 

Word of the Year Workshop

Saturday December 10, 3-5pm, and Saturday January 14, 3-5pm

Support and inspiration to set goals for 2017 and choose one word as your elevating Intention that you put on canvas to take home. Always a popular event, and I would love to have you be a part of it. 

Collaborations and creations in process, stay tuned for more announcements and info coming soon xoxoxo

Step 10 - The Principles (As seen on Brandedyyc.com)

STEP 10 OF 12 STEPS TO A WHOLE NEW MIND.

We are in the month of October, two months away from the end of 2016 – what? Let’s finish this year with a bang. Take some time to reflect on what you have accomplished and learned this year. What do you want to learn and accomplish before January 1? You still have plenty of time to make huge strides towards your goals. The topic of the next three articles to complete our 12 Steps will support you in the progress you desire.

One thing any culture or religion has in common is the creation of ethical and moral guidelines to nurture community, to support in personal development towards an agreed upon and common desire, and to provide a path to live with purpose and devotion to God or a higher power. The problem with buying into an external structure of restraints and duties (among many things) is that it imposes an outside compass for how the individual should live. This may have been important during the early phases of our civilization, but we are now in a day and age that has provided so much growth and opportunity that people are able to take these lessons learned and abide by their own moral compass – and elevate the world in doing so.

The more I learn about organized religion and the dangerous pitfalls of a culture struck with a religious revolution of sorts, the more we witness the potential dangers of group behaviour. The one thing I see religions getting right is the desire (maybe only initially) to create purpose, support, and guidelines for their tribe. What starts with good intentions can quickly become tainted with human desire for power, status, and control.

We are meant to evolve and discover our own guidelines and motivation for action and purpose. As the iconic saying goes, “If you stand for nothing, you will fall for anything.” We have a deep-rooted instinct to survive. With this survival mechanism comes the desire to grow, to create, and to leave a legacy. When we feel a part of something bigger than the individual while also being connected to a community, we get to experience a sense of collective. Many philosophers and psychologists have written about this human condition – the search for acceptance and connection. As you may recall from my previous article on Happy Chemicals, we get a boost of serotonin when we feel acknowledged and respected. Our bodies flow with oxytocin when we feel love, bonds, and trust.  We experience the motivation of dopamine when we feel progress towards a goal. We are hardwired to crave our own inner-evolution.

Although the process of personal development is unique to each individual and subjective in practice and outcome, there is an underlying objectivity that centuries of great thinkers have used as their foundation.

The Yamas and Niyamas are the 10 ethical and moral guidelines that first appeared in ancient and medieval era Indian texts. They have been translated as the five restraints (some texts have 10 or more Yamas) and the five ethical duties or observances (Niyamas), and are considered to be the tools needed to master the Negative Mind. The Negative Mind is the first to react in our habitual and over-protective brain. The result is a constant flow of cortisol as we compare ourselves, second-guess our ability, question our own strength, and keep ourselves small in fear that we won’t get what our heart truly desires. The Yamas and Niyamas provides a new way of doing and being. They develop our mind to create and conserve energy so we can make the changes needed to align with our core values while working towards our unique purpose. You are capable of whatever you are called to do in life, but you need access to your tool belt and you need the tools.

I first came across the Yamas and Niyamas during my yoga teacher training while reading The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali, and The Yamas and Niyamas by Deborah Adele. It was a beautiful introduction into the world of yoga philosophy, and I instantly felt an intuitive connection to the wisdom within the structure. I knew this was a flexible and transformative area for me to explore. I began to play, write, and reflect on the ideas put forth in this compilation of ancient wisdom, and for the first time in a long time, I felt the pilot-light of my spirituality spark on.

Needless to say, I was transfixed by the Yamas and Niyamas. Simple, powerful, and full of the energy and aspirations of wise and noble people who have come and gone. Despite my affinity for these 10 Golden Jewels, there were a few things I didn’t connect with – as we know, nothing’s perfect. I wanted a better system for remembering all 10 principles and perhaps a sequential order of some kind, to make it simpler for learning and coaching others. I saw a need for a little more complexity, to mirror the complex and unique subjectivity of the human experience, while keeping the quality of simplicity to honour the human condition of being easily distracted or befuddled by overly complex systems.

In reality, there is a natural ebb and flow, push and pull, effort and surrender, inhale and exhale to life. Through several conversations with a recent client who was equally enthralled by the beauty and mystery of the yamas and niyamas, we decided to refer to the Yamas as the Principles, and the Niyamas as the Practice. The principles lay the ground work in our basic moral and integral needs as you become aware of how you relate to others. The practice, on the other hand, embodies the effort, the mindset, and the higher purpose in relation to ones Self and spiritualty. Once the principles are foundationally set and the practice is top of mind within the daily experience of life, we circle back to the principles to fine-tune and fuel our journey; creating a cycle of growth that continues a lifetime.

The Principles are best understood under the umbrella of the principle Ahimsa, i.e., Non-Violence or avoiding a negative contribution to the world around you and the energy within you. We went through each concept and added the powerful words we saw as necessary to capture the complexity of each principle.

We organized them as follows…

The Principles of Non-Harm, Benevolence, and Compassion:

1. Satya: truthfulness, restraint from falsehood, vulnerability, current and updated beliefs, real versus nice, alignment with core values

2. Asteya: non-stealing, be capable, be creative, independent, full, content

3. Brahmacharya: non-excess, balance, moderation, the middle way

4. Aparigraha: non-attachment, non-possessiveness, non-greed, intimacy without attachment

The Niyamas, we organized as the practice of self-discipline through effort and surrender, we will dive into next article.

We will begin with the foundation of our principles, the notion of non-violence and compassion. While it is important to step back from situations that cause harm to others or yourself, it is a whole other ball-game when we actively focus on choosing to be compassionate and benevolent. When we support, encourage, and share what we have, we elevate the human experience for all.

To engage in benevolence and avoid harming, we elevate ourselves and the world with radical peace.

“The more peace there is in us, the more peace there will also be in our troubled world” Deborah Adele.

When we are balanced in this principle, we begin to dissolve the boundaries that separates us from others, we let go of judgements and expectations that make ourselves or others feel small, and we choose to respond with love and kindness even when we are “under attack.” We don’t know what others are going through. When we see that we are the other, we begin to see the history, the complexity, the edges, the successes, the failures, the traumas, and everything else that is a part of each of our own background. Imagine how powerful you could feel if you opened yourself up to everyone around you, allowed their energy to penetrate yours, and commit to responding with love and compassion? We can be the catalyst of immense positivity when we see our ability to effect those around us with something as simple as a loving smile.

As the saying goes, “An eye for an eye will make the whole world blind.”

It is fear that makes us violent. Fear of the unknown, fear of the ‘other,’ fear of being left behind, fear of not understanding, and fear of danger. Part of living this principle is building our ability to recognize what is legitimate fear and what is habitual fear that is keeping us small. We must build our ability to stand tall in the face of fear and decide logically whether we need to muster up courage and continue forward or listen to our instincts and take a step back. But most importantly, it’s recognizing that fear and struggle are a part of life that we need to learn to work with and move through versus stopping us in our tracks each time.

“To create a life and world free of violence is first and foremost to find our own courage. Courage is not the absence of fear, but the ability to be afraid without being paralyzed” Deborah Adele.

The next principle is Satya, which means truthfulness, staying current and updated in your own beliefs, and non-deceiving or restraining from falsehood in one’s expressions of thoughts and experience. What is true and serves you well today, is not necessarily what will be true and serve you well in the future. This principle asks us to update our beliefs and values and stay open to the evolution of our inner knowing and outer experience.

When we show up each day aligned with our core values, speaking from our heart, failing gracefully with vulnerability and an open-mind, we are acting from our truth. It is not easy and definitely not always comfortable, but like any other behavior or habit, with time and repetition it becomes the new normal.

We are all hypocrites in one way or another. Robert E. Quinn reminds us that “it is our hypocrisy and self-focus that drains us.” This is not easy or comfortable, but when you allow yourself to pay attention to your own hypocrisy, this is where you begin to truly find transformation in your life.

The third principle is Asteya, meaning non-Stealing, creativity, and stepping into our capability. When we are independent and strong in what we are able to achieve, we do not need to take what isn’t ours and we are not tempted to cheat. But there is more to this principle than the obvious ‘don’t take what isn’t yours.’ On a deeper level, how are you stealing from yourself? How are you treating others that might be stealing from their worth? What are you stealing from the present moment? What are you robbing from the world? Consider this, if you do not get out of your own way by overcoming fears and limiting beliefs, you are robbing the world of your unique positive contribution.

The act of comparing ourselves to others, using others’ ideas without giving recognition, or undermining others’ accomplishments are a few ways we steal. When we stay naive in regards to proper nutrition for our body, when we focus on the past or the future versus being present in the moment, when we fail to acknowledge and celebrate our own successes or milestones, or when we choose to be attached to expectations versus open to the dance and flow of expecting the unexpected, we are stealing from the potential beauty and depth of life. And when we refuse to recycle, lack care in our ability to take steps towards reducing our carbon footprint, or turn a blind-eye to pain or calls for support in our world, we are robbing our greater community and generations to come.

A close-knit partner with non-stealing, this fourth principle brings into view the importance of balance by shining light on the integral role of Brahmachrya, or non-excess, self-restraint, balance and moderation. The obvious point within this principle is the danger of overeating, taking more than you need, or living an extreme lifestyle. It is not sustainable. We waste so much energy when we swing towards the extreme, we don’t have much left for progress. This also speaks to our societies tendency to glorify being ‘busy’ or the natural tendency to over-analyze our own progress. We can’t be all effort. It is not healthy to dissect your every move and reflect on what you notice all day long. Too much of a good thing is no longer a good thing. This principle asks us to know when enough is enough. We are encouraged to build awareness to notice that inner yellow light before it becomes a glaring and flashing red light. When we eat more food than we need, when we exercise past the point of what is healthy, when we watch TV all day or sleep more hours than our body needs, our precious energy is used up on counter-balance overindulgence, versus being open and light in mind, body, and soul.

One of my childhood friend’s father used to say “Everything in moderation…including moderation.” It is necessary to overstep occasionally to remind ourselves to step back and to be clear on where boundaries lie, but it also keeps us ready for the occasional extremes of life that can’t be avoided. A little bit of stress on your system occasionally is a good thing. So yes, practice balance and moderation in your diet, your self-study, your movement, etc. but also be compassionate and open to experiences that push you to the extremes.

Our final principle of the Yamas is Aparigraha, which preaches non-attachment, non-possessives, non-greed, and ultimately, intimacy without attachment. This principle has been one of the most life-changing concepts to bring into my repertoire. It is so easy for many of us to get attached to the ideas and the people around us. We create expectations – often unconsciously – and are disappointed when they aren’t met. We get attached to a beautiful moment and sit in negative comparisons from then on as we wish every moment could be so beautiful. We become possessive with what we have and spend energy on trying to keep what we believe is our property versus staying open to change, growth, and newness. We cling to relationships that once felt good but no longer serves who we are and who we are ‘un-becoming’.

A quote that summarizes this perfectly for me is, “if you love something/someone, set them free.” The concept that has helped me understand this further is the idea of Intimacy without Attachment. We don’t want to exclude ourselves from being bold, striving for what we want, loving deeply, connecting authentically, and reaching for the stars in our goals and aspirations. But it is balanced with the constant reminder that we have goals but our goals do not have us. As soon as you feel constrained, restricted, or imprisoned by the things that once brought you joy, it is time to dig in and let go.

“Our expectations keep us captive and often disgruntled. What we hold, begins to hold us” Deborah Adele.

It is our fear of losing something or someone that actually robs us of being present, vulnerable, and authentic with that person or moment. It is our insecurity that becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. When we are struck by the need to control, shackle, or restrain the people, the moments, or the objects in our life, we lose sight of what is truly important.

All of the principles within this model work to support each other. To practice non-attachment, we must remind ourselves to not claim power over what isn’t ours in the first place. We can only control – and have a right to – our own effort. That’s it. So why spend energy trying to manipulate the flow of life or waste energy on shoulds, regrets, comparisons, judgment, or expectations? Of course these sensations and thoughts will pop up occasionally, but our goal is to learn what we need to learn and then let it go with our next exhale. It is the carrying of this negative energy into the next moment that begins to compound into a bigger issue. As Tony Robbins says, “the problem is you think you shouldn’t have any problems.” Life comes with the rollercoaster ride. It’s through these principles that we begin to realize that we make things a whole lot tougher than they need to be.

We are reminded to detach when we feel ourselves getting out of balance. As we talked about earlier, too much of a good thing is no longer a good thing. And when we practice truthfulness and non-violence, we are asked to detach from past moments, use compassion and self-love, and allow ourselves to be fully present and engaged with what is right now.

 You’ve got some work to do this month. Write out which Yama stands out the most to you, and trust that it stands out for a reason. Each time you revisit this list you may find a different Principle grabbing for your attention. The process of changing habits and letting go of what no longer serves you is a lifestyle. Enjoy the process. Embrace your curiosity. Love yourself for being the brave, open, and engaged person that kept you reading until this last sentence. That’s something to be proud of.

For a deeper dive into these concepts feel free to reach out. I have a 30-day Challenge ready for you to engage in that will take you to a whole other level. Practice makes perfect practice, and what is life but a series of moments that we practice for the next moment. It’s time to do the work.

marinmccue@gmail.com

How to find work-life balance

Hey everyone,

A month or so ago, Per Wickstrom's assistant reached out to me to see if I would be interested in sharing a bit about Per. His insight on balance and recovery comes from a place of passion and drive as he is using his journey through addiction recovery to support others. 

I am honored to share Per's words and play a part in the conversation on the struggles of stress, balance, and addiction. We all know someone who is struggling. While leading by example is a powerful way to support, as we all can do more by being open and honest about our own struggles, it is important to share resources on prevention and growth through these struggles. 

Per Wickstrom is in substance abuse recovery and is also a successful entrepreneur. He has started businesses in several industries, but his current passion is building his substance abuse recovery program, Best Drug Rehabilitation. Having struggled with substance abuse early in his life (when he worked in car sales), he knows how career demands and stress can feed an addiction and an unhealthy lifestyle, and that's why he wanted to address work-life balance for young professionals.

How to Find Work-Life Balance After College

by Per Wickstrom

In recent years, I’ve noticed a lessening of the difference between our work life and our home life. Really, so many people take their work home with them, rather than keeping the two aspects of life separate like they should be. The technology of the day and the onset of the information age have not helped with this. It’s so easy with our devices, emails, text messages, apps, etc. to stay tethered to our work no matter where we are that I see more and more Americans doing work-related things at all hours of the day and during all days of the week.

I’ve really noticed the toll that this has had on young adults who are fresh out of college. There is so much pressure put on a college grad who is fresh into the workforce to do well, make good money, and climb the corporate ladder, all because he or she just spent several years in college and spent a lot of money over the course of those years. College grads get hit the hardest when it comes to workload.

They have so much to live up to in terms of expectations, and they usually have tens of thousands of dollars of debt to pay off to boot. It seems they might feel like because they just spent all this time getting this great education, now that they have graduated they have to go out there and become millionaires over night or all that college was for naught. But it doesn’t have to be this way.

Balancing Work and Home After College

As someone who has worked hard his whole life and has always been driven to succeed and improve, I can say from personal experience that there is absolutely nothing wrong with working hard. There’s nothing wrong with giving it 110% percent on the job. There's nothing wrong with tackling life fresh out of college like a ravenous lion ready to take on the world and annihilate the competition. There’s nothing wrong with insisting on being the best in your field and making millions doing it.

However, just like there is balance and too much and too little with anything and everything in life, there is a line to keep in sight when it comes to work. It is possible to work so hard and to put in so much effort that you actually start to suffer from it and your production drops off and your morale takes a dive. This is not a good situation to be in. This is why it is important to find that perfect balance of being a total slayer at work but also taking time to yourself to relax and recharge your batteries when you’re at home.

My Advice on How to Find Balance

Here are a few tips to apply in your new job now that you’re fresh out of college and ready to start your professional life:

 When you're at work, be at work. When you're at home, be at home. When you're on the clock, work so hard that you don’t even think about checking your Facebook or other social media. The key to being successful isn't about how many hours you work; it’s about how much work you can cram into each hour that you are working. The most successful people I’ve ever met only work forty to forty-five hours a week, but they cram more into those hours than the average American worker does in fifty to sixty hours of work a week.

 Think with the bigger picture. Rather than thinking along the lines of, “if I stay late every day this week, I’ll get some overtime,” think instead, “if I can get my boss to have lunch with me, I can try to pitch him on why I’m perfect for that promotion that just opened up.”

 When you are off work, dedicate at least an hour every single day where you do nothing but activities that are relaxing or that increase your happiness. Don’t check your phone for an hour. Don't look at your work e-mails for an hour. Don’t even think about work for a solid hour every day.

 Make your free time more valuable. No one ever became a millionaire by being a couch potato. When you do have free time, engage in activities that promote your physical, mental, spiritual, and personal health. Rather than spending three hours in front of the TV or on a computer or gaming console, go to the gym for two hours, then go for a walk with a friend or colleague for an hour. Exercise promotes healthy brain function and will assist you in being more successful in general.

These are just a few of the techniques I apply to my own life to create good balance between work and my personal life and how to make my work-time more valuable. Start thinking with these tips in mind, and odds are you will come up with even more techniques to make your work and personal life more successful and beneficial.

*Per Wickstrom is the founder and CEO of Best Drug Rehabilitation, one of the top holistic rehabilitation centers in the country. He found sobriety after a decades-long struggle with addiction and has since dedicated his life and career to helping others find the same life- affirming success he has. Connect with Per via his blog, Twitter or Facebook.

The Principles and The Practice - 30 Day Challenge

Yoga is so much more than moving and breathing on your mat. Yoga philosophy is built around our innate desire to live a life of purpose and limit the amount of fear, doubt, or negative self talk that can get in our way. 

The Yamas and Niyamas are the the first two limbs of the eight limbs of yoga.  They are the concepts, tools, and ideas that we need to let go of overdone and out-grown habits while practicing a more positive way to relate to others and ourselves. 

Intuitively, while reading through the Yamas and Niyamas, they carry a lot of wisdom. However, we are creatures of habit. We can be inspired one day and then quickly revert back to our old tricks the day after. 

This challenge was created to support you in playing and integrating these beautiful concepts into your daily life through reflection, practice, and lived experience. This will not take a huge time commitment, in fact, you can easily commit to this while only donating 10 minutes a day. Everyone has 10 minutes a day to spare for personal development. 

The Yamas are the Principles. They are the key reminders of how to relate to others and to ourselves. While most texts refer to 5-10 Yamas, I have dropped it to 4, and added one concept into the Umbrella of the Yamas overall. 

Yamas - The Principles of Non-Harm and Benevolence

1. Truthfulness (Non-Deceiving, Vulnerability, Current and Updated Beliefs, Real versus Nice, Aligned with Personal Core Values)

2. Non-Stealing (Be Capable, Creativity, Independence, Give without Expectation)

3. Non-Excess (Moderation, Balance, Content, Full, Be Connected, The Middle Way)

4. Non-Possessiveness (Freedom, Intimacy without Attachment, Adaptable)

The Niyamas are the How-to Practice. They are more concerned with your relationship to your higher self and spirituality. Most texts show 5 Niyamas, but again, I have moved one of the concepts into the overarching theme.

 

Niyamas - The Practice of Self-Discipline through Effort and Surrender

1. Purity

2. Contentment

3. Self-Study

4. Devotion/Dedication

We are creatures of habit. 95% of what you think today, you also thought yesterday. To create sustainable positive change in your life and in your mind, we need repetition, support, and accountability. In comes the 30 Day Challenge. 

Whether you want to embark on this journey alone, or rally a group together, this challenge will change the way you perceive life. We waste a lot of energy on thoughts that are not necessary. This challenge will bring in new habits of thought and action, allowing more time and energy to spend on the things that truly light you up. 

Intrigued? Want to learn more? Reach out with questions or to sign up for this challenge (which can start whenever you decide).

Investment: $50

Reach out: marinmccue@gmail.com

Experience Collective

I love the high vibes I wake up to the day after I host a workshop. My dear friend Sanja Avramovic and I were thrilled to finally see our hard work and planning become a reality as we created space for our 10 participants at The Art of Health studio in Inglewood. 

What I find most fascinating as I prepare for a workshop is how my language in describing the event becomes more clear and succinct the closer we get to the event date. It starts big picture with way too many details. As I engage in the conversation over and over again, I am able to summarize the event in simpler terms where each word packs a punch. Promoting and reminding people about the workshop is my least favorite part of the whole process, but once I am able to describe it in a simple and powerful way, it becomes easier. When I am powerful in my description, it reminds me of the beauty and growth I am embarking on and the gift it is to the world. In the end, if no one registers, I know I still got something out of it. This takes a lot of pressure off of me, and as a result creates much more interesting conversations, regardless of the interest in actually attending the workshop. 

Sanja and I are definitely going to plan and host another Experience Collective, so I wanted to take an opportunity to share how it went, how it is different from any other workshop, and what we learned. My goal is to share some value in this post for anyone interested in learning how to master their negative mind (which we all have in various degrees). 

The purpose of Experience Collective is to honor the unique and powerful individual, while collaborating and generating a transcendent collective energy. We are stronger together, but we are also powerful and amazing beings individually. We wanted to honor this dualistic nature and speak to why we are biologically driven to be in "tribes" while also driven to self-love and creating a unique legacy of our own. We talked about Happy Chemicals and our mind's habitual nature that conserves energy while also keeping us small and closed off to change. When you understand the system you are working with, it's a lot easier to navigate positive change. 

In yoga philosophy, the Yamas and Niyamas are the first two limbs of the eight limbs of yoga. They are known as the tools for mastering the Negative mind. I like to think of them as your tool belt and tools, and through support and big conversations, we develop the awareness and know-how to use these tools throughout our day.

What makes this workshop so unique is the ongoing support and community we are striving to create. While we experience the yamas and niyamas in conversation and in our kundalini practice, we also know that we are creatures of habit. We need repetition, support, and accountability to actually create sustainable change. Which is why I created a 30 day challenge to practice and play with these concepts in your daily life. Those who attend the workshop can opt into this if they choose. An online community for 30 days, and an optional get together at the end to share our leanrings, insights, and celebrate the discipline and growth we collectively created together. 

As we went through the workshop last night, both Sanja and I picked up on what we would do differently next time to make the experience fuller and more on par with what our goals are. More examples or anecdotes to understand the concepts, more group work to talk through the concepts, and more discussion on the difference between the Negative, Neutral, and Positive minds. There is always something to improve on and we are committed to making this experience the absolute best it can be. 

We are excited and so full of gratitude for everyone who contributed and supported this workshop. Our community of entrepreneurs in yyc are absolutely amazing. Thank you to everyone who participated or donated their time or goodies for this event. We could not have done it without you. (Check out my Instagram post from last night to see the full list of contributors - @dopeame).

Stay tuned for the next Experience Collective, and in the meantime, if you have questions or want to learn more about anything I have mentioned, don't hesitate to reach out. I live for big conversations. 

xoxo

*Click below for details on my next workshop scheduled for October 29 at LIV yoga + wellness studio. The Mind-Body Movement

Madison English: Live Your Intention

I first met Madison at lululemon 4 years ago. She worked on my team and stood out instantly with her energy and honesty. This being a few years ago, she was fresh out of high school and deciding what she wanted to do with her life; a tough place we all have been at least once in our lifetime. 

Madison has blossomed into a confident and driven person who is inspired by her ability to make a difference in other's lives. I met up with her on the weekend and after a beautiful conversation sharing our hopes and dreams, I asked her to contribute to this project on my blog. I wanted to hear what she has learned over the past few years. I wanted to hear what she thinks of when she reflects on how Living with Intention has shaped her life. I am thrilled with what she has put together and I think you will enjoy it too. 

Live Your Intention, by Madison English

Intention. A simple word with unlimited power. What is my intention? To love? To support? To inspire? To create? What about my action, do they align with my intentions? 

The power of intention became huge for me when I started to play with it and observe how it occurred in my life. Questions similar to those above very quickly became pivotal in my journey towards creating my future.

I had reached a point in my life where all of my actions were random and completely based on in-the-moment emotions. My actions lacked thought and intention. I felt as though I had lost total control. I had no sense of purpose. I was going to school because “I was supposed to.” I was desperately trying to find someone to heal all of my wounds after a messy breakup because “if I could only find someone else then I would be happy.” Coming into work was exhausting because I was trapped in the story that “I only needed to be there for the money.” No joke, I was crying myself to sleep on a regular basis.

Clearly, what I was doing was not working. It was time to make a change. Through reflection I was led to discover that the only reason nothing was working for me was because I had failed to align my actions with any sort of intention. I was reacting to everything with the first thought of judgement, resentment, or self-doubt that came rushing into my mind. I was telling everyone that I was committed to being loving, but any time a potential partner came into my life I would become needy and dependent, focused on my selfish motives. I was telling everyone I wanted to be a supportive friend, but when my friends needed my support I was less than present. I was saying I needed to save money, but continued to spend an absurd amount on food, alcohol, and clothes. I was blaming the world for my problems and taking no responsibility for any of it.

ABSOLUTELY NOTHING that I was doing was aligned with what I said my intentions were!  

So now what? My life is a mess and everything is out of alignment… Great…

The biggest thing is that I could now see it. I could see and understand exactly where I was tripping over myself. From here it was up to me to clean up the extravagant drama that had become my life.

Step 1 was taking responsibility for everything that I was frustrated with.

Step 2 was setting clear intentions.

Step 3 was aligning my actions to support my intentions.

Step 4 has been watching all of the beautiful things that have become my world.

When I established that my intention was to have love in a romantic relationship, I dug into what that looked and felt like. Having freedom and independence in my own life. Being excited to support whatever goals my partner wants to pursue. Trusting each other. Being a safe space. Having Fun. Laughing. When the situation arose with the possibility of a romantic relationship, the actions I took, the way I showed up, and what I sought in the other, were in line with my new intentions. What happened was a miracle, the relationship grew into what I had envisioned and created. I actually experienced love in my relationship! NO WAY! By being love I received love!

The same thing occurred when I got clear on my deep rooted desire to learn about topics I was truly interested in. I was able to find the strength to stop working towards a post-secondary degree in a field I had no interest in pursuing as a career. My intention was to learn. I dug into what that looked and felt like. For now, it means working hands on. Figuring out problems. Being with people and building off their ideas. Reading books I’m interested in. Collaborating and exploring. What has been interesting is that I have learned more about people, business, health and wellness than I ever did in school because I am clear on my intention and aligned in how I am making it happen. NO WAY! By pursuing my own way of learning I actually learned!

In regards to my current job, I got clear that I had an opportunity to serve and better the lives of others just by showing up to work. My intention was to serve, I dug into what that looked and felt like. Getting to make people smile and laugh. Creating systems that make business flow smoother. Teaching teammates so they can flourish. Seeing an impact. Success. When I got aligned with my intention to serve at work, all of a sudden work became fulfilling and enjoyable. NO WAY! By serving others, I get fulfilment!

Each day has become a new opportunity to see how I can challenge myself to live my intention. Each day is a new opportunity to grow. Choices become more clear when I check in with myself to see if the decision I am about to make aligns with my intention.

When you live your intention everything falls into place.

Live love. Live support. Live inspiration. Live Creation. Live your intention. Out of that, everything becomes possible.

<3

Expectation is the root of all heartache

**As seen on the yyc-cycle.com blog. Check it out!

We create expectations constantly, both consciously and unconsciously. Even when you are determined to not create expectations, you have inherited a brain that conserves energy by making predictions about the future based on your experience in the past. It is worth striving to notice your expectations and respond with an understanding of the deeper purpose behind the built-in mechanism. Our struggle with expectations resides in our misunderstanding and attachment. When we come up against an unmet expectation, there can be disappointment, or sometimes relief - if you were expecting something "worse" than what reality handed you. To be disappointed every time your predictions do not match reality is a sure-fire way to live with more stress than necessary. Expectations are unavoidable, but our reaction to unmet expectations can be the difference between a life of happiness versus a life as a cynic. 

As the brilliantly creative William Shakespeare said, "Expectation is the root of all heartache." Although Shakespeare coined the phrase, I heard it first from the brilliantly creative Andrew Obrecht. The simple and powerful message warns us to be mindful to not create expectations we cannot commit to, and to not attach to expectations that are outside our control. 

As is the case with most concepts of behavioral psychology, there is a spectrum with extremes on either end and exploration down the middle. Naturally, it is not healthy to live with our mind so focused on the future that we are in a constant state of creating expectations that we attach to as if they are a sure-thing. Inversely, it is equally unhealthy - and impossible - to strive for no expectations whatsoever. What does that balance look like? What makes it so difficult to notice our expectations, ground them in reality, and then let them go when they have become limiting? 

As mammals, we have inherited a brain that determines what is good or bad for survival based on which chemicals spurt in our brain. Dopamine, our reward system, spurts when our brain makes steps towards something that has been determined as good for our survival, as well as when we make correct predictions about our surroundings. When the rewards you predict are fewer or are lower than what you expected, your body perceives this as a threat to survival and releases Cortisol (aka the stress hormone) to alert you to do something about it. When your expectations are exceeded, you receive a big dump of dopamine, furthering your motivation to continue upwards and onward.

Dopamine feels like motivation for action. It signals to your brain and body to go all in, release the reserve tank, and take the reward that is within sight. If you had this good feeling all the time, you would be depleted and unable to act when the time called for it. That's what I love about being a motivator at yyc cycle. My job is to motivate the bikergang to empty their tank in pursuit of the reward of pride, connection, and accomplishment throughout and at the end of class. To me, one of the most satisfying and rewarding jobs I have.

Our relationship with dopamine can cause some confusion. For example, you may expect a donut to taste delicious. Perhaps you haven't had a donut in a few weeks and you decide today's the day to treat yourself. The first bite you take is absolutely wonderful. Not only do you get a sugar rush, you are flooded with dopamine because the donut tastes even better than you expected. The next day, still buzzing from your re-acquaintance with the donut shop, you head there on your lunch break again. Your expectation of the donut has produced a high-bar in your mind. You order the same donut, expecting the same sensation, and are quickly disappointed. The donut is still delicious, there's still a sugar rush, but we are not meant to get the same surge of happy chemical by engaging in the same activity. Our brain evolved for novelty. 

This quirky system ends up making us feel bad when we are on the quest to feel good. And when we feel bad, we are pained with the idea that we need something to fix the situation. You can see how we can end up creating backwards feedback loops, thinking that sugar (or a donut specifically) is the answer to what will make us feel better. And even after the donut doesn't serve its purpose, or we eat too many donuts, we are left with the need for relief. Our system searches for ways to feel good and we find ourselves wanting more donuts. 

Loretta Breuning articulates this beautifully, in her new book The Science of Positivity, 

"To the mammal brain, anything that relieves cortisol promotes survival. So if a cigarette relieved your anxiety one day, your mammal brain “learned” that cigarettes promote survival. If pizza relieved a sense of threat in your youth, your mammal brain learned that pizza promotes survival. If cynicism helps you experience cortisol relief, your brain learns to see it as a lifesaver. No one thinks this in words, of course. But in a moment when your cortisol surges and you look for a way to make it stop, your brain relies on the neural circuits it has."
This feedback loop can happen with any activity that you have used to curb bad feelings in the past. Let's say you chose to go for a run on a day that you were really struggling with high amounts of cortisol in your body. You were pained with that "do something" feeling, and you chose to lace up your shoes and run. The happy chemicals that flowed from moving your body, working up a sweat, and from feeling proud for making such a healthy choice, begins to create a neural pathway that will urge you to go for a run next time you feel stressed. You see? You can create healthy habits by simply understanding the cause and effect of the chemicals flowing through your body. 

There are two phrases I keep coming back to as my reminder to notice my expectations, ground them in reality, and be mindful of my attachment to them. They are "Intimacy without Attachment" and "Expect the Unexpected."

Intimacy without Attachment

There is nourishment in things as long as you do not become attached. Even air becomes toxic if you hold it in without the constant letting go with the exhale. What I love about this phrase is that with Intimacy we have a deep connection or relationship but without Attachment, or without the idea that we are incomplete without whatever we have become attached to. Set big goals, strive for excellence, and get excited about future plans, but let go of the idea that things must go a certain way in order for you to get the rewards or happiness that you seek. Attachment is a form of fear or dependency. Do not look outside of yourself to fill your emptiness, that is an inside job. Seek to elevate your surroundings by embracing who you are without everything else.

We waste so much energy by allowing ourselves to get disturbed by our unmet expectations or our attachments to things that we do not have control over. You will still get bothered, sometimes annoyed, and you will notice you get attached to ideas, things, or people as life continues on. The key is to witness this and then let it go. 

In the book The Fear Cure, by Lissa Rankin, she tells us that most emotions will last approximately 90 seconds if you let them flow through you. It is our denial, resistance, or unrealistic expectation that we can be happy all the time that creates the lasting struggle. 

Next time you notice yourself getting wound up over an attachment to an idea, thing, or person, ask yourself, "is this worth my energy?" You cannot control the outcome, you can only control your effort.


Expect the Unexpected

We are hardwired to make predictions about our future. We conserve a lot of energy by filling in blanks based on our unique experience and beliefs about the way the world works. While uncertainty can feel dangerous, it is something that comes with the territory of being alive. 

Knowing that we get a boost of dopamine when we are correct in our predictions of the future, I find it best to remind myself to expect the unexpected. I can spend time and energy thinking through all the possible outcomes - and perhaps there are some situations that do call for a thorough analysis of future scenarios - but more often than not, when I choose to trust my strength and let life be a wild ride, I have way more energy ready to be used. In the end, reality is generally the middle path between our worst possible and best possible outcome predictions. If you are able to tap into trust, effort, and a growth mindset, suddenly failure becomes a beautiful opportunity to learn and grow, and not something to be avoided at all costs. We can save a lot of energy for being in action when we are able to get comfortable with being uncomfortable. When we expect the unexpected, we train ourselves to adapt and flow with the waves of life. Trust that you can handle what is thrown your way, and work more on being a dance partner with life versus trying to predict and control the unforeseeable. 


Yes, unmet expectations can cause heartache. But what is life without a little heartache? Sometimes our unmet expectations are a signal that we are not getting what we need from a relationship, but generally, I would say, we each need to practice not being the center of the universe. I still create expectations, but I am mindful to not blame others or get all torn up when my version of the future doesn't match reality. I still get a little perturbed when I expect to be taken out for dinner but I come home to a tired husband who wants a night in. But I ask myself, "Is this worth spending energy on?" Although I still get caught in expectations, I snap myself out of their hold pretty quickly when I notice my energy has shifted into a place of unnecessary negativity.

Strive for the life that you would be devastated to not create. Trust your strength and resilience to handle the disappointment of bumps and bruises along the way. Ground your expectations in reality and remind yourself that although you can control your effort and passion, there are more factors that are beyond your control. So expect the unexpected. Dance with the balance between striving for more and being content and grateful with what is now. Life isn't supposed to be easy, but damn, even heartache opens up possibility for earth-shattering growth and happiness. Expect greatness, and know there are countless paths to take you there. 

Much Love, 

Marin

"Rules" for Intention and Success by Shawn Freeman

Shawn Freeman is a personable geek with a wildly successful IT services company in Calgary - TWT Group. I met Shawn last year, an encounter sparked by our connection through Social Media. Shawn became a friend and we have looked for ways to support and encourage each other ever since. I am honored to feature Shawn as my guest blogger today. 

Find him here:
https://twitter.com/shawn_freeman
https://twtgroup.ca/about-us/team/shawn/
http://www.shawnfreeman.ca/ 

Here are Shawn’s tips for living a life and running a business with grit and passion. 

Stop doing things just because you think you should

This is how you can start to live intentionally. It’s likely there’s something you do every day that you only do because it’s considered normal or expected. Maybe you hate doing that thing. Continuing to do that thing will keep you average. I hated working a 9-5 job, even though that’s what most people do and that’s what I was expected to do. I had to stop doing it because it just wasn’t right. 

If you stop doing things you hate, which waste time, you’ll find you suddenly have the space in your day to chase your passion. Start filling your days with intentional activities. 

Prioritize and try new things — constantly

I believe I’m successful because I’m not afraid to get my hands dirty and do the work. Ideas are great, but if you aren’t willing to get past the fear of failure and work your tail off, then you’ll just get stuck in a cycle of analysis paralysis.  

You can relieve this paralysis in part by always prioritizing. As a business owner, you need to do the things that bring in profits, not the things that make your offering prettier. Something I’ve struggled with is coming up with the perfect quote template. It never seems perfect to me and every one I do changes and gets better, but I haven’t had enough time to create that final finished product. 

But I’m not sure having the perfect quote template will even help me make more money. I’ve realized it’s useful for me to have it partially templated, with room for me to tailor it to each specific client. 

If you don’t know the answer to something, find someone who does. Never stop asking questions. You won’t look dumb, you’ll just keep learning. 

Set rules for your day

Here are mine:

1. I don’t have meetings before 10 a.m. Why? I’m not a morning person but I cherish my morning routine. I get up, make coffee (I check my email while it’s brewing), walk my dog and then head out for my first meeting. 

2. I sit down in the evening and plan out the next few days. I make sure to plan to exercise if it’s not already in my calendar. I also use the evening to address non-urgent work I’ve put off (I do that on purpose). I also make sure to have a good dinner and take my dog for another walk. 

3. I try to always have lunch with someone. I got this idea from Keith Ferrazzi’s book Never Eat Alone.

 
4. Get lots of sleep. I’m no good when I’m tired. I need at least seven hours and never less. 

Chasing your passion will come with perks (but that will mean different things to different people).

 
I have a lot of flexibility and freedom to do what I want, when I want, which are rare things I’ve managed to create. Sure, I can’t go out and buy a $10-million yacht, but I can go live in NYC for a few months and my clients wouldn’t notice (thanks to the wonders of technology). This is what I love. Find out what you’d love to have in your life and chase that.

 
Don’t be fooled by how something looks from the outside

It may look easy from the outside, but I’m working and pushing and sweating and failing every single day, and you won’t always see that. I have failed many times. In business, I find it’s best not to take things personally when they don’t work out. Instead, try to learn from them. 

Often when you don’t succeed you know what you could have done differently. If you can’t figure it out, ask for feedback. You may avoid failing the second (or third or fourth) time you try.

Not succeeding in the short term can be even more important long term than if everything came easy to you. You just need to remember that during those tough times when you feel like you’ve failed. We all fail. Just don’t quit. 

Ego - what it is and what it is not....

The conversation around the EGO is a fascinating one. I find it to be one of the most divisive and misunderstood topics out there. One reason for this is simply because of my lack of awareness and understanding of my own ego. Our understanding of reality is a mirror of our own inner experience.  

The best way I know how to view a relationship that I have on the unconscious level is to put pen to paper. What began as a series of questions, mind-maps, ideas, and moments of awareness, has now become this blog post you are reading. 

What is the ego? Is it inherently "bad" or is it an error in our relationship with the ego that causes problems? What problems does the ego cause? 

The ego is the Mind's identification of itself, or our innate sense of identity. This is not a bad thing, on the contrary, it is an important part of the human existence. As is the case with most concepts, it is our relationship or understanding of the ego that can end up being toxic.

When I think of the negative aspect of my ego, I see it in the moments where I become Judge and Jury, in regards to myself or to my surroundings. In the moments where I judge someone else, where I beat myself up for being imperfect, or when I create a barrier between myself and another based on a feeling of entitlement. When I create separation or isolate myself, my ego has gotten in the way of mindful living and connection to all things. 

My ego says things like, "I can do that better," "Look how awesome I am at this," or "Don't do it, I will look stupid." In an attempt to protect myself, my ego can keep me small and contained. And when I do something worth being proud of, my ego can take it a bit too far, pump my own tires and showboat unnecessarily. 

Yogi Bhajan, in the book, The Mind, refers to the ego as a cocoon. It is as though your ego, your fears, and your mind-chatter are a cocoon, from which you will never hatch, blossom, and fly. Your cocoon is woven from your mental habits, i.e. the way you habitually react, think, and perceive the world. For example, it is natural to struggle or to come across situations that disturb you, but it is our struggle with our struggle or being disturbed by disturbances that waste energy and cause bigger problems. Our ego is a bit of a drama queen. It reacts quickly, and harshly. The ego, deep down, is trying to further your survival. It likes to feel good, it wants instant gratification, and it is looking out for number 1 (you) at all times. It is our attachments, expectations, and obedience to our ego's will that creates issues. The ego craves the good feelings that come with happy chemicals and will remind you to act in certain ways with the expectation that the boost of happy chemicals will follow. For example, when I was younger I would often go through my clothes and separate out the pieces that I no longer loved or no longer wanted. I would pack these up into baskets or garbage bags and invite my sisters to come shop through. Sometimes there would be a piece of clothing that I still did like, but I knew one of my sisters absolutely loved. I would sneak that piece in at the bottom of the bag, or hide it behind my back, and create an opportunity of surprise and delight for my sister.

Looking back on this, I recall getting excited and filled with good feelings when the idea would strike me. Had I not expected my sister to respond with delight or had I not been given a boost of happy chemicals when I thought of the idea in the first place, maybe I wouldn't have bothered. But it felt good to do this good deed. My ego would jump in and pat me on the back, "what a good person you are." The good feelings would last for hours. In the end, I got just as much good out of the situation as my sister's did. Because I was giving with expectation of what I also would get from it, my ego was deeply involved in the exchange.   

Yogi Bhajan says, "giving is worthless if it has expectation with it. The only thing you can truly give someone is forgiveness." I remember a Friends episode where Phoebe is trying to find a selfless act that could prove she would do a good deed without getting anything in return. After several attempts, she realizes that even complete selfless giving is rewarded with a good feeling. We are programmed and hardwired to respond positively to doing good in our hood. It promotes everyone's survival when we can look outside of ourselves and contribute to the greater good. That doesn't mean you are driven by your ego, necessarily. It just means you're human. 

Again, it is in the relationship. We are not to strive for completely disassociating with the ego or removing it outright. But how do you respond when you notice your ego chiming in? 

As Robert E Quinn states, 

“It is our hypocrisy and self-focus that drains us. When we become purpose centered, internally directed, other focused, and externally open, we discover energy we didn’t know we had.”  

The ego will always be a part of the equation. We cannot have a WE, without an I or ME. It is not a negative thing to relate and identify with yourself. On the contrary, I would say that it is extremely important and valuable to be a strong and driven individual, building a life of passion for yourself. But that does not exclude you from being an advocate and proponent of community, support, sharing, and spreading wisdom to others. And when you are solely focused on your own gain, your own awards, your own impact, and your own voice, you dilute the power that can be found when you allow others to step up onto that pedestal with you. Lifting others up does not mean sacrificing yourself. Abundance!! There is more than enough for everyone. 

When I think of my ego, I see my journey as one that is learning the ins and outs of this potentially tumultuous relationship and slowly moving my ego from the driver's seat, to the passenger seat, to the backseat, and eventually, perhaps to the rooftop carrier or the trunk. It will always be there, something to consider, something to add perspective, but it is not the driving force in my life.

The ego can be quite sneaky. In Be Here Now, by Ram Dass, he says, 

"Get free of desire. It's a little like a roller coaster. This is just the way it works....You know how it is. You've really been working on yourself and you're very pure and something very high happens to you: You feel liberated. And then, your ego walks around and pats you on the shoulder: 'Pretty good! Look how holy you're becoming.' And you fall...again."

We must be wary of our ego slipping in no matter how much work we have invested into this area of our mind. This is why having some basic guidelines, wise characteristics, ethical standards, a sense of integrity, self-discipline, and a habit of nourishment with soul-fuel, will serve you well in your journey. 

I want to honor Non-Excess, and stay mindful to the idea that the extreme attempt of removing the ego entirely is just as ridiculous as being completely controlled by the ego. Either extreme is equally undesirable for various reasons. It is the middle way that I strive for. The balance and dance in the relationship that keeps me open, aware, conscious, and growth-minded. We are not stagnant or simple creatures, therefore, our guidelines for actions should not be stagnant or impose strict boundaries with a threat of external repercussion should we fail to abide perfectly. 

It is through our commitment and self-discipline that we burn away these old patterns and build new positive habits in their place. 

"If a man gives way to all his desires, or panders to them, there will be no inner struggle, in him, no 'friction', no fire. But if, for the sake of attaining a definite aim, he struggles with the desires that hinder him - he will then create a fire which will gradually transform his inner world into a single whole." Ram Dass.

Through the Yamas and Niyamas (the first two limbs of Yoga Philosophy) we are afforded tools of thought, action, reaction, and growth. These simple, yet depth-inducing concepts, speak to the relationship within the individual, as well as the relationship between the self and others.

“If you want to awaken all of humanity, then awaken all of yourself. If you want to eliminate the suffering in the world, then eliminate all that is dark and negative in yourself. Truly, the greatest gift you have to give is that of your own self-transformation.” Lao Tzu.

The self and the other are not separate. We are more connected than we often realize. I am co-hosting a workshop on September 18, 630-930pm, where we will be diving into this topic even more. Together, we will discuss the Yamas and Niyamas, the ego, the dance that is balance, and the movement that supports our mind and bodies to build the self-discipline needed for inner-evolution. Come learn, share, explore, and grow - individually and collectively. We are stronger together xoxox