How Dressing With Intention is the Crux of Personal Style

I have been asking friends to take time to think about what Living with Intention looks like, feels like, and means in their life. The conversations have been fascinating. I have asked some of these friends to contribute to my blog by diving deeper into this conversation. Sarah G. Schmidt is the Owner, Founder, and Stylist of IT BY SARAH G SCHMIDT INC. She lives in Calgary, Alberta. When not styling, shopping, or blogging, Sarah can be found indulging in and challenging pop culture – read her blog “More to It” on her site - or out and about in her bustling home neighbourhood of Hillhurst (Kensington). 

• Website: http://www.itbysarahgschmidt.com/ 
• Instagram: https://instagram.com/itbysarahgschmidt/
• Twitter: https://twitter.com/SGSchmidt

Intention is an easy to understand word for me. It was something that I have had by instinct and over the years I have learned to trust. I found my chosen career by partly looking back and partly looking forward. It took a while to actually open my eyes. It’s funny to me now how obvious it was that looking was key to me actually seeing.

Since I can remember I have been strong willed and a bit of a colourful show boat. I loved clothing, movies, musical theatre, history of greats, and foreign languages I didn’t understand. I was so curious in anything different than what I was exposed to. This was a bit of oddity as I come from a rural Saskatchewan farming family. Real salt-of- the-earth people who are relaxed, family oriented, and humble. My challenge is none of those traits came naturally to me. That simply wasn’t me. I was often stuck between wanting to understand why I didn’t get it and why it looked so easy for them. I didn’t appreciate the life I was given and personally felt guilty for that. I was an inner conflict I only understand now, looking back.

Regardless of how guilty or greedy I felt, I knew I wanted to explore and experience more of the world I saw in those fashion magazines, in movies set in big cities, or adventures had in the books I read. It was that in-my- bones-instinct. I craved diversity. I craved action. I craved a beautiful life.

For me that first real intention meant moving away. I wanted to jump into a new phase and new city where I could learn about different things. If I’m being honest, I really wanted to have a life like the career-focused and living-out- loud gals in the fictional TV show Sex and The City. Me and a mere million other country girls, right?

My first adult intention set was to study business. I wanted to see all that was out there. Because I knew very little in the area I was a keen – and a bit clueless – sponge. I soaked it all up. Near the end of my studies I started to question certain theories and challenge my classmates and professors. I know now that when I start to play devil’s advocate, like when I was a kid, it’s a sign I understand and want to challenge the system. It’s also classic behavior of a heretic, aka: shit disturber. The latter descriptive title reflects me better, yes?

I started my career in advertising where I was exposed to many business models, customers, and industries. If you’re ready to get the metaphorical shit kicked out of you daily but learn a tonne and meet crazy talented people who can sell, sell, sell, advertising is for you. The sheer volume of experience gained is insurmountable, invaluable, and I cherish the opportunity granted daily.

That said, eventually that shit disturber started nattering in my thoughts again and I knew it was time to pivot. My goal was to get exposure to as many different businesses and industries in a short time period. When I chose to walk away I felt I had achieved part of that goal.

Non-profit is where I went next. For the first time career wise I was offered an opportunity out of the blue. It wasn’t my intent but a choice nonetheless. Remembering my younger self that wanted to say “yes” to new experiences, I accepted. The organization’s work was humbling and vital for the community. I drank the Kool-Aid and was full in. It also provided the flexibility to pursue my business that I had just incorporated. See, while I was still in my advertising days I dreamt about starting my own fashion styling consultancy. I wanted to use the skills I had gained as an account lead and apply in an area I was passionate about. I wanted to shake things up and try it a new way, my way. There’s that heretic monster again. What gets me going more than anything else is personal style. That was all the intention or focus I needed.

I started my business in style. Ding Ding Ding! I worked at building my business while working for that non-profit organization. Passion is great but you still need to eat, am I right? A couple years later that same organization that chose me, now - partly because of the economy - chose to let me go. It’s actually quite cutesy and fitting completion of the circle, cha? I accepted this new chapter as a kick-in- the-ass reminder to do what I’m supposed to do. Refocus around the purpose I discovered. Do what I do best. I believe that what I do best and makes me feel the best is styling. The power of dressing for oneself is one of the easiest and most satisfying things one can intentionally do daily. Think about it for a second. What other thing can you do for yourself that reflects who you and who you want to be without having to say or do anything other than putting on clothes? We all get dressed, every day, and I am interested in making more refined, confident dressers.

For some people personal style is a uniform that they wear day after day. Cool. For others it’s a deliberate set of looks for the various places their life takes them. Great. For a few, dressing is the ultimate self-expression. If the three examples were placed on a spectrum, I’m the poster child for “dressing fo yo self” self-expression dresser.

Now when I walk down the street and see a person in what I deem as a lazy outfit, I’m disappointed. It’s not from a place of style snobbery or elitism; I’m disappointed because that person didn’t believe in themselves enough that day to put effort into the way they look. I believe that every person, no matter his or her shape, size, or colouring, can look amazing. But no matter how beautiful they may be one the inside, they are showing that they lack self-confidence if they dress lazy. At the bare minimum they show me that they were not intentionally trying to look their best.

A few things to keep in mind about style and confidence. First, it’s proven that people judge you 1 on your appearance. Second, we, too, know that beauty is in the eye of the beholder 2 . The most important “eye” is the client’s. Third, confidence comes from oneself and confidence is very attractive. I combine all those three things when I work with a client who wants a more refined personal style.

1. I style people knowing that they will be judged. I ensure that the clothing on the person is reflective of who they are. I ask does it reflect their career? Their personality? Their colouring, shape, and phase of life? Is the visual we put out there “go”?

2. Next, does the client see that look and say, “That not only reflects who I am, but it looks good too.” Beautiful. If you are putting your best, sincere version of yourself out there, people will be attracted to that.

3. Finally, if you feel good and look good, your confidence will shine through. With confidence you can walk out into the world and achieve whatever it is that you want to.

Confidence is the whole point of personal style. This is why I do what I do. My theory is that it helps to remove barriers. If you look put together and are confident you’re more likely to get that job, the attention of that person, that audition, that opportunity than if you look like a slob. If you look like a slob others may be inclined to question what else are you a slob about? Don’t let them go there. Look good and then seal the deal with your skills.

Every morning I wake up and consider what version or slice of my personality I want to show that day. I remind myself from time to time that where I from does not dictate where I going. Just because I’m from the country does not mean I have to show up that way. The same is true in the reverse. What I do know is that I choose to express myself and create my future. It’s important to mention that I also ensure it works with what meetings and activities I have for the day and have fun with it (and pack a change of clothes if one look doesn’t work for the whole day. For example, shopping with a client and then heading to a spin class has two different style requirements.)

When I head out my door I feel confident in knowing my clothing is a bit like my own personal armour. I don’t want to waste a single day not being who I am. I am confident in how I look and ready to take on the day. What’s more intentional than that?

Resources:

1. http://www.forbes.com/sites/tykiisel/2013/03/20/you-are- judged-by- your-appearance/#65ee49fc30f0

2. http://www.sciencemag.org/news/2015/10/why-beauty- eye-beholder

Intuition versus Mind-Chatter

There is a lot more to our actions than what appears on the surface. We are driven by our habits, experience, passion, intentions, assumptions, beliefs, and chemical makeup. I can easily confuse myself when I allow my wheels to turn, second-guessing, and playing devil's advocate as I decide what actions to take and what direction to head in. I struggled for years with learning how to trust my "gut." I still need to pause and test out whether I am being driven by fear or am being guided by something bigger than mind-chatter. 

What is intuition? Do we have a connection to a higher power or higher self that offers hints, feelings, or guidance? How is this different from our mind-chatter? Which voice do we listen to?

I have struggled with these questions for a while now. I grew up with a self-sabotage self-talk habit, and often was drawn to act and speak in ways that harmed myself or others. My intuition, if there is such a thing, was lost behind the loud chaos in my mind. I went from being a confident and courageous girl into a fearful and depressed teenager. My un-becoming into adulthood has been a process of re-finding my voice, and learning how to harness my love, passion, and trust, to create a direction of intention and purpose. 

What began as strategic goals and challenges, morphed into intentional living with a flow and trust in my own inner-knowing. But how did I get to this place? What have I learned? How can you find your unique intuitive knowing versus getting trapped in the mind-chatter?

A good place to start, I think, is to understand the tricks our brain can play on us. In Daniel Kahneman’s book "Thinking, Fast and Slow", he educates us on the power of heuristics. Heuristics are short-cuts in our mental search for understanding, and can often be misunderstood as intuition. Kahneman says, “the technical definition of a heuristic is a simple procedure that helps find adequate, though often imperfect, answers to difficult questions. The word comes from the same root as ‘eureka’.”

One of the most common is the Availability Heuristic, which is the reliance on information that comes to mind with ease when contemplating a topic or decision. For example, as you think about what to eat for lunch, your mind will generate ideas based on what you have eaten recently and what is readily available in the fridge. Or, when you are deciding whether to sign up for a self-development course that will be an investment of time and money, part of your decision process will be based on your most recent experience with investments, time commitments, and registered courses. Although these experiences might have nothing to do with the reality of the course you are considering, it will skew your perception of what you consider to be facts. Basically, we learn from our limited experience, so the examples we come up with will be aligned with what we know, which is not always the same as what is "true". Common sense right? Kahneman says, “My intuitive impression could be due entirely to journalists’ choices of topics and to my reliance on the availability heuristic…The situation has provided a cue; this cue has given the expert access to information stored in memory, and the information provides the answer. Intuition is nothing more and nothing less than recognition.”

There are also Affect Heuristics, “…where judgements and decisions are guided directly by feelings of liking and disliking, with little deliberation or reasoning” (Kahneman). How often have you made a decision based on a feeling of repulsion or attraction without a reasonable explanation either way? I know I have. We don’t like feeling uncomfortable or uncertain. But the reality of our existence is that there is a lot of uncertainty. As soon as our happy chemicals simmer down, we are back into a state of searching for threats to our existence. Although this is not happening consciously, we feel the uneasiness that this search creates and we often look to explain it by our immediate surroundings or upcoming decisions.

And then there are Intuitive Heuristics, which occur “…when faced with a difficult question, we often answer an easier one instead, usually without noticing the substitution” (Kahneman). For example, how often have you broken down a big decision into a list of pros and cons? We look to the parts that make up the big decision as a way to avoid the enormity of the decision as it is. 

These are not necessarily bad ways to operate. On the contrary, we save a lot of energy as heuristics are efficient in their problem solving skills. However, we also have the option to slow down and think things through more pragmatically and thoughtfully. Kahneman refers to these two Thinking Systems as System 1 and System 2. Upon further evaluation, it becomes clear that these two systems line up nicely with Jonathan Haidt’s Elephant and Rider metaphor, from his book "The Happiness Hypothesis". System 1 is like the Elephant, or the limbic system, aka, the reptilian brain, as it behaves instinctively, pulling information from experience and immediate surroundings to make decisions based on habit and emotion. System 2 is like the Rider, or the Cortex, as it is deeply influenced by System 1 (the Elephant), but it also has the ability to slow down, assess the situation, and make a decision based on goals and reason.

Kahneman says, “When System 2 is otherwise engaged, we will believe almost anything. System 1 is gullible and biased to believe, System 2 is in charge of doubting and unbelieving, but System 2 is sometimes busy, and often lazy.”

My understanding of intuition is that it is guidance from what we have learned in past experiences, which is why it can lead us astray. For example, perhaps when you were younger your house was broken into while you were home. You saw the burglar, dressed all in black and face covered with a ski mask. Perhaps they saw you and ran off, leaving you terrified and scarred from this alarming experience. Whether you consciously realize or not, you may have "learned" that people dressed all in black, or someone wearing a ski mask, is not to be trusted. Ten years later, you meet a new potential business partner and not only are they dressed all in black, but you see a framed picture on the wall of this person at the ski hill wearing - you guessed it - a ski mask. Now, alarms might go off in your head, and because you don't remember the burglar incident - or you never consciously made the connection - your gut will do a flip and you might assume this is your intuition telling you to beware of this person. After more investigation, perhaps this person does end up being a poor choice for collaboration. So, do we call this a coincidence, serendipity, intuition, self-fulfilling prophecy? WTF?

As you can intuitively understand, we are complex creatures with complex minds. What I suggest, "don't believe everything you think." Acknowledge your thoughts and emotions, but be wary of attaching or being swept away by the moment at hand. I view Intuition as a tool for exploration and discovery. It is a whisper to dig deeper, to stay open, to dance with the moment and play with possibilities. Intuition feels like flow, rhythm, and trust. It is not a magical flashlight that shines only on facts and objective truths. Nothing of value is that simple or stagnant. Intuition shines on the questions we should be asking, not the answers.

When we can create a state of calm, openness, and receptivity to our surroundings, we foster an inner-environment that can calculate decisions with ease, grounded in our direction of choice. This is why I find it so helpful to have clear goals, intentions for the day, and questions that I am curious to investigate. I view this as fuel for my intuitive heuristic power. I know I have insight and inspiration within me, and when I get out of my own way and embrace the uncertainty of life, these moments of creative genius seem to flow in with much greater consistency. 

Elizabeth Gilbert speaks to our creative powers in her book Big Magic. She says, “we are all walking repositories of buried treasure.” When we can live our life driven by curiosity, rather than fear, we embody openness and discovery versus stagnancy and resistance. Intuition is found when we let go of our need for perfection. When we let the mess of trial and error be an important part of the process, we have more energy and awareness to notice opportunities. The writer Rebecca Solnit addresses this topic by saying,

“So many of us believe in perfection, which ruins everything else, because the perfect is not only the enemy of the good; it’s also the enemy of the realistic, the possible, and the fun.”

I believe that to tap into a fluidity and inspiration of intuition, we must acknowledge how our habits and fear try to rule us. I do not trust the first thought that comes into my mind. I play with it. I converse with it. I ask myself questions that help me understand where I have been and what I am working towards. I talk it through with people I trust. I write about it. And after all of that, then I am ready to have an opinion or make a big decision. But when there is no time for investigation, I let my heuristical power take the lead and I acknowledge it for what it is. In the end, I am doing the best that I can, and that is all that matters. 

"When the mind rapidly fluctuates it causes us to disconnect from the beat of our inner rhythm. A distortion of our inner hum. A disconnection from the rhythm of the cosmos. The channel between the heart and mind becomes twisted and we live from the static fuzziness of the mind where nothing is clear. Anxiety, stress, fear, holds over your way of being and creates a distorted life. Your rhythm is found in the present moment, within the waves of your breath, mindful movement, creativity, and the dance of balance" @samarakate (words of wisdom on instagram)

How to Stay Committed to Your Practice

Life gets busy. The days fly by. We have various commitments and surprises that pull us away from practicing new healthy habits, like stepping on our yoga mat. This is something that I find fascinating. I work with many clients who deal with this struggle in a big way every day. How do we balance our desire for growth and mindfulness while juggling the many other expectations of our day? And how do we step up and do what we have said is important? 

I turned to a good friend to explore this topic further. I met Patrick Shannon in a philosophy class during my undergrad at U of Alberta. We stayed in touch through Facebook after graduation and have found ourselves both living in Calgary, and deeply intrigued by the practice of meditation. Patrick is now a lawyer and has developed a committed practice to meditation and mind-body health. I am inspired by Patrick's ability to work in such a demanding field yet still leave space for his joyful, curious, and open mind. 

I asked Patrick what he had to say about what it takes to develop and sustain a Practice of meditation (which can be replaced with any habit or practice you would like to develop) while in the midst of a career that demands a lot of time and energy. He was gracious, eloquent, and poetic in his response, as usual ;). Read below for some inspiration. 

***And check out his website for more zen-full treats (www.unfoldingzen.com)

The Italian Zen Master Elena Seishin Viviani, an elderly woman with dark, stern eyes, settled comfortably onto her cushion on the small raised platform. Now was the opportunity for us to ask questions.

It was 2014 - I was studying law in the French Alps and, while there, was practicing with a local Zen community. That Friday evening, our Zen group had invited a teacher from Turin to offer us some insight on Zen practice. I sat there, my legs aching and my stomach grumbling. I thought of my friends, likely gorging on cheese and spiced Christmas wine.

Yet now, thinking back, I can’t imagine missing that night. Elena was asked two brilliant questions and provided two brilliant answers. Each goes to the root of a very common problem: How do we maintain our practices (whether it is Zen, running, music, art, writing, or spending time with those we love) in the midst of a busy and chaotic life?

Question: How do you find time?

Answer: How do you find time to eat?

A young woman, an accountant from Grenoble, asked the first question, “How do you find time to meditate?” This question is a common one in Zen. Although in our tradition of Buddhism there are all kinds of beliefs and philosophies and interesting stories, the heart of our practice is meditation. The word “Zen” is simply the Japanese pronunciation of the Chinese word “Chán,” which is in turn derived from the Sanskrit word “Dhyāna,” or the ancient yogic practice of contemplative meditation. If a Catholic goes to mass, a Zen Buddhist meditates. Like many of my Catholic friends, I have not always had a perfect attendance record.

The Master’s answer has stuck with me ever since, “How do you find time to eat? How do you find time to use the bathroom?”

This seems like such a simple response. How often do we question the importance of eating? How often do we decide we’ll skip that trip to the bathroom and wait until tomorrow?

These things are considered necessities for our life. We carve our lives around them. We know that when we fail to eat, our bodies become weak and our whole tower of priorities trembles and suffers.

We don’t relate to these things from a “what’s in it for me?” perspective. We delight when these experiences are pleasant, but we know that sometimes we have a bad meal or stomach flu. Practice continues.

So why do we take a different approach to our practices?

A valuable exercise is to consider whether a practice is a necessity for you. Do you need to write? If you gave it up, how would that be?

In his “Letters to a Young Poet”, the poet and novelist Rainer Maria Rilke offered a troubled young author the following advice:

“Go into yourself. Find out the reason that commands you to write; see whether it has spread its roots into the very depths of your heart; confess to yourself whether you would have to die if you were forbidden to write. This most of all: ask yourself in the most silent hour of your night: must I write? Dig into yourself for a deep answer. And if this answer rings out in assent, if you meet this solemn question with a strong, simple "I must", then build your life in accordance with this necessity; your whole life, even into its humblest and most indifferent hour, must become a sign and witness to this impulse.”

Ask yourself the following question: is your practice a necessity? Is it another way to distract yourself from the discomfort of your life? Or is it, as many have discovered, a practice that has spread its roots into the very depths of your heart?

Why would this make a difference?

We are trained from a young age to engage with life from a result oriented perspective. Like little lab rats, we press the button and receive our treat. If we do not receive a treat immediately, then we start asking “what’s in it for me?” or we begin to feel very bitter about pushing the button. Maybe we decide that there’s no point in pushing the button at all.

How often have you been frustrated when you do not see results from your practice?

I can tell you that I have spent months enduring uncomfortable or unpleasant meditation. Why engage in meditation if it doesn’t leave me blissful and compassionate? Because engaging in our practices selfishly or from a result oriented perspective is why we suffer so much. What should be an act of devotion to practice becomes nothing more than selfish, endless button pressing and selfish, endless hunger for more treats – or more achievements.

Engage with your practice as if it is a necessity. Set a clear schedule and adhere to it. When you notice yourself becoming attached to results, remind yourself that your integrity requires only that you show up and do your best.

I cannot stress this enough – the secret to sticking to a practice is to unshackle it from our expectations and our ego. Relate to your expectations like a fart. Your body does strange and smelly things sometimes. It is both natural and not something you necessarily need to be overly invested in.

Question: If we give up on results, expectations and ego, how do we succeed?

Answer: One Breath. One Step.

The next question was mine. You see, I bet you were reading that first bit and wondering, “How exactly am I supposed to improve if I’m just showing up? Eating is easy, my practice is hard!”

I’m on your side!

Elena had a simple answer, “How do you walk? One step at a time, taking one breath at a time.” She was referring to the Zen practice of walking meditation, which is used in Zen to break up periods of long sitting. It is characterized by slow walking in synchronization with slow, deep breaths. Incredible attention and mindfulness is applied to each step.

So how does this improve our practice?

Instead of relating to our practice as an endless quest for improvement, we can take refuge in each small step of our long journey.

There is a quote, possibly by Saint Francis of Assisi, that suggests that we “start by doing what's necessary; then do what's possible; and suddenly we are doing the impossible.”

This is precisely what I think the Italian master meant. First we consider and internalize the necessity of our practice. Then we ask what step is intimately manifesting before us. Then we move forward, step by step, breath by breath and thereby accomplish the impossible.

In summary:

A – Relate to your practice as if it were as necessary as eating

B – Forget about results, and engage in your practice for its own sake

C – When your expectations, ego and comparing mind arise, laugh at them and carry on.

D – Focus on each step of your practice, cultivating intimacy with the challenges immediately before you.

This is how sentient beings realize their Buddha nature. This is how you can accomplish great things in the midst of the chaotic, conditioned adventure that is life.

May all beings be happy!

Patrick

Step 8 of 12 Steps to a Whole New Mind

**My monthly contribution to www.brandedyyc.com. Check out their website for more fun and relevant yyc writing

 

WHY IT'S IMPORTANT TO UNCOVER YOUR LIMITING BELIEFS

On my stepmom’s wall she has a sticky note that reads…

Person 1: “Why do my parents always know how to push my buttons?”

Person 2: “Because they installed them.”

We learn a lot from our parents, guardians, and surroundings. In fact, your core neural pathways are set by the time you are seven or eight years old. Neuroscientist Norman Doidge simplifies this phenomenon in his book The Brain that Changes Itself by saying “Neurons that fire together, wire together” and “neurons out of sync, fail to link.” This means your foundational beliefs about life, love, relationships, success, and any other major life event are programmed before you have had the opportunity to experience most things for yourself.

Tony Robbins refers to this as your blueprint for life. Your built-in triggers, assumptions, guidelines, and rules create the lens that you perceive life through. When you think about it, your limited life experience is one tiny possibility within the plethora of possible experiences and outcomes that could have happened.

It’s hard to imagine the vast differences that would appear in your life if you had said “no” when you said “yes,” or vice-versa. Or if you had different parents, were raised in a different city, by a different religion, or if the major traumas of your lifetime didn’t happen. There is no point in wishing what is wasn’t so, but when we understand that the “story” we re-tell about who we are, where we come from, and what we have learned, shapes the way we show up moment to moment, you suddenly discover choice and control where there was once “blame” and “victimhood”.

We are programmed to learn from experience and to promote our own survival; the result sometimes being a skewed idea of what protects us from harm and what experiences are best to avoid. While our unique suppository of beliefs, ideas, traumas, relationships, and DNA create the individual experience, we also participate in a collective experience rooted in connection, an appreciation for the subjective, and an attempt at objectivity.

Science has proven (for now) the objective truths like; the world is round, gravity pulls us towards the ground, our body has natural healing abilities when in a state of calm, and our biology urges us to procreate, to live in tribes, to move and connect. But what about the subjective beliefs and ideas that are too often taken as “facts”? Is there a right or wrong way to live? Is there a religion that is more “right” than all the others? Is there a higher purpose and meaning to life? What does a successful life look like? For most of us, we have a rehearsed “elevator pitch” when it comes to these questions, simply as a result of a few conversations and a lot of repetition.

The problem is, we are creatures of evolution, and a belief that served you well when you were younger is not necessarily the belief that will serve you well into adulthood. It is important for each of us to occasionally question our rehearsed or avoided answers to the big and little questions in life.

The wise Mark Twain said, “It’s not what you don’t know that gets you in trouble, it’s what you know for sure that ain’t so.”

Through our own experience, our upbringing, our culture, our conversations, and our own internal guidance, we have an opinion and a belief from which we stand on. You may believe there is only one person in the world that can be your true love. You may believe that success is a matter of how well known and recognized you are in your community. You may believe that a good relationship should be easy and comfortable. You may believe that some people are born with natural abilities or aptitude that predispose them to be masters in their field. You may believe that parents should behave a certain way, your friends should always be there for you, and your hard work should always be acknowledged and noticed. Maybe this has been true for you. Maybe not. Your experience and repetitive thoughts have created a belief system that you follow and perceive the world through.

An interesting thing about your brain, or more specifically, the outer-layer of your brain where your self-talk takes place – known as the cortex – is that it does an amazing job at finding evidence for what it already believes. You may know the phrase, “I’ll believe it when I see it.” In reality, our brain follows the paradigm, “I’ll see it when I believe it.”

One of the most foundation shaking realizations that I had, and that I have helped dozens of my clients to experience, is that most of the beliefs you have been living with are made up, passed down through the generations, or capture a skewed lesson from an early-life situation that doesn’t mirror reality as a whole. They can be the result of a traumatic experience that caused your brain to create a neural superhighway. An ingrained and hyper-sensitive path of least resistance that will light up to avoid similar situations in the future, leaving you fearful, critical, or anxious when deja vu sets in. These beliefs can also result from repetitive negative self-talk within the realm of assumptions, judgments, and unmet expectations.

Perhaps you were told when you were young that you were too small, too weak, too inexperienced, or too slow to participate or engage in something your heart desired. Perhaps you were punished for a behavior that you didn’t commit, and although you told the truth, you weren’t listened to or believed. Perhaps you had a mad crush on someone as a kid or teen and were left feeling unworthy, unwanted, and unattractive because that someone chose to date your friend instead. Perhaps you had high expectations from someone you looked up to and were let down in a big way. These moments that are common, can dictate the way you talk to yourself, the way you show up, the way you choose to protect yourself, and ultimately you may end up reinforcing that misguided belief through a vicious cycle of self-fulfilling prophecy.

Naturally, some of the beliefs you have suit you just fine, for now. It is the “limiting beliefs” we want to uncover first and foremost. The beliefs that keep you stagnant, fearful, closed from the world, armored from failure or heartache, opposed to others’ opinions, or negative in your world view or mindset. When asking my wise and soulful friend Kalea Mullett what her experience with limiting beliefs has taught her, she replied that these beliefs produce a feeling of isolation. They are the beliefs that make you feel alone, not good enough for what you want in life, and too much in your own head to actually engage and connect with people in an authentic and powerful way.

If there is a reaction, a habit, or a pattern in your life that is not serving you well, it’s time to let go of the belief that is keeping you there and discover the power of creating a new, empowering, and inspiring belief in its place.

When you find yourself getting stuck in your “shoulds” or expectations, carrying this moment’s disturbance into the next moment rather than learning and moving on, you have found a hardwired belief that may or may not be serving who you are. Our problems and disturbances need energy to survive, and when we are feeling sorry for ourselves in any capacity, we are spending energy to limit ourselves instead of tapping into our collective limitless power.

I had a client recently stop me as I was explaining this process to express her concern with the idea of making up new beliefs. She said, “Could this not become a gateway to naive and selfish habits as you exempt yourself from responsibility or error and always tell yourself that you are amazing and great?” This is where we practice pragmatic optimism versus naïve optimism.

The naïve optimist is a person who stays happy, blissful, jolly, hopeful, or love-struck despite overwhelming evidence that something other than pure joy is appropriate at that time. The naïve optimist avoids pain and struggle, and chooses to keep smiling in spite of the natural ebb and flow of emotions. The naïve optimist chooses comfort, low-risk, and easy directions, or jumps into risk blindly with the belief that everything will be just fine. You may have experienced such a person before, gleefully happy and full of energy for generally no apparent reason. Often resisting uncomfortable conversations by referring to the “silver lining” or changing the subject rather than holding space for someone who needs to move through darker emotions. It comes across as inauthentic and sometimes creepy. The shell of a person who is hiding their edges, their vulnerability, and ultimately, their ability to exceed a life of mediocrity.

The pragmatic optimist, on the other hand, understands that life feels best when there is a practice of contentment and happiness, yet that does not require an avoidance or denial of the struggle. To be a pragmatist means to approach each situation by assessing the truth or validity of a theory or belief based on the efficacy, the previous success rate, and the observable practical consequences. A pragmatist feels the natural ebb and flow of emotions, and chooses to respond rationally versus reacting instinctively.

So, to be a pragmatic optimist is to recognize that striving for happiness through self-study, vulnerability, and aligning your thoughts and actions to serve you and the world in the best way possible, is an ideal worth pursuing. Yet it doesn’t preclude you from feeling the depths of your struggle, the break down of a heart broken, or the pain of suffering in the world. In my view, a pragmatic optimist follows the wisdom of Friedrich Nietzsche – late 1900s philosopher – who stated that suffering was not something to be redeemed from, or avoided, but to be embraced and mastered. We must risk suffering and overcome it. Suffering is the key to finding sustainable happiness.

It is our self-discipline and our ability to flow, swim, and breathe through our struggles that creates resilience, contentment, and gratitude. As Nietzsche said, “what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger.”

I have lived as a pessimist, as a naïve optimist, and solely as a pragmatist. I choose to not regret or shame myself for meandering the path of life, as it was these lived experiences that have brought me to where I am today. I know from experience that when I am committed to growth and learning, when I engage in activities that purposefully bring me joy, connection, and satisfaction, and when I focus on gratitude while exploring the natural struggle of life, I feel content and passionate about the life I am living.

How to make the change:

There are several ways to coach yourself out of your old limiting belief into a new belief that inspires and elevates you, but I have found success with three avenues. One is through my yoga practice. Each time I step on the mat, I am opening myself up to the roller coaster of my self-talk, my effort, my comparisons, my judgments, and my overall mind-body connection. How you show up on your yoga mat is often how you show up in life. My yoga mat is my platform to notice, witness, breathe, let go, and expand my mind and body from being stuck in the past, the future, and mindless chatter, and into an elevated state of flow and collective consciousness.

I also have made huge strides in my awareness and uncovering by reflecting in the moment that I feel a disturbance weighing me down. When I notice a reaction that leaves me feeling icky or a sensation of fear or anxiety that manifests in short breath and closed posture, I have found a trigger that has surfaced a limiting belief. If I am not in physical danger, yet my body and mind are responding as if I am in danger, it is time to slow down, connect with my breath, and practice gratitude, self-love, and maybe a bit of self-study.

Another way is to get into the habit of reflection at the end of the day. When I take a few minutes to sit, breathe, and ask and answer a few questions about how I showed up, where I held back, where I needed courage, and what moments I am proud of, I begin to uncover the trends in my thoughts and actions that will lead me to a limiting belief that may be getting in the way of my progress.

As you can see, this takes patience and a commitment to the process. First you must adopt the practice of noticing your reactions and getting curious about your thought patterns, fears, and habits. Awareness is always the first step to change. Once you begin to notice and uncover a limiting belief, the only way to work towards letting it go is to consciously act counter to how your limiting belief would have you behave. You can do this by asking and answering a series of questions in the moment you notice your limiting belief getting in the way of your progress.

One acronym I often use is one you may have seen on a poster in a kindergarten classroom.

T.H.I.N.K.

Is it true?

Is it helpful?

Is it inspiring?

Is it necessary?

Is it kind?

So simple, yet I have found this acronym to be a beautiful and accessible reminder when I need it most.

Here are some more questions you can use:

Does it improve upon the silence?

What happens when I believe that thought?

What would I tell a child who was thinking this thought?

What would love have me do?

What thoughts inspire action?

What do I need to tell myself right now?

Life does not have intrinsic meaning. It is up to each one of us to discover our passions, to let go of our past or our habits that weigh us down, and to create a life of purpose by following our own mental-models of what it takes to be our best-self. As Nietzsche so beautifully put it, “If you wish to seek peace of mind and happiness, then have faith. If you wish to be a disciple of truth, then investigate.”

Upcoming event:

Experience Collective: a combination of Kundalini yoga practice with group discussion about how to integrate positive principles and practices into your daily life. To learn more about the event or to purchase your ticket, click here.

Book recommendations:

The Brain that Changes Itself by Norman Doidge

Immunity to Change by Robert Kegan

Success, Education, and Community. How? What? Why?

I have noticed lately, in my own writing, I often put quotation marks around words that I have realized I don't fully understand, or that carry depth and a need exploration. Words like, "need," "should," "balance," and "success." Writing in this way helps me slow down and really think about the meaning I am assuming and projecting into my words. When I say I "need" something, what does that really mean? What happens when I don't get that "need"? What does it gift me that I couldn't create without it? There are some things I do need; food, water, shelter (to some degree), and relationships (although these can look vastly different depending on the type). But more often than not, I find I have attached to the desire for an external reward that I actually don't "need" or could look to create in various different ways. 

I have been playing more and more with the word "success." I have a desire to feel/be successful, but again, success looks different to different people and at different times. So what "success" am I looking for? How will I know when I have achieved said "success"? What will it allow me to do that I can not already do or create?

At first, when I think of success, I think of what it allows in my life. When I am successful I am able to set my own schedule, take time away whenever I like, have time weekly to visit family and friends, and do work that sparks passion and creativity in my life. Well, I already have that. So what else? To me, success means being seen as an expert and being called on by others to collaborate, create, and support. Success means a trajectory moving towards whatever it is I want more of in my life. But then I get stuck in the word "more." I have noticed a trend in my life of losing sight of contentment and gratitude, and getting stuck in the endless pursuit of "more." That's not my ideal. It doesn't feel good. It becomes an endless game that I cannot win. It is something I am mindful of daily. I strive to find the balance between the pursuit for "more" and my contentment and gratitude for what is now. Perhaps that is also where "success" is found. The balance in between the two extremes. 

This contemplation on "success", "need", "more", and "balance" has brought up a lot for me in regards to my pursuit for furthering my education to allow me to expand my reach. Again, I get caught up in the words of this desire to ensure I go about this in the most authentic way possible.  I don't want more education just for the sake of more education. I don't want to build a list of accreditation's simply to impress others or create the illusion that it takes tens/hundreds of thousands of dollars to become an expert or to create the life you want to live.   

I don't want to spend big investments of time and money on education programs/training/certifications that I don't actually "need." But education is clearly important, for more reasons than I can count. But again, what is "education"? Why do we put so much weight into an education system that generalizes a curriculum to suit the "average" person rather than accommodating the vast differences in creativity and learning styles? Naturally, there are some academic pursuits that cannot be self-taught or self-lead, like Medicine, Social Work, Construction, or being the CEO of a multi-million dollar company. But then again, I am sure there are many avenues to get into those careers that do not begin and end with your typical school education.

There are so many opportunities and possibilities for education. How do we know which programs are best for the direction we want to take?

I think education "should" feel experiential, methodical, evolutionary, forward-thinking, reflection-inducing, thought-provoking, adaptive, fun, and fueled by curiosity. Is that too much to ask? Why do I feel restrained, duped, and lack-luster when I find myself filling out an application, sitting in a classroom, or trusting my time, money, and mind to someone else?

I have thought through these questions quite a bit lately. I have been tempted to land on the answer, "I am lazy." But that's not true. I am far from lazy. Perhaps I falter a little too far on the opposite spectrum more often than not. 

There is a lot about organized education systems that I do love. I love the community aspect. I love the accountability and support system. I love being taught by someone who is passionate and excited about their work. I am surrounded by that type of education on a daily basis. 

What is Education?:

I believe Education "should" fuel the individual's curiosity and creativity. I believe Education "should" help us develop confidence in who we are as unique people. I believe Education "should" foster community, relationships, and a generation of mindful beings who make choices with impact and the butterfly-effect in mind. I believe we "should" be focusing on the mind-body connection, mindfulness, health and nutrition, and the importance of movement and sweat. I believe Education "should" never stop. Our school systems need to be the foundation for teaching people how to learn, so that we can be life-long learners. 

**This TED talk is one of my all-time favorites. If you have not seen this, it will change your perspective and approach to education.

My Education for the next year is focused on Anatomy, Physiology, and Nutrition. If you are an "expert" in these fields, I would love to hear from you. What are your favorite books in these fields? What would you suggest I practice? What have you found helpful in continuing your education in these complex and fascinating areas?  

What is Community?:

We are not meant to be isolated individuals, making our way through life without the assistance, support, and love from our neighbors. We are hardwired for connection. Our body craves love, trust, support, acknowledgment, status, and growth. There is magic within a community of supportive and motivated people. There is a danger in the group-mentality as well; blindly following. We are powerful and brilliant free-thinkers, and when we bring that creativity into the group, we can achieve so much more individually and collectively. 

When communities are led by one powerful individual, or a group of individuals excluding others from their power, human-error and imperfection will undoubtedly breath toxicity and breed dependence. When individuals are free-thinking, fun-loving, growth-minded, and self-leading, transformation ensues. 

Don't lose your unique spark. Allow your individuality to inspire the masses. 

**This video is amazing. Watch how one free and wild individual inspires the masses to join in on his fun. 

One individual will not change the world. But a community of individuals have been changing the world since human existence began. It may start with one individual, or a small group of individuals, but that catalyst started small and snowballed into something bigger. Small sparks change world wide. 

What am I Doing About it?: 

My mission in life is to create my existence to best suit and serve who I am. I lead by example through vulnerability, support, writing, creating experiences, and showing up in every interaction knowing that my energy is contagious. 

My lifestyle embodies Growth, exploration, and balance. I know that when I am intentional and powerful in my life, I am inspiring others to make leaps and bounds in their lives. 

Want to learn more and experience a workshop to spark inspiration in your life? This workshop is scheduled for Sunday September 18, at the HQ. I would be thrilled to have you be a part of it. Reach out with questions or follow the link below to register. 

Living with Intention - Loretta Breuning

I opened my inbox this morning and smiled as I was greeted by an email from one of my favorite authors. Loretta G Breuning is a fascinating and brilliant woman who has written a few books about the effects of Happy Chemicals on our brain and body, and how to understand our habits and daily lives within that perspective .

(Check out her website! https://innermammalinstitute.org/).

I first discovered her work in a book called Meet Your Happy Chemicals and was blown away by the depth of knowledge she shares and the beautiful articulation of the mind-body connection. 

I reached out to Loretta to see if she would be willing to contribute to this blog, exploring what it means to Live with Intention. To my delight, she agreed. Below is her submission to the collaborative project I call, Living with Intention. Enjoy ;)

Living with Intention

Intention is the human ability to re-direct the electricity in your brain instead of just letting it flow down the path of least resistance. Animals don’t do this. The world reaches their senses and electricity flows into paths paved by past experience. We humans can notice that flow and divert it.

But it’s not easy. It takes so much energy to send electricity down a new path that we can only do it for a smidgen of information at a time. We must run on automatic for routine tasks just to have the mental energy necessary to act on an intention. You can blaze a new trail in your neurons if you create energy with good self-care, and conserve that energy by avoiding other uses.

Living with intention means choosing where to invest your smidgen of superpower. If you’re not careful, your mental energy will be frittered away on whatever is loud enough to grab your attention. Or you’ll spend it on other people’s “must do” list. Honoring the intentions of others drains the energy you need to honor your own.

I learned to spend my mental energy intentionally at a very young age. I learned because my mother was emotionally disturbed, and I realized that I would drown if I kept trying to help her swim. So I choose where to focus my attention instead of responding to whatever floated in.

Living with intention can leave you out of step with others. For example, when I got to leave home for college, I was very eager to learn because I did not want to end up back where I came from. I wanted to study in the day when I had the mental energy. At night, I wanted healthy distractions that would not risk sending me back home. Alas, my peers did not see the world this way. They seemed to socialize all day, and to fret about studying at night. I did not want to go with that flow, as much as I wanted to have friends. My mental energy was all I had and I did not want to squander it. So I got a job waitressing at night, and earned so much money that I went abroad each summer. 

You might say this was not living with intention because I was already wired to do my own thing. Indeed, I need to keep carving new trails in my brain instead of just repeating old behaviors. For example, I love to write, but I hate to promote my writing. So after writing a few books, I promised myself that I would stop writing and focus on promoting for a year. Of course, if I cringe when I promote my work, that would not really be a new path, so I set the intention of enjoying these efforts. I used my smidgen of extra energy to divert electricity from the fear of annoying people to the pleasure of offering people something wonderful. (Pretending you’re offering them a brownie, a therapist told me.) Of course that new thought was just a tiny trickle of electricity because I didn’t have a superhighway to channel it. But I invested the energy necessary to repeat it until the pathway got strong. Then it was time for a new intention. After years goal-setting, I decided to go naked, leaving more space for the unexpected instead of focusing on a goal. When I fear emptiness, I re-direct my thoughts to the idea that the future holds good things that I haven’t yet imagined. I am so grateful for my tiny mental bandwidth that I am determined not to waste it!

You can set and honor your mental GPS instead of doing everything on automatic pilot. You can hoard your mental energy budget instead of letting others decide where you should spend it. It makes you human!

Loretta G. Breuning

Experience Collective

Experience Collective

Sunday, October 2

Location TBD, 630pm-930pm

“If you want to awaken all of humanity, then awaken all of yourself. If you want to eliminate the suffering in the world, then eliminate all that is dark and negative in yourself. Truly, the greatest gift you have to give is that of your own self-transformation.” – Lao Tzu.

It's easy to doubt the power and influence you can have as one individual. We don't often notice the impact we have because we are in our own bubble, in our own head, spreading our energy around without seeing the ripple effect it causes. The words you use, the actions you take, the relationships you nurture, the way you react and respond, all carry a vibration that is affects the world around you. 

"The more peace there is in us, the more peace there will also be in our troubled world." Deborah Adele.

What we need to realize is that we are never alone. We are never standing as one individual. We are in relation to others at all times. When we tap into this collective energy, with like-minded yet vastly different people, we can create a transcendent experience that is only possible within a group setting. 

“The world we are experiencing today is the result of our collective consciousness, and if we want a new world, each of us must start taking responsibility for helping create it.” – Rosemary Fillmore Rhea

Experience Collective is a workshop that my good friend Sanja and I have created. Our goal is to facilitate a transformative group experience, while also catering to the individual impact through personal development. 

“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate” – Carl Jung.

I have been studying and playing with the Yamas and Niyamas for almost a year now. These are the ten moral and ethical principles from ancient Hindu texts that serve as an integral part of yoga philosophy. These concepts are the simple guidelines to living a life of purpose and health. This workshop will begin with a discussion around the Yamas and Niyamas. I will introduce you to the wisdom kept alive for thousands of years and how to integrate them into your life in our modern world. Through the process of inner-evolution, we will work as a group to discover the collective energy that we want to foster and nurture as well. 

We will then dive into a heated Kundalini practice as we hold space for each other. Whether you have experienced Kundalini or have never heard of it, Sanja will guide you through in a way that feels inclusive and familiar. We build heat to burn off old habits and patterns, and tap into our expansive awareness. 

“There is no way to overstate the magnitude of the collective spiritual transformation that will occur when we shift from food of violent oppression to food of gentleness and compassion.” Will Tuttle.

We will finish the evening with nourishing snacks and drink from local entrepreneurs, and an introduction to a 30 Day Challenge that will sustain the community and the support system we just built, while tapping into the importance of developing a muscle of self-discipline. 

Although the workshop is scheduled for three hours on a Sunday night, we are actually creating a community of game-changers that will work together for one month. You can contribute and participate as much or as little as you would like, but trust that there will be opportunity for connection and growth that you have not encountered before. Sanja and I have big hearts and big dreams, and we want you to be a part of the magic of this workshop. 

“With self-discipline most anything is possible.” Theodore Roosevelt.

Feel free to reach out with inquiries. xox

1 on 1 Mind-Body Coaching

1 on 1 mind-body coaching

A personalized coaching program is the most efficient and supportive way for you to create the change you wish to see in your life. 

• Do you feel like you are working towards someone else's goals?
• Are you curious about your habits, your mind's potential, or how to access and harness your inner-motivator?
• Are you starting a small business or passion project and need support, guidance, and an accountability system to build momentum and create a strong brand?
• Are you struggling with stress management? 
• Do you feel lost or unsure as to what direction you are headed?
• Do you feel like something is missing or that you are not playing big in your own life?
• Do you feel curious about what it would feel like to love yourself and your life wholeheartedly?

If you said yes to any of those questions, a unique and personalized Mind-Body Coaching program will support you in your journey.

A dope(a)me program will help you get in touch with your core values, goals, passions, and what holds you back. I lead by example through an adaptive process to help you...

1) adopt a new lens to view your effort,

2) engage in activities that boost happy chemicals as you learn the science of being happy,  

3) develop a routine of experiencing, learning, reflecting, and being in the practice as you add more tools and concepts to your tool box. 

Everyone is different and will need different types/amounts of support to gain their clarity and learn how to be an inner-motivator, which is why each program looks different for each client. This is what you can expect...

1) Our first conversation is free, as we get to know each other.

2) Before committing to a program, you can opt for one week of coaching - including one session and six days of daily texts from me to support and offer reflection and insights.

3) If at this point you decide to commit to a program (minimum five sessions, 2-4 weeks a part), you will receive the Welcome to dope(a)me Coaching package with all the information you need.

4) After a minimum of 5 sessions, you can choose to continue with sessions once a month, as you integrate your new knowledge into your life. **This structure is subject to change based on client needs.

Brand Coaching

I offer tools and resources to help you uncover what you stand for, what your message is, how to market yourself, and how to create discipline and progress as you build something from the ground up.

I know I cannot be everything to everyone so ask whatever questions you need to be clear on what to expect and we will take it from there. 

I am available in Calgary to meet in person, or via FaceTime. Email me at marinmccue@gmail.com with questions.

30 Day Challenge

30 Day Challenge: The dope(a)me Discipline

Tapas is sanskrit for heat, self-discipline, and self-restraint. It is the concept that reminds us that through dedication and commitment to our development, we breathe through the struggle and discomfort, to be blessed by the very thing that causes pain and suffering. 

We would not try to mold glass when it was cold, and we would not attempt to set new personal records without warming up first. We need heat to transform and create what was not there before. Our daily commitment and discipline when things get tough is what creates the change we want to see in our life. Of course, this change is easier when you have support, steps, and accountability.

This 30 day challenge has been designed to support you in learning about your self-discipline and commitment, in order to discover your balance and inner-strength. When we do what we say we are going to do, we build integrity and trust within ourselves and within the relationships we keep.  

What to expect if you register for this challenge:

• 1 email every Sunday morning for four weeks
• Prompt to set your own daily commitment that supports the change you want to see in your life (or simply something you want to try and explore)
• A weekly theme that will support you in reconnecting with your purpose, your core-values, your community, and your open and present mindset.

Investment: $50

Reach out to marinmccue@gmail.com with questions or to register.

40 Day Challenge

The Path to Change: Connect, Create, and Clarity

This 40 Day Challenge has proven to be a huge success for those brave and committed individuals who have engaged in it so far. I know that change happens in phases. Sometimes we need hands-on coaching and accountability from a support system and other times we need to flow and live life with only our own intuition and guidance leading the way. This challenge is for those who feel the need to explore their self-discipline, engage in some radical self-love, and get curious about your mind-body connection. If you have the desire for an opportunity for change, are ready to push yourself to a new level, and want to do so with 10-60 minutes per day, it's time to reach out to me.  

This program is an opportunity for you to witness the power of the compound effect as you engage in simple daily routines that will elevate your self-talk to be more positive, self-loving, motivating, and compassionate. As part of my passion project to lead by example and support others in changing their relationship with Fear, Failure, Growth, and Purpose, this challenge is one more way for me to do that. 

What to expect if you register for this 40 day challenge....

• A commitment of personal introspection and moving your body for - a total of - 10-60 minutes per day (more if you choose)
• An email in your inbox every Sunday morning (for six weeks), with reflection questions for the past week, tools and support for the week ahead, and homework that will continue your growth and understanding of your mind, body, and the mind-body connection
• Simple and impactful information, tools, challenges, inspiration, and support - following the format of: reflect, learn, practice, let go, and grow
• One coaching session to talk through your results, your struggles, and your action steps to continue your momentum forward.

The 6 themes we will follow are at the foundation of creating and sustaining change. These were the core concepts that served me on my journey and have proven to be successful with the clients I have worked with. Your time, effort, dedication, and desire to explore and get curious about your Change is a must. But as I mentioned above, all it takes is 10 minutes per day. 

The 6 weeks will follow the below themes....

• Connect (week 1 & 2)

1. "Motion is Lotion" 
2. Growth Mindset

• Create (week 3 & 4)

1. Self-Talk
2. Happy Chemicals and Dope-Web

• Clarity (week 5 & 6)

1. Limiting Beliefs and Mission Statement
2. Integration, Goals, and Passion Project

Investment: $75

If you are curious about participating and want to learn more, please reach out with questions or to confirm your registration at marinmccue@gmail.com

The downside to Happy Chemicals

My depression sets in like clock work. It's predictable, it's not unique, and it's certainly not the most powerful force I've had to grapple with. Depression is simply a reminder that we need to build strength internally, as well as externally. When depression grips my mind, it creates isolation with a tidal wave of negative comparisons, yet it also holds the power to connect people intimately when they are brave enough to let light shine into their darkest corners; risking rejection or the terrifying confirmation that "you are as alone as you think you are."

I spent years dwelling in depression. Not realizing that I was feeding the beast that I was trying to starve. If our mind is like a muscle, I flexed that depression until it became the strongest muscle in my body. Despite years of retraining my brain and learning what depression is, where it comes from, and how to let go of it, I still have episodes of struggle. When I am tired or bored, when I overeat, or when I convince myself I am better off alone rather than connecting and playing with others, I begin to fall into the depths I once called home. 

This pattern is predictable, and at times it seems like I could be the narrating voice for the sequence of events that will inevitably lead me to that dark feeling. Yet, I continue to make choices that isolate me and perpetuate the problem that has begun. 

This latest episode sparked in a predictable way as well. I have been excited and full of energy leading up to my birthday. Andrew and I had an amazing time in Portland for the weekend, exploring, playing, trying new things, and ultimately truly enjoying each other's company. Happy Chemicals were at an all time high. Naturally, after the build up to an exciting event, there is the downturn as your body comes back to equilibrium and begins its search for danger. Happy Chemicals are short lived, and our Cortisol quickly grabs our attention while on the lookout for potential threats to survival. Despite knowing that it will take a couple of days to acclimatize back at home, I allowed myself to feel sorry for myself when the vibrancy of the Happy Chemicals wore off. 

What I have realized is that slowing down, lounging, and resting my body is definitely something that I need to honor and allow in my life. But there is a more intentional and nourishing way to do that than laying on the couch and watching the latest Netflix Original. I have a tendency to eat excessive amounts of food when I'm lounging around, which spirals me into a darker place because of my history with eating disorders. Had I chosen to give myself a full 48 hours of recovery by reading in my hammock, taking a long and luxurious bath, go to a yin yoga class, spend time writing letters and making phone calls to people I love, and practice Mindful Eating as I ingested only the best nutrients and delicious snacks that my body needs, I know I would not be feeling like I need to climb out of this rut right now. 

I find it so fascinating that I can know what I need and what will make me feel better, yet I actively choose the choice that feels good now and is guaranteed to make me feel shitty later. Our mind's are such fascinating things. I know why my 'instant-gratification' impulse wins over my pragmatic and long-term happiness muscle, especially when I am already feeling lethargic. I know that it is in those pivotal choice moments that I need to show my true strength and decide to take the road of self-love, compassion, and connection. 

Awareness is always the first step. I'm aware. I'm tired of getting into ruts. But I am also human, imperfect, and grateful for my curious and adaptable brain.  

Depression is not something to be ashamed of, and it looks different day to day, person to person. Let's continue to shine light on these shadows within ourselves, and allow deeper connections to happen as we see we share the same light and we float in the same darkness. We are stronger together. xoxox

Step 7 of 12: Surround Yourself with Greatness

STEP SEVEN OF 12 STEPS TO A NEW MIND

“We cannot change our past…we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you…we are in charge of our attitudes” – Charles R. Swindoll

Just like that, we have passed the half-way mark of 2016 – time flies. As cliché and overstated that sentiment is, it still speaks true and resonates deeply as I reflect back on the past six months. Life is precious because it doesn’t last forever. Despite our many differences, this year has brought struggle for us all in many different ways. We have all been touched by the effects of jobs lost, fires, deaths and births, heartache, and the natural ebbs and flows of happiness. Life is not always easy, but it is in our toughest moments that we are reminded of our strength, we build our resilience, and we deepen our connection with the people around us.

Over the past six months, I have introduced you to some concepts, ideas, metaphors, and books that have played a huge role in my personal development and quality of life. It is important to keep in mind that although we have an urge to support and help others, at the end of the day, we are the only ones who can make qualitative change in our own lives.

I can’t change your neural connections. You can’t be at your friend’s side every time he or she is faced with the choice to continue with an unhealthy habit. I can’t be there to support you every time you are triggered into a reactive and angry state. You can’t uplift your family member out of depression by willing it so. The best we can do as individuals, is lead by example and surround ourselves with greatness.

You may have heard the phrase “like attracts like” or “law of attraction.” These are not magical ways of being that produce great things in your life as a result of positive thinking and wishing. Rather, consider the fact that there are 11 million bits of information being processed in your mind per second. It is not possible or desirable to imagine being conscious of all of that at once. We are only conscious of 15-50 bits of that information at any given second. Everything you could possibly experience in the present moment is available to you, but your conscious thought allows you to choose what you focus on or shine your light of awareness on. Whatever you focus on, you create more of. We are creatures of habit and our neural pathways grow in strength and efficiency the more we fire energy down those connections.

Rather than focusing on the material objects you want to “manifest” into your life, focus on how you want to feel, how you want to show up, and how you want to respond versus react. I know that at the end of the day, when I lay my head down on my pillow, I want to feel grateful, proud of the choices I made, satisfied with my effort and balance, and excited by the things I have created.

Whatever you focus on, you feed.

Whatever you think about, you send energy to.

It is as simple as that.

If you focus on your struggles, you will surround yourself with that negative energy. If you focus on that random intrusive thought and allow yourself to sit in shame, regret, unease, or guilt, guess what – it only feeds that intrusive thought. We can’t always control where our mind goes, but we can control our reactions and which thoughts to invest energy into.

We are attracted to energy. The theory of Law of Attraction, simply states that whatever you put out into the world, you will receive back. You want more love in your life? Be more loving. You want to see more patience, compassion, and connection in the world? It starts with you. Your experience of the world is a reflection of your inner-state.

I often notice this when I do something silly and I assume that others are judging me. Because I have judged others in the past, I automatically assume others must be judging me. At the end of the day, does it matter? Is it not just time and energy wasted by getting into a debate and worried state of mind assuming we know what others are thinking. Unless someone engages in a feedback conversation expressing how they felt when I did something, I allow my own intuition and habit of reflection to guide my growth. And when I notice certain people in my life are not being honest with me and choose rather to talk about me, or others, behind my back, I choose to not spend energy and time in that relationship.

I know I am responsible for my effort to be mindful, open, and receptive. It just so happens that showing up this way attracts people with similar intentions into my life. These are the people that vibrate at the same frequency as I do. These are the people that hold me accountable to greatness and inspire me to work hard and smart on a daily basis. We are stronger when we surround ourselves with people that elevate us.

Create Your Dope-Web:

People/Places/Past-Times

To support you in creating new habits and to remind yourself of the importance of your surroundings, try using what I call the Dope-Web. This creates a support system that will be there for you on the days that you need it most. Get out a fresh piece of paper and write the three headers: People, Places, and Past-Times.

People

These are the people that light you up, empower you, inspire you, motivate you, love you, and don’t allow you to sit in victimhood. They can be real people that you know well, new acquaintances that have a light that you are drawn to, authors or leaders that write words that speak to your soul, or people who have come and gone but you still feel connected to through prayer or moments of stillness in nature.

Your People list might be four names long or maybe much more. Keep in mind this is quality over quantity. These are the people you want to aim for more time with and are definitely the people you want to reach out to when you are in need of support and inspiration. As you meet new people and feel drawn to their energy or their story, add them to your list.

Expand your community, one person at a time.

Places

We all have certain areas of our home or city that bring us to a state of calm and cool. These are the rooms in our home that give us space to practice yoga, give us peace and quiet to read or meditate, or give us inspiration to create. It is the area of the city that has an environment conducive to inclusivity, health, connection, and fun. They are the studios or cafés that buzz with positive energy and attract more amazing people. The pathways that allow you to stroll through nature and have provided inspiration and clarity to you in the past. The friend’s home that feels like warmth and love. And maybe even the places or destinations you long to explore and discover. This is your list of soulful places, for when you need that reminder of where you can go to find your people, reconnect with nature, tune into positive energy, or settle into a place of calm and stillness.

Past-Times

This is your list of activities that fills you with energy, that allows you to experience flow and brings your body back to balance. These are your favourite ways to sweat, your hobbies, your passions, and your creative ideas and pursuits. Whether you are feeling a lack of motivation or are full of energy, these are the activities that fuel your body and mind, that fill your reservoir of happy chemicals, and that help you let go of stress or worry from taking life a little too seriously.

Make your list and leave it somewhere you will see regularly. Keep adding to it. Let it evolve, grow, and change as you discover and evolve as well.

After all, you are only one workout, one inspiring conversation, or one flow-activity away from a good mood.

Book Suggestions:

Perfectly Imperfect by Baron Baptiste

The Desire Map by Danielle LaPorte

Crucial Conversations by Kerry Patterson

The 30 day challenge

A limiting belief that I have uncovered and continue to see pop up occasionally, comes in the form of a variation of the words "I am not enough." Sometimes it will be as I am heading to teach a yoga or spin class or meet with a client, and I hear that faint whisper that what I offer is not worth their time or money. On another occasion I will be at home, enjoying a slower paced day and allowing myself time to relax on the couch. At this point I may feel a sensation in my gut telling me to get moving, to do something, anything, other than sitting still, as if I am not worth as much when I relax. 

I had decided to allow myself a bit of a break from the workshop scene for the summer. Although I am still hosting workshops for teens through the Mindful Mechanics project, I do feel a bit of lack in my life by not having one or two adult workshops planned for each month. I am working on writing my book, and I am still writing monthly for Brandedyyc.com, but I could feel that I needed another outlet to potentially create connection, conversation, and support. 

Despite consciously gifting myself time and space to slow down this summer, I have much more "free time" on my hands than I am comfortable with. Without structure and deadlines, I found myself making excuses to watch tv in the middle of the day or go for another workout, when those two activities - in excess - do more harm than good. What I need is time focused on growing myself and supporting the people around me. 

I had made the commitment to myself several times that I would get into bed at an earlier time, meditate daily, meet up with friends and/or family daily for a catch-up, do more cooking or baking in the kitchen, and create a well-balanced daily routine. Yet I continued to feel sluggish and compound the feeling by making choices that make me feel more sluggish. I had found myself caught in a cycle of knowing what I want/need to be doing but continually making choices that take me further from that goal. I chose to get curious about this and notice this pattern without judging myself. There is a limiting belief or negative self-talk cycle going on here that I needed to uncover, and this got me excited. 

A few days ago, a friend of mine reached out to encourage me to apply for the job she was leaving to move to BC with her husband. I was hesitant to follow-up as I have not been thinking about adding in a full-time job outside of my current business, but it did seem like something worth exploring. The job is the Fitness Director for the YMCA Eau Claire location. As Fitness Director, I would coach, mentor, and support a staff of 50+ fitness instructors, create courses and training programs, as well as teach a few classes myself per week. I would be supporting a non-profit company that strives to create health and wellness as an affordable and accessible lifestyle for everyone. The more I learned about this role and about the goals of the YMCA, the more excited and intrigued I was by this opportunity. 

I interviewed for the job, still unsure as to whether it was what I wanted. Two days later, before knowing if I got the job or not, I realized that I want to work harder, smarter, but not at the expense of my balance. This job is a 40 hour a week commitment, which would either require me to let go of some of the projects and classes I already have (not to mention my complete autonomy and freedom that I worked hard to create), or sacrifice my energy and depth in many classes or projects. 

I want to mentor and coach, and create experiences that will grow and support the health and wellness of many people. YMCA is a beautiful example of how to do this on a large scale, and I now know I want to work with them, as the face of dope(a)me, to make their courses and services that much better. 

It was an amazing realization and wake-up call for me, as I discovered my passion for making a difference almost had me commit to a full-time salary job just to bring more people and opportunities into my daily life. 

I want more opportunities to support and connect with people in a real way, and it is time for me to amp up my energy and daily routine to begin building more relationships that will help make that happen. When I think of just showing up and being around a big group of people, I am not excited. I want purposeful and meaningful conversation. I love leading workshops for this reason. I get to lead by example in vulnerability and get some "real talk," with honest and messy introspection. I love creating challenges and coaching others in creating new habits while letting go of stale or unhealthy habits, because the conversations are raw and inspiring. 

In June I completed a 30 day challenge of my own. I committed to a daily meditation practice and to get upside down every day. Although I missed a few days, the challenge was an eye opener into my self-talk and self-discipline habits. It solidified my love and appreciation for meditation, even if it is a mere 10 minutes in my day. It surprised me how long 30 days actually felt when I was committed to that daily mindful practice. It gave me something to be proud of every day and something tangible to work towards and check-off my list. It filled me up with energy on the days that I resisted and struggled to stick to my commitment yet somehow found a way to make it happen. 

With that experience top of mind I decided that would be a great gift to help spread my reach and connect with more people in a meaningful way. I have created a 30 day challenge outline that I am happy to offer for only $20 to anyone who would like to participate. The challenge has two parts to it. One part is your unique 30 day commitment. What you want to add into your life, or let go of. What you want to practice, try, explore, or create daily in your life. Once you choose your commitment, each Sunday you will receive an email with an extra challenge for that week. Robert E Quinn's quote resonates deeply for me, and we will use the four pillars mentioned to explore through your habits each week: 

"It is our own hypocrisy and self-focus that drains us. When we become purpose-centered, other focused, internally-directed, and externally-open, we discover energy we did not know we had."

Reach out with any questions or to register today. I would love to hear from you ;)

marinmccue@gmail.com

Step 6 of '12 Steps to a Whole New Mind'

This month’s article marks the half-way point of this year-long journey to an open mind and an open heart. Reflect back on the last five articles to remind yourself of how far we have come, and to engage in one of the key principles of change – repetition. Get out your notebook, make yourself a cup of tea or coffee, and give yourself some space and time to read through and get curious about what you notice.

We are creatures of habit. The way we think, move, act, relate, and react, quickly becomes a part of “who we are” and we lose sight of the fact that at one point everything took practice. Research shows that more than 40 per cent of the activities you engage in each day are habits. This happens for a reason. Imagine how much time and energy it would take if everything had to be approached as new or unfamiliar. We would be exhausted and distracted from the bigger and deeper things in life if we always had to think about how to brush our teeth, drive a car, find food, open a door, or any other basic function of getting through the day.

As someone who has retrained my brain to perceive the world differently than how I saw it for over 20 years, I know that meaningful change is possible. Now a personal coach to support others in their journey and an increasing affinity regarding all things brain related, I spend at least a few hours daily thinking and talking about the beauty and “magic” of our most precious organ. Yeah, I’m still talking about the brain.

Your core neural pathways are set by the time you are seven years old. A combination of your DNA, your upbringing, your culture, your experiences, and the language you are exposed to, creates a unique mix that becomes you. As we grow we learn new lessons and have opportunities to replace our seven-year-old infrastructure with updated material, but some connections continue on unchanged, often unconsciously.

What makes humans stand above all other life forms – that we know of so far – is our ability to think critically, to problem solve, and to think about thinking. We can use our mind to understand our brain. When we struggle with “mental noise” we lose energy once available for being present into the abyss of a negative feedback loop of focusing on things we can’t control, which feeds itself as we will feel deflated and discouraged.

In the book Shadow Syndromes, by John Ratey, he says, “What stress is to the body, noise is to the brain.”

The busier and noisier your mind is, the less able you are to be present and mindful to the moment at hand. It is impossible to build new habits or let go of old ingrained habits that no longer serve you when your mind is busy with noise.

Ratey explains, “Internal noise shuts down the higher levels of our brain, the weakest synaptic connections, and throws the sufferer back upon the overlearned, synaptically robust behaviours of his early years.”

The best way I have found to understand the internal workings of the brain and our tendency to lose control the more we try to force and berate ourselves into new habits, is through the metaphor The Elephant & Rider.

In the Happiness Hypothesis, by Jonathan Haidt, we are introduced to two very different parts of our brain. The “old” part of the brain, aka The Limbic System, which we share in common with all other animals, is referred to as the Elephant. This is where our habits are stored. Our automatic systems, our subconscious, emotions and happy chemicals, and our desire for prestige and to feel good now versus long-term happiness.

The Rider is the “new” part of our brain, which is the Cortex. This is where we learn new ways of being. It is where our conscious thought, our reason, and our rationality is housed. It is our ability to think-twice before acting. The part of the brain that engages in critical thinking, mindfulness, and planning. It is pragmatic and analytical, and seeks long-term happiness versus instant gratification.

The Rider is the catalyst of our evolution into beings that can think past automatic, animalistic reactions, to make choices aligned with who we truly want to be versus who we were raised, programmed, or accidentally habituated to be. Our Rider observes the decisions already made by our Elephant, and as long as there is awareness and energy to be used, it can use its power to ‘veto’.

Haidt tells us, “The automatic system (aka Elephant) has its finger on the dopamine release button. The controlled system (aka Rider), in contrast, is better seen as an advisor. It’s the rider placed on the elephant’s back to help the elephant make better choices”

Understanding these two separate but harmonious parts of our brain will allow you to take a step back and observe your thoughts, reactions, emotions, and triggers with a new sense of appreciation and understanding. We need to practice mindfulness and acceptance in order to conserve energy needed for these two parts of the brain to work together. You cannot force the Elephant to do what the Rider wants to do. You have to coax it, gently guide it, and ultimately, have them work as a team.

So how do we get our automatic and animalistic Elephant and our pragmatic and forward-thinking Rider to work together?

In the book Switch, by brothers Dan & Chip Heath, we are introduced to a three step process to align the Elephant and Rider, get out of our own way, and enable the unique brilliance of human beings as a result.

1. Direct the Rider

Our Elephant is emotional, impulsive, and reacts on instinct. Without a clear vision and direction, you will jump from one “good idea” to the next, victim to what feels good in the moment versus what will get you to your desired future destination. When you have goals, a purpose behind your daily and sometimes tedious tasks, and thought-out stepping stones along the way, your Rider can be much more convincing and your Elephant becomes easier to tame. Your Rider needs to understand what your Elephant needs to keep it calm and content (i.e. sleep, food, exercise, meditation, rewards, and time to play). Focus on scripting out the critical moves that will continue you forward, have a clear destination in mind, and realign with your purpose weekly by setting an intention and breaking your work down into Actions that will allow small-wins and rewards.

2. Motivate the Elephant

The imagery of this metaphor is purposeful in its use of a human Rider on top of a six-ton Elephant. When the Elephant feels stuck or when it becomes out of control, there is no stopping, dragging, or pushing this animal. There needs to be a relationship and there needs to be a healthy amount of motivation. When you engage in activities that boost your dopamine, this goes directly to the Elephant as fuel. When you have a deep rooted sense of WHY, or a purpose behind your actions that gets your excited and puts a skip in your step as soon as you hop out of bed, you are more likely to keep your elephant invested in the task at hand.

Allow yourself to have fun and incorporate positive self-talk to ensure you are coaxing and soothing that Elephant. Acknowledge your small-wins and practice gratitude and pride as you focus on the hurdles you overcome and the successes towards your goals. The Elephant is basically your child-like self that is stuck in adolescence. It likes to feel good and works best when you allow yourself time to breathe in your accomplishments and surround yourself with inspiration and positivity.

3. Shape the Path

When you are too much of a Rider, you tend to over-analyze and spin your wheels without forward momentum. When you are too much of your Elephant, you are an emotional roller-coaster and struggle to finish projects or see anything through to the end. Once these two are aligned and working together, you will have more energy and a deeper connection to who you are. Set yourself up for success by tweaking your environment to be conducive to the change you want to see in your life.

Surround yourself with inspiring and empowering people who will challenge and support you. This journey is about the long-game. Where do you want to be 10 years from now? How do you want to feel? What habits do you want to be in your past and what habits do you want to adopt in their place? Tackle one habit at a time and bring mindfulness and contentment into the journey versus thinking your happiness awaits at some future destination.

Change takes time and repetition is the only sure-fire way of creating that change.

Your brain is simply trying to protect you from an unneeded waste of energy when you try to behave differently from an ingrained habit. Regardless of whether this habit is healthy or is aligned with how you want to show up in the world, it is an ingrained neural connection that saves energy when you continue to go down that path. So expect some resistance when you work to adopt a new habit. Acknowledge it for what it is, and then continue to spend energy in building a new circuit towards your new habit. Use your mind to understand and retrain your brain.

Books:

Switch by Dan and Chip Heath

The Happiness Hypothesis by Jonathan Haidt

Shadow Syndromes by John Ratey

Step 5 of '12 Steps to a whole new mind'

Balance

Welcome back lovers of curiosity and curators of courage. We have engaged in some real-talk over the past few months that has brought us deeper, helped us love bigger and show up bolder. Now what? The next step in this year-long journey is something we need to cultivate every step of the way. I’m talking about balance.

I know this has entered your mind before, “I need more balance in my life,” but what does that really mean?

How do we achieve balance? What does it feel like? How do we get our own mind, our boss, our family, our friends, and our partners to value and honour our balance?

From my experience, balance is something achieved when you are able to let go of blame, the pursuit of perfection, and the false-sense of control, while also embracing your desire for change and growth. It is a give and take, but without force or passivity. It is walking a tight rope, and knowing that if you overthink, overanalyze, tense up, or allow yourself to get distracted, you will lose your balance.

Why is this harder than it sounds?

We are bombarded with information and sensory overload on a second-to-second basis. Our brain is subconsciously processing 11 million bits of information per second, and we are only conscious of 16 to 50 bits of that. We are conscious of whatever we focus our light of awareness on. Where you consistently hold your attention and what you choose to believe and perceive (more on beliefs in an upcoming article), dictates how you feel, how you show up, and how you engage with yourself and the world around you.

We assess whether to lean in or step back five times per second. As soon as we feel safe from any physical threats in our surroundings, our brain immediately scans for social threats. This overprotective mechanism can be exhausting if this is where you focus and attach your energy.  In the Fear Cure, by Lissa Rankin, she says,

“Studies show that most emotions last no longer than 90 seconds unless we attach stories to them…When you attach to the story, you suffer needlessly and the suffering can linger for years.”

Knowing this about our mind helps us detach from the distractions and confusing emotions that can arise due to the nature of an overloaded system. If you feed your energy and attention into the chaos, it feeds that beast. Focus your energy on your breath, on noticing without judgement, on allowing your emotions to flow through you without attaching or resisting, on striving for the change you want to see in your life without fixating on a specific outcome – unless that outcome is ‘to learn’. You own your effort, but you can’t control the outcome.

Stop Blaming: Making something or someone wrong does not solve anything

I have someone in my close circle that will often make decisions based on what he feels he is owed. He made irresponsible choices consistently for years because he felt there had been a lack of fairness in his childhood. Because of this, he is now in serious amounts of debt and has only done harm to himself, not to the person he was attempting to spite.

Nelson Mandela said, “Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies”. Guess what, no one else is stewing over the moments and memories that you have built your anger and your stories around.

When we blame others for what we have, or don’t have, in our lives, we are taking power away from ourselves in more ways than one.

In the book The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer, he says,

“You think if you change things outside, you’ll be okay. But nobody has ever truly become okay by changing things outside. There’s always the next problem. The only real solution is to take the seat of witness consciousness and completely change your frame of reference…No solution can possibly exist while you’re lost in the energy of a problem.”

Let Go

The best gift you can give yourself is a practice of letting go. We can walk around all day continuing to stack each past moment onto our back like a brick. Before long, you are carrying so much weight that there is no way you can be open to opportunities right in front of you. Uncertainty is inescapable. Failures will happen. Tragedy will strike. But so will beauty, magic, connection, and brilliance. We will create more of whatever we focus in on. So, let go of control. Let go of trying to protect yourself. The more you try, the more harm you actually do. Elizabeth Gilbert, in her book Big Magic, reminds us, “[t]his is a world, now a womb.”

Often our desire to control is a deep-rooted idea that there is such a thing as perfection, and that this is something worth striving for. Perfection is an illusion. It is an ideal that cannot exist. The very nature of being human requires us to learn from our mistakes and grow through our experiences. Life is supposed to be messy, unfair, and unpredictable in many ways. Elizabeth Gilbert again  speaks to this beautifully,

“I think perfectionism is just a high-end, haute couture version of fear. I think perfectionism is just fear in fancy shoes and a mink coat, pretending to be elegant when actually it’s terrified. Because underneath that shiny veneer, perfectionism is nothing more than a deep existential angst that says, again and again ‘I am not good enough and I will never be good enough.”

So what is ‘Balance’ really?

Now that we have set the stage, in comes balance. Balance is different day to day. Many of us do not have the option to take several days off whenever we feel like it, and I think it is important to note that balance does not require a full day of playing hooky. Balance is found in mindful moments. It is acknowledging how you feel right now, and then making steps to ensure you stay in between the extreme pendulum swings, by engaging in action or stepping back and embracing surrender. Michael Singer points out brilliantly, that “[t]he more extreme you are, the less forward momentum there is.”

When I look back over my evolution to where I am now, I see big extreme swings is every direction. As I stayed mindful and attentive to what I needed and how I felt, I slowly began to swing less and less. I am now at a point where I think about balance daily and am getting closer to understanding what my balance looks like. I notice I feel “extreme”, when my breath is short or shallow, when my mind is running in random directions or getting stuck in planning for worst case scenarios. I notice when I take steps to slow down or speed up, and I find my balance point in the next moment.

Balance is a feeling of neither pushing nor pulling. It is not forceful or resistant. It flows. It brings a sense of ease. Energy that was once wasted swinging to the extremes, can now be used more efficiently, seeing problems and solving them through action or surrender, versus getting stuck in “doom and gloom” scenarios.

Effort and Surrender

The balance between effort and surrender has been a huge support in my own understanding and practice of balance. It requires you to observe versus react. It asks you to notice when it is time to push outside your comfort zone and when it is best to slow down with introspection and reflection; and sometimes it is engaging in both at once.

In yoga philosophy, effort and surrender is described as “Two Wings of the Same Bird”. The dynamic between the two can move quickly, and can be seen and felt as your inhale (being the effort) and your exhale (being the surrender). Both are equally important and teach us different lessons. We can’t only inhale and we can’t only exhale, we need the balance.

We get so caught up in doing more, being more, accomplishing more, being seen as more, that we lose sight in the importance of acknowledging ourselves, loving who we are, and embracing each precious moment for what it is.

We can get lost in the shuffle of our day-to-day routine, and easily lose sight of gratitude, self-love, and appreciation for wherever we are in this moment. So focus your mind on concepts that remind and encourage balance, growth, fun, courage, and acceptance. Shine your light of awareness on being in action daily to work toward your goals, while also reminding yourself to slow down mentally and physically to embrace what is and enjoy the moment for whatever it offers.

We are creatures of habit. You are what you repeatedly do, and you will think what you have repeatedly thought in the past. Make a change today. Choose thoughts that fuel, empower, encourage, and inspire you to seek balance, to speak your truth, and seek what you need in relationships. What are you waiting for? There is a simple and beautiful rule of life that we can count on: whatever you practice and repeat, you will improve at. Look for a strong beginning and a strong ending, and then be flexible and flowing in your approach.

You are in the driver seat of your own life, so get moving.

Books:

Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert

Untethered Soul by Michael Singer

Life and Death

A couple of days ago, on his way to work early in the morning, my uncle fell asleep behind the wheel and crashed his truck. He was found dead several hours later after his family and neighbors had been searching for him. A cancer survivor, father, grandpa, and beloved funny man, my uncle Ron is gone without warning. Ron was one of the funniest characters I ever had the pleasure of knowing. When I think about my funniest memories, they are enriched by the effect his energy had on those around him. He made everyone laugh their deepest belly laugh. He was my Dad's best friend. He introduced me to the goofy side of my Dad that I had never seen before. When I heard the news about Ron, my eyes filled with tears but I had a smile on my face as I pictured Ron smiling and laughing. I am grateful for getting to know Ron in my lifetime, but I am sad for those who will never get to meet him. 

A death like this always makes me stop and reflect about life. The purpose, the mystery, the beauty, the tragedy, and the flow of everything in between. I had an existential crisis when I was 23. I was struck with the sudden realization that I was not comfortable with death and had avoided the reality of it by holding onto the religious belief that life continues in some form once our earthly eyes close for the last time. Although that belief works just fine for some people, I was not prepared to live my life with that security blanket, and when I let go of that belief I was left shattered, naked, exposed, and terrified of death for the first time in my life. It took me several days to recover to a point of basic functioning, and several weeks to stop being consumed by a fear of dying. As hard as that time was, it was also a beautiful awakening as I experienced the feeling of my eyes being fully open and my body being fully present. 

I now think about death at least once a day. I think about the circle of life and the possibility that the people I love are at the same mercy of randomness and natural selection that I too live with. I grieve for the loss of loved ones taken before they get to experience old age, but I don't blame and I don't scream out to the "heavens."

Life is precious because it ends. Let yourself think about death daily and notice how the leaves become brighter, the sky bluer, the wind sweeter, and your everyday dilemmas become insignificant. Express your love a little more, breathe a little deeper, and hug a little tighter. My daily contemplation of death brings more life into each moment. I don't know what happens when the cup full of life drips its last drop, but all I know is that on my tombstone and in the hearts of those who know me, I will be remembered as someone who lived fully, loved whole-heartedly, and didn't hold back from letting my light shine. Death becomes the greatest teacher when you allow it to be the beautiful mystery and unanswered question that breaks you to pieces before it stitches you back together. 

Ron now lives in the hearts and minds of those who knew him, and his legacy is felt with each breath his family takes. He will be missed, but even more than that, he is celebrated.

xoxo

Mindful Mechanics - Kids Workshops

Mindful Mechanics is a project that has been in the works for a few months. My fellow collaborator, Akhila Wolfe, and I met in spin class at yyc cycle. Akhila had been coming to my class consistently for a few weeks, and approached me after one class to propose the idea of integrating yoga, mindfulness, and mechanical engineering for teens and tweens. 

What started as an inspiring conversation and several brainstorming sessions, soon became Mindful Mechanics. We have lead a few workshops so far that have allowed a lot of learning and the confidence that comes from positive feedback. We are excited to get this program running in schools, community centers, and clubs as we share our passion for bridging the gap between computer literacy and mindful movement. 

Created for the ages of 10-17, this workshop experience includes basics in yoga, mindfulness, alignment, the mind-body connection, as well as team work, patience, self-love, positive self-talk, creativity, and mechanical engineering with robotics.  

This fusion of robotics, yoga, and mindful movement uses humanoid robots to help illustrate the body-mind connection and proper alignment. We move our bodies at the start of the session and then get our students to program their robot to dance to music. 

These workshops will take place on...

***Single registration: $28

***3 session within one month: $75

Wednesday, July 13, 130-3pm

Wednesday, July 20, 130-3pm

Wednesday, July 27, 130-3pm

Wednesday, August 17, 130-3pm

Wednesday, August 24, 130-3pm

Wednesday, August 31, 130-3pm

Reach out if you have any questions. When you are ready to register, head to www.littlehippieskidsyoga.com

With questions or inquiries to schedule a session for your group, please reach out to marinmccue@gmail.com

Free, Community, Karma, and low-cost yoga and workouts in yyc

Hey yyc!

This list was created in 2017, and most likely is not aligned with current schedules at these studios. While there may be some inaccuracies now, the list still points to the fact that most studios offer low cost, community, karma, and free classes. Find the studios convenient for you, and then check out their schedule. Call the studios to get clear on which classes are free or low cost, and you will get the current information you need to make your choice. ;)

As a project to compile a list of free and affordable workouts for a High School I was teaching yoga at this past year, I reached out to the Calgary Yoga Community to get support. Once this was put together it was too good not to share. 

A healthy lifestyle doesn't have to be a huge investment. You have a beautiful community of people waiting for you to show up and be a part of a mind-body movement. Happy Sweating!

Monday

• Tuxedo Park Community Centre (202-29 ave NE), 6pm, **free for now. May go up to $5 donation in the near future

Tuesday

• Funky Sage Yoga, 615am, MultiStyle Vinyasa Hot for $5

• The East Village, 12pm, Free Yoga

• The Outsiders Run Club – 630pm, free, Run and bootcamp (locations alternate, facebook)

Wednesday

• November Project, 613am, free at Memorial Stairs

• The Bodhi Tree - 12pm, $5 min. donation (75 minutes hot foundation class)

• Anuja Girls - 6pm, free class for teens, at St Patricks Island

• Shift. Outdoor Yoga, 630pm, by donation, Riley Park

• Funky Sage Yoga, 830pm, Warm Restorative for $5

Thursday

• Mamakarma (The Bodhi Tree) (prenatal/postnatal), 1130am in Riley Park (for summer), by donation

• Moksha Yoga North 8pm, $10 drop-in

Friday

• Yoga in Sien Lok Park (by the bow), 12pm, $10 drop-in (Jenelle Kitto – for summer)

• Yoga Santosha (Mission), 545pm, $5 Groove and Chill Community Class

• The Yogis Den (SE), 615pm, Gentle Flow $5 donation (11540 24th St SE)

• Yogadotcalm - 615pm, $5 Funky Flow

• YYC Cycle 630pm (Kensington and Marda Loop), $10 Give’r drop-in (registration opens 24 hrs before class)

• The Hot Shop (NW) - $5 Spin at 7:15pm

• The Hot Shop (South) - $5 yoga at 8pm

• Soul Hot Yoga (South), 730pm, $10 Vinyasa Flow

• Hot Shop Victoria Park (downtown), 745pm (min. $5 karma drop-in)

• Moksha Yoga North 8pm, min. $5 karma drop-in

• My Yoga Calgary (Macleod Trail SE), 8pm, $7 karma drop-in

• HotShop NW - 815pm yoga for $5

Saturday

• X Warrior Challenge, free (830am community bootcamp – summer - find on facebook)

• Shift. Outdoor Yoga, 11am, by donation, Riley Park

• Barre Body (Ramsey) 12pm, $10 charity class

• Barre Body Studio (Bow Trail) 1pm, Free Class

• The Hot Shop (NW and South)- 2pm, free spin courtesy of lululemon

• Yoga Passage (downtown), 3pm (free lululemon community class)

• Journey Yoga (Bridgeland), 4pm, $5 drop-in Karma

• Funky Sage Yoga, 4pm, Vinyasa Hot Flow for $5

• Yogadotcalm - 415pm, by donation, Foundations Karma class (75 mins)

• Yoga and Beyond (Kensington), 7pm ($2-$10 drop-in)

• All classes at LIV $10 on weekend

Sunday

• My Yoga Calgary, 8am, $7 Community Class (9152 Macleod Trail SE)

• Soul Hot Yoga (South), 830am, $10 Warm Soul Sculpt

• Heart of Ramsay Yoga, 1130am, $5 drop-in

• Outdoor Yoga Calgary, 1pm, Stanley Park by donation

• Yoga Passage, 1pm, Flow Karma Class by donation

• The Hot Shop NW - 130pm free yoga courtesy of lululemon

• Sanguine Yoga (NE), 2pm, min. $5 drop-in

• Yoga Passage, 4pm, $5 Traditional Yin

• The Hot Shop (South) - 630pm free yoga courtesy of lululemon

• All classes at LIV $10 on weekend

***Check out Little Lotus Children's Yoga for Parent N'Tot Yoga in the Park (for children 18 months to 3 years). Saturday and Sunday. Email littlelotusyogayyc.com for more details or to register. 

What is yoga, really?

When I mention that I teach and practice yoga, I often hear the response, "I should do yoga but I'm not flexible at all," or "I can't do yoga, it's too boring." 

I find both responses fascinating and completely understandable. I felt the same way for years before I found my practice. I was the typical gym junkie that felt that if I didn't sweat a bucket-full or push myself to an obvious external limit, then it wasn't a workout. I saw the advanced poses in yoga classes and knew I was nowhere near capable of such a feat. What was the point of going to a class and keeping myself small compared to others in the room? I was convinced by a friend to try a yoga class in my second year of University, without knowing there are dozens of styles of yoga and countless numbers of ways a class can be taught depending on the teacher. I was convinced yoga was boring without any real understanding or experience of it. The class I happened to go to was a yin class, which is a slow and mindful class that has you in poses for upwards of five minutes. This solidified my belief that yoga was slow and boring and I spent the entire class counting down the time and laughing inwardly at the absurdity of people paying money for this guided slow stretch-session. I realize now that the teacher of that class was not experienced in introducing new-comers to class, and I went in with a belief and skepticism that I proved right within the first few minutes of class. 

The next time I mustered up the courage and motivation to go to yoga was when I lived in Edmonton a couple years later. My brother had been going to Bikram, another style of yoga on the opposite spectrum from yin. Knowing my love for hard work and a solid sweat, my brother encouraged me to go with a pretty good idea that I would love it. I almost passed out the first class, and I was hooked. 

Bikram is done in a hot room for 90 minutes. There are 26 postures that are done twice, at a consistent and somewhat quick-pace. The instructors follow a script that most do not deviate from much at all. It is predictable, consistent, and from my experience, a great introduction to the world of yoga for athletes. I practiced Bikram for one year before I ventured to try any other style of yoga. Through Bikram I found many physical benefits in my joints, especially my knees which I had struggled with for years. I developed an understanding and appreciation for meditative breath and the connection to movement. I learned to love savasana (that final pose at the end of class when you finally get to lay down without moving). I was inspired by the words of several of the teachers I experienced and began to witness the vast differences and varying connections I felt with the teachers based on their energy and their words.

Convinced hot yoga was my jam, I began to attend Moksha; another brand of yoga that is held in a hot room. Moksha studios offer (in general) several styles of yoga within the hot room experience. I used this platform to venture a bit from my routine and try Playful Flow classes, Hatha classes, Power Flow, and Yin. I found the teachers I jived with the best and would take whatever class they offered, so I could see the depth and variety that was yoga. 

I then ventured further to try regular temperature yoga studios. Again, I quickly discovered that it was the teacher that made the class into an experience. I made friends with a few yoga teachers and was diligent in getting to their classes. I realized this was a great way to deepen my practice as they knew my goals, they knew my body, and could assist and prompt me in ways that I could understand. The common thread that developed through all of these classes, teachers, styles, and temperatures, was the language used to calm the mind. I found that yoga is so much more than the physical practice. It is a lifestyle, a philosophy, a culture, and ultimately, a tool for personal development. 

As a recovering "worrier," perfectionist, and pessimist, yoga was the catalyst and tap-root into rediscovering my spirituality. I found a platform for growth and depth that brings gifts into my life daily. I got to a point in my practice that I was ready to learn more. I knew that the best way to continue my learning and have the motivation to continue my practice, was to become a teacher. 

I began yoga Teacher Training at The Inspired Yoga Institute in January 2015, led by the amazing Nora Maskey and Alice Hong. This year long program was one of the best decisions I ever made. It was fun, mind-awakening, eye-opening, and soul-fueling. 

I had already done a lot of work in getting my mind and body into a healthy and happy place, after 20 years of self-inflicted abuse and self-loathing. But it was my yoga teacher training that grounded me, satisfied me, and brought a deeper sense of strength and self-love that I continue to nourish to this day. 

One of the books we went through during our training was The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali. This book has 196 excerpts that stand as the foundation of yoga philosophy. 

The second sutra is what I have found to be one of the most well-rounded ideas that encapsulates the beauty and simplicity of the yoga practice. 

Yoga Sutra 1.2 is...

Yogas-citta-vrtti-nirodhah

Yoga = union of all things; balance of extremes, effort and surrender, the one and the all; a harmonious state of mind; a bridge between the varying aspects of life; the connection between individual consciousness with supreme consciousness.

Citta (Chitta) = the mind stuff; the repository of thoughts and feelings; our cognitive abilities; to think about thinking; the seat of the witness or higher Self.

Vṛtti (Vritti) = our thoughts create our reality; the fluctuations within the mind; modifications from one thought to the next; constant movement.

Nirodhah (Ni + rodha) =  

• Ni: completely; in every respect; from every direction.
• Rodha: confining; restraining; disciplining; not allowing to roam aimlessly.

This can be translated as...

Yoga is the stilling of the modifications of the mind, or,

Yoga is the calming and learning to direct the fluctuations and distractions in the mind, or,

Yoga is the restriction of the fluctuations of consciousness.

The physical practice of yoga - called asana - is only a small part of yoga philosophy. We heat up and move our body as a way to find balance and health and notice how we show up in tough moments in order to bring in language that embodies acceptance and patience, as well as a desire for growth and expansion. It is a practice of letting go of comparisons and building strength and resilience for life off our mat.  

The goal of yoga is not to control, restrain, or confine the mind but to find calm and stillness in an otherwise distracted and fluctuating mind-state. When we gain mastery of our mind, we find detachment from the stories and emotional pendulum swing we allow ourselves to be victim to. Noise is to the mind as stress is to the body. 

So the next time you go to a yoga class or roll your mat out at home, check yourself. Let go of your habit to compete with those around you. Notice how you talk to yourself when the sequence becomes spicy and challenging or slow and meditative. Choose to respond with words of compassion, patience, and contentment while you create the foundation for growth by noticing where your mind or body gets stuck. When the teacher says to connect your movement with your breath, truly engage in this. Notice how light you feel as you let go of the constant chatter in your mind and allow yourself to be swept up into the moment. And don't forget to take your gentle gaze and focused mind with you once roll up your mat to leave. It's never about perfection, it is about the process, the progress, and the journey from your 's'elf to your 'S'elf.   

Namaste (I see you, I respect you, the light in me bows down to the light in you) xo

June Challenge

Every once and a while I like to challenge myself to let go of habits I know are no longer serving me and adopt new habits I have been thinking about and playing with. It takes repetition, discipline, some fun, and a deep sense of WHY to actually make these shifts happen. 

I was at the Banff Yoga Festival this past weekend and took classes led by some amazing teachers. Each class was so unique and powerful in its presentation, themes, and flow. I found myself falling more in love with inversions and reminded of the beauty and magic that comes from sitting still and quiet. 

I remember the first time I tried doing a hand stand in class, a few years ago, and I was shocked by how scared I was to get upside down. I had been such a brave and fearless child, trying almost anything and consequently getting injured quite often. I don't know exactly when it was that I transitioned from a fearless and wild youngin into a cautious and fearful adult, but I think it is safe to assume it was sometime during puberty. 

I committed to practicing and playing upside down as much as possible to help myself get over that fear. I have come a long way since then, but I can sense that it is time to up the ante and get myself even more stable and confident with my feet in the sky.

I have also been playing with building the habit of mediation daily, and I recommend it as a practice to almost anyone when the topic comes up. Meditation, for me, is one of those activities that I know has many benefits and I know I feel amazing after (and sometimes during), but it often takes a lot of motivation and several reminders to actually sit down and do it. 

For these reasons, I felt that Inversions and Meditation would be a perfect challenge for myself to engage in for the month of June. I turn 30 in July, and I want to drink up and enjoy these last few weeks of my 20s. Strolling into 30 with a strong meditation practice and a growing ability to play on my hands sounds like a great way to honor my journey. 

I have written up a calendar on a white board that sits on my living room table. I know that having that as a reminder will definitely help me stay on track. Each day I get a little boost of dopamine as I get to check off the day as completed. 

Join me for a 30 day challenge. Choose one or two things that you need to let go of and replace them with one or two things to harness your energy and focus your mind on. What do you need more of in your life? What have you been thinking about doing but haven't mustered up the courage or the motivation to go for? It's time!! 

If you need support in how to love the process and let go of perfection, reach out and I would be happy to have a conversation with you. A 30 day challenge quickly loses its appeal when you beat yourself up or you become a slave to the process. Keep it light. Keep it fun. Stay focused on growth and progress versus being the best. It's not supposed to be easy, but it will be worth it. 

And if you are feeling the need for more, check out The Path to Change 40 day challenge, in 'What I Offer'. Another great resource to learn new language, concepts, and tools to align yourself with the change you want to see in your life. 

Share your story. What does your June Challenge look like?