Step 1 of "12 Steps to a Whole New Mind"

If you aren't familiar with brandedyyc.com, you now have a reason to check it out! I have been writing articles for them for the past three months, and starting in January, I launched a "12 step" program that will have a new article each month. This is the first article that lays the foundation and will get you pumped for the following 11 articles that build off each other. 

Check it out xox

OUR RESIDENT GOAL COACH, MARIN MCCUE, GIVES US THE FOUNDATION TO HER PROGRAM, 12 STEPS TO A WHOLE NEW MINDSET.

I am a goal setter. I have felt and seen the value added to my life when I get clear on what I want to accomplish while staying true to my core values and big in my dreams. I set clear and tangible goals that excite and push me. I set goals based on emotions and mindset because these are muscles to flex just like any other habit.

What helps me to be truly successful and efficient with my time and energy is the practice of reminding myself that I cannot control the outcome, I can only control my effort. This reminder helps me to detach from the outcome of a goal-set, to ensure that I am guided by how I want to feel and how I want to grow. This stops me from attaching my “reward” solely to that one particular outcome. It seems counter-productive at first, i.e., to get clear and specific with what you want, but then to also detach from that particular outcome to avoid disappointment….but it is so much more than that.

This process is taking into account the fact that we humans are hugely influenced by the chemicals released in our body from moment to moment. When we seek or find something that promotes our survival, we are filled with “happy chemicals” to signal that we have done something good for our longevity; also known as a ‘positive feedback loop.’ We also evolved and survived by being on the constant lookout for danger, and the chemical ‘cortisol’ is our signal of stress or fear, communicating to ourselves that something potentially harmful for our survival is present.

The problem is, we are losing our ability to naturally create the happy chemicals. The result and symptoms of a life driven by cortisol, or the attempted avoidance of it, includes the following: Anti-depressants, quick fixes, fad diets, lack of balance, lack of purpose, loss of direction, loss of self-love, messy priorities, being stuck in comparisons, anger, regret, disillusion, trauma, and the inability to express from the heart.

If you want to see change in the world, change in your relationships, change in your habits, and ultimately, change in your perception of life and happiness, it starts with you.

 Here are some facts to consider. 

*40% of actions taken each day are habitual. (The Power of Habit – Charles Duhigg)

*Up to 95% of what you thought yesterday, you also thought today. (Charles Duhigg)

*Up to 77% of what the average person thinks on a daily basis is negative or self-defeating. (What you Say When you Talk to Yourself – Shad Helmstetter)

When I think about these statistics and notice the common struggles we all share, I see an opportunity for a huge shift within our culture if we could support each other into a place of self-love, resilience, passion, and a deeper understanding of how and why we think what we think and act how we act.

It’s time to take some control back into our own lives by first acknowledging what we actually have control over. So that is what this project is about. For the next 11 articles over the next 11 months, I will take you through my 12 step process to a whole new mind; starting with the Foundation.

We don’t just learn from experience, we learn from reflecting on our experience. So get yourself a nice new notebook and commit to filling it with insights from this year-long monthly article. Take note of your inspiration from your reflections, quotes that resonate deeply, ‘aha’ moments in awareness, tools and ideas to practice, your favourite metaphors, intentions, mantras, questions that you are curious about, etc. Your notebook will become your work space, your inner-motivator, and your map and story of your own inner-evolution.

Foundation

Let’s begin at the foundation. One of my favourite metaphors to use in yoga and coaching is to refer to our innermost beliefs, habits, and core values as the foundation for everything else to grow from. When there is a crack in the foundation, you will get yourself into a position and realize you don’t have the support or stability to handle anything other than calm and mild weather. More often than not, life is anything but calm and mild. It offers all kinds of crazy storms that can shake us to our core. Without a strong foundation, it is no wonder we shut down, avoid, run from fear, or react in harsh or hurtful ways.

Core Values

Your foundation is your big why, your reason for being. A great place to start in understanding and building your foundation is with your core values. When you are clear and connected with your core values, your life aligns with a feeling of passion and purpose. So what are your core values? What brings you joy? How do you want to be remembered (at the end of life but also at the end of every interaction)? What do you stand for? What does a full, balanced, ideal day look and feel like to you?

Once you have a list of 3-6 words that represent how you want to show up in the world, you have found your core values.

Now where in life are you leading with these core values, and where in life are you sacrificing your values to fit the mold that someone else has created (often not knowingly)? Notice what comes up for you. Don’t judge yourself, don’t shame yourself, don’t make this mean more than simply acknowledging where you are at. It is only from this honest and real place that you can create steps to align your life with your values.

Where your mind goes, energy flows

Whatever you focus on, you feed. Whatever you think about, you send energy to. It is as simple as that. If you focus on your struggles, you will surround yourself with that negative energy. If you focus on that random intrusive thought and allow yourself to sit in shame, regret, unease, or guilt, guess what – it only feeds that intrusive thought. We can’t always control where our mind goes, but we can control our reactions.

“We cannot change our past…we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you…we are in charge of our Attitudes” – Charles R. Swindoll

You are the witness to your thoughts, to that inner chatter. The sooner you can grasp on to the idea that you don’t have to acknowledge every thought that pops into your head, the sooner you will tap into the reservoir of energy that once was wasted on the extreme pendulum swings in your mind. Find balance and calm in the middle. Let that pendulum rest without following every thought down the rabbit hole.

Growth Mindset

One of the key foundational pieces of deep inner change is to understand and perceive life with a growth mindset. This idea, articulated beautifully in the book Mindset by Carol Dweck, is like changing the lens in your glasses and realizing there is whole new world to perceive and experience. A growth mindset is one that views every experience as an opportunity to learn and grow. It puts emphasis on ‘you versus you-yesterday,’ and does not allow for comparisons to other people or to allow the desire to be seen or admired to be ahead of the desire to learn and grow.

When you set a goal with a growth mindset, there is no ‘failure.’ The goal is always to learn, grow, evolve, discover and put forth effort while knowing that your own effort is the only thing you can actually control. A growth mindset is focused on one day at a time, one moment at a time, patiently yet actively pursuing your best self and enjoying the process along the way.

One Word

To capture your commitment, curiosity, and area of opportunity in 2016, my final challenge for you is to choose one word. Rather than a New Year’s Resolution, think simpler and bigger. Write out your goals, get clear on how you want to feel, get excited about what you want to accomplish, and start digging in to figure out which habits need to be shifted, added, or cut out completely.

Reflect back on 2015. What are you proud of? Where did you show courage? What did growth look like? Now, what does growth look like for 2016? Knowing that whatever you focus on, you will create more of. What one word captures how you want to show up this year? What word will drive you to evolve, develop, and discover more about yourself?

The One Word modus operandi comes from the website www.oneword365.com, and has been my inspiration for the last three years. I have learned, practiced, and uncovered more in the past three years while focusing on one word at the foundation than I have in my entire life. My challenge for you is to choose your one word, and if you are a social media lover, post about it with the hashtag #myword2016 with a write-up about why. Encourage your circles of influence to do the same. Lead by example, pursue your best life with purpose and passion, and inspire those around you by simply becoming more of your true self.

“Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen” – Brene Brown

Book Recommendations:

Mindset by Carol Dweck

The Untethered Soul by Michael A Singer

Daring Greatly by Brene Brown

Black Swan's

One of the book's that I have enjoyed reading, dissecting, and bringing up in conversation's is Nassim Taleb's, Black Swan.

A Black Swan is a highly improbable event with three principal characteristics:

1. It is unpredictable.

2. It carries a massive impact.

3. After the fact, we concoct an explanation that makes it appear less random and more predictable than it was.

Sound familiar?

"I should've known he was going to cheat on me the moment I had that feeling"

"I knew today was going to be the last time I saw her face, I felt it in my gut"

"I knew I shouldn't have trusted my friend Sally, she's so impulsive. I should've seen this coming"

What I love about this explanation of the unpredictable and life-altering events is that it reminds us that we cannot control what happens to us, we cannot control the outcome, we truly can only control our OWN EFFORT. Shit happens! Take out the guilt, the blame, the what-ifs, the "shoulds", and we are left with raw and vulnerable effort that allows us to learn from experience and edit as we go. Being mindful and embodying self-awareness does not imply perfection - far from actually. I think of mindfulness as my ability to be able to call myself out on my own bullshit or to notice habits or thoughts that are not doing me any good. When we take out the unnecessary wasted time and energy on negativity, we leave space open for growth, learning,  healing, and creativity. A stressed out mind is not a suitable environment for learning or healing. So let go. Get your body moving and get yourself into action. 

Here are three tips to support you in embracing the uncertainty while moving fluidly in your desired direction:

1. Set Goals! Set goals that send you in the direction of growth, excitement, passion, and discovery. Set goals that build strength and resilience by getting into action, embracing the experience for what it is, and then reflecting of how you feel and what tweaks you need to make to set yourself up for success tomorrow. 

2. Know your mind! Understand your Mind and Body and how to use both to your advantage. Our mind and body needs movement to stay balanced and to have access to nutrients and chemicals that support growth and resilience to stress. Get yourself into a regular exercise regimen because your brain needs it.

3. Detach! Detach from the outcome, detach from your last exhale, detach from the stories that hold you back, detach from the beliefs that keep you small and scared, and detach from the people or environments that feel toxic. Be open to opportunities to learn and connect with new people, and remind yourself daily to be mindful as you flow through life. 

Each moment is practice for the next moment. And practice makes perfect practice. Set yourself up with reminders. Repeat what you need to hear. Repetition allows you to build up the ability to have access to these tools when you need them most. Trust that there is always more to learn and always something to let go of. Now is a good time to start.

If you would like to learn more or are interested in setting up some support and accountability, reach out to me. I would love to hear from you, marinmccue@gmail.com

xoxox

Word of the Year Workshop

It is amazing to me to reflect on this past year and acknowledge how much I have accomplished and progressed. When I started this dope(a)me journey at the beginning of 2015, I was led by hope, passion, grit, and a desire to leave my unique mark on the world. Last night's workshop was one more big step towards my goal of supporting and elevating the happiness, passion, and motivation of those around me. When we have a clear WHY, a solid foundation of Self through Core Values, a support system or community to lean on and learn with, a deeper understanding of why and how your mind works, and tools in your tool-belt for creating change and developing new healthy habits.....anything is possible. 

We hold ourselves back due to negative self-talk habits, due to holding on to past trauma or "failures", and due to lacking the ideal know-how and discipline on our health. As one of the participants in last night's workshop pointed out, when your health is not taken care of - everything else suffers. Make yourself the priority. Get your health and self-love back on track, and it is amazing how everything else starts to fall into place. 

Here are a few pictures from last night. Thanks to everyone who came out. You are brave, passionate, open, and fun-loving people, and I am honored to call you all my friends. 

Stay tuned for more workshops coming up. Reach out if you have questions or want to set up a special workshop for your friends, family, or co-workers. <3

marinmccue@gmail.com

Just because you can, doesn't mean you should

I am always learning. The more I commit to the journey and to allowing myself to falter and slip in order to ensure I am leaning in wholeheartedly, the more I grow. This past month has been another big step forward as I recognize the preference pattern of saying YES because I can, before taking time to align with my core values and check in with my balance. I have a tendency to get excited and swept up by a challenge that intrigues my interest. I say Yes even when I know that my balance is at stake, simply because I love to support, I love to collaborate, and I love to grow. But as you all know, too much of a good thing is no longer a good thing. 

My latest venture has been the beginning phases of planning to open a Yoga and Wellness studio in 2016. This makes me uber excited. It is a huge undertaking but something I know I will succeed at. However, I also love teaching spin, I love teaching yoga, I love practicing yoga on my own, I love coaching clients, I love creating and hosting events, I love having time available to collaborate and piggy-back on other amazing people's ideas and events, I love to read and write, and I love having me-time to do whatever I want. 

My core values are Fun, Sweat, Inspire, Learn, and Create....and I think the universal core values we all share is Balance. When I put my ego aside, when I set aside what I am capable of and get more clear on what I actually want, it becomes clear that opening and managing a full studio space does not align with what I want for my life. I could do it, I could run that full marathon, I could go full vegan, I could travel the world, I could...I could...I could.....but that doesn't mean that is what I "should" do. I get to choose. I create my own life. I dictate the path and edit along as I go. 

My original vision for a yoga studio space was to set it up in a way that everyone involved manages themselves. I want space to practice and teach and host workshops, and I want to be someone that supports others like me to take on their own space and build their community and clientele. So, I am realigning with that original vision and scaling down from where that momentum and excited energy carried me. 

I love exploring the possibilities and feeling for the edges of the extremes before I can truly settle and realign in the middle. I am committed to balance. I have a deep rooted desire to have space to continue learning and growing and to become the best coach, motivator, and yogi that I can be, and sometimes that will mean saying No to things that could be beautiful. Just because I can, doesn't mean I should. Amazing lesson to re-learn at the start of a new year ;)

Create your own DayPlanner

Hey everyone,

I have been going back and forth playing with ideas of when and how to host a workshop about creating your own inspiring 2016 dayplanner. This is something that I have loved doing the past couple of years, and am so excited to share and hear what other fun and creative ideas you all have. To keep this accessible and in the spirit of giving, I have decided to create this as a free tutorial through my blog. Whether you are making one of these for yourself or for someone in your life, you can be selective and intentional with the spacing, the amount of Q&A, the addition of color or pictures, quotes, reminders, etc. This is yours to make however you want.

With that said, here is my basic outline that you can modify, expand, reduce, or shift entirely. 

1. Get a notebook with at least 100 pages. Depending on how thick of a notebook you buy, you can have one whole page per day of the year, or half a page per day (as I did below).

2. On the first page, leave space for some Goals, for your word of the year, for any initial words of motivation or inspiration behind the creation of this dayplanner.

3. Decide if you want space for weekly reflection and/or monthly reflection. This could be one or two pages at the end/start of each week and one to two pages for reflection and re-setting your focus at the end or start of each month.

4. You could take this a step further and have prompts, quotes, reminders, and space for learnings or 'top priorities' for each day.

5. Once you have your basic skeleton set for creating the day planner, start adding in the dates and spacing out the reflection prompts as you see fit. Take this part somewhat slow, there are a lot of dates to fill in, so maybe do one month, double check the spacing and ensure you have the dates correct before you move on. You will get into a rhythm and get all the dates and reflection Questions written a lot quicker than it seems you will. 

6. Your reflection prompts could be anything that you think will support you in developing the habit of slowing down to reflect on your day, your week, or your month to gather your learnings and notice what you notice. I find it helpful to have reminders throughout to let-go of failures, of missteps, of imperfections, and to embrace the journey, embrace a Growth Mindset, embrace the moment, etc. Use language that resonates with you. Choose prompts and questions that will spark curiosity and remind you of what truly matters. 

7. If it tickles your fancy to add color, pictures, random lists of what you are curious about or maybe a Bucket List to add to as the year goes on, then do that! Let this dayplanner be a book of play, fun, intrigue, passion, attraction, ideas, or whatever else you want to explore. 

I would love to see what you create. Please take a picture and post on social media. Tag me (@malymc13) or send me a note to check it out. And reach out if you have any questions or want to engage as you work through this process. 

**And for more about creating a Word of the Year, come to my workshop on Sunday January 3 from 7-9pm at The Village (4039 Brentwood Road NW). We will dive deep into 2015 reflection and learnings, gain direction and set goals for 2016, and nail down a word of the year and put it on canvas - that embodies how you want to show up and what you are committed to. Reach out to register or check out more details in the Workshops tab on this website. 

Have fun and Merry Christmas xoxo

Embracing the Shadows

"One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious" - Carl Jung

A good friend, mentor, and teacher of mine was sharing some deep insights she has become aware of over the last few days. She has been struggling with her partner for several weeks now, and has been stuck in the uncertainty of which direction to take. After an honest, hard, and raw conversation with her lover, she came to realize that some of her shadows had clouded her judgement and had created obstacles in the way of relating and connecting. 

This conversation sparked some deep inquiry of my own. I had lost sight of my own shadows and had been surprised and flustered this past week when someone close to me pointed some of them out in a blunt way. I am a strong, driven, energetic, and lover-of-learning kind of lady! I love a challenge because it supports my growth and keeps me humble. However, I felt blindsided when it came to my attention that my good intentions were being perceived in a way that was causing more harm than good. This feedback triggered some major hurt and sadness as I was a wee-bit heart broken to hear that my fun-loving and eager attitude was negatively effecting someone in my life that I want nothing more than to help. 

Being the coach and the committed Growth Mindset person that I am, I allowed myself to sit in this sadness and get real with what was going on inside me. I came to realize that I was triggered because, first of all, there was truth in what was said to me. I knew I had come across as too eager to help and impatient in my words. I knew that when it comes to family, boundaries are crossed and I often overstep into coaching before I get permission to do so. I had to sit with this, as uncomfortable and aggravating as it was, because that is the only way to truly let it go and allow growth and expansion. 

I also realized that I need to ask for permission and offer invitations for support rather than assuming I know what's best for my family and friends. This is so hard to do when someone close to me is struggling, but I know now that when boundaries are crossed without permission, walls go up and words won't land, no matter how brilliant I think my advice can be.  

The biggest takeaway from this experience was to begin more of an inquiry regarding my shadow side. Everything casts a shadow. 

One of my favorite philosophers on this subject is the brilliant Carl Jung. He said, "Unless you learn to face your own shadows, you will continue to see them in others, because the world outside you is only a reflection of the world inside you."

We must look internally before we attempt to change or support the external. Knowing ourselves makes it possible to know others. And knowing ourselves is different than judging ourselves. No one is perfect. Nothing is perfect. It is important to acknowledge and embrace our shadow just as much as we acknowledge and embrace our light or our strengths. The only way to truly change and grow is to first be real and honest about where you are right now, the good, the bad, the light, and the dark. To observe without judging.  

In the book "Big Magic", Elizabeth Gilbert says, "If you love and want something enough - whatever it is - then you don't really mind eating the shit sandwich that comes with it." 

Without the shadow, we have no depth. Anything with substance, anything worth working for, anything capable of change, all comes with a shadow. So get to know yours. Get curious. Notice it. Acknowledge its presence and its potential power. That is the only way to bring the power back to the light.

Happy shadow hunting my friends xoxox

Embrace your evolUtion

The word evolution has been on my mind a lot lately. I am using it as the title for some big writing series that I am embarking on in 2016, as well as playing with it as the name of the yoga studio I am in the works of opening next year. I have been using it as a theme in my yoga classes, and I have also found strength in my daily mind-mapping when I bring evolution into the mix. 

What stands out in my memory in regards to the introduction of evolution in my life is a few years ago when I started to paint, a lot. After I "retired" from playing basketball, I discovered painting as a therapeutic and fun activity. I started with simple images and then moved into more abstract with a philosophical tone and title and then began exploring faces and "Dr. Seuss-esque" landscapes. I spent a couple of years painting and exploring new styles and new themes, allowing whatever grabbed my attention to become my focus. I created over 50 paintings and have sold approximately 30. My dad made a few comments during this time period that he really enjoyed watching the evolution of my painting. It seemed like a funny comment at first, but then he said it a couple more times and I began to understand and appreciate the depth that brought into my awareness. 

The evolution of my work was seen first by those on the outside looking in. I hadn't picked up on seeing how each painting supported the creation of the next one in line. I was so dedicated and engaged by this process that I didn't realize I was getting stronger and learning from the painting that came before. 

I started dope(a)me in February 2015, and I have dedicated every single day since then to my evolution. I learn from my struggles, I lean on the edge of my comfort zone and occasionally take big leaps outside those lines, I take feedback and learn from my set-backs, I challenge myself to continue learning, growing, and ultimately, evolving. 

I think a big part of evolution is staying open and receptive to each moment. I never know where my next client will come from, or who will be my next collaborator, or what words I speak in yoga will resonate deeply with someone in class, or whether what is on my mind will reach and support my social media community - and that's ok. I can only control my effort, not the outcome. I do not know where I will be five years from now. I have goals, and dreams, and aspirations, and ideas, and I plan to put in the effort and have as much fun along the way as possible. In the end, evolution happens regardless of effort, but when you live with Intention, direction, and continue feeding and fueling your mind and body, chances are you will be much happier with where your evolution takes you. 

Something I brought into my yoga class at Samadhi yesterday (Sunday) morning was what I believe to be the three keys to understanding and leading the evolution in your own life. They are:

1. Acknowledge and embrace where you are and set an Intention/Purpose/Why to direct and guide your energy. 

2. Trust your breath, and trust the process. Trust that if you are grounded in your foundation, there will be growth. 

3. Reflect and Edit as you go.

Simple yet complex. Get your foundation set, acknowledge where you are without judgement or shame or "should's", gain clarity in your direction by knowing your WHY, your PURPOSE, and your INTENTION. And then get moving. Stay open and receptive as you go, ready to edit, tweak, adjust, shift, learn, and grow. 

Take on your evolution!

Turn those lemons into the best lemonade cocktail you've ever made

The last couple of weeks have been heavy. I resonate with the word 'heavy' because I feel as though I have been carrying more weight on my shoulders and in my mind. I am so worried and sad for someone close to me who is struggling with finding the energy and the desire to make the changes necessary to live a full, happy, and healthy life. 

I feel as though my emotions have been swinging from one extreme to the other. I empathize and feel so strongly for this person that I become consumed and anchored in a place of darkness and sadness, and then I let that go and remind myself that I need to take care of me and focus on my passion, purpose, and desire to live my full, happy, and healthy life. Each day I feel like the swing of the pendulum is becoming less extreme and slowly finding the edges of my balance point. Of course I will still empathize and feel for this person, but I also need to remind myself that I cannot fix or do the work for him. I can only express love and lead by example. 

Amidst the struggle, the grief, and the raw vulnerability, I have also learned more about myself and used this as an opportunity for some deep introspection and re-calibration in what I am doing with my life.  

Here are some things that I have discovered, explored, and created through this process so far....

1 -  A deeper connection to those I have leaned on over the past couple of weeks

2 - I have been studying and thinking a lot lately about Emotional Reactions. Feeling, expressing, and releasing emotions is vital for inner-wellness and emotional health, but getting caught up in the reaction and feeding the emotional ups and downs is a sure-fire way to find yourself in an emotional rut. 

On Monday night I was hit with some anxiety as I was trying to sleep. I kept noticing my mind floating off in one random direction after another. Naturally, I began to feel a bit of anxiety creep in as I thought about wanting to sleep but my mind kept following one trail of thought onto the next (plus, Tuesday is my 6am spin class so I knew I had an alarm set for an early morning). I have become practiced at noticing these thought patterns and taking a "step back" to align myself with the witness behind the scenes; the higher Self behind thoughts and emotions; the ever-steady and simple Self that observes and notices. 

I experienced a beautiful moment as I turned inward and pictured my emotional reactions as that pendulum swinging vigorously off into a direction that I didn't want to go. I knew I had a choice and I chose to observe, to witness, and to detach from the turmoil that was building in my mind. In that moment, I felt myself ground down in a seat of stillness and silence for approximately 10 seconds, at which point the chatter started back up but with the tone of awe, inspiration, excitement, and a new level of awareness that I had not experienced before. 

3 - I have also spent the last couple of weeks saying YES to some big leaps and big goals. Not only am I hosting 4 workshops in the next 4 weeks, I have also started the process of opening my own yoga studio and collaborating on big and fun projects with powerful and inspiring people in my life. 

4 - Finally, this morning was a new turning point for me. I met with my good friend, fellor motivator, and mentor Andrew Obrecht to catch up and talk about exciting plans for 2016. Andrew supports me in so many ways and often helps me see the first few steps I need to consider before I spend too much time on step 4, 5, or 6. I also read a beautiful article written by my friend, fellow yyc cycle motivator, and founder/CEO of Branded Magazine and It's Date Night. She is busy - and that is an understatement. Mandy recently went to New York to simply get away and reconnect with herself. She ended up re-finding her Passion, Purpose, and ultimately, her WHY behind what motivated her to create everything that she has created. (Here is the article)

http://brandedyyc.com/what-i-found-in-a-new-york-minute/

So, I have taken some time this afternoon to revisit my Purpose, my Passion, and my WHY. It is amazing how inner inquiry can bring out so much energy and new, uncluttered breath into the equation. I have reset my foundation and discovered more about what I truly want to do and what mark I want to leave on this world. 

Here it is, my latest unveiling of my WHY:

Call me a curator of curiosity, connection, courage, and conversation.

Call me a promoter of passion, purpose, and pleasure. 

Call me a motivator through mindful movement, music, and motion.

I am a leader in my own life. I choose my path every day. I am committed to growth, playing big, and letting go of what does not serve me.

But first and foremost, I am here to spread love for life by leading by example.

So there it is. My new found clarity and reminder of how I want to show up every damn day. I can only control my effort, not the outcome. I am committed to being the absolutely best me possible, and I hope to inspire, support, elevate, and teach as many people as possible along the way. 

What are you learning from your Struggle?

I am deep in struggle. It is not my struggle per se, but rather a close family member that I am deeply effected by through my desire to help, fix, support, express love, and anything else to help him see a different way to live life (versus give up and end his life). 

I know we learn most from our fears and struggles. They are moments to dig in, uncover past hurt and stories, build resilience, expand your perspective, create deeper connections to those you care for, and discover strength that you did not know you had. That doesn't make it any easier, but at least it brings purpose and meaning into the moments that feel the darkest and most desperate. 

In the moments that I feel the most lost or broken, I remind myself that I can only control my effort, I cannot control the outcome. The uncertainty that surrounds struggle can be almost all consuming. Reminding myself that my body and mind reacts to the chemicals that are being released, and uncertainty releases cortisol, does not mean that I need to get wound up or focus and feed that coritsol by paying attention to it. I can feel it and I express it when I need to, but always with a growth mindset and a deeper understanding of the physiological process. 

I have lost track of where I first heard this quote, but to paraphrase, 

"It is ok to piss and moan but always do it with at least a little bit of perspective" - Unknown

Life can be tough. Good and not-so-good surprises can feel like the ground being ripped from under you. The people we love will struggle, get hurt, and as life goes on we will be visited by death at an increasing frequency. Avoiding or wishing things were different doesn't help anyone and only hurts you more in the end. 

I think about death at least once every day. What used to paralyze and frighten me, now is that raw reminder to embrace life, to play big, to not live in regret or "shoulds" or "what-ifs", to focus my energy on creating and growing, and to live each day like it is my last. I don't advocate for extreme behavior, but rather a balanced and steady mindset that allows mindfulness, play, love, effort, and surrender.  

I know it will take time and patience to continue my development and to support those around me as they pursue and explore their journey's. I have found solace on my yoga mat, putting pen to paper, engaging in activities that allow me to create, and taking bold steps towards the goals and actions that fuel and excite me. Get clear on what bring's you solace and motivation, and open up about your struggles and dreams. We are in this together. xo

The process of Integration

One of my favorite things to do is to reflect back on notes I have taken over the past few weeks, months, or years, including the notes taken from books I keep in my Book Journals. I spend time connecting dots between theories and my learned experience. I create flow charts and lists with my own metaphors and theories to practice and play with. The integration of my knowledge, my curiosities, and my experience cultivates into a beautiful picture that becomes simpler and more impactful each time I engage in this activity. As someone who is committed to learning and growth, this is an important part of my process. 

This blog post is my creative process In preparation for the amount of writing I am committed to submitting to Branded Magazine (for online and soon-to-be in Print) for the next 14 months, and the quality, simplicity, and clarity that I want it to embody.

So today I want to share with you what integration looks like and the questions I ask myself as I piece things together. I don't know what this will look like yet and am excited to read the finished product, as I hope you will be too.

So here goes...

I have flipped through my notebooks and Book Journals to pull the quotes and concepts that are standing out to me today, and organize that into a type of flow chart, starting at the foundation and working up towards enlightenment as your best-Self - whatever you experience enlightenment as will be your own unique experience.  

Foundation:

Start with Why - Why are you committed to this journey? What is your purpose? What are you curious about? What is the fuel behind your desire for change? Know your highest strengths and deploy them in the service of something much greater than you. 

You've got to want something, and know why you want it, or you'll end up giving up too easily...The power of the why is what gets you to stick through the grueling, mundane, and laborious...Everything in your life exists because you first made a choice about something" - Darren Hardy (The Compound Effect)

Align with you Core Values - get clear on what fills you with joy, what brings balance, what inspires you. and how you want to feel at the end of each day. These are you Core Values.

"Nothing creates more stress that when our actions and behavior's aren't congruent with our values" - Darren Hardy 

Live with Intention and Direction. Pay attention to what you notice. Observe how you react. Be curious about your habits, your triggers, and your self-talk.

"When we are on auto-pilot, our awareness "believes" what it perceives. There is no mindsight, and our state-dependent perceptions, emotional reactions, beliefs, and behavioral responses are felt to be justified, equated with absolute reality, not discerned as just activities of the mind" -Daniel Siegal (Mindsight)

What do you believe about life and about yourself? What do your negative self-talk patterns illustrate about what you believe? Why do you believe that? Is it true? Could you choose a new belief that is more empowering, self-loving, and inspiring? Guess what, you have the power and the right to choose your own beliefs. If you are no longer fueled by a belief you have held onto, it's time to change it. 

"What you believe tends to determine how you behave toward others. Your behavior tends to influence the quality of the relationships you have with others, which affects their behavior. This, of course, influences the results you obtain from these people. In turn, the results usually reinforce your belief in the correctness of your beliefs"  - Thomas Crane (The Heart of Coaching) 

Be prepared for finding the cracks in your foundation as some beliefs you discover are no longer serving or true for you. It can feel like the ground is ripped from beneath your feet. But just as is the case for all tremendous struggle, you will get through it, nothing lasts forever, and it will make you stronger and wiser in the end. 

"Tremendous fear and turmoil can open up inside of you simply because something is not the way you thought it was. It shakes you to the core of your being because it challenges the house of thoughts in which you are dwelling." - Micheal Singer (The Untethered Soul)

Who do you spend time with? Surround yourself with greatness, with inspiration, with people and ideas that support who you truly are versus who you have been told to be. Be intentional with who you choose to spend time with.

"You cannot hang around negative people and expect to live a positive life" - Darren Hardy

Staying curious and spending time reading, conversing, and writing on the topic of Mind-Power and Self-development is such an empowering way to live. But don't forget the other basic building blocks that will fuel your journey and keep you grounded. When there's a crack in the foundation, the whole structure is compromised.

• Get REST! Take time to rest your body. Laying on the couch watching tv is not as restful as you convince yourself it is. Get your 6-8 hours of sleep. Create space in your day for some 'me-time'. Rest your body and rest your mind. 
• Meditate - or move your body in Mindful Movement following your breath - hello yoga ;). 
• Mindful Eating 
• SWEAT

And staying on top of these 'building blocks' provides easy access to natural Happy Chemicals on the daily. Positive Feedback loops are the best.

"It is our hypocrisy and self-focus that drains us. When we become purpose-centered, internally directed, others-focused, and externally open, we discover energy we didn't know we had" - Robert E Quinn (Building the Bridge as You Walk on it)

Creation:

Develop a Growth Mindset.

"The Growth Mindset allows people to love what they're doing - and to continue to love it in the face of difficulties.... [It also allows people to] value what they're doing regardless of the outcome. They're tackling problems, charting new courses, working on important issues" Carol Dweck (Mindset)

There is no failure when the goal is to learn, grow, explore, expand, and discover. You have to start somewhere, so acknowledge where you are, and commit to growth. Let go of comparisons, let go of wishing you were already past being a beginner, let go of "shoulds", regrets, and "what-ifs". Love your journey and focus on what you are learning. 

"Maybe it's not the case that any person can be anything, but it is still true that within certain parameters, people can learn and grow. For those who have a Growth Mindset, failures may sting but they are also viewed as opportunities for improvement and change" - Meg Jay (The Defining Decade)

Set some Goals and get moving. Know that you learn best through experience and you attract the energy that you exude.

"You reap what you sow; you can't get out of life what you're not willing to put into it. If you want more love, give more love. If you want greater success, help others achieve more. And when you study and master the science of achievement, you will find the success you desire" - Darren Hardy (The Compound Effect)

Learn from experience.

"What we know from past experience is an asset, but what leads to successful transformation is our capacity to learn in real time. While knowledge is useful, learning is essential" - Robert E Quinn )Building the Bridge as You Walk on it)

Set yourself up for success by learning about your body and mind. What foods fuel you? What activities allow time to fly by? What makes you feel great and what makes you feel deflated? Pay attention. Observe without judgement and stay curious. 

"What looks like resistance is often a lack of clarity" - Dan & Chip Heath (Switch)

Know your Fears. Fear is a learned behavior and is amplified the more you focus on it. Where your mind goes, energy flows. Change your perception of fear by reading about it, talking about it, and observing your own fear while choosing to act in accordance to your Core Values or Intention of that day. 

"Fear is good. Like self-doubt, fear is an indicator. Fear tells us what we have to do. Remember this rule of thumb: The more scared we are of a work or calling, the more sure we can be that we have to do it" - Steven Pressfield (The War of Art)

"You can do one of two things with fear: you can recognize that you have it and work to release it, or you can keep it and try to hide from it" - Micheal Singer (The Untethered Soul)

Trust that you have the strength, the resilience, and the determination to continue down your chosen path, and to make the sharp turns, tweaks, and edits as you travel. 

"We must trust in our vision enough to start our journey into the chasm of uncertainty, believing that the resources will appear...It is this initial step of trusting ourselves that is the most difficult" - Robert E Quinn (Building the Bridge as You Walk on it)

40% of the activities you engage in today are habits. 95% of what you think today, you also thought yesterday. We are creatures of habit and our mind is one mass of learned behaviors. 

"The brain acts as an "anticipation machine" that continually prepares itself for the future based on what has happened in the past. Memories shape our current perceptions by creating a filter through which we automatically anticipate what will happen next: - Daniel Siegal (Mindsight)

Know your Happy Chemicals and engage in activities daily that produce them.

"The feeling we call 'happiness' comes from four special brain chemicals: dopamine, endorphin, oxytocin, and serotonin. These happy chemicals spurt when your brain sees something good for your survival. Then they turn off, so they're ready to spurt again when something good crosses your path...Each of the happy chemicals motivates a different type of survival behavior" - Loretta Breuning (Meet Your Happy Chemicals)

"Life isn't as great or as awful as it feels right now. That's just the hormones talking" - Steven Johnson (Mind Wide Open)

With knowledge comes power. There is so much to learn and comprehend within our own bodies, not to mention the vast world outside of us. Just like anything else, if you focus on what you don't know and how far you have to go in your journey, you are bringing a load of cortisol into the equation that doesn't need to be there and which does nothing good for your energy, motivation, or brain capacity. 

"If you can sit through these urges [to follow the emotional pendulum swings of our attention being pulled and pushed in various directions], you will see what caused them. If you can get comfortable with what you see, you will face the next layer of causation, and so on, layer upon layer" - Micheal Singer (The Untethered Soul)

"Developing the lens that enables us to see the mind more clearly stimulates the brain to grow important new connections" - Daniel Siegal (Mindsight)

"We are born for meaning, not pleasure, unless it is pleasure steeped in meaning" - Jacob Needleman

Elevation:

Keep moving, growing, practicing, playing, exploring, and pushing outside of your comfort zone on a daily basis.

"I'ts not the big things that add up in the end; it's the hundreds, thousands, or millions of little things that separate the ordinary from the extraordinary...The magic is in the doing of simple things repeatedly and long enough to ignite the miracle of the Compound Effect" - Darren Hardy

What if I fail? What if I get into a situation that is over my head? What if I look stupid? 

"A new quest, even one that is ultimately successful, is going to involve failure. You need to create the expectation of failure - not the failure of the mission itself, but failure en route" - Dan & Chip Heath (Switch)

Be a do-er

"Inaction breeds fear and doubt. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit at home and think about it. Go out and get busy" - Dale Carnegie

"It's like you learn to swim by swimming. You learn courage by couraging" - Brene Brown (The Gifts of Imperfection)

Embrace Vulnerability. When you show up, play big, lead with love and courage, it gives permission and inspiration to those around you to do the same. 

"Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity. It is the source of hope, empathy, accountability, and authenticity. If we want greater clarity in our purpose or deeper and more meaningful spiritual lives, vulnerability is the path...Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren't always comfortable, but they're never weakness" - Brene Brown (Daring Greatly)

Speak your truth and provide context for those you are interacting with.

"The best way to handle your own awkwardness or inarticulateness during an encounter is to admit openly and respectfully ask for the patience and forbearance of others" - Thomas Crane (The Heart of Coaching)

Embrace Uncertainty. Our body reacts to uncertainty the same way it reacts to a physical threat to our survival. It is important to stay curious and observe this reaction for what it is, just a thought, just a habitual reaction. You get to choose in each moment how you show up and how you engage with the world and with yourself. When you live aligned with your Core Values, you will see uncertainty as a beautiful possibility and an opportunity to grow and learn more about yourself. 

"Uncertainty registers as an error, gap, or tension: something that must be corrected before one can feel comfortable again...Not knowing what will happen next can be profoundly debilitating because it requires extra neural energy. this diminishes memory, undermines performance, and disengages people from the present" - David Rock (Managing with the Brain in Mind)

Stay Open and receptive. Ready to learn and grow and experience whatever life offers each moment.

"Openness implies that we are receptive to whatever comes to our awareness and don't cling to preconceived ideas about how things "should" be. We let go of expectations and receive things as they are, rather than trying to make them how we want them to be. Openness enables us to sense things clearly. It gives us the power to recognize restrictive judgments and release our minds from their grip" - Daniel Siegal (Mindsight)

Develop Shame-resilience.

"Shame breeds fear. It crushes our tolerance for vulnerability, thereby killing engagement, innovation, creativity, productivity, and trust...Shame works like termites in a house. It's hidden in the dark behind the walls and constantly eating away at our infrastructure, until one day the stairs suddenly crumble" - Brene Brown (Daring Greatly)

No one determines your self-worth except for you. When we feel rejected, our body registers that as physical pain. We had a deep-rooted "need" to be accepted and loved. Learn to love yourself. Learn to be proud of your courage and your passions. Allow yourself to feel pain and feel disappointed when you don't show up the way you know you can, but then let it go. Don't waste your precious energy on thinking you know what other people are thinking. You decide your self-worth.

"When our self-worth isn't on the line, we are far more willing to be courageous and risk sharing our raw talents and gifts...Don't try to win over the haters; you're not the jackass whisperer" - Brene Brown (Daring Greatly)

Play big. Let go of thinking that you are protecting yourself by avoiding things that scare you. 

"Your mind is constantly telling you to get back into your comfort zone. This zone is finite. All attempts to stay within it keep you finite. Going beyond always means letting go o the effort to keep things within your defined limits" - Micheal Singer (The Untethered Soul)

Each day is different and various opportunities will be offered for you to explore and push yourself in. Our comfort zone isn't all that comfortable anyways. It keeps us confined, it keeps us small. It has the illusion of keeping us safe, but change is constant and the world will keep moving and growing regardless of whether we embrace this beautiful evolution or not. So choose growth. Your mind and body can get used to anything, you just have to lean into the initial discomfort. When we cling to comfort and safety, we end up losing precisely what we seek. 

"...in our comfort zone we can only imitate what which has been done in the past. We cannot integrate the unique self with the emerging realities of the present" - Robert E Quinn (Building the Bridge as You Walk on it)

As you experience new things and allow neurons to fire in new pairings, you are retraining your brain and developing new ways to engage with the world.

"So there are two ways to live: you can devote your life to staying in your comfort zone, or you can work on your freedom. In other words, you can devote your whole life to the process of making sure everything fits within your limited model, or you can devote your life to freeing yourself from the limits of your model" - Micheal Singer (The Untethered Soul)

"Neuroplasticity is the term used to describe the capacity for creating new neural connection and growing new neurons in response to experience" - Daniel Siegal (Mindsight)

"True personal growth is about transcending the part of you that is not okay and needs protection. This is done by constantly remembering that you are the one inside that notices the voice talking" - Micheal Singer (The Untethered Soul)

 

Integration:

Balance in all things.

"All the great teachings reveal the way of the center, the way of balance. Constantly look to see if that's where you are living or if you are lost in the extremes. The extremes create their opposites; the wise avoid them. Find the balance in the center and you will live in harmony" - Micheal Singer (The Untethered Soul)

What looks like balance today or in this moment, is not necessarily what balance looks like tomorrow, or in the next moment.

"The balance point is not static; it's a dynamic equilibrium . You move from balance point to balance point, from center to center" - Micheal Singer (The Untethered Soul)

Too much of a good thing becomes toxic. Effort and Surrender. Slow and sustainable progression, with bumps, curves, ups and downs, and occasional change of flight trajectory altogether. 

"It's not efficient to oscillate around the path. To be efficient, you must center all of your energies on the path. if you do this, the energies that used to wasted swinging sideways will get pulled into the center. This concentration of energies is used to accomplish the given task much more efficiently" - Micheal Singer (The Untethered Soul)

Choose your battles. You do not have unlimited energy or time. 

"Relieve your mind of the job of making sure that everyone and everything will be the way you need them to be so that you can feel better inside. Your mind is not qualified for the job. Fire it, and let go of your inner-problems instead" - Micheal Singer (The Untethered Soul)

Embrace Change

"The natural ups and downs of life can either generate personal growth or create personal fears. Which of these dominates is completely dependent upon how we view change. Change can be viewed as either exciting or frightening, but regardless of how we view it, we must all face the fact that change is the very nature of life" - Micheal Singer (The Untethered Soul)

Develop your Mindfulness muscle. 

"Being present to the way things are is not the same as accepting things as they are...it simply means, being present without resistance: being present to what is happening and present to your reactions, no matter how intense" - Rosamund and Benjamin Zander (The Art of Possibility)

"Be an explorer. Witness it and then it will go. If you don't get absorbed in it, the experience will soon pass and something else will come up. Just enjoy all of it. If you can do this, you will be free, and a world of pure energy will open up within you? - Micheal Singer (The Untethered Soul)

What's your Story? We learn and remember through story. We tend to think of ourselves as the main character within our own story. But that's just it, it's all story. We rarely have all the information needed to make an objective call or to have an absolute opinion or clear understanding of all of the factors involved. Regardless, we need to comprehend our own life and surroundings so we go along with our story without realizing the power our perception and choice of words has on our own well-being and mindset. Write out your story. Where do you take power away from yourself? Where do you misuse or fall victim to the concepts of regret, fear, disappointment, anger, or other cortisol driven ways of being? 

"Owning your story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing we'll ever do...But I know that it takes more than courage to own your story. We own our stories so we don't spend our lives being defined by them or denying them. And while the journey is long and difficult at times, it is the path to living a more whole-hearted life" - Brene Brown (Rising Strong)

Lead by example in life and know that you can only control your effort, not the outcome. When it comes to the people closest to you in your life, you may out-grow them. But don't stress about it, don't predict it, don't try to fix the people around you whatsoever. Those who want support will ask for it. And if you are fully focused on your own self-work, you will have a tribe of people coming along with you or unknowingly waiting for your arrival.

"You don't change people, you change the relationship" - Rosamund  and Benjamin Zander (The Art of Possibiity)

"You have to be willing to give 100% with zero expectations of receiving anything in return" - Darren Hardy

Keep learning, practicing, and creating your own unique journey towards your best-self. No one can do it for you. You must experience life for yourself and develop your mind and body with patience, love, acceptance, and joy. 

"The more you use your brain, the more brain you will have to use" - George Dorsey

"The future isn't written in the stars. There are no guarantees. So claim your adulthood. Be intentional. Get to work. Pick your own certainty. Don't be defined by what you didn't know or didn't do" - Meg Jay (The defining Decade)

Enlightenment

Whatever this means to you. I do not believe this is a destination, but rather a dynamic and ever-elusive way of being that you can potentially experience one moment and lose sight of the next moment. After years of practicing balance between effort and surrender & fear and desire, while embracing observation without judgment, intimacy without attachment, a growth mindset, mindfulness and mindsight, and practicing balanced nutrition and exercise - only then will enlightenment become truly attainable. But that is just an educated guess. ;) 

"...enjoy life instead of clinging to it or pushing it away" - Micheal Singer (The Untethered Soul)

"Uncovering memory and meaning are never over until life is over" - unkown

"Happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue" - Victor Frankl (Man's Search for Meaning)

Alright, that felt good to work through all of that and see it written and ready for reflection and learning. Everything is just a springboard into the next step, the next phase, the continued progression towards growth and evolution. Thanks for reading. Reach out with questions or curiosities. xo

Big things coming in 2016

**Repost from the brandedyyc.com website! Check it out.**

 

WHY WAIT FOR JANUARY 1ST TO START OVER?

Posted: 10/27/2015

Published by: Katie Tetz

“ Create some clarity and direction before the whirlwind of December. ”

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RESOLUTIONS ARE SO LAST YEAR. START AN EVOL(YOU)TION.

Last year Marin McCue started a Personal Coaching business, www.dopeame.com, so that she could not only live her own core values, but also support and coach others to live by theirs. 

“These concepts and tools are not mine to keep,” explains McCue. “When I share, support, and coach others in this process, it grows my own strength, wisdom, and clarity as well. To keep it to myself would diminish it.”

Marin created a year long “12 Step Process” to support whoever wants to come along for the ride and start their own inner-Evolution.

Do all of your breakups resemble one another? Do you consistently hold back at work, for fear of stepping on toes? Is every Monday the day that you’re finally going to start taking care of yourself?

It sure would be nice to let go of those self sabotaging behaviours and make a lasting change. The trouble is, sometimes these behaviours are sneaky and we don’t always realize how much they’re running our lives.

If you’re a self-development-virgin, Marin offers up a great place to start: “Get curious about what is going on inside of you. Ask yourself questions, write out quotes and ideas that spark your interest, reflect on your day by putting pen to paper, and fill a fresh notebook with tools, ideas, metaphors, ‘aha’ moments, quotes, inspiration, and motivation, so that you can engage with the world in a new way.”

Marin explains, “To learn and integrate new habits of thought and action, you must experience it for yourself. And not only experience it, you must take time to reflect and notice the changes and continued struggles. We are all different, we have unique programming in our brain’s that need to be uncovered, worked through, and let-go of.”

Leading up to the New Year, Marin created a November 30 Day Challenge along with a couple of workshops in December to support mindfulness and creativity through the busy Holiday season. 

Yep, December is coming whether you like it or not.

Why a 30 Day Challenge?

“It takes 21-50 days (depending on the person, the habit, lifestyle and wellness, and amount of time spent each day) of intentional daily practice to re-wire your brain and create a new habit,” says McCue. “November is a perfect time to shine some light on habits that you may have adopted that are not serving you, learn some tools and concepts to adopt new habits, and create some clarity and direction before the whirlwind of December. This 30 Day Challenge is not a big time commitment, but rather a commitment to injecting more focus and intention into your time.”

“This is also an opportunity for me to share what dope(a)me coaching is all about. Everyone learns differently and does best with various types of support. For some, this 30 Day Challenge is exactly what you need to spark your inner-motivator and create the change you want to see in your life. For others, this will be an introduction to my personal coaching techniques and perhaps you will want to engage in a 1 on 1 relationship with a unique and personalized program specifically for you. Either way, this challenge will open and expand your mind into new ways of perceiving the world around you, and the world inside of you.”

Reach out to Marin at marinmccue@gmail.com if you’re interested in registering and getting a head start on your inner evolution. You’ll be way ahead of the game come January 1.

30 Day Challenge - start your evolYOUtion

I absolutely love 30 day challenges!! When I worked at lululemon I organized several 30 day challenges each year for my team, to keep them engaged, encourage them to connect with each other and get out into the community, and bring some fun and growth into their routine. 

My beautiful and inspiring friend Kelly Kaprowski (totsnsquats.com) reached out to me a few weeks ago asking if I wanted to collaborate with her on creating a 30 day challenge for our clients. This got my wheels turning and reminded me of how much fun I had organizing these at lululemon. Unfortunately, Kelly's schedule picked up pace and she wasn't able to create this one with me, but we will be putting one together for January. And we may have a couple of other amazing collaborator's for that one, so stay tuned!

This coming Challenge is all about - what I have deemed - the four levels of personal growth. They are:  excavation, creation, elevation, and integration. In reality, they all happen simultaneously. For the sake of this challenge, we will work through each step week by week so that all participants get a solid feel for what this process looks like in action. 

Basically this challenge is an opportunity for me to reach more people and share my tools, resources, motivation, and inspiration for living the best and happiest life possible. Because it is by email and is not personalized for each individual, I can keep it at a low cost. 

I have an introduction email ready to be sent out to anyone who reaches out with interest for this challenge. There is no commitment until you send me your $20 registration fee, which then puts you on the official email list. 

So be brave, be bold, and send me an email requesting more information for this challenge. This is a great way to lighten your load before the busy holiday season. I hope to hear from you. xo

marinmccue@gmail.com

Fear: How consciousness and courage are your tools to enlightenment

I am currently reading two books at the same time; The Untethered Soul by Micheal Singer, and Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert. I ordered both books on Amazon, one was for a book club I am a member of on Facebook (shout out to my bookworms!) and the other book is one that has popped up into my awareness through several avenues and I took it as a sign that it was a book I would enjoy reading - because of the title, the colorful front cover, the author, and the rave reviews (pretty good signs all around). Both books are fascinating and compliment each other in surprising ways. 

One of my favorite things about the journey I am on is the dots I am connecting between authors, theories, ideas, and metaphors. These books bring in different perspectives, creative ways of wording similar subjects, and unique experiences and stories. As I read each book and highlight or underline what stands out, I am also making notes in the margins connecting ideas to past books I have read. It's a beautiful process and I feel more and more grounded and supported in my own self-discovery and development as I go. 

Reading these two books simultaneously is shining new light on both subjects and creating a deeper understanding of how I can learn and live these concepts, as well as coach my clients through their journey as well. 

Big Magic is all about embracing the brave and creative life, while embracing fear and harnessing courage to allow your special qualities or "jewels" to shine bright. Gilbert says,

"A creative life is an amplified life. It's a bigger life, a happier life, an expanded life, and a hell of a lot more interesting life. Living in this manner - continually and stubbornly bringing forth the jewels that are hidden within you - is a fine art, in and of itself."

She goes on to say,

"Creativity is a path for the brave, yes, but it is not a path for the fearless, and it's important to recognize the distinction."

Both Singer and Gilbert speak of Fear quite a bit in their books (and I am only half through both books). They both touch on the fact that evolution has created an overly sensitive and over-reactive limbic system that is seeking to protect us at all costs, but gets hot and bothered at the smallest signs of uncertainty, doubt, insecurities, or any other uncomfortable feeling. This system that has the one goal of protecting us from harm, is actually causing many of us to avoid fear-inducing situations, to play small in order to stay "comfortable", and to keep our presence quiet because expressing our unique-ness draws attention and can cause heart-ache. Gilbert speaks to this in one of the funnier examples I have ever heard,

"...your fear is like a Mall Cop who thinks he's a Navy SEAL: He hasn't slept in days, he's all hopped up on Red Bull, and he's liable to shoot at his own shadow in an absurd effort to keep everyone 'safe'."

Singer mirrors this notion is his words by speaking to the necessity of this system back in the day when danger was prevalent, and now that danger is not hiding around every corner (unless you are in a war-ridden area or living in the jungle),

"...the protective energies have adapted toward defending the individual psychologically, rather than physiologically...Ultimately, if you protect yourself perfectly, you will never grow."

That is the point to emphasize! When we seek to protect ourselves at all costs, when we avoid discomfort, when we allow our fears to dictate what we experience and how we show up in the world, we prevent our growth. And really, what is the point of life if you are stagnant, stuck, still, fixed, small, in-expansive, and scared of the uncertainty that is an unavoidable and beautiful part of life? 

Eventually you may get to a point where you are barely phased by fear. But in reality, fear grabs your attention like nothing else in this world. Cortisol surges into your system to activate the Fight-Flight-or Freeze system and there is no way to skate through that without noticing (at least not before years and years of intentional and mindful practice). Fear is good for you, it makes you feel alive, and it reminds you of your mortality. It makes a clear line between comfort zone and growth, and it challenges your will-power. 

Rather than avoid fear; embrace it, love it, breathe it in. Find beauty and excitement in knowing that Fear is simply a sign of uncertainty, and it's an opportunity to show up with courage and effort to shine bright and bring your unique passions and "jewels" into this world. Gilbert notes,

"I allow my fear to live and breathe and stretch out its legs comfortably. It seems to me that the less I fight my fear, the less it fights back."

This is the area that Singer really dives into; whatever you focus on, you will attach to and create more of in your life. He speak of consciousness, what it is and what it is not. So often we attach to the inner-chatter in our minds, thinking that is who we are. This inevitably brings confusion as we are indecisive and can easily argue for many sides of an issue or impending decision. So which voice do we actually listen to? Which voice is the true me and which voice is a distraction or fear? Singer says,

"Stop feeling that one thing [your inner-voice] says is you and the other thing it says is not you...You are the one who hears the voice...There is absolutely nothing that voice can say that is more you than anything else it says...True personal growth is about transcending the part of you that is not okay and needs protection. This is done by constantly remembering that you are the one inside that notices the voice talking."

Easier said than done, but this is the practice. Detach from that voice. Realize that you have an "inner Roommate" that has no filter and who likes to think of the worst case scenario. Singer suggests one way of keeping yourself steady and on track in your chosen direction is to set goals and intention when you are feeling calm and clear, and then get moving. Observe the inner-voice but let it float by just as you observe trees and cars while you walk and forget about them as they pass through your field of vision. The challenge is to stay in the moment, to stay present to the only real time in existence, which is NOW. 

Dan and Chip Heath in their book "Switch", among many amazing insightful tools they offer, they say, look for a strong beginning and a strong ending, and get moving. The middle is going to be full of ups and downs and it is important to allow yourself the space to learn and grow and roll with whatever each passing moments presents as opportunities. If you allow yourself to get swept up by the past, or too focused on the future, or too attached to the inner-chatter, you will miss the many amazing possibilities that are presented throughout your day. 

So this is what I have created to make sense of all of this and put it into practice (because experience is the best teacher).

A strong beginning --> 

Create a morning routine that clears your mind and focuses your attention on how you want to show up today. Set an intention, set actions, and create clarity in how you want to feel at the end of the day. That is your beacon of light. This is what you hold onto when that inner-chatter starts to question or go into self-protection mode. If your intention is Courage or Explore or Adventure or Connect or Collaborate, etc. it is clear that when you get an opportunity to play big and step into the arena of life, you will not hesitate and will jump into action. 

A strong ending --> 

Finish your day with some reflection questions; i.e. What am I proud of? What was a small-win today? Where did I show up brave? And what learning will I take into tomorrow to continue my growth? 

Throughout the day -->

Stay mindful, open, and receptive. Hold onto your intention and look for opportunities to push yourself and grow. Know that living outside your comfort zone is the best way to make shit happen and to blossom your unique talents and strengths. Trust the process and don't spend much time overthinking, second-guessing, "should-ing", "shaming", or projecting yourself into the past or future. Be here now. Live, breathe, focus, experience, and let your bright light shine. 

So embrace courage and curiosity, and don't settle for a life on the sidelines. This is your life, your unique journey, and the world needs what you have to offer. 

My "Rules" for Life

One of the exercises I get my clients to engage in as they are nearing the end of their personal coaching program is to integrate their notes, connect the dots from day 1 to the present, get clear on learnings and shifts in perception, notice what reminders, tools, and resources stand out as pivotal moments in gaining clarity and direction in their life, and compile this into a succinct, fun, and overarching list titled My "Rules" for Life. 

I have been working on my own list for the last few months and felt the urge to share what I have come up with. So here it is, My "Rules" for Life with a few powerful quotes sprinkled through:

1. Lead with Love; love for change, love for growth, love for learning, love for connection, love for passion and purpose, love for supporting others, and love for a life lived to its fullest

 "The more you are motivated by LOVE, the more fearless and free your action will be" Dalai Lama

2. Learn, laugh, and sweat daily

3. Courage is contagious. Lead by example.

"Success is not final, failure is not fatal. It is the courage to continue that counts" Winston Churchill

4. Think and Act in ways that fuel, encourage, uplift, empower and breathe more life into me. Where your mind goes, energy flows.

"The key to success is to focus our conscious mind on things we desire not things we fear" Brian Tracy

5. Surround myself with people who live wholeheartedly, play big, seek inspiration, and are living a life aligned with their passion and purpose.

"You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with" Jim Rohn

6. Be a do-er. Learn from experience. Reflect, Learn, Grow.

"Life is best lived looking forward but best understood looking back" Soren Kierkegaard

7. Be the author, editor, and number one fan of my brave, resilient, passion-filled, growth focused, self-loving Story. 

"When we deny our stories, they define us. When we own our stories, we get to write a brave new ending: Brene Brown

8. Balance in everything. Know when to put in Effort and when to embrace Surrender

"Two wings of the same bird"

9. Embrace a Growth Mindset and love the process. 

"It is good to have an end to journey towards; but it is the journey that matters, in the end" Ernest Hemingway

10. Observe without judgment and desire without attachment

"You cannot control what happens to you, but you can control your attitude toward what happens to you, and in that, you will be mastering change rather than allowing is to master you" Brian Tracy

"Detachments is not that you should own nothing, but that nothing should own you" Ali Ibn Abi Talib   

The average person has 16-50 bits of information being processed per second in their conscious mind; 5 of which are simply "move closer" or "move away". There are 11 million bits per second being processed in the entire mind. When we focus our minds and harness that vast potential and energy into the direction we choose, we create the change we want to see. We become the driver in our own life.

"Unless we are able to generate some kind of (focused) forward momentum, we will be carried along by the winds and currents of peer pressure, market forces or genetic inheritance, unable to influence our own fate" Robert Poynton (Everything's an Offer).

What are your "rules" to live by? Take some time to play with wording and create your own list. Post it online, put it up on your wall, and remind yourself often of these powerful affirmations of how you want to show up in the world, moment by moment, gaining strength and clarity as you align your life with your values. 

Elephant & Rider

 

"What we are today comes from our thoughts of yesterday, and our present thoughts build our life of tomorrow: Our life is the creation of our mind" - Buddha

This quote has stood out to me for years. I love it. It is that constant reminder that my past does not determine my future; that if I want to see change it must start with my thoughts. This is what started me on my journey of self-exploration and eventually starting my personal coaching business. I became intoxicated by the idea that change starts with thoughts, but equally stumped by the process of actually changing my habitual thoughts. 

Research shows that approximately 40% of the activities you engage in each day are habits. It makes sense. It takes a lot of brain power to consciously work through something that is new or unfamiliar, and if that was the case for everything, all day everyday, we would be depleted and exhausted way quicker than necessary. 

As a personal coach and lover of the brain, I work a lot with understanding habits and retraining the brain to create new habits that serve who you are. We form new habits constantly, consciously and unconsciously. This started at a young age before we knew ourselves and who we wanted to be as an adult. So naturally, there are a lot of habits that are in your repertoire that actually don't serve you well. The first step, acknowledge those habits and confidently state that this is not the way you want to show up in the world anymore. 

Another fascinating statistic tells us that the average person will think anywhere from 12,000 to 60,000 thoughts in a day (depending on how deep of a thinker you are). And of these thoughts, 70-80% of them are negative, self-defeating, or self-deflating. Talk about a habit that could really use an upgrade. 

One thing I have found to be pivotal in the retraining of my brain is understanding my brain, how it works, why it does certain things, and what metaphors are helpful to obverse the workings of the brain without wasting much energy on judgment, shame, guilt, or any other unnecessary negative emotion that surges cortisol and consequently takes over all of the bodily functions. 

Which brings me to my favorite metaphor that has helped me get to know my brain and understand how to gently guide it in the direction that I choose. 

You may be familiar with that feeling of "loss of control". That feeling when you know how you want to act or what you want to say, but then you go ahead and do something completely different. Suddenly it feels like there is more than one Self inside you, directing you along your path. Well, that's because there is. 

Jonathan Haidt, in "The Happiness Hypothesis" introduces us to the Elephant and the Rider, two parts of equal importance inside that beautiful brain of yours. 

The Elephant is the "old part" of the brain. The part of the brain that we have in common with all other mammals. It is our automatic system, our habits, our reactions, our impulses, all driven by natural bodily functions guiding us towards rewards or things that promote survival and away from uncertainty or anything that has a potential threat to our survival. 

Your Elephant is your Limbic System, it is automatic, subconscious, programmed, emotional, over-reactive, and thrives on prestige and "feel good now".

Haidt says,

"The automatic system (aka Elephant) has its finger on the dopamine release button. The controlled system (aka the Rider), in contrast, is better seen as an advisor. It's a rider placed on the elephant's back to help the elephant make better choices"

The Rider is the Cortex, or the "new" part of the brain (evolved later in our history of becoming human beings). The Rider can be understood as our Reason or Rationality, our "second thought", concerned with long-term happiness, it's pragmatic, focused on growth and learning, the planner, and the tendency to over-analyze. The part of the brain that brings critical thought, awareness, and a higher sense of consciousness into our reality. The Rider allows us the ability to make choices aligned with who we truly want to be versus who we were raised, programmed, and accidentally habituated to be.

To make matters more difficult,  Loretta Breuning in "Meet Your Happy Chemicals" explains, 

"Your cortex [i.e. the Rider] sees the world as a chaos of raw detail until your limbic system [i.e. your Elephant] labels things as "good" or "bad" for you [by spurting happy or unhappy chemicals]...The limbic system can't process language. When you talk to yourself, it's all in your cortex. The limbic system never tells you in words why it is spurting a happy or unhappy chemical." (You project meaning and create stories after your Limbic System first reacts).

The limbic system (aka the Elephant) spurts chemicals based on programming and experience. If there is some uncertainty ahead, cortisol is spurted to grab our attention and signal to the body that this is a potential threat. Our cortex (Rider) receives this signal and then has to decide to listen and retreat or observe and proceed anyways. This becomes complicated when we have habits of thought and actions that are familiar but that are actually not in accordance to our core values or how we want to show up. It becomes a battle of sorts, chemicals spurting and the Rdier consistently taking in the signals and consciously choosing what path to take.

Loretta Breuning highlights this potential mixed signalling,

"Can eating a donut fix a career or romantic setback? From your limbic brain's perspective, it can....When donuts trigger happy chemicals (because fat and sugars are scarce in nature) a neural pathway is paved. You may not act on it because you also know the consequences and you've built other "do something" pathways. But it remains in your mammal brain's arsenal of survival strategies."

Understanding these two separate but harmonious parts of our brain will allow you to take a step back and observe your thoughts, reactions, emotions, and triggers with a new sense of appreciation. You cannot force the Elephant to do what the Rider wants to do. You have to coax it, gently guide it, work with it, work as a team. 

How?

Dan and Chip Heath in their easily digested book "Switch" digs deep into this metaphor and develops an application to harness your Elephant and create direction for your Rider. 

"The elephant and the rider each have their own intelligence, and when they work together well they enable the unique brilliance of human beings" - Haidt

First - DIRECT THE RIDER

Our Elephant is emotional and impulsive. When you have a clear vision for what you are working towards, a deep felt purpose in your daily pursuits, and an overall sense of Happiness, your Rider can be much more convincing and your Elephant becomes easier to tame. So focus on scripting critical moves for your Rider to follow, have a clear detination in mind, each day by setting an Intention and setting Actions to allow yourself to see and feel progress. Convince yourself that radical change is needed and commit to the process, and your Elephant will become motivated as well.

Second  - MOTIVATE THE ELEPHANT

The metaphor uses the imagery of an elephant for a reason; when it feels stuck, it really feels stuck. There is no dragging or pushing this 6 ton elephant in any direction. It needs to be motivated. Engage in activities each day that boost your dopamine. Bring some fun and pleasure into your daily routine. Incorporate positive self-talk into your morning to set the tone for the day and to spend some time coaxing that elephant. Acknowledge small-wins and take time to feel proud after moments of bravery or hurdles you overcome. The Elephant likes to feel good, so take time to breathe in your accomplishments and surround yourself with fun and positivity. 

Third - SHAPE THE PATH

Set yourself up for success by setting goals for the not so distant future. What are the stepping stones along this journey? What actions can you complete each day to see and feel progress? When there is a direction and stepping stones, your Elephant and Rider have tangible points that they are working towards. Tweak the environment when necessary, surround yourself with inspiring people, and tackle one habit at a time. 

And remember, repetition is key:

"Building new circuits in adulthood is like trying to slash a new trail through dense rain forest. Every step takes huge effort, and the new trail disappears into the undergrowth if you don't use it again soon. Such trail-blazing feels inefficient and downright unsafe when a nice superhighway is nearby. That is why people tend to stick with the pathway they have." - Loretta Breuning

Take some time to write out your key takeaways from this post. What stands out? What are you curious about? Commit to coming back to your notes or to this blog on a regular basis to remind yourself of these tools and this metaphor. Repetition begins by simply bringing something into your awareness each day. Start with small incremental steps. Do this daily and allow the practice to evolve through trial and error, practice, conversations, and reflecting and writing. Allow yourself to be curious, open, and receptive to the process and love the journey that you are embarking on. 

Start your day on the right note

*This blog post was written for my beautiful and inspiring friend Kelly who is the creator of Tots n Squats - a website and blog focused on supporting new mothers in living a healthy and active life. Check out www.totsnsquats.com 

I am a huge believer in the power of a morning routine. What I have learned along the way is the importance of variety and allowing yourself to evolve. Each day looks different. Each day has the unique aftermath of the day before, and the experience, the learnings, and the residual effects of the struggles and successes from the accumulation of our past as a whole. We are always changing, always in flux, and always moving through space and time. Where your choice comes into the mix is in how much you change, how far you grow, what direction your life takes, and what YOU learn along the way.

One of the best ways - I have experienced - to start my day off in a way that fosters the most growth, is to ask myself questions and put pen to paper. This could be in the form of a mind-map:

Set an intention for your day, write in on a fresh piece of paper, and put a circle around it. Allow that word or short-phrase to sink in. Take a few deep breaths and repeat it mindfully. How does that feel? What other words come to mind? Synonyms? What could this intention bring into your life today? How would that feel? What else is needed to ensure this intention stays top of mind? What other words come to mind? Branching off from the center word, your page fills with powerful, energetic, engaging, loving, bad-ass words. After a few minutes, choose three tangible Actions to complete that day. Actions that will keep your intention top of mind or Actions that embody that intention.

The productivity and clarity that comes from this simple practice is mind-blowing. But, then it becomes a habit, and although it continues to bring focus, clarity, and self-awareness into your life, it stops bringing the magic (i.e. rush of natural Happy Chemicals) that it once did. We get used to anything we continually expose ourselves to, for better or for worse. We are creatures of habit, we long for routine; it feels safe and comfortable. But it also makes us feel stagnant, bored, and craving variety and newness. It’s human nature, and can be the cause of so much confusion. Slight variation in our routine can provide huge spurts of happy chemicals, it can change our perspective, and it can open up new possibilities of growth and learning as it teaches us more about ourselves – our triggers, our baggage, our passions, our fears, our needs and desires.

Something I know about myself is I love to categorize ideas into groups of four. I find strength in the number. It symbolizes the four directions on a compass, the four pillars that hold monstrous architecture together, the four limbs, but most importantly, it brings simplicity into whatever I am trying to communicate and ensures it is easy to remember.

My morning routine has evolved. It continues to be a practice and I love noticing what works and what once worked that no longer serves who I am now. The consistent piece of this routine is allowing yourself to step back and observe without attaching meaning or judgment and really getting clear on how you want to feel.

To assist you in your journey to create the best life possible, inside and out, here is another outline to bring into your morning routine repertoire.

The Four In’s and On’s

Allow yourself 10 minutes without disruption. If there is disruption, accept it for what it is, and work with it the best that you can. You can’t control the outcome or how other people will respond, you can only control your effort, your input, and your focus.

#1: Check in

Take a few moments to connect with your breath. Slow, intentional, deeply felt breaths. Then, ask yourself, how do you feel in this moment? What do you notice? Where do you feel it?

# 2: Tune in

Observing how you feel without judging or attaching meaning to it, ask yourself, what do you need? What do you need to let go of? What do you need to embrace? How do you want to feel at the end of the day?

#3: Turn on

Package this feeling and this intention for your day into one word or a short phrase, i.e., “strength”, “resilience”, “love”, “breathe through struggle”, “breathe, reflect, grow”, “shine my light everywhere”, “I am enough”,….you get the idea.

Repeat this a few times in your mind. Let it sink in, let it land. Your focus is like air, water, and fuel, the more you repeat something and the more you surround yourself with it, the more it integrates into your reality.

Feel free to set reminders in your phone to revisit that intention/mantra throughout the day, or simply breath it in, breathe it out, and move on with your day.

#4: Move on

It takes only 10 mindful and intentional minutes a day for you to feel like you are making progress. Take a couple minutes to write three Actions for your day. These Actions could include exercise, fresh air, connecting with someone, creating something, food to eat or not eat, conversations to have, ‘things’ to hold onto, ‘things’ to let go of, etc.

Have a beautiful day xoxo

Get Comfortable with being Uncomfortable

One of the greatest gifts you could ever give yourself is the commitment to sit in discomfort, to lean in when you fall on your face, to push outside your comfort zone daily, and to relish in knowing that uncertainty is not something to fear but rather something to embrace with curiosity and excitement.

On average, we each assess whether to move forward or pull back from our object of attention 5X per second. "Should I lean in to this person or back away? Should I commit more to this moment or move on to the next? Should I push harder or start to slow down?" Uncertainty is so unsettling because this assessment becomes even murkier when there are more unknowns in the equation. We are hardwired to fear the unknown. It is a potential threat, it carries potential harm, it brings a lot of "what-ifs". 

Life is not easy, but that is what makes it so beautiful. Helen Keller said,

"Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing." 

When we try to avoid, deny, or diminish our sadness, our vulnerability, our struggle, we are only doing ourselves a disservice. When we deny our truth we end up being defined by it. But when we embrace it, allow ourselves to feel it, swim in it, explore it, and reflect through our struggle, we end up owning our story rather than our story owning us. 

What unknown in your life today can you embrace with a little more excitement, love, and surrender? Where can you offer yourself a little more compassion, a little more space for breath, a little more time sitting in discomfort?

Limitless - one step further in the direction of growth and passion

On Saturday August 22, Kalea Mullett and I hosted our first collaborative workshop as part of our project we call "Seeds of Change". Joining our passions for health, yoga, growth, nature, nutrition, and community, Seeds of Change is our vehicle to create experiences for people to connect, move, learn, ask big questions, and set actions and goals to create the change they want to see in their life. 

'Limitless' was an opportunity for us to scratch the surface on some of the key concepts we live and love. We had a beautiful venue out in Springbank, a unique home with an open concept. The entire rooftop is a patio, with easy views in all directions, including the mountains that were clear and magical for us on Saturday night. 

As our attendees walked into the home they were greeted with smiles and hugs. A table of goodies on the main level of the house was prepared with healthy snacks, teas, and an envelope with each Guest's name on it to take upstairs.

Once on the rooftop, we began the workshop with 45 minutes of yoga. Pulling in wisdom from the cyclical nature of life and harnessing energy from metaphorical meaning derived from facing all four directions of a compass. Reminding our Guests that we are all in transition, we all move through phases, and change is not an upward trajectory but rather a cycle of ups and downs. 

We stayed on the rooftop for one more hour, catching the sunset and feeling the shift in the air. This second hour was dedicated to the four Pillars of Happiness and the four main Obstacles that get in our way. 

Through the four pillar of Happiness, I guided the group into seeing how a change of perspective can change your entire reality. Using the four pillars as a new lens to view our obstacles, the group took notes and little spurts of discussion and questions took center stage. At the conclusion of each Pillar, the group was prompted to set Goals and Actions as a tangible and action-oriented way to begin implementing these concepts into their life. The fourth pillar was about Positive Self-Talk and how we can all be our best inner-motivator. At this point, everyone had a few minutes to think about what they need to hear, what they need to tell themselves when the going gets tough, and what reminders are needed each day to continue pushing towards their best life. Everyone received a small blank canvas and had 30 minutes to write themselves a message using metallic markers and paint pens. Simplicity and embracing of imperfection are key to this exercise. 

The group then moved downstairs to the kitchen area where Kalea was set up to talk about the four Pillars of Health. She guided the group through a mindful "food-story" exercise to acknowledge how far we have come and where we each see room for growth towards optimal health. Using her vast knowledge about nature therapy, essential nutrients, and food creation, it's safe to say that everyone walked away learning something about nutrition and set clear actions to get the ball rolling this week. Each person then got to create their own unique herbal tea to name and take home.

The beautiful thing about this workshop is that it truly is only the beginning. Due to time restraints, we did not dive in deep to any one concept, but rather scratched the surface and left the group wanting more of what we have to offer.

The next Seeds of Change workshop will take place in October. We will dive in deeper, step further, and reach higher. This is a process that we want our community to come along with us. Each workshop and event will have a similar foundation but will leave room for growth so our community can come each time and continue to see progression and learn new things. 

A special thanks to our brave and bold first group. Kalea and I are honoured and excited to have you in our community and we look forward to the support and passion we will continue to elevate in each other. Much love xoxo

Alignment is key

Mahatma Gandhi said, "Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony." This alignment of thoughts, words, and actions is the true guide into the elevation of Self. 

"Say what you'll do, do what you say"

"You are your word"

"Think like a person of action, act like a person of thought"

"Actions speak louder than intentions"

All of these beautiful reminders ring true as they highlight the simple truth that contentment and fulfillment arrives as a result of alignment in your life. There is nothing more uncomfortable, shame-inducing, self-deprecating, than knowing how you want to act, what you want to say, how you want to feel, yet allowing yourself to behave, say, or do the opposite. 

Ask yourself what your core values are; what inspires you? What feeds your soul? What fulfills you and creates passion and purpose in your day? How do you want to be remembered, what legacy do you want to leave as you exit every interaction? Now ask yourself, where are you holding back in life? Where in life do your actions oppose your thoughts, or where do your thoughts differ from your actions? 

Each day is a new opportunity to set things in motion in any direction you choose. Don't define yourself by who you were yesterday. Don't hold onto past stories as if you are stuck or have no choice in what today becomes. Every day is a chance to restart, reconnect with your purpose, and re-choose how you want to show up in the world. Embrace the energy that you want to be surrounded by and set a few goals for your day to keep that energy top of mind and to get the ball rolling. Hold yourself accountable and reflect on your day to learn, grow, and reset your compass for the new day ahead. 

Live with intention every day, allowing yourself to fall while knowing that these stumbles carry your biggest opportunities to grow and learn more about yourself. Love the challenge. Love the process. Love yourself unconditionally. 

Self-sabotage

I know the feeling all too well. The ping of fear that triggers excuses, resistance, what-ifs, or second guessing, which ultimately can exhaust your system and cause quitting altogether. What once brought excitement and inspiration suddenly becomes a weight to be lifted off your back. Perhaps you also recognize the follow-up feeling of shame, regret, and disappointment in oneself, as you further the trend of quitting, letting fears dictate actions, or not honoring your own passions or balance. This vicious cycle adds another layer of exhaustion to an already uphill battle. 

Recognize fear for what it really is. Unless your life is physically in danger, embrace the fear. Change your perception of fear as "something to be avoided" into fear as "something to love because it carries your biggest learnings, growth, and possibilities". 

Nothing is black and white, nothings is simple, because we each are individuals with unique combinations of experience, beliefs, perceptions, and ideas. Take time to reflect, plan, play, set goals, be in action, and live your life with intention. xoxo