Winter Solstice:

The equinox and solstice have become ritualized times of the year that I create space to slow down, listen and attune to the rhythms of this planet. The solstice - in the northern hemisphere - is the shortest day and longest night. A time of exploring the darkness and gleaning wisdom from the magic of mystery and uncertainty. A time to keep things simple, plant seeds or harvest what’s waiting to be birthed from the unseen to the seen. 

As winter solstice approached (December 21) I found myself in deep inquiry about the experiences I had had recently and what was reorganizing inside of me. It felt like a lot of moving pieces, and partly due to this capstone project that I had decided would include the insights I was currently mulling over, I felt a timeliness to organize everything in a way that would allow me to tell a coherent story and to simplify the process so that I could practice what felt like important updates in my system

I was particularly interested in feeling more aligned internally so that I could develop a consistent process before sitting down with a client that would ensure my nervous system was regulated and I was “in my right mind” (a shorthand I like to use to refer to being lead by right-brain mode of processing). I desire clear structure, wise directiveness, and a consistent nurturance, curiosity and playfulness that leads to explorative collaboration. This felt like an integration of masculine and feminine happening internally, something that I have explored and intentionally investigated and sought out for many years. The balance of effort and surrender, linear and non-linear, giving and receiving, or as Bonnie Bainbrdige Cohen (2012) often says being “spermy” and being “eggy”. The energetic qualities of masculine and feminine are not referring to gender, and they are not meant to be differentiated and left as separate. We all embody both masculine and feminine. The ideal is to honor both, and by rhythmically allowing both we illicit the true power they unlock within us. 

Recall what I wrote in step 2 of this project:

“When this notion of surrender remains in relationship with its opposite (i.e. effort or zoomed-in) it takes on a whole different quality than when it’s understood as standing alone. I am reminded of the wisdom in yogic philosophy that describes effort and surrender as two wings of the same bird. This is a nondualistic approach. Rather than choosing between “this” or “that”, nondualism teaches both/and. In the ancient language of sanskrit, nondualism is advaita, which translates as “not two” (Shila, 2022). Nondualism is at the core of many ancient wisdom and contemplative practices in regard to how we relieve suffering.”

In summary, both/and or non-dualism teaches that expanding out to hold multiple truths at once, rather than zooming in on binary’s (good/bad, right/wrong, us/them, etc.), requires allowing the masculine and feminine to dance together. The masculine is necessary as the structure and container for the wild, sensuous and power-full energy of the feminine to animate. When in balance they are integrated in a way that is greater than when they are perceived separately. Together, in harmony, they create life.

I find it helpful to create a more tangible practice by recognizing the left-brain hemisphere mode of processing as equating to masculine qualities, while the right-brain is feminine. When these two sides toggle appropriately, working together, well-being manifests more and more (McGilchrist, 2019).

In Daniel Pink’s (2014) book, A Whole New Mind: Why Right-Brainer’s Will Rule the Future, he says:

"Empathy is neither a deviation from intelligence nor the single route to it. Sometimes we need detachment; many other times we need attunement. And the people who will thrive will be those who can toggle between the two. As we've seen again and again, the conceptual age requires androgynous minds".

I view an androgynous mind as one that encompasses masculine and feminine qualities, toggles from left to right brain, and can zoom in and zoom out to shift perspectives with flexibility and discernment. 

In the book Mind, Siegel (2017) refers to the process of a fluid interplay between left and right brain as bilateral integration. He says,

"Bilateral integration is how we differentiate the left from the right hemisphere of the brain. These differences lead to different “modes” of processing, even if they ultimately share some neural activations in similar processes...the left mode’s logical, linguistic, linear, and literal processing is quite distinct from the more contextual, non-verbal, body-influenced, more emotionally direct right mode processing. Finding a way to honor both and link them to each other lead to bilateral integration. The corpus callosum is one of the major structures linking the two hemispheres...Interestingly, mindfulness meditation has been shown to increase its growth."

Whether you name it an androgynous mind, bilateral integration or the integration of masculine and feminine, this became my focus as I moved into my winter solstice ritual. A bit of a funny contemplation I was exploring recently highlights an aspect of the feminine that I have been curious about for quite some time. It all began as I was considering the maternal qualities that are effective in the therapeutic relationship. I became intrigued by similar words carrying similar meanings and drastic differences. Like, mother - smother - other. 

Consider the term and archetype of ‘mother’. The ideal of what this energy is, the divine feminine in all her glory as she knows her creative power, brings life to this planet, and embodies a natural nurturance and beauty that is bone deep. We could say mother is the peak of a triangle, and below on the other two ends are its opposites.

Smother. Imagining the archetype of mother when she lacks boundaries and is out of balance, leading to a smothering energy.

And, Other. The opposite end of that imbalance is a mother who is separate and disconnected, othering their experience internally and externally. 

I shared this series of thoughts as a conversation with a couple of friends that I thought would enjoy this word play and meaning-making. As I shared this, I became more attuned to this feminine energy in general and how destructive this fierce power can be when out of balance. The part or parts of me that have the innate qualities of this fierce, nurturing and creative force that is the feminine, have been on an evolutionary journey for some time now. Like many of my parts, there was a long period of imbalance, substantiated by a lack of secure, confident and compassionate leadership internally (and externally). I have many experiences of meeting the divine feminine within me, and have witnessed and moved through countless cycles of reckoning and re-birthing this energy. Most recently I had been quite settled into what felt like maternal energy as I openly grapple with questions regarding whether I want to be a mom and simultaneously feel an expansive maternal sense towards all of nature. All this is to say I was that much more ready and intrigued by the cards I pulled on the winter solstice. 

At the solstice and equinox, I often pull from one of my oracle decks. I find it to be a playful and helpful guide to notice what arises and what I make it mean. I had just gotten a new deck that I felt deeply drawn to and excited to explore. Kim Krans The Wild Unknown Archetypes deck. In the booklet that comes with the deck, Kim shares context for the deck, her personalized experience creating it, and various ways one could use the deck. One of the suggestions was pulling three cards, the first representing your root (your foundation), the second representing your heart, and the third your crown. I immediately felt a yes to this system for this day. 

Reading through the cards I pulled was profound. What was written on these cards was exactly what I needed to help me organize what felt complex and difficult to create structure for. And infused in the messages of these cards is both a reminder of who I am and how I want to show up in this world, as well as what’s possible when I remember and embody this fully. 

Card #1: The Nectar (Foundation)

As I gazed at the image on this card and began to read what it had to share, I felt my own roots and sense of connection in all directions become heightened in my awareness. It reads: The medicine, the elixir, the garden. 

It reminded me of what it is to lead with the right brain as an embodied, connected and sensorial experience. It speaks of a healing elixir dripping and flowing from an awakened and integrated crown, a cyclical and reciprocal connection in my vertical line. 

The card refers to Hindu mythology and its teaching regarding this substance, said to contain infinite healing power. This activation of our innate intelligent forces that ease the mind, body and spirit.

Especially striking to me was the description of how the experience shifts when in “light” or “dark”. I read this as when regulated, in balance, in harmony, and when dysregulated and out of balance. When in balance, one is glowing and relaxed. And when out of balance, the qualities that emerge are aggressive and an impulse to “fix”. Recall what I wrote in step 2 of this project regarding a part of me that proclaims “I can fix this!” and can be aggressive with “know it all” energy, accompanied by a rattling anxiety that says “But I don’t know how!” 

The nectar is a reminder to lean into the sweet nourishing people, places and practices that have me lavishing in this healing substance. I began thinking of practices and exercises that helped me feel connected to this medicine. This included the ways that I reconnect with and explore relationality. I recalled compassionate listening, Breathwork, the balance of effort/action/doing and surrender/rest/being, self compassion, diverse movement, nosehill park, practices of zooming in and zooming out, welcoming, allowing, delightful nutrition, joyful relationships, play, dance, and nature. These are all vital aspects of what keeps me connected to this nectar, and soothes my system so that I can move with ease, glow, and reflect a spaciousness out towards others.

Additionally, this card suggests the importance of community that holds space for you and your wounds. A reminder of my passion and commitment to work in groups and co-create gatherings that serve the purpose of substantiating wellness.

This elixir, flowing intelligently, turns poison into nectar as truth is spoken and ruptures are repaired. This reminded me of a core tenet of the IFS model being there are “no bad parts” (Schwartz & Sweezy, 2020). What may first appear sinister, or poisonous, when met with grace, patience and compassion, will inform you of its good intentions, its gifts, its nectar. 

This is what I strive to continually activate and have flowing within me so that I can reflect this out to others, modeling and inviting others to activate this same intelligence within themselves too. This is my foundation.

Card #2: The Warrior (Heart)

This archetype has the energy of the samurai, the soldier, and the advocate, a powerful and fierce force. When balanced and fully aligned and integrated, or “light”, there is a fierce clarity and purposeful action. A resilience, strength and confidence from being able to stand precariously at the edge of life and death. This is the courage we discover and embody when we repair internal ruptures that are stuck in the fear and separation of the “black hole” or darkness within us.

When stuck in the “dark” or out of harmony, one operates with threats and savagery. This is the impulse to engage with “power over”, the heart of the colonial wound.

This had me reflecting on my craniosacral experience during my first practicum. My growing awareness and curiosity about the impulse of “power over” I felt when out of balance. And, the deep fear and uncertainty I felt towards the “black hole” that shapeshifted into an intelligence that I was then able to come into relationship with. This profound experience expanded my stability and spaciousness to be with others as they come into contact with the “darkness” within them.

When we realign to the internal wisdom within, the nectar flowing with ease, our heart is informed by “power-with” and we surrender to the “battle” wielding love, appreciation, and voracious leadership. To me this reminded me of the right-brain to right-brain model of regulation theory and the path to depolarization and bridging differences.   

As I have sat with this more I have come to equate my wise wizard with this warrior archetype. There is a strong masculine and a wise feminine balance in this action oriented component of who I strive to be. It is the energy needed to curate safe and clear beginning, and to remain present and curious through conflict, and how to depolarize parts internally and interpersonally. 

I am reminded of the steps and insights Finney (2024) shared about the Intercultural Development Continuum in a previous stage of this project. This is an essential quality for progressing along that continuum where we get more skilled at bridging differences. The Warrior (or Wise Wizard) reminds me that it is not easy to lean in and remain open and connected during conflict, but I can do so when I assess where others are at to meet them by listening first to understand how their behaviour is protecting a need. I can validate and then offer another way as I use the template of the IDI continuum.

Card #3: The Crone (Crown)

This is when things got really interesting for me. My third card, representing my crown (symbolically my connection to “higher power”) was The Crone. 

Synonymous with the Witch, the old woman, the sage. Often seen with crow, smoke, night, the moon. As I read this, and reflect on it now, I felt a full embodiment of the darkness as the dynamic relational space, the unseen and omnipresent.

A desire for depth in relationships and a contentedness in the richness of solitude. The Crone is a master of letting go, residing in what is, and rejecting nothing. A being-ness described as radically inclusive and non-dualistic, open to everything and the hidden messages and gifts they reveal. A full embrace of the cycles of death and rebirth as the crone has evolved as the final manifestation in the feminine trifecta (maiden, mother, crone).

Many fear feeling this power within them, and its “unconventional” relationship with death. I thought about the periods of existential dread I have lived through and the subsequent internal lessons and growth I experienced related to versions of the maiden and mother archetypes in my journey.

My favorite lines from this card:

Awakening her is dangerously rich and unapologetically magic. 

I felt the crone and how she laughs at the notion of dualism and allows all at once; the immense darkness and the inconceivable capacity for light.

These three cards have served as structure and organization as I envision the painting I will make for this project. Various drafts and doodles had been made already, and with these three cards, it began coming together more fluidly. 

I find myself feeling zoomed in on details again, and so I come back to the reminder of being able to shift perspectives, to expand out and see the forest through the trees.

 References:

Cohen, B. B., Nelson, L., & Smith, N. S. (2012). Sensing, feeling, and action: The experiential anatomy of body-mind centering®: The Collected Articles for “Contact Quarterly” dance journal 1980-2009. Contact Editions.

Finney, F. (2024). Self, spirituality & social justice. IFS: A tool for liberation. IFS Institute.

McGilchrist, I. (2019). The master and his emissary: The Divided Brain and the making of the Western World. Yale University Press.

Pink, D. H. (2014). A whole new mind: Why right-brainers will rule the future. Riverhead Books.

Schwartz, R. C., & Sweezy, M. (2020). Internal family systems therapy (2nd ed.). The Guilford Press.

Shila. (2022, March 10). Advaita Vedanta explained - philosophy of non-dualism. VedicFeed. https://vedicfeed.com/advaita-vedanta/

Siegel, D. J. (2017). Mind: A journey to the heart of being human. W.W. Norton & Company.