As I come into this final stage of this project and prepare to present in class, I am leaning into the idea one of my classmate’s suggested when I shared my preliminary plan with her. She expressed how interesting it would be to see a series of photos that captured the creation of this project as snapshots in time to tell a story. That feels like a fun way to organize this labyrinth into a coherent presentation.

One of my main curiosities throughout this program, as I began this project, and as I moved through my practicum, was how to bridge polarizations (in other words, how to lean in and provide a bridge between parts and/or people in direct conflict).

This was important for many reasons, including a recognition of a polarization inside of me, as my first practicum highlighted a part of me that engages with a protective strategy of “power over” and my second practicum had me realize I had exiled this part (rather than liberate it and integrate it).

Additionally, as this capstone was to include a vast amount of content, it became clear that an important part of my process was to notice my tendency to get lost or stuck in the “weeds” or details of the process, and I need to remind myself to occasionally step back and see the forest through the trees. In other words, this is an opportunity to practice the pulse of zooming in and zooming out, a key attribute of right-brain mode of processing. 

The drawing above and the string simplifying the same concept represents the hero’s journey with my client’s. This depicts my general understanding of how I want to approach sessions. It is inherently relational, and therefore specific to each person I work with.

Status Quo: In the beginning we engage in a relational dance to gain clarity regarding where they are now, “what’s the matter”, and where they desire to be. This includes psychoeducation and collaborative direction as we attune and align regarding what’s up for them. Gaining clarity and ideas regarding the knot(s) that are blocking vitality and the natural rhythm of expansion and contraction.

Leaving the Ordinary World: We then dance to feel and get to know each other’s rhythms and patterns. I remain steady, predictable and stable as I observe and attune to the other. A time for psychoeducation, little experiments, information gathering, and co-creating the container for the journey we are embarking on. This beginning will include experiences to feel the toggle between left and right brain as a way to feel perspective shifting and a form of bilateral stimulation for nervous system regulation.

Magical Mentor/Trials and Tribulations: Our rhythms align, and trust is built. Parts are uncovered and consent is granted from protectors. Surface level polarization’s have been addressed and mediated and there is hope and courage building. 

As we move forward we notice ripples in their system, their story, and their experience. We slow down and rewind and replay with mindfulness and curiosity. I model right- brain attunement to wrap attention and love around what was shaky.

Dark Night of the Soul/Abyss/Death and Rebirth: Eventually we go deeper to what is the “black hole” that is ready to be witnessed, updated and integrated back into the wholeness of their internal system. This could be development trauma, but also the shedding of layers of cultural conditioning that feed the illusion of separation. Illusions we learned through first-hand experience, or inherited from our caregivers, ancestors, and/or community we interact with and come from.

The “way back home” on the journey includes moments of ripples where the client is now resourced and able to slow down and tend from their own Higher Self to their part(s). I modelled this self-compassionate and curious way of being so that they can take on the role of primary caregiver for their own system.

And the journey continues…

While I paused this art project to reflect thoroughly on my MSW journey (and write about it), I also landed on some clear intentions regarding what I was hoping to learn and understand for my own personal and professional development.

1. Expand my ability to remain calm and curious while in the presence of others’ instability. I need to allow and trust the momentary getting lost in the process so that I can truly feel it from within.

2. Expand my ability to lean into polarities/conflict with curiosity to depolarize

3. Expand my ability to recognize my parts’ gifts and their responsibilities 

While reading the book Braiding Sweetgrass over the break I was moved by many things Robin Wall Kimmerer wrote.

“Every being with a gift, every being with a responsibility” (p. 211)

“All powers have two sides, the power to create, and the power to destroy. We must recognize them both, but invest our gifts on the side of creation” (p. 212)

She goes on to describe the teachings of duality being in all things, as though there is a twin aspect in all of us who is as committed to making imbalance as we are dedicated to balance. That twin has learned the interplay of creation and destruction and rocked it like a boat on a choppy sea to keep people out of balance. They found that the arrogance of power could be used to unleash unlimited growth – an unrestrained, cancerous, sort of creation that would lead to destruction. As we vow to walk with humility, we do so to balance the equal and opposite arrogance of our twin (p. 212).

The darkness we fear inside is the reflection of the infinite light. The polarity that is a part of every relationship. To see it and understand it yet lean into the light is to be the co-creator that we all are. 

Don’t fear the darkness. Acknowledge it, allow it, and remember you are also the infinite light.

*A key experience in this Parts Training led me to come back into relationship with a young part of me that was being triggered during uncertain moments with clients. This young part of me holds the experience of almost drowning in a public pool when I was very young (4-6 years old). Frozen in in time, in my psyche, was uncertainty in a life or death situation, grasping for anything around me that could save me, a flailing. This is a foundational piece of my inner alignment and to achieve the intentions I set out to explore and expand.

Insights from this experience:

• gazing into the eyes of Source or the Crone

• a calm and trust while in the liminal space

• a young part of me that now feels empowered, connected and supported

• realization that I have liberated a few exiles in my system, holistically representing my root, sacral, solar plexus and heart chakras. While protectors liberated from their roles have tended to be heart, throat and third eye chakras.

In a previous activity where we drew our Essential Self or Higher Self and/or the qualities associated with that state of being, I drew a mountain with the four seasons rhythmically moving through to show constant change and a deep stability. Not knowing exactly what this drawing would become, I began my mandala with my Essential Self in the middle - the mountain. Four mountains to represent the four seasons and different stages/age of life, all of which touch the void of darkness/nothingness/everything that is at the true center and the backdrop on which everything appears.

A pleasant and welcome surprise when recognizing the four mountains also relate to each other creating the symbol X, which represents ‘as within, so without’.

The mandala landed for me like a map and a medicine wheel. Throughout the weekend I was able to explore this map with various mediums of experience and relationality. As the weekend continued my altar shifted and so did my experience of my inner system.

Maintaining the perspective of not knowing and remaining open to new information moment-by-moment is critical. As a mentor and friend shared with me a few weeks ago, even the concept of diagnosis is meant to include constant change and uncertainty…

di - 2

agnosis - not knowing

Two who don’t know

This makes me think about limiting beliefs and even the stagnant labels we assign to parts of our internal system, and how the goal is to gather more information, hold space for the complexity, and update what was stuck to come back into a flexible and adaptive state.

Jeremy Lent coined the term Fractal Nourishing as a way to depict this patterned and interconnected experience of life, and that as we truly take care and nourish ourselves (like with self-compassion) we are more keen and able to recognize our part in all of existence and engage in prosocial behavior in a way that does not lead to burnout or perpetuate extraction and harm.