The Rhythm of Relational Compassion:
How Regulation Theory points towards the essential qualities of right-brain hemispheric modes of processing as the wise leader for healthy systems
As I near the end of my MSW program journey, I am inspired and encouraged to have a clear theoretical foundation from which I approach social work and continually learn and integrate other modalities. One of my professor’s recently advised us to avoid using the term eclectic when we describe our approach, as that sounds like knowing a little about a lot while lacking depth and specialization. Equally important is to be clear on my professional identity, how I want to show up with those I work with, and the gaps or areas of growth that I want to develop.
As I integrate and expand on the reflective process I have engaged in to begin this capstone project, I now shift my focus to explore my current foundational theoretical approach to social work and why that leads me to the exploration of practices that integrate left and right brain hemispheres.
Professional Identity
Consider that everything is relational, that at the quantum level “the basic building blocks of life are relationships, not individuals” (Siegel, 2023, p. 265). Now, consider that the foundational aspects of who you are, your identity and how you perceive the world, is a byproduct of the relationships you have in your first formative years of existence. You, a bundle of potential, was shaped by how you saw yourself through others’ eyes.
Consider that the quality of the relationship you have with yourself, those around you and the space or land beneath you is a reflection of the quality of your health and well-being. We are relational beings.
While social work has a breadth of possible directions it can go in, what makes all social workers or social work careers similar is the understanding of the multitude of relationships that make up the various ecosystems within us and around us, and how these influential dynamics impact and shape who we are and who we think we are. A social worker is someone who works at all levels of society to support individuals, communities and the larger macrocosm of culture to create bridges. Both internally and externally, we are trained to turn towards the most marginalized and to lean into conflict, to bridge the gap between needs and accessing the support, resources and opportunities that are systemically barriered. Ideally, as social workers, we work in a network of co-conspiritors that are educating the masses, advocating for change, and rallying within communities as well as with policy-makers in the government to effect that change.
Rhythm
One way to reduce strain and stress in our internal systems is to reduce uncertainty. And I have found that perceiving through the lens of rhythms creates a framework that allows me to lean into the present moment with more ease, as it is. The relational rhythm of rupture, repair and harmony allows me to see value in conflict when it is predictably met with space for understanding and repair. The rhythm and intelligence that is the inhale and exhale has expanded my ability to trust my ability to ride the waves of presence and meet it with the energy needed to balance what is here now. I found hope in recognizing that effort wants to dance with surrender and vice versa, and that allows me to let go a little more, as I do not need to control what’s here, I need to jive with the natural ebbs and flows. I see immense wisdom in cultivating smooth waves, learning how to navigate efficiently when the waves are intense or extreme, and accessing discernment and collaboration rather than force or acting as though I have no impact at all. Rhythm curates an expansive perspective of interconnectivity where we recognize the opportunity to step more fully into the role of a wise maestro who conducts with compassion.
Rhythm is a helpful lens to perceive and understand discipline. Discipline comes from the root word disciple, which reminds me that true discipline is developed as a relational quality of teacher and student. When we consider developing our ability to be disciplined, this guides me towards the question….within my own internal system, who is the teacher and who is the student?
This inquiry points to an intelligent relationship between the left and right brain. I don’t know about you, but when I think of my best teachers, they have qualities that reside within the realm of benevolence, wisdom, openness, and genuine care. And there is plenty of research that suggests that including kind intention and compassion as we practice and develop new skills has many profound health benefits.
The right brain hemisphere is best suited as the leader of the brain as it defaults to presence and embodiment, and inhibits the need for certainty by recognizing the multitude of possibilities and perspectives alive in each moment, knowing there is always more to discover and explore (McGilchrist, 2019). As well, as leader, it knows it needs the left hemisphere and creates space and rhythm for cooperation and collaboration by toggling back and forth appropriately (McGilchrist, 2019). Whereas left-brain dominance has a narrow purview as if it can only “consult” and communicate with brain regions close by. This leads to a rigidity in its perspective, not recognizing the value and fluidity that arises when we can toggle from right-brain to left (McGilchrist, 2019). It’s as though it is an overconfident student that does not recognize the guidance available.
As a helpful analogy, consider that your right brain hemisphere has a natural loving disposition of openness, seeing the seamless interconnectivity in all things and builds new connections where there was separation or disconnection. Developing right brain qualities and leadership equates to more interconnectivity in this side of the brain as well as connectivity between left and right hemispheres, which results in a more collaborative brain system, increasing mental and emotional flexibility, emotional regulation and communication (Schore & Schore, 2014, p. 190).
So rather than a forceful, judgmental, hostile or restrictive approach, the discipline I seek requires a healthy balance of focus, linear-thinking and detail-oriented nature of the left brain as a disciple or student to the wisdom and leadership of the right brain. In this way, discipline could be understood as a relational rhythm between the right and left-brain hemispheres.
For many of us, raised with the narrow narratives of western society and the subsequent lack of quality (i.e., deep, consistent, predictable, modeling nervous system regulation, etc.) attunement from our primary caregiver’s, we developed unconscious nervous system strategies to adapt and a propensity for left-brain dominance. The practice of awakening to right-brain leadership and integration of left and right hemispheres leads to better health and well-being.
How might we practice this?
Bilateral stimulation
Rhythmic exploration of opposites
Expanding capacity for self-compassion
Developing attuned listening at the non-verbal level of communication
Aligning with the rhythms within and around us
Why differentiate the right brain from the left brain?
Where we begin our life has a foundational impact on how our nervous system organizes to make meaning, to perceive through an individualistic or collectivist lens, and react to stimuli, which imprints how we regulate emotions and connect with others (Schore, 2011). Years of research has accumulated to show a direct connection between the strength and development of the right-brain hemisphere by way of an attuned other in the first two years of life, and one’s quality of health and well-being (Schore, 2011). In other words, the emotional environment your primary caregiver(s) shaped for you becomes the experience-dependent maturation of your right-brain hemisphere, and the unconscious blueprint utilized throughout life regarding how to be in relationship with self and others (Schore & Schore, 2014, p. 180). When we are in relationship with an attuned other, we access a shared space and experience of connection, co-creation and a “moment-to-moment ‘self-state sharing’” where we can learn how to express nuanced aspects of our experience, feel seen and heard, and respond to the cues and signals of another (Schore & Schore, 2014, p. 186).
Attachment is an emotional process of interactive regulation, and can be boiled down to one’s ability to communicate affect and regulate one’s nervous system (whether self-regulation or regulation in the presence and connection with others - i.e. co-regulation) (Schore, 2011). This has brought awareness to the fact that affect regulation is a skill that is housed in the right brain hemisphere mode of processing.
Attachment theory helps highlight some of the relational patterns one can develop based on these early years in life and how our wise internal systems adapt and strategize to find safety. For example, a common experience in western culture is a deep sense of loneliness and isolation. This is an adaptive strategy developed to make sense of the cultural individualistic narrative and to minimize the drive for connection due to experience that taught connection was not safe and/or reliable (Siegel, 2023). This is accompanied with a tendency to avoid, remain anxious in relationships and/or disconnect, with their own self and with others. This attachment style and individualistic perspective is consistent with a dominant left-brain mode of being and processing as it specializes with “its narrow focus of attention and its disconnection from both the internal sensory world of the body and the rich reflective sense of an autobiographical narrative self-experience” (Siegel, 2023, p. 268).
Another possibility is seen when one experiences inconsistent and sometimes intrusive behavior from caregivers, resulting in a deep core confusion and ambivalence (Siegel, 2023). This leads to ongoing emotional confusion and internal polarization as parts of you desire connection while other parts express mixed feelings and contradictions (Schore, 2011). This could feel like an intense longing for a relationship and an equal and opposite push away and desire to hide, for example.
Similarly, disorganized attachment is another pattern that can develop for those who experience terror in response to rupture after rupture in primary relationships without consistent repair (Siegel, 2023). A deep sense of internal fragmentation results, along with intense dissociation as one’s attachment system shuts down frequently as this system learns that dysregulation is not predictably regulated by self or others (Schore, 2011).
Our identity or sense of self is constructed first in our primary relationship as a child, and neuronal frameworks are re-purposed in our relationships as an adult, therefore, updating and healing occurs through a relational process (Schore & Schore, 2014). It appears as though the rigidity and lack of rhythmic growth and self/co-regulation that is prevalent in disorganized, insecure, and anxious/avoidant attachment styles are depicting a dominant left-brain mode of processing. In some ways we could frame our future relationships as opportunities to update the neuronal networks that lead to rigidity and a narrow focus (i.e. left-brain dominance). Our relationships in adulthood become avenues for growth and breaking the cycles (i.e. beliefs and reactivity) that were imprinted from lack of attunement and consistent repairs after ruptures.
Aligned with the theory of multiplicity and the notion that we have many parts in our psyche that make up the whole of our personality or being, the rhythm of relational compassion is a practice of turning inwards to develop the leadership of an internal secure attachment figure for our many parts. With this internal practice, we have access to a template to cultivate that attunement in our external/interpersonal relationships as well.
Important to note here that this is not about blaming. When we expand out to consider the systemic sickness that perpetuates an illusion of the solo-self (Siegel, 2023) or dominant narratives in culture that perpetuate myths of perfection, dualistic thinking, unrealistic expectations regarding body image, success and hustle, power and privilege, or the lack of support, structure and community that parents need as they raise children (Okun, 2023), we see this is not an individual problem to point at, this is a systemic problem. This left-brain mode of an individualistic lens reinforces a subconscious feeling and perception of scarcity (Schore, 2011; Siegel, 2023). Whereas, practicing and embodying a collectivistic cultural experience “lead one to construct a perception of the whole with a wide focus of attention”, which is a right-brain mode of processing (Siegel, 2023, p. 27). For those who did not receive the support and attunement they needed in their first few years of life, that stems from intergenerational wounds and an illness within a colonized society that touts the illusion of separation to feed imperialism and capitalism (Menakem, 2019; Okun, 2023). The more we take responsibility to heal ourselves and regenerate a nervous system that allows for the rhythm of relational compassion, the more we are equipped to work together and change the external systems that are perpetuating harm.
Qualities of Right-Brain and Left-Brain
It has become clear through this research that the right brain is more connected to the body (i.e. affect, nervous system regulation, felt sense of connection with self and others) and learning how to lead from a right-brain hemispheric mode of processing has many benefits for well-being (Schore, 2011). The right and left hemispheres have differentiated perspectives and skills that are both necessary for healthy functioning.
The right-brain hemisphere is well-suited for handling complexity as an inclusive, non-linear mode of processing that creates space for ‘both/and’ (McGilchrist, 2019). This humility and curiosity inherent in the right hemisphere curate's resonant relationships that allow space for differences, sees commonalities, and encourages uniqueness.
“...the right hemisphere has been found to regulate impulse control, self-esteem, processing of self and other related material, as well as social and moral judgment – all well-known ego functions. As much psychological distress and dysfunction are reflected in poor right hemispheric function (and often structure), it seems clear that it is critical to identify interventions targeting this area of the brain” (Montgomery, 2013).
It is with right hemisphere dominated processing that we do our best work in holding space for ourselves and others, feeling without condition and tracking sensation without jumping out of the flow to fix or problem solve.
The left hemisphere views a world in which certainty is prized and ambiguity, ambivalence or uncertainty are seen as weaknesses and hard to tolerate (McGilchrist, 2019). From that perspective, left hemisphere processing steers towards getting "ahold" of the situation at hand by needing to categorize and label it with language, the use of black and white thinking, and overconfidence in its position as being right and knowing everything (McGilchrist, 2019). The right brain also utilizes language, but does so with emotional and affect-laden communication, versus the left-brain’s linear and noun-based language use (Schore, 2011).
Because of this stringent, fixed and inflexible view of the world, the left hemisphere tends to not see the uniqueness in things, rather, it abstracts and categorizes, seeing inanimate parts (or the representation or idea of something) that are measurable, useable, and quantifiable instead of the complex whole that is alive, changing and unfolding (McGilchrist, 2019). The left hemisphere tends to fixate on stimuli, zooming in on detail rather than an open and expansive view of the whole.
Living in a dominant left-brain hemisphere way of being leads to a sense of distance from our bodies and a prevalence of delusion or denial, which inevitably creates a sense of confusion about who we are or where stress and dis-ease is coming from (McGilchrist, 2019). This leads to chronic dysregulation of the nervous system, which produces fear and violence, and a low tolerance for conflict, which perpetuates inequitable rights and self isolation (Strozzi-Heckler, 2014). Can you see that left-brain dominance is rampant in our culture?
To be embodied is to be in the right brain hemisphere mode of processing, which allows an inclusion and transcendence of the dualistic nature of the left brain. The somatic experience of one’s body and the felt sense of interconnectivity, as a consistent feature in one’s purview, is an emergent experience when the right-brain is developed and in the lead.
“The term Somatics derives from the Greek SOMATIKOS, which signifies the living, aware, bodily person. It posits that neither mind nor body is separate from the other; both being part of a living process called the soma” (Strozzi-Heckler, 2014).
When I feel disconnected from myself or the world around me or taken-over by a part of me that is over-thinking, inflexible in its judgments or comparisons, or viewing the world through a lens of separation or “power over”, I am not in my "Right Mind." With conscious breath, somatic awareness, and intentional practice, we can shift from left brain dominance to the holistic ecology of right brain leadership.
How to develop and strengthen the right brain?
Window of Tolerance
From the work of Dr. Daniel Siegel (2011), the Window of Tolerance (or Presence) is a term used to describe the optimal zone of arousal in which a person is best able to function, learn, adapt, heal, and respond with choice and flexibility. More specifically, the window represents one’s capacity to tolerate discomfort before the survival system is activated and higher cortical functions are shut down. This zone of presence expands and narrows moment by moment based on the internal and external surveillance of DIMs (danger-in-my-system) and SIMs (safety-in-my-system) along with one's tolerance to such changes. When we are in the window of tolerance we can have a feeling, emotion or experience AND turn towards it with relational compassion and curiosity.
While there are many benefits to expanding your window of tolerance and spending more time in that optimal zone, one major reason for practicing this expansion is that those who spend more time outside of the window of tolerance have a higher rate and recurrence of mental health afflictions.
Practices that increase connectivity between left and right brain and that strengthen right-brain leadership are also expanding one's window of tolerance. When connectivity between left and right brain hemispheres increases, so does your ability to discern and toggle between these two specialized modes of processing. How we regulate our nervous system and the quality of our relationships (i.e. health and well-being) depends on this integration.
Right-Brain to Right-Brain Attunement
Developing the right brain is done through interactive dynamics that engage and elaborate on attachment circuitry we all have. This can be achieved through an attuned therapeutic relationship where the therapist is approaching the relationship through a framework like Regulation Theory. Regulation theory utilizes the understanding of attachment to guide the therapist to recognize their role as an attuned other for their client to harmonize with so they can update their foundational imprints regarding affect communication and nervous system regulation in an interactive dynamic (Schore & Schore, 2014). An authentic and reciprocal relationship where stored ruptures and limiting beliefs can be brought to the surface to be re-appraised and somatically released, and present relational ruptures can be met with spaciousness in real-time to relearn how to stay connected in conflict and dynamically repair ruptures to come back into harmony (Schore, 2011). It is a form of connecting and communicating that tends to include what is felt and expressed beneath words, making it a proficient access point for the non-verbal and pre-verbal storage of internalized oppression and trauma (Schore & Schore, 2014). The rhythm of healthy relationality is modelled and reflected in the therapeutic relationship.
What may begin in therapy, as right-brain to right-brain attunement, is modelled and somatically experienced so that the client develops their right-brain leadership and can begin to offer this form of relational compassion towards themselves and others.
Specifically, regulation theory seeks to utilize the therapeutic relationship to repair and update developmental gaps and ruptures in the client that were perpetuated by the lack of right-brain to right-brain attunement during key stages of early life (Schore & Schore, 2014). This is achieved by way of modeling within the resonant relationship of a right-brain to right-brain attunement between practitioner and client (Schore & Schore, 2014).
“When you know how you are organizing your experience, you become free to organize it in new ways. When you change not just what you experience, but how you experience, you have transcended, you have become a different self. You have transcended the habits and beliefs you were stuck in and controlled by. You now have options. You do things and feel things in new ways. You have changed at the level of character. Your personal paradigm has shifted” (Kurtz, R., 2015, p. 11).
Fixed and rigid perceptions of self and others are byproducts of foundation neural networks laid down during primary attachment years and a cultural illusion of separation. While the therapeutic relationship is one avenue for updating these foundational networks in the brain and body, additionally, practices that guide us through an experience of shifting perspectives and coming into contact with consciousness and objects of consciousness, grants us with the recognition that we perceive what we believe and there is much more out there, and in here, to perceive than what we may be currently fixated on.
References
Kurtz, R. (2015). Body-mind psychotherapy: The hakomi method.
McGilchrist, I. (2019). The master and his emissary: The Divided Brain and the making of the Western World. Yale University Press.
Menakem, R. (2021). My grandmother’s hands: Racialized trauma and the pathway to mending our hearts and bodies. Penguin Books.
Okun, T. (2023). White Supremacy Culture. WHITE SUPREMACY CULTURE. https://www.whitesupremacyculture.info/
Schore, A. N. (2011). The right brain implicit self lies at the core of psychoanalysis. Psychoanalytic Dialogues, 21(1), 75–100. https://doi.org/10.1080/10481885.2011.545329
Schore, J. R., & Schore, A. N. (2014). Regulation theory and affect regulation psychotherapy: A clinical primer. Smith College Studies in Social Work, 84(2–3), 178–195. https://doi.org/10.1080/00377317.2014.923719
Siegel, D. J. (2011). Mindsight: The New Science of Personal Transformation. Bantam Books Trade Paperbacks.
Siegel, D. J. (2023). Intraconnected: Mwe (me + we) as the integration of self, identity, and belonging. W. W. Norton & Company.
Strozzi-Heckler, R. (2014). The art of somatic coaching: Embodying skillful action, wisdom, and compassion. North Atlantic Books.