I began my clinical practicum at Bloom Psychedelic Therapy & Research Institute in early September. This clinic is just over three years old and I am their first practicum student. This was a goal of mine before I started this program, as I have experience with ceremonial psychedelics and I had heard anecdotes about the clinical psychedelic experience being void of much of what I had found so profoundly healing and transformative in the “underground” offerings. This of course has shifted and changed over the course of the three years that ketamine has been granted special status to be used in regulated clinical environments for therapy. I loved the idea of learning more about the regulation process and to bring some warmth, love and spirit into a medical model that has the propensity to be described as sterile. Bloom stood out to me as soon as I began exploring their website and had my first tour of their space. An aesthetically soothing environment accompanied by warm practitioners and staff. An ideal environment to learn more about the medical model parameters that govern the use of psychedelics in therapy. I pursued the opportunity to be their first practicum student and was lucky that the timing aligned in many ways.

At this point of my writing I am a little over the halfway point in this practicum and I have already learned so much. Above and beyond the lessons learned regarding the regulatory process, I have been deeply moved by the feedback I have received from my supervisor. While I am assured by my skills and ability in many ways, the constructive feedback points to a gap in my facilitation as it lacks the essential quality of occasionally being directive. This has been an ongoing and fascinating area of reflection and curiosity for me through these first few months in the clinic.

A caveat to add some context about this feedback and why I am so enthralled with what it is leading towards. I have continued seeing some private clients out of my home while being in school, and one client in particular I have been seeing almost weekly for the duration of the program. I could write at length about the special relationship we have cultivated and the learning and growth we have both experienced. One of his wonderful qualities is a desire to be honest and authentic at all times, and he is very clear and upfront with me when my suggestions or prompts during his somatic experiences do not land well. With him I learned to slow down and discern whether a prompt or suggestion is needed in that moment, and to be even more mindful of my language so that I am inviting and offering ideas while maintaining space for his own authentic process. I have also learned time and time again with this client that bringing curiosity and spaciousness to our relational ruptures and allowing genuine care and authenticity to lead, the repairs made are where the most influential change, healing and growth occur. I mention this because the directive-part of me took a big step back because of this therapeutic dynamic as I was receiving the feedback from him that it was not attuned to what he really needed. As I worked at the clinic and began to get the feedback that I was not being directive enough, this became a potent area for me to understand, update and integrate. This is a key area that I will focus on for the remainder of this capstone, as the insights this has propagated in my personal work and discovery have been important and fruitful in many ways. 

To highlight this next phase of my experience and development, I will share some reflections and insights from my own ketamine experience, the continuation of that internal work that transpired in a cranio-sacral session I experienced, and the culmination of wisdom that arose during my winter solstice ritual which led to the beginning formation of the art piece that is evolving in my minds eye as I move through this capstone process.