A limiting belief that I have uncovered and continue to see pop up occasionally, comes in the form of a variation of the words "I am not enough." Sometimes it will be as I am heading to teach a yoga or spin class or meet with a client, and I hear that faint whisper that what I offer is not worth their time or money. On another occasion I will be at home, enjoying a slower paced day and allowing myself time to relax on the couch. At this point I may feel a sensation in my gut telling me to get moving, to do something, anything, other than sitting still, as if I am not worth as much when I relax.
I had decided to allow myself a bit of a break from the workshop scene for the summer. Although I am still hosting workshops for teens through the Mindful Mechanics project, I do feel a bit of lack in my life by not having one or two adult workshops planned for each month. I am working on writing my book, and I am still writing monthly for Brandedyyc.com, but I could feel that I needed another outlet to potentially create connection, conversation, and support.
Despite consciously gifting myself time and space to slow down this summer, I have much more "free time" on my hands than I am comfortable with. Without structure and deadlines, I found myself making excuses to watch tv in the middle of the day or go for another workout, when those two activities - in excess - do more harm than good. What I need is time focused on growing myself and supporting the people around me.
I had made the commitment to myself several times that I would get into bed at an earlier time, meditate daily, meet up with friends and/or family daily for a catch-up, do more cooking or baking in the kitchen, and create a well-balanced daily routine. Yet I continued to feel sluggish and compound the feeling by making choices that make me feel more sluggish. I had found myself caught in a cycle of knowing what I want/need to be doing but continually making choices that take me further from that goal. I chose to get curious about this and notice this pattern without judging myself. There is a limiting belief or negative self-talk cycle going on here that I needed to uncover, and this got me excited.
A few days ago, a friend of mine reached out to encourage me to apply for the job she was leaving to move to BC with her husband. I was hesitant to follow-up as I have not been thinking about adding in a full-time job outside of my current business, but it did seem like something worth exploring. The job is the Fitness Director for the YMCA Eau Claire location. As Fitness Director, I would coach, mentor, and support a staff of 50+ fitness instructors, create courses and training programs, as well as teach a few classes myself per week. I would be supporting a non-profit company that strives to create health and wellness as an affordable and accessible lifestyle for everyone. The more I learned about this role and about the goals of the YMCA, the more excited and intrigued I was by this opportunity.
I interviewed for the job, still unsure as to whether it was what I wanted. Two days later, before knowing if I got the job or not, I realized that I want to work harder, smarter, but not at the expense of my balance. This job is a 40 hour a week commitment, which would either require me to let go of some of the projects and classes I already have (not to mention my complete autonomy and freedom that I worked hard to create), or sacrifice my energy and depth in many classes or projects.
I want to mentor and coach, and create experiences that will grow and support the health and wellness of many people. YMCA is a beautiful example of how to do this on a large scale, and I now know I want to work with them, as the face of dope(a)me, to make their courses and services that much better.
It was an amazing realization and wake-up call for me, as I discovered my passion for making a difference almost had me commit to a full-time salary job just to bring more people and opportunities into my daily life.
I want more opportunities to support and connect with people in a real way, and it is time for me to amp up my energy and daily routine to begin building more relationships that will help make that happen. When I think of just showing up and being around a big group of people, I am not excited. I want purposeful and meaningful conversation. I love leading workshops for this reason. I get to lead by example in vulnerability and get some "real talk," with honest and messy introspection. I love creating challenges and coaching others in creating new habits while letting go of stale or unhealthy habits, because the conversations are raw and inspiring.
In June I completed a 30 day challenge of my own. I committed to a daily meditation practice and to get upside down every day. Although I missed a few days, the challenge was an eye opener into my self-talk and self-discipline habits. It solidified my love and appreciation for meditation, even if it is a mere 10 minutes in my day. It surprised me how long 30 days actually felt when I was committed to that daily mindful practice. It gave me something to be proud of every day and something tangible to work towards and check-off my list. It filled me up with energy on the days that I resisted and struggled to stick to my commitment yet somehow found a way to make it happen.
With that experience top of mind I decided that would be a great gift to help spread my reach and connect with more people in a meaningful way. I have created a 30 day challenge outline that I am happy to offer for only $20 to anyone who would like to participate. The challenge has two parts to it. One part is your unique 30 day commitment. What you want to add into your life, or let go of. What you want to practice, try, explore, or create daily in your life. Once you choose your commitment, each Sunday you will receive an email with an extra challenge for that week. Robert E Quinn's quote resonates deeply for me, and we will use the four pillars mentioned to explore through your habits each week:
"It is our own hypocrisy and self-focus that drains us. When we become purpose-centered, other focused, internally-directed, and externally-open, we discover energy we did not know we had."
Reach out with any questions or to register today. I would love to hear from you ;)
marinmccue@gmail.com