Holding space for someone is an important part of my regular vernacular. It guides me into generous listening, to acknowledging the person I am listening to as wise, capable and in no way in need of saving. It is a process of honoring the other, allowing them to ask for what they need, and to simply receive a loving ear and heart to listen as they work through or arise to their own insights.
I say this phrase often, and my husband occasionally teases me by using the phrase himself, with a goofy smile on his face. Yet, I know he gets it. And I know not everyone understands this concept whatsoever. I stumbled across a beautiful explanation of this skill-set, and feel compelled to share with all of you.
on instagram, @risingwoman
“Holding space requires us to step fully into Being when everything inside of us tell us we should be Doing.
Space holding doesn’t mean taking responsibility for the internal world of another.
It’s never our job to fix another person’s feelings, or to expect someone else can fix ours.
Holding space isn’t saying all the right things…it isn’t doing much of anything really.
Holding space is the art of “being with” someone’s pain and allowing them to have their experience without making it about ourselves.
Holding space is the quiet, powerful force of present loving connection.
Holding space is an “I Love you and I’m not going anywhere” while you process this emotion.
Holding space is patience and eye-contact when someone is scared or overwhelmed by their own feelings.
Presence without judgement, a hug, non-reactivity, learning not to take things personally or trying to save someone from their feelings are all profound acts of space holding.
Our pain and our grief deserve equal seats at the table as our sparkle and our joy.
Blocks only occur when we try turning off the tap. And as we learn to let our feelings in, we learn to let them go just as freely.
Living by a “good vibes or goodbye” philosophy is dangerously shallow.
In a culture where we shame negative feelings and pedestal the light, we risk isolating ourselves from others when we really need love and support.
Relationships are deepened through vulnerability and the courage to let another in when you’re hurting.
Closeness comes from seeing someone in their darkest moments and reminding them they’re loved exactly as they are” - Sheleana Aiyana @risingwoman
While this is massively transformative for all relationships, this includes the relationship with self! I invite you to get curious and be in the practice of holding space for yourself. Notice what comes up for you. Anything you desire in your relationships with others, must begin with the authentic relationship with yourself.
xo