The most profound things in life tend to have the non-dualistic qualities of simplicity and complexity weaved together. The importance and power of resonance is one of those profound things.
This week I was on a zoom call called the Moon Group. Hosted by Mukara of Matrixworks, this bi-weekly gathering is curated to experience the group as a living organism as we explore and practice topics related to nervous system regulation and heart-led connection. This week’s theme: resonance. My experience on this call left me reflecting on my relationship with this concept throughout the summer, and I found myself compelled to capture some key insights.
What is Resonance?
Resonance refers to the phenomenon of two vibrating objects coming into harmony and then amplifying as one. Think of two different sounds vibrating through space, that when in harmony, converge to create a louder or fuller sound in unity. The beauty here is that neither individual sound is lost, in fact, both are needed wholly for the emergence of the resonance and amplification.
In the therapeutic and relational realm, resonance is a field of safety and connection that is conjured when we turn towards ourselves to hold space and when we attune with another person. Attunement requires the qualities of slowing down and listening with all of one’s senses. To attune, there is a pre-requisite of a regulated nervous system, as without such, we are blocked from connection. When attuned and in resonance, the field of safety expands and contracts with an aliveness, just like the breath.
My Journey with Resonance
At the beginning of this past summer I was noticing an edginess in my nervous system. I was quick to react, viewing myself and the world through an anxious and bewildered lens, and finding myself stuck in my protective mechanisms on a daily basis. I was displaying all of the common signs of a nervous system that was in hypervigilance and landing in the occasional shutdown of hypoarousal. I leaned into this and took it as an opportunity to meet these parts of me with more compassion and space to listen. I set the intention to slow down for the summer, to clear space wherever was possible, and “stand still” until I rooted back into the earth, into presence, and could make decisions and take action from a regulated and grounded state.
I stepped away from social media, I cleared my schedule, I concluded programs I was offering at the time and I restrained myself from creating or offering anything new.
In this space over the summer, I felt my nervous system unravel and surface exhausted, frazzled, ashamed, and impatient parts of me that needed my loving attention. As I held loving space for what was arising, I also found deeper and deeper solace and restoration. I felt my nervous system flexibility come back and I could notice more nuance and detail in sensations. I sat with impulses and desires and emotions with more patience and ease than ever before.
On the other end of that “retreat”, I have a clear sense of direction and a truer connection with myself, who I am now at this phase of my life.
Insights on Resonance
I have learned and experienced the importance in maintaining a sense of resonance throughout my day and in all that I do. This has me re-looking at my relationship with social media and how I can change the way I use it so that it resonates with who I am rather than overwhelms or over-stimulates me with noise and the subsequent emotional reactions of my protector parts.
I have come to a place of revering resonance with a sense of awe while also remembering that resonance with myself and others is a birthright. There is actually nothing extraordinary to resonance when this is remembered. We all are deserving and in need of resonance for survival.
My reverence and admiration of resonance leads me to taking on the task of being the consistent regulated nervous system in all the spaces I enter, because it requires at least one regulated nervous system to create the field that others are invited into. This also increased my compassion and empathy for those around me who act out in ways that could easily be labeled with disdain and anger, as there are many people who were brought into this world, and continue to live within, an environment that lacked a regulated nervous system to attune to.
I have also learned an imperative difference between true healing resonance and that of being lost or taken over by someone else’s energy. Resonance is a form of integration. It is an adding and an expansion as an emergence, not a blending, a pouring in or a taking on of anyone else’s energy. This is clear when you begin with creating resonance with yourself, and then turn towards another to resonate with them, and then include yourself as you resonate with self and the other. As Daniel Siegal says “Integration is a fruit salad, not a smoothie.”
As I first began my study and experiencing of resonance, I landed on the phrase “drop your shield, and step into the field.” Resonance is the field. The field is the space where appreciation, gratitude, compassion and love flow freely and create a shared experience of safety, presence and healing. This is the resonant field. This is where we co-regulate, heal, unravel, commune, and create a new way of engaging with ourselves and the world.
As I begin to step back into creating and engaging in a more expansive way, I am doing so with the intention of moving slowly so that I can honor resonance in every breath, word and action. If you would like to follow along and join in when the time is right for you, join my newsletter or simply reach out to say hi.
Thanks for taking the time to read and feel my words.
xoxo