In honor of Mental Health Awareness, I am compelled to continue sharing openly and honestly about where I have been, but even more so, what I did to practice my way into a healthy and balanced state. A huge part of recovering from mental health struggles is a practice of getting out of your thinking mind and finding ways to expand your consciousness; see new perspectives; find rest and pause rather than being consumed by thoughts; and learning to redirect your mind when it gets stuck in a pattern that isn’t serving your highest good.
Two of the most expansive practices I have cultivated are: Daily inquiry on Death and the intentional use of Cannabis.
Below is a short snippet from an interview I had with Stephanie Nygren. I met Steph in yoga training and she now works for the Inspired Yoga Institute. IYI is absolutely amazing, which is why I took my 200 and 300 hour yoga teacher training with them. I am now a part of their faculty as I provide a workshop for each training focused on goal setting and how to cultivate the mindset that allows you to achieve your goals while also landing in contentment and peace right now. In other words, how to embrace where you are now while also working for what you desire.
I will add the link to the full interview once it is published on the IYI website.
Marin shares her University experience dealing with depression as a Philosophy major…
Being at UofA and struggling with self-harm and depression, you know I had everything I thought I needed but I was still in the same state {of depression} and it really sent me in a dark direction. I had my existential crisis at that point and philosophy is part of what pushed me into an existential crisis, but it also is what saved me. I just connected so deeply with a few philosophers, I envisioned in my head that they went through the same thing. I started to really relate to these philosophers who were so driven to understand life and wanted to dive into what is happiness. When I had that existential crisis, I felt like I flat-lined and I couldn’t rebuild my life; everything I believed in one moment was gone. I then saw it as a beautiful opportunity to rebuild the structure. I was completely raw and naked and exposed, and I used it as an opportunity to rebuild my belief system and philosophy was the perfect thing.
I remember the first few times I ventured out to walk around, I just couldn’t stop thinking about death. Death was all-consuming, it didn’t leave my mind for at least a week. I just felt like a bug that could be smooshed at any moment, I felt so insignificant. I went from feeling like I was the centre of the universe to, I do not matter. I had to reshape my relationship with death.
It also opened me up to this realization that it’s about your relationship with something that causes problem, it’s not the thing itself. I read the Untethered Soul around the same time or soon after and one of the things he {Michael A. Singer} says is ‘the problem is not the problem, it’s your relationship to the problem that’s the problem’ and I come back to that all the time. Any time I feel stuck or stagnant or something’s not working, I so quickly shift into, how does my perspective need to change here? As soon as I land on a new perspective that creates space, then I have everything I need to be able to problem solve or let it go or just look at it differently. I look at everything now as a relationship, no matter what I’m working on it’s what is the relationship between me and this thing?
That being said, what is your relationship to death now? How would you reframe that?
Now I think about death every single day and it makes me feel more alive. I take more chances, I don’t hold back from being on stage or being a beginner. I don’t worry about messing up. I embrace failure as something to learn from and grow from and I often will think in the moment, is this something I’m going to care about on my death-bed? If I say no, well then fuck-it, just do it. Like, why am I even going to stew in worry or in wondering? I use it all the time and it’s something I am so grateful for and curious about and I have so much humility around. I’m not cautious but I’m very conscious about what I’m doing and what I’m saying and who it’s affecting because I don’t take life for granted. I want to be on my death-bed and be like, I fucking did everything I could to make this life something.
What would your students be surprised to find out about you?
I am a daily cannabis user. It’s not a negative thing. Anything can be overdone and underdone. We can die by chugging water and we can die by not having any water. It’s about being mindful and really listening to your body and noticing when you’re using something as a distraction or as a crutch or as a numbing tool versus using it as a pure experience or as a medicinal tool so that it is actually giving you access to something instead of pulling you away from it. Yes, I have gone too far with cannabis before but I learned from it and I know it doesn’t feel good when I’m overusing it so I don’t do that.
Do you use it as a tool for creativity or relaxation?
All of the above. I can use it simply for creativity, I can use it for de-stressing or to help me fall asleep or relax. I’ve also been experimenting with micro-dosing. It’s very common when it comes to Psilocybin or LSD. It’s been used for people with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, or severe anxiety disorders and even depression. If you have a micro-dose, it doesn’t have psychedelic results but what they’ve discovered through different research, when people micro-dose, their brain lights up. Parts of their brain that have been dormant, suddenly there’s electrical impulses happening, like your brain comes online. It’s actually healing people from severe trauma, waking their brain up, giving them new perspective, giving them a new chance at life, new pathways. That’s the way I look at cannabis. I micro-dose so that my brain starts firing in different ways. It’s not to make me zone out or disconnect because that doesn’t feel good. I want to be engaging in things that bring me more intimately into my experience and connect more with people.
Thoughts? Questions? Inquiries? Hit me up! xoxox