Create Your Passion Project

As some of you may know, I have been leading Candlelight Yoga and Self-Development Sessions at Branded HQ over the past few months. I created a 3-step series with the goal of inspiring personal growth and creating more leaders. I named this project, The Mind-Body Movement. 

The Mind-Body Movement is part of my overarching Passion Project dope(a)me. It is the accumulation of years of study, practice, and trial and error. It embodies the importance of movement, mindfulness, understanding the inner-workings of your mind and body, getting to know what inspires and motivates you, and then putting this into action by creating a Passion Project to share your unique gifts and talents. Whether the result is a commitment to finally creating the Baby Book you have been putting off, joining a community collective of some-kind that shares your core values, or creating your own project that unites, teaches, and shares what you have to offer, the possibilities are endless. 

Before I started my business dope(a)me, I had asked myself the same question for over 10 years before I had an answer I could run with. The question was, "If I could do anything all day, every day, and make a living doing it, what would that be?" Having this question on my mind was a beautiful instigator and reminder to explore, try new things, and investigate with an open mind and an open heart, until I had the experience and know how to find my answer.

What I discovered....I would Goal Coach and inspire others to lead the life they were meant to lead. 

From there I began dope(a)me. My platform for personal coaching and creating experiences through workshops, yoga classes, writing, and collaborations to inspire others with the knowledge and excitement I have for retraining our brains to get out of our own way. 

The first two sessions at Branded went beautifully and the responses and feedback have been outstanding. However, the third session had too low of registration to run and I don't want to sit on this information without sharing it in a big and meaningful way. Because it is summertime and I know the difficulty of aligning schedules to make every workshop, event, date, and activity work in the balance of your life, I want to offer this in a simple and accessible way for anyone who is interested. Plus, I know the more I give without expectation, the more I grow and potentially extend my reach. 

I plan to run this workshop again in the Fall, most likely as an integrative process of all three steps in a bigger event than what has been offered thus far. If you are familiar with change and retraining your brain into new habits, you know it takes time and repetition. When it comes to creating a Passion Project, it may start with something small, but as you play with these concepts and continue challenging the boundaries of what you are capable of, you may generate such growth and momentum that it becomes something of a larger scale. The point is to let it evolve organically while pushing yourself outside your comfort zone little by little every single day. 

Do you want to know what you are capable of? Do you want to create a legacy and an impact that has you feeling inspired, full, and fueled as you lay your head down each night? Do you want to play a role in changing this world for the better and inspiring others to do the same? Then keep reading....

Before we jump into Passion Projects, here is a brief summary and resource links to past blog posts to help set the stage. 

1. How to Handle Set-Backs

The first part of this series is addressing the roadblocks we put in our own way. When we change our perspective to view Fear as simply a signal of uncertainty and a habitual response that does not necessarily warrant your up-most attention, we begin to understand how our mind and body can keep us stagnant with its good intentions. 

Take time to notice your thoughts and what you say to yourself in the quiet moments as well as the moments you need to step up to the plate. The way we talk to ourselves is a habit and we all have limiting beliefs that we have repeated for years, often without fully realizing what we are saying, the impact it has, and where it comes from. 

**Limiting Beliefs are tricky to uncover and work through. If this is something you struggle with, feel free to reach out to me and I would love to have a conversation**

2. How to Strengthen your Inner Motivator

The second part of this series is about doing what you say you'll do when you say you'll do it. It is the integrity and energy to show up for yourself and for others. But what is motivation really? Where does it come from? How do we strengthen this muscle? Check out this blog post on the Elephant and Rider to understand your motivation. 

We all know it is a lot easier to get things done and talk nicely to yourself when you are feeling good. So how do we get ourselves to feel good more often and in a sustainable way? Learn about your Happy chemicals by clicking below. 

Now that your foundation is set, you are comfortable with being uncomfortable, and you understand how to keep yourself healthy and motivated, let's create some MAGIC!

"It is our hypocrisy and self-focus that drains us. When we become Purpose-Centered, Internally-Directed, Other-Focused, and Externally-Open, we discover energy we didn't know we had" - Robert E. Quinn

The above quote outlines the important ingredients to create a project that will have a positive impact and bring a healthy dose of inspiration into your life. There are four pillars in this process, each one of equal importance. You could have a brilliant idea but if it doesn't serve others or align with your purpose, you won't get very far. You need a strong sense of WHY; your purpose behind your effort. A deep connection to your internal workings to stay aligned with what is most important to you. A connection and appreciation for giving back and being in the work for the sake of the impact and support it offers to others. And you need to be open to your surroundings, flowing with the rhythm of life and adapting with grace as you learn through trial and error. 

1. Other-Focused

"Finding and fulfilling your calling is about contributing to the wholeness of the world" - Lissa Rankin

If your project does not do good in your 'hood, it won't last. This doesn't mean you need hundreds or thousands of people to be effected. Perhaps it will grow and expand to that magnitude, but that doesn't have to be the goal. When you start, it could be as simple as the hope that your work will make a difference in just one person's life. As long as you are focused on learning and creating something just for your own sake, you will lose steam. Be the best version of you because it inspires others to do the same. Create something that lights you up because it will connect you with like-minded people and open you up to collaborating on something in the future. Offer up your gifts and services because you hope to bring relief and support to someone who is in need. Do your work for the sake of creating positive waves. Show up confident and excited because it may brighten the day for someone who is struggling. 

When we focus on others, we benefit everyone, including ourselves. 

To help you uncover what your unique gifts are and what you can bring into the world, consider Joseph Campbell's Hero's Journey.

We are all on our own Hero's Journey. The steps below might not be in the exact order that you have encountered, but generally it will speak true to you. 

1. Ordinary World. Days flow by and you feel a sense of lack, a feeling that there is something more to life than what you are experiencing, a constant struggle as you explore what your Purpose in this world might be. 

2. Call to Adventure. You see an opportunity to take a chance, a leap of faith, a big change in direction. 

3. Refusal/Resistance to Call. You are struck with fear of the unknown, fear of making the "wrong" decision. You see this will require a huge leap outside your comfort zone. 

4. Meeting of a Magical Mentor. You get the support and encouragement you need when it matters most. That person helps you find the courage needed to say YES to your adventure. 

5. Crafting of threshold from Ordinary World to Special World. As you familiarize yourself with your new surroundings, you need to learn the "rules" of this new world. Time to adapt new habits and open your mind from the boundaries it once was contained within. 

6. Tests of Resilience through the Road of Trials. This journey is not easy. You are struck with self-doubt and fatigue easily as you learn to manage stress and change your relationship with fear. You continue to meet new allies and friends along the way. You develop an intuition that supports you in pushing through the discomfort and finding balance and hope among the darkness. 

7. Approach to the Inner-Most Cave. It is here you meet your "dragon". You hit your low point or are faced with your biggest challenge to date. It is your opportunity to break down or break open. You must allow yourself to stay in the "fire" and experience a "death and rebirth"

8. Finding of the "Holy Grail". Your 'aha moment'. Your discovery of your precious "jewel" or the answer to the question you have been seeking. 

9. Road back to Ordinary World. More trials and setbacks as you travel back to live as your best-self and share your wisdom. Your community needs time to let go of who you were and see you as who you are now. 

Where are you in your journey? What 'gifts' did you discover in your 'Road of Trials' and experience in the 'Inner-Most Cave'? Share your story with the world and allow yourself to be the Magical Mentor for someone else. 

2. Internally-Directed

The way you talk to yourself throughout this process is going to be a huge determinant of how far you go and how much fun you have along the way. Allow this to be an opportunity to retrain your self-talk patterns to focus on growth versus being the best, progress versus perfection, and improving yourself versus proving yourself. 

When you are focused on doing the best that you can in each moment, while reminding yourself you are not perfect and there will be failures and missteps along the way, you prepare yourself for the reality of putting yourself out into the world. With this Growth Mindset perspective, you will not avoid conflict, you will not hesitate to admit when you are wrong, you will be open to - and encourage - feedback. You can be open and vulnerable with your wins and losses, because this all contributes to gaining wisdom to take into the next moment. It is the journey, not the destination, that we are focused on. 

To further your ability to be internally-directed, you must align your life with your Core Values. If you say Family is a top priority to you, but you are not spending quality time with your family or making an effort to be a part of their lives, then there is discrepancy. If you say Fun is something you need every day, but you are stretched thin and rarely find time to let loose, again, something needs to shift. We are what we repeatedly do. If you want more energy, if you want to spend your days engaging in work and with people who inspire you, what are you doing to make that happen?

Not sure what your Core Values are? Respond to the questions below. 

• What does a full, balanced, nourishing and complete day look and feel like?
• What five words do you strive to live by?
• What are the first five words that come to mind when you describe the world as you see it? (The way you perceive the world is the way you receive the world)
• What are three important, positive lessons you have learned about life in the past few years?
• How do you want to feel at the end of each day as you lay your head down?

Generally speaking, you will have 3-8 words that represent your Core Values. Start with the words that jump off the page from the questions you just answered. The "loaded" words that pack a punch and spark an emotional response within you as you say it out loud. These are the words you stand for, you want more of in your life, and that you want to create more of for others.

Now that you know your Core Values and you are mindful of the Growth Mindset, keep an open mind without judging or shaming yourself as you notice where you are a hypocrite in your own life. Self-Study and a commitment to personal growth can become quite deflating if you beat yourself up every time you notice where you act counter to what you have stated is important to you. Change takes time. Repetition. We often have to learn the same lesson several times before it lands deep enough that you have the power and foresight to access the shift in reaction in the moment at hand. It takes practice to respond differently than an ingrained habit has had you behave for years. So Observe without Judgment. Acknowledge yourself for the small-wins and the small-steps forward. Cheer yourself on. 

"You can't force a rosebud to blossom by hitting it with a hammer" Rachel Naomi Remen

3. Externally-Open

"The only gateway to true connection lies in your vulnerability, and without true connection along the hero's path, the mission is destines to fail" Lissa Rankin

It is one thing to notice your missteps and correct them yourself, it's a whole other mash-up of emotions and reactions when you hear the sound of disappointment or constructive feedback from another. When we are on this journey, it is vital to surround ourselves with people who will uplift, encourage, support, and be truthful yet compassionate in their feedback. The only way to progress and create something that lights you up and benefits the world, is to engage in a healthy and sustainable balance of trial and error. You must ask for feedback. You must stay open to the many possibilities and directions your path may take you. 

"I believe that vulnerability - the willingness to show up and be seen with no guarantee of outcome - is the only path to more love, belonging, and joy...You're going to stumble, fall, and get your ass kicked....Vulnerability is still uncomfortable and falling still hurts. It always will. But I'm learning that the process of struggling and navigating hurt has as much to offer us as the process of being brave and showing up " Brene Brown

So what are you curious about? What are you willing to put out into the world because the risk of keeping it to yourself is much scarier than the risk of being seen? What are the first few steps? Who can you enroll to support you along your journey? It is time to choose courage over comfort and breathe some more life into your day.

"You are not your idea, and if you identify too closely with your ideas, you will take offense when they are challenged" Ed Catmull

Do it without knowing exactly where you will end up. Commit to the process versus the need to be great on Day 1. Imagine how much you will learn.

"A failed approach does not mean failure. Instead, see that each idea leads you a bit closer to finding the better option...If you seek to plot out all your moves before you make them - if you put your faith in slow, deliberative planning in the hopes it will spare you failure down the line - well, you're deluding yourself" Ed Catmull

Here is an exercise to practice vulnerability and help you figure out what you are great at. This is from Danielle LaPorte's book The Desire Map. Send these questions, or make up your own, to a few people whom you respect, admire, love, and who actively feel the same for you. The purpose of this is to help you see yourself more clearly and through the eyes of another. 

"Dear Friend, 

I'm taking a leap. Reaching out. Trolling for insights, reflections, and objectivity...from you so that I can see myself more clearly.

1. What do you think is my greatest strength?

2. How would you describe my style of living?

3. What do you think I should let go of?

4. When do you feel that I am at my best?

5. What do you wish I were less of, for my sake?

6. When have you seen me really shine?

7. What do you think I could give myself more credit for or celebrate more?

Enjoy that vulnerability rush. It gets easier the more you engage in this kind of activity. This is where love, connection, passion, and joy is found. It is our avoidance and attempts to protect ourselves from the potential pain of vulnerability that truly harms us. You can armor up and delude yourself into thinking you are better off that way, or you can shed all of that and realize you are more resilient and much more alive when you allow yourself to be truly seen. 

Get your heart on your sleeve and open yourself up to heart-break. This will help you walk into situations without expectations, and receptive to each moment versus spending energy to stay guarded. Of course we don't want to blindly trust others with our life or walk into a situation naive and unprepared for our surroundings, but in general you can afford to loosen up and allow others to see more of who you are. 

You will experience heart-break, and you will have days where you feel exposed, raw, and naked, but each day that passes with vulnerability as the goal, your heart mends quicker, your resilience grows stronger, and you find more and more people who are aligned with the tune you sing in life. Everything is practice for the next moment, and only practice can make perfect practice. 

4. Purpose-Centered

"If your primary goal is to have a fully worked out, set-in-stone plan (versus being and learning in action), you are only upping your chances of being unoriginal. The more time you spend mapping out an approach, the more likely you are to get attached to it" Ed Catmull

When I think of Purpose, I think of an anchor, a light-house in the distance, a warm bubble bath waiting at the end of a full and challenging day. Your Purpose is your beacon of light in a distraction-filled existence. It is your reminder when life gets messy, when the struggles set in, when the feedback from another feels like a punch in the heart, and when you feel out of balance and in need of a serious tune-up. 

When considering what your Purpose may be, go through the below questions and write out your answers without thinking too hard about it. 

• What lights you up? What could you do or talk about for hours on end?
• What impact do you want to have on the world around you? What will your legacy be?
• If FEAR did not stop you, if FAILURE was seen as a stepping stone towards SUCCESS, if CHALLENGES were perceived as OPPORTUNITIES, if you had the SUPPORT and KNOWLEDGE to make it happen, what would you create, participate in, or explore?

Your Purpose is summarized and packaged nicely in the form of a Mission Statement. William Arruda created an equation we can use to piece together our own personalized statement.

The VALUE you create and/or the ENERGY you bring to the world

+

WHO you are creating it for

+

WHY? What is the desired outcome?

Take some time to go through this equation and plug in your possibilities. It may take several tries and rough-drafts until you land on the 1-3 sentences that embodies the motivation behind your actions. And the more work you do, the more you practice leading a life that lights you up, the closer you will get to your simple version of your Mission Statement. Mine has shifted and evolved several times over the past two years, continuing to fine-tune into the edition that speaks truest to me. 

Here's mine currently,

I lead by example with vulnerability and a Growth Mindset to inspire, elevate, and motivate others to create their best life

Give it a try ;)

Summary:

"Real change requires a combination of Being and Doing. Being, which represents the path of the spiritual seeker, stems from ending our inner wars, freeing ourselves from the judgments and limitations of the ego, radiating love, and being the change we wish to see in the world. It's about ending the story of separation and inviting those who participate in the system to make kind, compassionate choices, trusting that real change starts with accepting the world as it is, seeing perfection in it, and then practicing love as an invitation to others to step into their higher selves. 

But Being without Doing risks keeping love in a theoretical realm, a safe realm where it isn't tested and developed by encounters with the world. Moreover, we are not separate beings. To exist is to relate. Sooner or later, this state of peaceful Being naturally leads to Doing, stemming not from righteousness or moral outrage but from love" Lissa Rankin

1. Effort and Surrender

The ultimate practice is learning to control or let-go of your self (i.e. ego, desires, attachments, expectations, should's, etc.) by surrendering and engaging with your Self (i.e Purpose, truth, vulnerability, connection to others, etc.). It is an un-doing, an un-becoming, and an un-packaging of the small and closed-minded self that attaches and is consumed by emotions and the sense that "I am the center of the Universe". It is a softening of boundaries and judgments to step back and align with what was always there, the higher-Self that witnesses and feels, but allows life to flow without the need to control, judge, or fear uncertainty. 

This can only be done through a balance of Effort and Surrender. We need to engage in self-study, push outside our comfort zone, and be in action as we experience and reflect on how we show up. But we can't be all Effort. We also need to let go, flow with life, slow down to speed up, and surrender into savasana after practice on and off the mat. 

"Does it feel like "shackles on" or "shackles off"? A true calling will always smack of freedom" Martha Beck

2. Motion is Lotion

We are not meant to live stagnant lives. Our body was built to move. When we engage in at least 10 minutes of intentional Mindful Movement daily, we support a bodily system that is resilient, balanced, and better able to handle whatever life throws our way. We get our much needed Happy Chemicals, our body naturally detoxifies, and our natural anti-bodies and disease fighting capabilities kick-in.

The reason behind your actions are the fuel you need to create a sustainable and meaningful habit. Choose to be active because of how it makes you feel, not just because it makes you look good. Choose to try new sweaty pursuits because it boosts Happy Chemicals and melts stress from your easily stressed out mind. Choose to get your body moving each morning before you get on with your day because it clears your mind, wipes your slate clean, and gets your bodily system moving and grooving for the remainder of the day. 

3. Compound Effect

As I have repeated a few times now, change takes time. Repetition is key. Change is not sustainable when done in huge leaps and bounds with the expectation that that pace will generate momentum. It is the small, tangible, incremental steps that build up to create something that couldn't be done otherwise. This keeps the inner-workings of our mind in check (i.e. Elephant & Rider territory), as we focus on small steps, celebrate small wins, and occasionally make tweaks and turns as we carve out our own path towards the change we want to see in our lives. 

So with this is mind, commit to setting three Actions weekly that will take you step by step closer to the habits, the feelings, the projects, and the lifestyle you are creating. We are looking at the long-game and not engaging in a competition to see who can get the furthest in 24 hours or a week or a month. Focus on you versus you-yesterday. Progress not perfection. Improving versus proving. The journey....not the destination.

I would love to hear what you think of this outline and what insights have been sparked along the way. Share your story. Enroll others to support and come along on this soul-fueling ride. And let me know how it goes. I would love to cheer you on. xoxo

 

Book Suggestions:

(links for these can be found in the tab 'Books')

The Fear Cure by Lissa Rankin

The Anatomy of a Calling by Lissa Rankin

Mindset by Carol Dweck

Rising Strong by Brene Brown

Daring Greatly by Brene Brown

Creativity, Inc. by Ed Catmull

Compound Effect by Darren Hadry

Switch by Dan and Chip Heath

Find your Happy by Shannon Kaiser

The Desire Map by Danielle LaPorte

10 Principles to live a full, healthy, balanced, and growth-minded life

Yoga is so much more than the physical practice (asana). Yoga is a lifestyle, a practice on and off the mat, and carries with it thousands of years of wisdom.

The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali is an infamous text that is known as the foundation of classical Yoga Philosophy, and goes over the Eight Limbs of Yoga, among other things. The Asana - the physical practice on your mat - is just one of the limbs.

The first two limbs are the Yamas and the Niyamas. The Yamas can be translated as the ethical and moral imperatives, and are interpreted as self-restraints that aid in personal growth and development. 

The Niyamas are the subtleties that continue your growth as an individual. There are the virtuous habits, behaviors, and observances. 

I first came across The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali in my yoga teacher training in early 2015. It was a beautiful introduction into the world of yoga and I felt my mind and heart expand to a whole new level of appreciation of yoga and life in general. I grew up in a religious home and always struggled with the rules, the instilled guilt, the boundaries based on fear and accepting something based on blind-faith - a lot of which did not intuitively make sense to me. Because of my experience growing up, I was repulsed by organized religion and swung to the opposite extreme of Atheism. I found my way slowly to an Agnostic position within a couple years of leaving Mormonism, and was quite content with not thinking about religion whatsoever. 

It was my experience in Yoga Teacher Training, and reading the sacred texts, that I tapped back into a spiritual side of myself that was intuitive and was ready to be explored. I discovered a deep connection to a supreme consciousness that we all share. I found a way to live with faith in each moment, an expansive spirituality, and a moral code to align with, and it all comes from within me. I do not feel guilt based on other people's ideas of what is right and wrong. I do not preach and hold myself in high esteem because of my choices or a belief that my way is the one true way.  I choose to live with my mind and heart open, and I practice my ability to let go of what makes me feel small while practicing my ability to embrace thoughts, words, and actions, that makes me feel whole, alive, and a catalyst for good in my 'hood. I love the imperfections I carry and I find beauty and intense-acceptance of death. I do not act brave and faithful to earn a spot in an uncertain afterlife. I act brave and faithful to my own core values to earn self-love and acceptance in each moment, because that is all that exists. 

"Don't ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive" - Howard Thurman

As an attempt to understand these concepts more and continue my passionate process of leading by example and sharing knowledge, here are the Yamas and Niyamas, along with practices of integration into your own life.

All of the quotes come from the book The Yamas and Niyamas by Deborah Adele, a beautifully written synopsis of the 10 ethical principles and how she has practiced them in her own life. Enjoy ;)

Yamas:

1. AHIMSA - Non-Violence, Non-Harming, Kindness, Compassion

"The more peace there is in us, the more peace there will also be in our troubled world"

As you will see with all of these principles, there is the obvious interpretation and then there is the more subtle and introspective layer. The practice of non-violence pertains to acting in ways towards others that does not produce harm or hinder their own self-development. This also speaks to how we act towards ourselves. When we are out of balance, we bring "dis-ease" into our life. When we talk negatively to ourselves, we are harming our perception of our self-worth.

"We learn compassion as we dissolve our personal version of the world, and grow gentle eyes that are not afraid to see reality as it is. When we stop living in our heads, where we can neatly arrange things, and ground ourselves in our bodies, trying to change ourselves and others and choose instead to soften the boundaries that keep us separated from what we don't understand. When we do simple acts of kindness and allow others' lives to be as important as our own"

When we try to "fix" ourselves or others, when we judge, belittle, shame, regret, or focus on negativity, we are are not showing compassion and slowly build a harmful energy that is carried around everywhere we go.

"If we are not on purpose with creating balance for ourselves, we can easily fall victim to false promises and fill every breathable space with appointments and activities and all the responsibilities that go with a full agenda...Spreading ourselves thin looks impressive, but in the end, we are the first to lose"

It is Fear that makes us violent. Fear of the unknown, fear of the 'other', fear of being left behind, fear of not understanding, and fear of danger. Part of practicing this principle is building our ability to recognize what is legitimate fear and what is habitual fear that is keeping us small. Secondly, we must build our ability to stand tall in the face of fear and decide logically whether we need to muster up courage and continue forward or listen to our instincts and take a step back. 

"To create a life and world free of violence is first and foremost to find our own courage. Courage is not the absence of fear, but the ability to be afraid without being paralyzed"

Ways to practice AHIMSA:

• Take time at the end of each day to write 3 things you are proud of
• Create a challenge for yourself that embodies stepping outside your comfort zone and dancing with the fears that have kept you stagnant in the past. Choose Courage over Comfort
• Commit to 15-30 minutes of non-negotiable "me-time" daily. 

2. SATYA - Truthfulness

What is true and serves you well today, is not necessarily what will be true and serve you well in the future. Of course there are universal truths that stay steady and allow consistency within a lifetime, but it is important to continue questioning and stay open to change. 

"The guideline of truthfulness asks us to update our beliefs and values and views in order to stay current with ourselves and our surroundings"

When we show up each day aligned with our core values, speaking from our heart, failing gracefully and being vulnerable and open-minded, we are acting from our truth. It is not easy and definitely not always comfortable, but like any other behavior or habit, with time and repetition it becomes the new normal. 

We are all hypocrites in one way or another. Robert E. Quinn reminds us that "it is our hypocrisy and self-focus that drains us". This is not easy or comfortable, but when you allow yourself to pay attention to your own hypocrisy, this is where you begin to truly find transformation in your life.  

"When we run from life, try to manage life, or leave our energy scattered here and there, we feel differently than when our whole self shows up with our thoughts, words, and actions congruent and unified. When we are centered in the moment, we can fully meet the ordinariness of life as well as the challenges of life"

The first two principles are best woven together, within the bigger tapestry of all ten principles. Our aim is to speak our truth, but also remain non-violent and compassionate in our approach.

Ways to practice SATYA:

• Write out your Core Values and choose one daily to focus on in your thoughts, words, and actions
• Notice a habit that does not serve you well, and take actions towards replacing it with a new habit that does serve who you are 
• Reflect and write when you feel small, stuck, deflated, unworthy, or any other negative emotion that stops you from creating momentum forward. What are you saying to yourself? What 'limiting belief' can you uncover. Do some research on limiting beliefs and the Belief Cycle to realize that you get to choose your beliefs, so why not re-train yourself to focus on beliefs that inspire and elevate you. (Reach out to me for more support in this area)

3. ASTEYA - Non-Stealing

Again, there is the obvious allure to this principle...don't take what isn't yours. But on a deeper level, how are you stealing from yourself? How are you treating others that might be stealing from their worth? What are you stealing from the present moment? What are you robbing from the world?

The act of comparing ourselves to others, using others' ideas without giving recognition, or undermining others' accomplishment are a few ways we steal from others. When we stay naive in regards to proper nutrition for our body, when we focus on the past or the future versus being present in the moment, when we fail to acknowledge and celebrate our own successes or milestones, or when we choose to be attached to expectations versus open to the dance and flow of expecting the unexpected, we are stealing from the potential beauty and depth of life. And when we refuse to recycle, lack care in our ability to take steps towards reducing our carbon footprint, or turn a blind-eye to pain or calls for support in our world, we are robbing our greater community and generations to come. 

"When we don't know what we want or we don't have the courage to pursue it, everything that everyone else is doing looks tempting to us. When we begin to lust after others' accomplishments and others' possessions, we get sidetracked from our own dreams and our own realness" 

Ways to practice ASTEYA:

• Educate yourself on one Reduce-Reuse-Recycle action per month, and play with integrating these as habits into your life
• Learn about your natural Happy Chemicals and different thoughts, actions, and foods you can implement into your routine daily to support building your fuel reserve 
• When you feel the urge to take what isn't yours, reverse the habit and choose instead to give, give, give. Journal about your experience
• Reach out to someone in your life who has recently accomplished something big. Express your gratitude and congratulate them.
• Give without expectation of anything in return

4. BRAHMACHARYA - Non-Excess, Moderation, Self-Restraint

A close-knit partner with ASTEYA, this fourth principle brings into view the importance of balance. We can't be all effort. It is not healthy to dissect your every move and reflect on what you notice all day long. Too much of a good thing is no longer a good thing. This principle asks us to know when enough is enough. When we eat more food than we need, when we exercise past the point of what is healthy, when we watch tv all day or sleep more hours than our body needs, our precious energy is used up on counter-balance overindulgence, versus being open and light in mind, body, and soul. 

"Overindulgence snuffs out the life force like too many logs on a fire overpowers the fire. Practicing non-excess preserves and honors this life force within us, so that we can live with clarity and sacredness"

One of my childhood friend's father used to say "Everything in moderation...including moderation". It is important to overstep occasionally to remind ourselves to step back and too be clear on where boundaries lie, but it also keeps us ready for the extremes of life. A little bit of stress on your system occasionally is a good thing. So yes, practice balance and moderation in your diet, your self-study, your movement, etc. but also be compassionate and open to experiences that push you to the extremes. 

Ways to practice BRAHMACHARYA:

• For one week (or start with one day), challenge yourself to engage in Mindful Eating. Prepare your food for each meal with positive intentions and visualize the nourishment you are about to ingest. Sit with your food in front of you, and take 10 deep mindful breaths. Then say 5 things you are grateful for in your life (out loud or in your head), and then take one deep inhale of the food you are preparing to eat. Allow yourself 15 chews before you swallow each bite. Journal about your experience
• Listen to what your body is telling you. Practice slowing down to speed up. If you are someone who rushes around and looks for efficiency and productivity in everything you do, for one day, move slow and intentional. If you are more of a sloth-like person in general, for one day, pick up your pace and stay mindful to what you notice and the signals you receive.
• Sit in meditation with one piece of delicious dark chocolate in your mouth. One piece! Put the chocolate on your tongue and let it melt. Savor the treat and breathe deeply through your experience. Notice how when you truly enjoy and savor the treat, there isn't an urge to overindulge. 

5. APARIGRAHA - Non-Attachment, Non-Possessiveness, Non-Greed

This principle has been one of the most life-changing concepts to bring into my repertoire. It is so easy for many of us to get attached to the ideas and the people around us. We create expectations - often unconsciously - and are disappointed when they aren't met. We get attached to a beautiful moment and sit in negative comparisons from then on as we wish every moment could be so beautiful. We become possessive with what we have and spend energy on trying to keep what we believe is our property. We cling to relationships that once felt good but no longer serves who we are and who we are 'un-becoming'. 

"It is the nature of things to change and by failing to let them change or move on, they begin to disappoint us and our attempts to hold on begin to make us stale and discontent"

A quote that summarizes this perfectly for me is, "if you love something/someone, set them free". The concept that has helped me understand this further is the idea of Intimacy without Possession. We still want to strive boldly, love deeply, connect intimately, and reach for the stars in our goals and aspirations. But it is balanced with the constant reminder that we have goals but our goals do not have us. As soon as you feel constrained, restricted, or imprisoned by the things that once brought you joy, it is time to dig in and let go. 

"Our expectations keep us captive and often disgruntled. What we hold, begins to hold us"

It is our fear of losing something or someone that actually robs us of being present, vulnerable, and authentic with that person or moment. It is our insecurity that becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. When we are struck by the need to control, shackle, or restrain the people, the moments, or the objects in our life, we lose sight of what is truly important. 

"There is nourishment until we get attached to these things, often unconsciously, and then disturb ourselves with expectations, opinions, criticisms, disappointments all because we forget to trust life, exhale, and let go. Like the breath when it is held too long, the things that nourish us can become toxic"

All of the principles within this model work to support each other. To practice non-attachment we must remind ourselves to not claim power over what isn't ours in the first place. We can only control - and have a right to - our own effort. That's it. So why spend energy trying to manipulate the flow of life or waste energy on shoulds, regrets, comparisons, judgment, or expectations?

"Subtle attachments come in the form of our images and beliefs about ourselves, about how life should be, about how others should be. These images keep us in bondage to our own learning and growth. Clutter in our physical space blocks our ability to physically move, while clutter in our minds blocks our freedom to expand and have space for the next thing life wants to bring us"

We are reminded to detach when we feel ourselves getting out of balance. As we talked about earlier, too much of a good thing is no longer a good thing. And when we practice truthfulness and non-violence, we are asked to detach from past moments, use compassion and self-love, and allow ourselves to be fully present and engaged with what is right now. 

"The fewer attachments we carry with us, the more we are free to enjoy and engage and live every moment before us to the fullest. The more breath we let go of, the more room there is in our body for the fullness of the next inhalation. The more we generously share and give away, the more expansive and light we become. A bird cannot hold its perch and fly. Neither can we grasp anything and be free"

Ways to practice APARIGRAHA:

• What is something you are physically attached to? Something that when you don't get it, you are upset and "thrown off" for your day. Your phone, a certain food, a certain tv show, an activity? For one day (build up to one week), cut this out of your life and allow yourself to stay curious and open with the feelings that arise. 
• Give yourself the gift of one full day with no expectations. Stay in the moment and allow yourself to be pleasantly surprised and content with absolutely everything that happens.
• Create a Non-Attachment mantra and set a reminder in your phone to go off once a day. Use it as a signal to sit back, slow your breath, and notice if you are holding on to anything from earlier or projecting yourself into the near future. 

Niyamas:

**Just a reminder, all quotes - unless stated otherwise - are by Deborah Adele from her book The Yamas and Niyamas**

6. SAUCHA - Purity, Simplicity

The act of purifying connotes a process of de-cluttering, letting go of what is not needed, and releasing mental and physical distractions that steer us away from the moment. Whether you are letting go of thoughts or past-wounds to allow more purity in the present moment, releasing expectations of the future, simplifying your daily routine, de-cluttering your living space, or bringing more attention to the quality and simplicity of your diet, there are many ways to practice this principle. Without the constraints and restrictions of a cluttered mind and body, we begin to feel the space and expansiveness each breath offers. 

"As we purify ourselves physically and mentally, we become less cluttered and heavy; purification brings about a brightness an clarity to our essence" - Deborah Adele

Ways to Practice SAUCHA:

• Write out your Core Values and play with ways to align your life with what matters to you most. What do you need more of? What do you need less of?
• Set a timer for 5 minutes, sit in a quiet and comfortable space, and allow yourself to meditate. Slowly build up to longer periods of meditation, but even 5 minutes will be beneficial. The goal is to not empty your mind, the goal is to notice your thoughts without attaching or following them. Stay with your breath. Be the witness behind the scenes. 
• Choose a corner, room, cupboard, or closet in your home, set a timer for 30 minutes and de-clutter and organize the space. Do this once a week and your home will begin to feel more expansive and conducive to creativity and simplicity. 

7. SANTOSHA - Contentment

This principle asks us to focus more on fulfillment from an Internal perspective versus assigning our future happiness or joy on the expectations of actions of others, or what is External. It is the act of seeking, avoiding, resisting, comparing, and gripping that causes us to feel lack. When we are able to embrace gratitude and appreciation for whatever the moment offers, and for the many blessings we have in our life, we find contentment and an ease-full relaxation with each breath. 

"True contentment and freedom begin to find their way to us when we can see things as they are, neutral, and not spend so much energy manipulating things according to our preferences" 

It is the act of welcoming each moment into your heart with open arms, because regrets, shame, disappointment, and comparisons only bring stagnant negativity. This is not to say that you will be happy and feel pleasure every moment of every day, in fact, contentment opens you up to all ranges of emotions. It is our resistance and avoidance of 'what is' that creates a lasting struggle. When you allow yourself to feel whatever is coming up for you, it will pass through you and open you back up to acceptance and whole-heartedness within a few minutes. 

"Discontentment is the illusion that there can be something else in the moment. There isn't and there can't be. The moment is complete. That means if I am bored or sad, I will only be discontented if I am not content with being bored and sad. Building contentment with boredom, sadness, impatience, depression, disappointment, and loss, builds our ability to be that tall tree so rooted in the earth that great winds cannot topple it. Being content with our discontentment is itself a gateway to the calm depths within"

Ways to practice SANTOSHA:

• Create a Graititude Journal. Once daily or once a week, write 5-10 things you are grateful for
• Choose a mantra that embodies accepting what is and set a reminder in your phone to go off daily. When it pops up, close your eyes, connect with your breath, and repeat your mantra

8. TAPAS - Self-Discipline, Commitment

Tapas is translated as 'heat'. When I think of self-discipline it does create an intense heat or fire, as the practice of repetition or resisting the habits that no longer serve me requires a 'burning' sensation as old patterns are released. 

Deborah Adele asks us, "Can we grow our ability to stay in the fire and let ourselves be burned until we are blessed by the very thing that is causing us the pain and suffering?"

Through the practice of self-discipline we are faced with what is uncomfortable and keeps us small or stuck. We have the choice to allow what breaks us down to also break us open. When we embrace uncertainty and remind ourselves that change takes time, attention, and trial and error, we can bring some softness and patience into the equation. Life throws curve-balls. Death and tragedy will definitely strike all around you in your lifetime. So prepare yourself to grow and gain resilience by training yourself to stay with what is unpleasant and choose to lean into what causes you struggle, this is where your transformation awaits. 

Ways to practice TAPAS:

• Go to a workout class that you have been avoiding due to being intimidated or fearful that you aren't strong enough. Allow yourself to be uncomfortable. Embrace the sweat, the moments of disbelief that you are where you are, and bring a smile to your face as a symbol of pride and gratitude to be alive. 
• Commit to a 30 day challenge that will test your strength and resilience. Journal about your experience daily.

9. SVADHYAYA - Self-Study

Without introspection and a loving relationship with who you are at your deepest level and outermost level, we will not make it far in practicing these ten principles. As we grow from infant to adult, and are learning the rules of life, we begin to package ourselves into boxes that define us. These boxes are categories that distinguish who we are in comparison to those around us. We are told we are tall, short, small, big, smart, funny, slow, athletic, talented, creative, beautiful, strong, weak, lean, etc. and this becomes a part of our identity. We are raised in various religions, community, and cultures, and are told what to believe, who to fear, why we are here, and how to lead a life that will bring us safety, joy, or rewards. We experience trauma, loss, failure, bullying, love, success, friendships, enemies, and family woes, and we begin to think that these also define who we are and what we are capable of. But we are so much more than that.

"We learn early to accept our family's way of doing things and to pattern ourselves after cultural norms. These early conditioning's continue to form and move deep inside us creating pieces of our identity. Add to that our reactions to our own life experiences and we become neatly wrapped in layers of packaging"

It is our ability to get curious and to question our beliefs about life, love, success, relationships, growth, etc. that allow us to uncover where we are actually holding ourselves back and being led by outdated beliefs or a deep rooted fear. This un-doing of identity can feel like the ground being ripped from under you as you realize the foundation you have been standing on for years is full of cracks and cannot sustain the new growth you desire for in your life. Surround yourself with support and growth-minded people who can help you along the way. This journey is much more fun and supportive when you recognize that you don't need to go it alone.

When we can step back and notice our thoughts, we begin to learn to detach from the emotional pendulum swing and let go of the stories we make up with assumptions and beliefs that are not connected to reality. When we change our mindset to Observe without Judgement, we begin to see where our dis-ease truly comes from. 

"Our minds are like the river carrying things in it. If we identify with what the mind is carrying - thoughts, stories, beliefs - then we will think we are those things. However, if we identify with the Divine within us (the pure river) and merely watch the thoughts float by, we will know we are simply carrying the thoughts, stories and beliefs; they are not who we are"

How to practice SVADHYAYA:

• Get yourself a new notebook and allow yourself 10 minutes of free-writing daily. Notice what you are thinking about, what you are curious about, and steer clear of assumptions, judgments, or expectations. 
• Choose a mantra for the day that embodies curiosity and a reminder of stepping back and witnessing your thoughts
• Send a questionnaire to 5 of your closest family members and friends, asking 5-6 questions along the lines of, "What am I great at? What are you proud of me for? What do you wish for me in my lifetime? What can you count on me for? etc." Offer to respond to the questions for your friend as well if they wish. Let the good vibes roll. 

10. ISHVARA PRANIDHANA - Surrender

Surrender is not a passive quality. It is rich, deep, expansive, and full of opportunity. That art of Surrender is that acceptance and full-mind and body participation in the moment while also embracing the magnitude of the magic you are participating in. It is the idea that opportunities to learn, grow, explore, and connect are all around us, and it takes an open and present mind and heart to step into these possibilities rather than having our eyes on the rear-view mirror or fixated on the potential bumpy roads ahead. 

"We do not lead, nor do we limply drag along like dead weight. As a dance partner to life, we are asked to be vulnerable and undefended, and yet so present we can follow the next move, wherever the leading step takes us, adding out own style as we go"

Surrender asks us to trust the moment, to trust our breath, and trust that the Universe will play out the way it unfolds, and no amount of control, rigidity, or worry will change what is. We play a part in the flow of the Universe, and it is only when we abide by the previous 9 principles along with Surrender to the fluidity of life, that we can have a positive impact on the world around us. 

"When we release out rigidity and our need to control, when we joyfully engage life as it comes to us, and when we place our egos in devotion to that which is greater, we can begin to taste the bounty of this jewel"

As is the case with the previous nice principles, Surrender does not protect you from loss, disappointment, boredom, fear, sadness, or any other painful emotion. Surrender asks us to accept and flow with what life offers. Our perception of appreciation regardless of the situation, brings an expansive and ease-ful sensation. The energy once wasted on things we cannot control, is now available to feel through discomfort and continue growing and becoming the best version of you. 

"Like white water rafting, surrender is learning to skillfully ride with what the moment gives us, all the while enjoying the process, whether we glide through safely [and gracefully] or tip over and get wet"

Ways to practice ISHVARA PRANIDHANA:

• Meditate each morning this week for 2-10 minutes. Your only job during this meditation is to breathe.
• Go to a yoga class with guided meditation 

For further support or curiosities regarding these 10 principles, feel free to reach out to me. I am happy to direct you to yoga classes, other coaches, resources, communities, or engage in conversation regarding your Journey and growth. We are in this together <3

marinmccue@gmail.com

The Hero's Journey

Joseph Campbell was a phenomenal writer that explored the philosophy of the human experience. He is known for many of his books, but one more than others, "The Hero with a Thousand Faces" (1949). 

In this book, Campbell discusses the mythological archetype that many lead characters and hero's have followed. He calls this, The Hero's Journey. 

If you reflect back to any childhood adventure story, or the exciting movie you watched last night, or the plot of one of your favorite thriller books, you will notice a similar trajectory of how the story is told. 

https://conorneill.com/2020/03/03/how-to-find-purpose-and-self-belief-the-heros-journey/

What is even more fascinating, is that our own life follows this Hero's Journey as well. At some point in your life you may have felt a Call to Action, a whisper of an Adventure ahead, or a desire to experience more and understand the sense of lack in your own life. It is that moment when your Bliss and Joy calls to be followed, and you suddenly see that the Universe has opened doors where there were once only roadblocks and walls.

Although you are excited and curious as to what is around the next corner, uncertainty is terrifying, and it often takes the support of someone else to get you to take the first few steps needed. From there you venture into unknown territory and experience new and increasingly-difficult hardships that test your strength and push you way outside your comfort zone. Through this process you develop new skills, you learn new ways to think, act, and show up in your life, and you meet like-minded people that become your new friends. 

At some point, you reach a breaking point. You hit rock bottom, you are haunted with death or trauma, you experience failure like nothing else you have seen or heard of before, and you break down, not realizing that this is what leads to the ultimate 'break open'.

Your darkest moment teaches you the lessons you needed all along. You develop new and stronger skills that allow you to rebuild your foundation and retrain your brain to perceive the world with a new lens and a new appreciation and gratitude. As you venture back to your home, you are a new version of yourself. You bring back wisdom and "gifts" that you could not have dreamed of possessing before this journey began. 

Your Hero's Journey allows you to make an impact on the world and create a legacy that generates waves for years to come. It all starts with that Call to Action, that push towards the unknown, that leap of faith in the direction of your heart-beat. As Campbell says,

"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us".

Where are you in your Hero's Journey? What lessons have you learned so far? What have you let go of to make space for something new and more connected to what your heart and soul longs for?

We all have the opportunity to be a hero in our lifetime. It comes when things are the darkest, when the world seems small or scary, and when we want nothing more than to curl up and leave the fight for someone else....this is the moment to stand tall. We learn from our struggles. We grow from our failures. When you find yourself in the dark depths of the cave with no escape in sight, lean in, breathe deep, and let the pain and suffering move through you until what once was the source of darkness becomes your blessing and your rebirth.

Share your story. Share your wisdom. Be that Magical Mentor for someone else who is about to venture on their own Hero's Journey. We are stronger together, and together anything is possible.  

For a deeper dive into the Hero’s Journey and how you can re-frame your life’s story, check out my book on Amazon and as an audiobook ;)

What's the most important thing?

This question has been on my mind a lot lately; what is the most important thing? As I engage with myself and support my clients to learn and grow themselves, I continue to circle back to this question. The process of self-development is a lifestyle. As soon as I uncover a layer of limiting beliefs or unhealthy habits, I discover more work to be done. This cyclical nature then brings in the importance of balance. We can't be always striving, digging in, creating change, and curious about everything around us. There is also the need for accepting things as they are, surrendering to what is, and being present and full in this moment right now. 

I am brought back to a concept I learned in Yoga Teacher Training, called SPANDA. Spanda refers to the life pulse of collective consciousness which is the creator of life itself. It is the heart beat, the vibration, the give and take, the push and pull, and the expansion and retraction of all things simultaneously. This concept is a beautiful example of what it takes to live in balance, as balance is always shifting and never static. To be balanced we must be present with our breath and aware of the signals calling us to move forward or step back. The balance point can move as quickly as an inhale becomes an exhale or as slowly as a flower blooms. From my experience thus far, I see my balance point transitioning at a slower rate as I become more aligned and attuned to what my mind and body need.  

Spanda translates as "to move a little". I love this reminder of avoiding the extremes in general. I grew up as an athlete and fed off phrases like "hard core", "be extreme", "beast mode", and similar concepts that optimize an extreme lifestyle. Part of my "undoing" is to notice this habit of craving extremes, and allowing myself to sit in the discomfort of moving slower. When I rush from one thing to the next, I do not enjoy what I am doing as much. Everything becomes a chore, a potential check-mark on my to-do list, rather than an opportunity to engage with whatever each moment presents. 

So, this brings me back to my question, what is the most important thing? I am hesitant to say Balance. I feel as though that is not enough. My search for simplicity in a complicated and diverse world is not an easy task. I am tempted to list off 5 or 6 concepts to answer the question of what's most important, but that defeats the purpose as well. 

Perhaps the answer is the question itself. Perhaps the evolution of self and change of the inner-landscape calls for introspection daily to uncover what is most important for today. I am not done playing with this. I am on to something. What do you think? 

Reconnecting with my Seat of the Witness - 7 Day Challange

I had a couple set-backs this past week. My Yoga Beat class was dropped at the Fit House due to low attendance, and I got caught in a negative self-talk pattern of "I am not enough", for no reason other than feeling like I could be doing more in a few areas of my life. I find it quite interesting that I can know rationally that I am more than enough, that I am living the life I created, that growth takes time and patience and persistence, and that I learn most from my struggles, yet, if I am not consciously aware and mindful of my thought patterns I can still slip into a place of feeling sorry for myself. 

Once I started to remind myself of how lucky I am, how grateful I am, and how proud I am of what I am doing with my life, I began to feel myself pull out of this slump. I had a few inspiring conversations with people close to me that brought more insight into what this negative thought pattern could help me break-through, in terms of another layer of my Limiting Beliefs. 

The only difference between a pessimist and an optimist is perception; what they focus on over a considerable amount of time. Whatever you focus on you create more of. We are creatures of habit. If you consistently focus on where there is not enough, where there is struggle, where there is pain, where there is misfortune, where there is a lack of fairness, etc. you are feeding energy to that thought process and will continue to seek evidence that this is the nature of reality. But conversely, if you focus on what is working, where the bright-spots are, where there is beauty, love, connection, community, and positive growth, your mind will seek out more instances where this is the case. We see what we believe to be true! 

My sister made the connection that it is somewhat like the Eye of Sauron in Lord of the Rings (I realize this connection could be dissected and many errors could be found - this is just a loosely made connection). The Eye is a powerful force of perception that can shine its light of awareness and create influence on whatever it focuses on, much like the Seat of the Witness we can step into in our own mind. In this example, the world in Lord of the Rings is like your brain. There is a story and action going on in every corner of that universe, but the eye can only witness and focus in on a small portion at a time. There are 11 million bits of information being processed in your brain each second, but only 30-50 bits of that can be conscious. Your "Eye of Sauron" scans the massive amount of information and stimulation and can narrow in on whatever is chooses; the battles, the negative forces, the weaknesses, or the beauty, the courage, and the learning and growth.

The more we can train ourselves to step back into the Seat of the Witness behind the scenes, detached from the emotional pendulum swing, the quicker we can recover from set-backs and the easier it is to learn, grow, and enjoy the moment for what it is. 

As a way to keep this top of mind, I have created a challenge for myself to spend 15 minutes each morning, for one week, writing about what I am noticing, what I want to create and embody in my day, and what I am learning from the process. This follows the outline of looking for a Strong Beginning and a Strong End, and being flexible and flowing with the middle. We can't be all effort and we can't be all surrender. This practice helps frame the day with Intention while still leaving plenty of space to go with the flow. I set my clients up to practice this, and since my Mission is to lead by example and be vulnerable with the process, here goes...

Monday April 25 (Day 1)

I woke up feeling pretty damn good this morning. I had a great sleep. I ate really well yesterday, had a couple amazing sweat sessions, soul-fueling conversations, and overall balanced day. This definitely helps me wake up the next day feeling refreshed and energized. 

Within two minutes of being awake today, I had grabbed my phone and was scrolling through social media. I see a friend has launched a new website that looks amazing. I see workout photos, creative workshops being launched and promoted, and free online training and webinars for aspiring coaches and small business owners. I notice the thought creep into my head, "That looks much nicer than what I have done" and "Am I doing enough?" Interesting. That comparison instinct is a sneaky one.

Today I choose to focus on being my best self in everything that I do. My mantra is "I am unique and create experiences and platforms for others to own their unique and brilliant selves". 

Among the many things on my to-do list, I choose these three Actions to embody my Mantra....

1. Do one creative and organizational upgrade to my work space at home

2. Post once on Social Media, and otherwise, only scroll through once today for a total of 3 minutes

3. Work for 30 minutes total on each project/workshop coming up in the next two months

Tuesday - Day 2

I woke up excited to engage in this practice today. It gave me something tangible and creative to focus my attention on as soon as I blinked away the fog of sleep. It felt great yesterday to commit to being more present in my own life and not reach for my phone at every idle moment to check on the social media world. This realization made it easier for me this morning to not reach for my phone as soon as I woke up. I have been awake for 30 minutes and have solely focused on my own breath, which was supported by a couple minutes of gentle mindful movement before I sat down with my laptop. This routine feels good. 

Yesterday I got my Actions done, except for the third one. I have quite a few projects on the go, and it was not realistic to work for 30 minutes on all of them. I have committed (to myself) to begin writing a book and develop an App, and I need to begin to work on both of these projects weekly if I am going to make some progress on them. To keep my Actions realistic, I need to choose 3 or 4 projects to focus on each day, instead of blanketing them all together and feeling overwhelmed by the amount of work I am in the process of creating. 

I had a couple meetings with clients tonight but both have been rescheduled to later this week and next week, so I have an open schedule. Today my Intention is CONNECTION, as I noticed yesterday that despite getting lots done, I felt a bit disconnected and in my head because I didn't get my sweat in until the end of the day and I had limited connection with the world outside my apartment and to-do list. 

With Connection as my Intention today, my Actions are...

1. Get to a new group workout class today (Samadhi at 11am and Santosha at 430pm)

2. Get outside to sweat, go for a run in the early afternoon

3. 30 Minutes on creating the "story-board" outline for my book and 30 minutes on prep and promoting my YEG workshop

Whatever else gets done today is icing on the cake. <3

Wednesday - Day 3

I am feeling good today. I went for a run yesterday for the first time in a couple weeks and it truly brought me back to balance. Running is my best medicine. I felt powerful, free, and any residual stress from my downturn last week melted away. That compounded with two amazing Yoga classes, and a movie night with my little Sister Teresa and good friend Talia, made for a pretty incredible day. 

I woke up to this image today (see below). My amazing sister Katie has three little kiddos and today is her youngest's Birthday. Audrey is my only niece, for now, as Katie is pregnant with another girl due early July. 

Audrey embodies pure joy, courage, honesty, adventure, and love. She reminds me so much of me when I was a little stinker, before the world and hormones layer on self-doubt and caution. I truly hope that with her amazing parents and brave uncles and aunties, this little girl will stay the wild and confident ball of energy that she is today. 

Today my Intention is to embody the pure joy and fun-loving attitude that this precious lady exudes. I choose to breathe fun and character into everything that I do. I will remind myself to smile and not take myself too seriously. I will play music in the background and let myself sing along and dance whenever the mood strikes. I will share my love with others and not hold back when my truth needs to be spoken. 

My Actions:

1. Complete Cue Cards for YEG Workshop

2. Try my first class/workout at the Commune

3. Set a reminder in my phone to go off this afternoon, that will say, "Let go, just love and laugh it off"

Thanks for the inspiration my sweet little princess Audrey ;) xox

Thursday - Day 4

I had some odd dreams last night that had me feeling anxious when I woke up this morning. Even though I know they were just dreams, the residual effects of stress in my system seems to last longer than I expect it to. So first thing this morning I have to remind myself to let go of that unnecessary feeling of stress and embrace the new day with a blank slate. A little bit of coffee and gentle yoga will do the trick.

I have a fun day ahead of me. A couple of coaching clients, a meeting with a friend regarding a project we are collaborating on, and teaching my Yoga Beat class. I have had a fairly productive week and am feeling good about the momentum I have created. I am also feeling sore from an awesome workout at the Commune yesterday and I can tell I will need to stretch a few times today to get myself in good form for tonight's Yoga Beat class. 

So today's Intention is Balance. I know I can't be all Effort or else I will not enjoy the day as much as I could otherwise. I have a long to-do list but I need to make presence and going with the flow a priority as well. Balance reminds me to slow down. To be efficient with the time I choose to work and relaxed and enjoying the moments I choose to let go. 

My Actions today:

1. Pack veggies and protein snacks to ensure I am eating and fueling myself all day

2. Complete one hour of focused work before I leave the house this morning

3. Write out May Goals tonight in my notebook

*Starting Balance and Self-Care now with 5 minutes of yoga to connect to my breath and work through some of the aches in my body. 

Happy Thursday everyone ;)

Friday - Day 5

I wasn't able to make time to write first thing when I got up, since I was up at 5am and taught a spin class at 6am. I am back home now, had a 20 minute power nap, and am now ready to get on with my day.

Yesterday was beautiful and full of intentional and meaningful connections and conversations. I absolutely love being a coach. The clients I am currently working with are completely different, at different stages in their life, with different struggles, interests, and needs. Yesterday I met with two clients, and it was a wonderful reminder that when I am other-focused and open to receiving signals regarding direction of conversation, my own stress or struggles melt away. I light up when I am intentionally serving and supporting others. 

With that said, I am also excited to have a full day off tomorrow. The new workout classes I have added to my busy schedule and the occasional and unnecessary late night followed by an early wake-up has got me feeling ready for a day of R&R. 

But today is what is real right now. I can officially let go of yesterday and I know tomorrow will get here without my focusing and calling it in. Today I have a couple coffee dates, another spin class to teach, and a yoga class at a private residence in the afternoon. I know we are all busy people and I am honored to know you are reading this blog and that others are making time to show up to the classes I teach. I don't want to take that for granted and I feel called today to truly appreciate what I have and who I am surrounded by. 

So today my Intention is Gratitude. I will smile today when the sun touches my face. I will stand tall with my shoulders back and appreciate my strong and healthy body. I will breathe deeply and notice the smells I take in as I move around this beautiful city. I will connect with strangers passing by and do what I can to support and uplift others through kind words, meaningful gestures, and leading by example. Today I am grateful for the struggles I have had over the past couple of weeks because it has brought new depth and curiosity into how I can find more balance and grow my mind and body to the next level of development. I am grateful.

My Actions for today:

1. Write out my Goals for May (I didn't get to this yesterday)

2. Connect with a few family members and send my love their way

3. Finish up the tasks on my to-do list so that tomorrow can be a foot loose and fancy free kind of day ;)

xox

Saturday - Day 6

I am feeling less inclined to sit down and write today. Not because I am not feeling well but because I am feeling really good about having a day without any commitments and I don't want to bring structure in where structure is not needed. But now that I am actually sitting and reflecting on my week and thinking about what kind of day I want to create, I see this as being a very beneficial practice to continue regardless of the day of the week. My Intention will embody less structure, as will my Actions. But continuing to practice looking for a strong beginning and a strong end, and allowing flow and flexibility for the rest of the day is enough structure to feel supported and create progress.

Despite feeling the urge to relax on the couch all day, I know that doesn't serve me well. It brings in other habits that I am trying to work on letting go of. So today my Intention is FUN. Simple. Realistic. Flexible. 

My Actions are:

1. Take my time. Don't rush from one thing to the next. Truly enjoy each moment and allow myself to take the long way, go on tangents, discover what's around the corner, and keep my eyes and head up and open, ready to receive what each moment offers. 

2. Connect with my brothers. Whether phone call or in person.

3. If I end up on the couch, finish writing my Brandedyyc article rather than put on the tv

That's it for today. I am feeling clearer and lighter already ;)

Sunday - Day 7

It feels good to finish what I started! Seven days of reflecting, writing, and posting my Actions each morning to set up my day. When I first left my full-time job and launched dopeame, I engaged in a morning routine every day for months. It was slightly different each morning, but it always involved setting and Intention and Actions for the day. Once I built up momentum and became busier, I let go of that practice. I don't think I need to bring it back in indefinitely. but a few mornings each week would be beneficial. 

Over the past week I was reminded of the importance of noticing my thoughts early on in the day so that I can let go of thought patterns that are not helpful and choose the thoughts that will elevate me for the day. It has nothing to do with being aloof or naive to reality, it is all about change my perspective and knowing that yesterday is done and tomorrow is not worth stressing over. 

Today my Intention is CHOICE, and my mantra is CHOOSE YOUR THOUGHTS WISELY. I am heading to teach spin in 10 minutes and then I have the day open to connect with friends and family and set my week up by getting an hours worth of work done. I want to continue the progress I have made this past week by noticing my thoughts all day and consciously switching gears whenever I feel my thoughts are deflating. 

My Actions for today:

1. Set a reminder in my phone to go off in the afternoon that says something along the lines of, T.H.I.N.K.? Are your thoughts True, Helpful, Inspiring, Necessary, and Kind?

2. Get one hour of focused and efficient work done

That's all I need today. ;)

Step 4 of "12 Steps to a Whole New Mind"

This article series is posted on the www.brandedyyc.com website. Continue following for the remainder of the year as I lay out the 12 Steps to a Whole New Mind ;)

 

STEP FOUR OF 12 STEPS TO A WHOLE NEW MIND

Welcome back growth-minded seekers. Last month I introduced you to the third step of this 12 step series, which highlighted how to change your relationship with fear. If you haven’t had a chance to read the previous articles yet, make a mental note to circle back later. You can enjoy and appreciate each article on its own, but you will get more from each by laying the foundation of these concepts and allowing them to build sequentially in your mind.

This month’s focus is all about shining your light to build resilience, motivation, and gratitude by understanding and instigating the creation of Mother Nature’s natural anti-depressants and mood balancers – your happy chemicals.

My discovery and love affair with happy chemicals started five years ago. I was in Vancouver and I tried MDMA for the first time. It was summertime, I was on vacation, and I was in the mood for a new experience and adventure. For those of you who do not know, MDMA acts as a serotonin-norepinephrine-dopamine releasing agent and reuptake inhibitor. This means that not only does it release these happy chemicals that produce a feeling of euphoria and extreme empathy, connection, and motivation, but it also blocks the reuptake so your system is swimming in these high-vibes. This drug is not for everyone, and my intention here is to not glamorize or encourage experimentation, as my anecdotal experience does not ensure yours would be the same.

An hour after I ingested the magic pill, I found myself walking through downtown Vancouver on my own, smiling at everyone I passed by and dialling up one friend after another to tell them how much I loved them. I felt superb, elated, free, detached from stress or worry, excited about whatever my future held, and so in tune with the present moment. This realization compounded into a revelation – I have felt like this before. When I eat a mindful, balanced, and nourishing diet, get the sleep that I need, practice exercising daily, push outside my comfort zone, engage with inspiring and empowering people, create art and projects and actively support people around me…I feel oh-so-high on life.

That was the pivotal moment that sparked a curiosity to understand these happy chemicals and what it takes to create that natural high on a daily basis in a real, healthy, and sustainable way.  I explored, researched, conversed with experts, and practiced with tools and ideas that I found or that came to my mind. I realized that knowing about this mind-body connection would open my mind to a new way of thinking. I began to see my emotions as by-products of my actions, rather than being attached or held-hostage by the stories and emotional pendulum swings. I began to lean into my fears and struggles as opportunities to grow and understand myself even more. I created a system that supported me in retraining my brain into healthier and more fun habits of thought and action, which consequentially, increased my overall happiness.

Knowing about these happy chemicals, how to create them, how to keep them in balance, and how to recognize when time and attention needs to be spent to elevate them, has been life changing for me and my clients. When we actively and mindfully engage in activities that boost our happy chemicals on a daily basis, consciously let go of habits, thoughts and actions that are deflating, and create a mindset that focuses on growth and progress versus perfection and comparisons, we can increase our happiness baseline.

Jonathan Haidt, in The Happiness Hypothesis, speaks of the happiness baseline as your happiness set-point, based on your experience, your biology, and your mindset. When something amazing happens, i.e. winning the lottery, meeting the man/woman of your dreams, getting that promotion you’ve been working your ass off for, etc. we have a few days, weeks, or months of increased happiness, but eventually, you dip back down to your happiness baseline. And conversely, if the worst happens, i.e. you lose a loved one, you lose a limb, your marriage falls apart, etc., you dive down into the depths of despair, but again, given some time, you find your way back to that happiness baseline.

When I learned about the happiness baseline, I realized I was not happy with where my baseline sat. I wanted more from my life. I knew the words I used when I talked to myself, the things I focused on, and the habits I had were not conducive to raising my baseline. So I needed to shift a lot in order to increase my overall happiness.

Enter happy chemicals.

To be the change you want to see in yourself and in the world, you need the motivation, the tools, the path and the support. Once you are clear on your core values, your goals, and the daily and incremental steps to align yourself with who you truly want to be, getting those happy chemicals pumping daily will make the journey so much smoother and a lot more fun.

Loretta G. Breuning, PhD, in her book Meet Your Happy Chemicals says:

“The feeling we call ‘happiness’ comes from four special brain chemicals: dopamine, endorphin, oxytocin, and serotonin. These ‘happy chemicals’ spurt when your brain sees something good for your survival. Then they turn off, so they’re ready to spurt again when something good crosses your path.”

Here are the basics you need to know about your happy chemicals:

1. Dopamine

From an evolutionary perspective, as hunter and gatherers, life was strenuous and required exerting a lot of energy to find the basics for living. Dopamine is the happy chemical that spurts when you are seeking or working towards something that will improve your quality of life, or when you find something that is good for your survival.

John Ratey tells us in his brilliant book SPARK,

“It works like transmission fluid: if there’s not enough…attention can’t easily be shifted or can only be shifted all the way into high gear.”

This makes it extremely important to find ways to elevate your dopamine levels daily and fuel the reserve tank that allows for balanced action, versus extreme swings from total exertion to complete lack of motivation.

Dopamine feels like motivation, energy, and pleasure. It aids in sleep, memory,  action, mood, and overall cognitive ability; like learning, attention, and building new habits by forming new neural connections.

You can produce this naturally by getting your daily sweat on , setting goals and taking incremental steps to get there, creating a to-do list and checking things off as you go (I love the feeling of checking things off my to-do list!), building mindful movement with intentional and focused breath, and creating a constant reason to seek as you collect experiences, resources, or knowledge.

2. Endorphin

This chemical doesn’t play as big of a role in happiness, but rather supports survival by spurting when we step outside our comfort zone, calming our brain and relieving muscle pain during strenuous exercise.

This chemical spurts when we need a boost of energy to save ourselves from lurking danger or get back to the safety of known territory. It releases a euphoric and blissful feeling, giving you energy to push to a new level of physical exertion.

Evolutionarily speaking, this was what helped our ancestors escape from predators when injured or in need of a burst of energy to move or think quickly. We get spurts of this chemical when we push through the “wall” in physical exercise and has been equated to the “runner’s high”, or the ability to move large and heavy items in the face of extreme danger that we would normally not be able to budge.

 3. Serotonin

Our ancestors learned quickly that we are stronger and capable of much more when we work together as a unit or tribe. Serotonin is the happy chemical that would spurt when you did something that furthered your integral role within your group. It is the desire for social dominance, respect, and status.

It feels like safety, balance, and confidence. It aids in mood balancing, bowel regulation, and cognitive flexibility. John Ratey refers to serotonin as “the policeman of the brain because it helps keep brain activity under control. It influences mood, impulsivity, anger, and aggressiveness.” Serotonin is a powerful antidote to fear and anxiety, as it targets the brain stem and amygdala directly, where our programmed and habitual reactions come from.

You can produce this yummy chemical naturally by acknowledging what you are proud of on a daily basis, focusing on the advantages of wherever you are now,  making a gratitude journal that you fill in daily, and noting that your status will continually go up and down – so not getting attached to always needing to be the best or be the hero. You also get some of this happy chemical by engaging in mindful movement and aerobic exercise, getting sunshine and fresh air, working on a hobby, letting go of comparisons, trying something new, and opening yourself to new opportunities.

 4. Oxytocin

This is the love chemical. We have survived because we have reproduced. This chemical promotes survival with the desire for heart-felt social bonds, loving relationships, and positive interactions.

It feels like safety, trust, love, and connection. It is an amnestic hormone, which means it has the ability to wipe out previous neural pathways that lead to past lovers, as well as to forget the pain of child birth.

Oxytocin is released when you receive tender love and care from others, but also when you give and care for others. Reaching out to receive and give support actually protects your cardiovascular system from the harmful effects of stress, anxiety, and fear. It works as a natural anti-inflammatory, and helps signal a state of relaxation and calm, even during stressful life events.

Lissa Rankin, in her mind-blowing book, The Fear Cure, says:

”because your heart has oxytocin receptors, the hormone helps heart cells regenerate and heal from the damage of chronic stress responses. Oxytocin strengthens the heart, even in the face of fear, and you recover from scary emotions and stressful life events more quickly not just on an emotional level, but physically.”

So it is true what they say, love is the answer.

You can create oxytocin naturally by listening to soothing music, engaging in meditative breath, laughing, having sex, getting a 20 second hug, connecting with friends and family, or working up a sweat while laughing and connecting with those around you.

These chemicals are all complicated and inter-connected. It is important to note that you need to have your basic building blocks of a healthy and balanced life in place in order to get the full range of benefits from these chemicals. Eat healthy and whole foods, get the sleep that you need, engage in self-care practices, seek support, speak up and don’t allow others to be the lead driver in your life. Know that everyone is different. What works for me is not what will necessarily work for you. And, as you get used to an activity that once produced a huge spurt of juicy happy chemicals, the effects begin to diminish as your mind and body craves novelty to keep these chemicals flowing. So stay open and curious to what you are feeling and allow each day to be an adventure.

As you develop a new routine of actively engaging in activities that produce happy chemicals, remember that creating new habits takes time and patience. As Loretta G. Breuning, PhD, explains,

“Building new circuits in adulthood is like trying to slash a new trail through dense rainforest. Every step takes huge effort, and the new trail disappears into the undergrowth if you don’t use it again soon. Such trail-blazing feels inefficient and downright unsafe when a nice superhighway is nearby. That’s why people tend to stick with the pathways they have.”

This is where support, mindfulness, and clear direction and goals help you stay focused on why you are willing to struggle and persist in your journey. Set yourself up for success by engaging with someone who will support and cheer you on. Whether you reach out to me to learn more and set up a support system, or enroll people in your life already, this is a journey you will be thankful for embarking on. Happy Trail Blazing! 

Book Recommendations:

The Fear Cure by Lissa Rankin

Meet Your Happy Chemicals by Loretta Breuning

SPARK by John Ratey

My word of the Year, what I have learned, and what I am curious about

CONNECTION. This word stood out in my mind as I was contemplating what 2016 had in store for me. I was thinking about opening my own yoga space that could serve as dope(a)me headquarters, I wanted to expand my coaching business, and I love collaborating and creating experiences with inspiring and intriguing people. I knew that regardless of what I ended up deciding to do, I needed to foster and nurture connections in order to see the growth and depth that I was looking for. 

"Connection" has proven to be a beautiful source of insight and motivation for me over the past few months. Despite stepping away from opening my own space - for now - I carried the intention of Connection with me everywhere and have found beautiful opportunities and a new found sense of curiosity. 

Connection to Others:

Something that has surprised me about this intention is that it has helped me realize the importance of connecting others. I am not just looking at ways to connect myself with those around me, but also, how can I connect people I deeply care about to others who will elevate and create something together. The satisfaction I get when connecting others, is just as rewarding, if not more, than when I am focusing on my own relationships. We get a nice juicy boost of Oxytocin when we care for and serve others, as well as when others care for and serve us. It's a give and take, a balance, and something that is becoming more real and noticeable in my own life. 

In the article, "Managing with the Brain in Mind", author David Rock says,

"The human brain is a social organ. It's physiological and neurological reactions are directly and profoundly shaped by social interaction."

Perhaps you have heard the common saying that you are a combination of the five people you spend the most time with. It makes sense. We are deeply influenced by our surroundings, our conversations, our activities, and whatever else our social interactions brings into our life. 

Social interaction is vital to feeling balanced and connected. Be intentional with this information by knowing who those people are in your life that light you up, elevate you, and encourage you to be your best self. I am taking charge with this knowledge by starting up the conversations I want to have, by making plans and being intentional with what activities we engage in and what food we eat, and by creating online courses and workshops with intentional themes that I know will elevate the vibration of the group. I am not interested in small talk. I have found ways to feel connected to others, generate connections between other people, and elevate the collective consciousness through intentional conversation.

In the book The Anatomy of a Calling, Lissa Rankin relays her learning's about connection by saying,

"The only gateway to true connection lies in your vulnerability, and without true connection along the hero's path, the mission is destined to fail."

We need others in our lives to fully reach our potential. Being independent means standing on your two feet while allowing the intentional people you have chosen to surround yourself with to hold you up and lean on in opportune moments. We need our tribe. We need our community. We need to support each other and build each other up. One person may start the conversation, but it takes the group to generate a revolution. When we stand strong and lead by example, we spread courage like wildfire and breathe strength into others who needed that nudge to find their own strength and their own voice. 

You never know who you will inspire just by showing up as yourself; authentic, courageous, and led by love. 

Connection to Self:

You can't be your best self for others if you don't have a loving and deep connection with yourself. We have all heard the phrases along the lines of, 

"You must fill your bucket before you can help fill the bucket of someone else"

"The most important relationship is the one with yourself"

"Without self love you won't find true love with someone else"

The list goes on. And as cliche, and perhaps a little too black and white, as these phrases allude, they carry truth. How can you show up vulnerable and authentic for someone else if you are dealing with demons, lack of self-love, or denial within yourself? You are basically showing up in a relationship carrying baggage that is blocking your heart and distracting your mind. 

I have spent a lot of time in this area because I too struggled with self-love for years. I didn't know how to love myself. I knew how to judge, belittle, criticize, and victimize myself, so that is what I repeatedly did. 

Once I learned how to change my own habits and the importance of self-love, passion, positive self-talk, vulnerability, goals, compassion, and growth mindset, I was able to let-go of the unnecessary negativity in my life and embrace a new mindset. I still have to remind myself to let go of certain things and to refocus my mind on what I can control, but I do so with curiosity and excitement as I see myself getting stronger and more content with where I am and what is now. 

Intuition:

This focus on Connection has sparked a deeper journey of reconnecting with my Intuition. For years I did not trust my inner voice because of the hurtful things I did to myself and to others. Reclaiming this voice has been a process to say the least. I am starting by focusing on what I am curious about. The little whispers that say, "hmmm, dig into that a bit more" or "stay with this feeling a little longer" or "ask more questions, you don't quite have a grasp on this yet" or "there's more to learn and explore through here." This is the voice I am curious to learn more about. 

My intuition reminds me when to slow down and engage in some radical self-care in order to avoid exhaustion or burn out. My intuition guides me towards what I need to learn more about and what experiences will help me gain knowledge that a book can't offer. My intuition rings of Surrender when I have been focused too much on Effort, and it points towards Effort when I have had enough Surrender. 

And when I don't feel connected to my intuition, like thick clouds covering the sunlight, I know that I need to sleep, meditate, eat cleaner, or clear my head with fun and sweat. My intuition is always there, and as long as I am not beating myself up or focusing on negativity, I can quickly access it's wealth of wisdom when I de-clutter my surroundings and my mind. 

Lately, my intuition has been guiding me towards finding balance. I continue to stay up later than I know serves me well, and I have been eating more treats than what feels good. When I feel balanced, by intuition guides me towards collaborations and creativity. I see so many people offering workshops, retreats, online training to join their tribe or learn their steps and tools to greatness, and I am feeling a little disconnected from the bigger picture. 

I have reminded myself a few times lately to reconnect with my original vision and purpose behind what I am doing. 

My Vision - To spread happiness, health, and a life of love and passion, like wild fire. 

My Mission - To lead by example with passion, a growth mindset, and inspiration.

I want to make health, support, and inspiration an accessible and inclusive experience for an ever-expanding community to experience. I know my online platform will be the key to this, and I am still figuring out what that means and what that looks like. I don't want to charge thousands of dollars to be a part of my special "secret ingredient" way of building success in your life. I want everyone and anyone to have access and to feel the love and support I want to offer. 

I am committed to being vulnerable and to allow my process of growth to be an open experience that invites others to come along for the ride. I am passionately curious about my own potential and how leading with love and connection can change the world around me. If you are curious about your own potential or you have skills that you feel could create a beautiful collaboration, then reach out. Let's talk ;)

Quality Questions spark Quality Conversations and Thoughts

I read recently that the quality of the question you ask yourself, directly impacts the quality of the thoughts you will think repeatedly afterwards. Makes sense. For example, when you ask yourself,

"Why does this always happen to me?

What's wrong with me?

Why does he/she always get what he/she wants?"

You are setting yourself up for a negative spin. The questions themselves are already pointing at a self-defeating answer. 

Pay attention to the questions you ask yourself, and practice switching up the words you use to set yourself up for growth and progress. For example,

"What is this consistent trend I am seeing in my life trying to teach me?

What is my fear pointing at that needs to heal in my life?

What can I learn from my struggle today?"

These questions can be posed in place of the ones above, but they convey a sense of calm and curiosity to learn, and to not be the victim.

I was reminded of the beauty of quality questions after a yoga class I taught last week. This particular class is held in the Student Support Center at SAIT, and generally there are 1-5 people who attend. Last week, there was one student who came to practice and he is someone who has been coming pretty consistently since I started teaching in this space 8 months ago.

We had a great practice together and he stopped me a few times to ask me questions throughout the class, which I love! He is a very inquisitive fellow and has a genuine thirst for understanding as much as he can. 

After class, I wandered down the hall to sit with my notebook and get some work done before I left campus to my next appointment. The student from yoga class came over to me a few minutes later and thanked me again for class, and then asked if he could ask me a few questions. Below is our conversation, as I wrote it down as soon as he walked away. I was floored by his curiosity and the quality of the questions he asked. It sparked a deeper inquiry on my part, and my hope is that these same questions can spark some time for you putting pen to paper as well. 

Student: How do you find and stay motivated with just one person in your class?

Me: I have had several classes with only one person, and several classes or workshops where no one shows up, so I have had practice. What I realized is that a big part of the motivation is found in the tone I use when I say how many people are registered or who show up. If I say "Only 1 person showed up", I can feel defeated and unimportant. But if I say, "Wow, 1 person is here to learn and practice with me when they could be doing anything else with their time", suddenly I feel connected and energized. I feel grateful and excited to share my passion and love with anyone and everyone. If I can support and love up one person, I don't see that as any less valuable than 5 or 10 or 20. Making a positive impact on one person's life fuels and motivates me.

Student: What do you think of the Law of Attraction? Do you practice it?

Me: I focus on my energy. I know how I want to feel, how I want to show up, how I want to react, and explore, and I know I am responsible for my effort in being mindful, open, and receptive. It just so happens, that showing up this way attracts more people like that into my life. I strive to manifest what I want and desire, but I also surrender to what is and remind myself that I can't control the outcome, I can only control my effort. 

Student: One more questions, I notice you are really good at holding eye contact. In my culture, it is common to look away from the person you are talking to, especially when you are trying to explain something as you visualize it. This is something I am trying to get better at. 

What is your Mindset in your ability to hold eye contact while engaging with someone?

Me: I want connection! The conversation I am having, and the potential growth that comes from that, is only possible because of the person I am engaging with. I want that exchange of energy, that real and vulnerable connection that allows me to be fully seen and accepted as I fully see and accept who I am connecting with. 

And that was it. He thanked me and we went our separate ways. It has been such a pleasure to get to know this man during the last few months, and I am excited to be a part of his growth and journey towards the big goals he has set for himself. 

Just another example of the power of showing up, of leading by example, of being open and honest and receptive to conversations and connections, and to pay attention to the quality of words you use with yourself and with others. You create a ripple effect. What impact are you making today?

A Mental Model for Life

Last night was part 1 (of 3) of the Mind-Body Movement, held at Branded HQ. The theme for Part 1 is How to Handle Setbacks, followed by an hour of Candlelight Yoga. Part of the content last night included the introduction of a Mental Model. 

Life can be tough. There is a lot of uncertainty and struggle that is a part of the beauty. Something that I have found to be helpful, and I have read in quite a few books, is the idea of creating a Mental Model or Metaphor to help navigate the expected unexpected. When you connect something that you know well or are intrigued by to the wild terrain, uncertainty, and intrinsic change that comes with life, you are better able to understand and navigate through the storms (waves, fire, adventure, etc.).

I challenged the group last night to create their own Mental Model, and to either post it privately or publicly. I figured that because I am committed to leading by example, I would share mine. 

I initially wrote this in my early 20's, but I lost my original copy so I re-wrote this one this week, specifically for last night's workshop. Here goes.....

"Life is an ultra-marathon that I don’t want to finish first. More opportunity and possibility arises when I keep a balanced and sustainable pace. There needs to be self-love and compassion when I slow down to rest, knowing that surrender and calm is just as important as effort and high-vibration energy. I allow excitement and motivation to grow when I push outside my comfort zone, as I discover how strong I am today. My pace will bring me into the lives of new and unique people, and my choice of path will take me on wild adventures to new lands when I am brave and open to seeing the forks in the road.

I know that leaving people behind leaves space for new relationships up ahead and venturing into the unknown seems scary at first, but it always teaches and grows me more than staying on the well-worn path. My energy and attitude attracts certain like-minded people but I remind myself to detach and let everyone roam free, as my true run partners always make their way back to me. The ebbs & flow of each day bring new challenges but all I can do is trust the process and focus on my breath and my effort. It’s tempting to compare myself to others, to wish I tried harder, to get struck in “what ifs” or get consumed by fear of what’s coming around each corner, but I’ve learned that is wasted energy.

I lean into the uncertainty, I practice gratitude for each moment, I focus on lessons learned and growth that has resulted versus shaming or regretting things from my past which cannot be changed. I know I need to conserve my precious energy for the moment at hand and I want to take in the beauty of each breath with eyes open, head up, an open mind, and an open heart. I want to cherish each connection for what it is because I know the Finish Line will come sooner than I'd like, and sometimes appears without warning.

At times I’ve been pushed, tripped, or hurt by other runners zooming past or attempting to drag themselves behind me. I’ve learned that everyone is going through their own battle, and although it may not seem like it, everyone is doing the best that they can."

Here are some other ideas to spark your creativity....

-Life is the journey of caterpillar to butterfly

-Life is a road trip in a car with three wheels

-Life is hike backwards up a mountain

-Life is the balance of walking a tight rope

-Life is the ultimate Choose Your Own Adventure novel

-Life is the journey of the University of Unlimited Choices

Take some time to write out your Mental Model for Life. Share with others. Stay open and curious about how you react and what changes you want to see in your habits and mindset. The only way to create change is to acknowledge where that change needs to happen. Reach out for support from someone you feel safe and connected with, and trust that life can be much more beautiful and satisfying when you commit to creating your best life and best-Self possible. 

I would love to hear what Mental Model you come up with. Send me a message, tag me on facebook or instagram, or find me roaming around yyc.

Have fun ;)

The evolution of SELF

I have been falling in love with life more and more each day. I discovered Lissa Rankin (author, healer, beautiful soul www.lissarankin.com) a month ago and the timing of her magical mentor-ship has cracked my heart and mind open into a new realm. As I sat this morning, reading her book (The Fear Cure), reflecting on the revelations I have had this past weekend in my relationship, prepping for my Candlelight Yoga event this Sunday evening (www.brandedyyc.com), working on the course The Path to Change outline and yoga sequences (Starts April 3 - check workshops scheduled for more details), and taking notes for client sessions coming up, I became overwhelmed with happiness and the need to express my latest evolution of SELF.  

The books I have been reading, the conversations I have had, the people I surround myself with, the fears and insecurities I have leaned into to understand and let-go of, and the mistakes and do-overs I have allowed myself to swim through in my work and in my relationships, have all brought so much more peace and beauty into my life. I love that I can see my areas of improvement without judgement or shame. I stay curious, open, and excited about the growth and discovery I am uncovering. I save my precious energy for the things I can control, and I let go and detach from focusing on the uncertainties or the things in which I have no power. I cry without feeling helpless. I celebrate without worry that the moment will end. I love without knowing what tomorrow brings. I create without fear that I won't be seen or received. I just am. I just breathe. I just connect, play, show up, and trust that each moment is full and complete when my eyes are open and my mind is present. I still stumble. I still breakdown and have to remind myself to practice self-care or have a difficult conversation. But I do this with conscious curiosity. 

I strive to DO less to leave space for more time inward. I feel and lean into the fears and struggles that grab for my attention. What adversities are you facing? What growth are they offering you to explore? Soften your heart, let go of judgement. Detach from the need to know, the need to be perfect. Allow yourself to be raw, open, grateful, and connected to the whispers and the calls to action.

What is your grief teaching you? What are you resisting? We can morph and change inwardly and outwardly when we live with intention, purpose, and vulnerability. When we detach from control and realize we only have a right to our effort, to our reflection, to our choices in how we show up. Say yes to second chances, say yes to do-overs, say yes to taking risks and letting pain remake you into who you are meant to be.

Life is messy, unpredictable, and ever-changing. No job is secure, no family is untouched by tragedy, and no soul is safe from heart ache and loss. Focus on your breath. Speak your truth. Lean into the moments that are uncomfortable, confusing, and bring up fears, and ask your divine consciousness - whether that be God, the Universe, your inner pilot light - what you are to learn from this.

Stay open. Stay receptive. Stop resisting life. Accept what is now in order to use your precious energy into forward momentum of new and healthy habits.Love life for the tragic and beautiful journey that it is. Surround yourself with people that speak your inspiring language. Put pen to paper. Practice self-love, compassion, and connection. And most importantly, leave this world a little better than you found it each morning you wake up. 

Happy soul-searching beautiful people. Reach out if you feel called to xoxo

Self-Love: The Most Important Relationship

I wrote this blog post for my friend Camilla Swagger's website, www.lovemerun.com. Check out her website for fun and creative dating tips and activities. Enjoy the read and feel free to let me know what you think ;)

SELF-LOVE: THE MOST IMPORTANT RELATIONSHIP

My longest relationship, before I met my life partner, was four weeks – and that includes at least one week of pretending I was sick so I could avoid any bodily contact. I have always been an independent person. When my girlfriends had one boyfriend after another, I felt I was maybe too picky or had higher standards because I just couldn’t make myself stay in a relationship if I felt my own company was better. I struggled with depression and eating disorders growing up, and often felt like I missed out on opportunities to date because I would get a phone call for a date that same evening, but I felt nauseous from eating a full pizza and a bowl of ice cream for desert already. It was hard to make progress in any relationship because I didn’t let people see who I really was behind closed doors.

I was 21 when I met Andrew in Edmonton (almost 9 years ago). It was the beginning of the summer and I was in Calgary visiting home, in between semesters at University of Victoria. I had already transferred schools three times, starting my collegiate career on a full-ride scholarship at San Diego State University, back to Canada for one year at Mount Royal, and at this point I was playing basketball at UVic. I was dealing with PTSD from my experience at San Diego State, and was avoiding my demons by drinking, partying, and abusing my prescription for Ritalin.

When I met Andrew I was struck. He was handsome, an amazing body, funny but not over-the-top, smart but not presumptuous, and an absolutely amazing kisser. I’ll keep this PG by saying there were fireworks all weekend, and we continued to see each other almost every weekend for the rest of the summer.

I went back to UVic at the end of the summer and had decided to retire my basketball shoes and focus on school for once. I was not happy with my life and Andrew was the only person that I felt truly connected to. So, I transferred one more time, and moved out to Edmonton to finish my philosophy degree at the University of Alberta.

The first year of our relationship was easy, probably because 6 months of it was long distance. I finally felt like I had found someone that I could be with for the long haul. I felt healthier, happier, more balanced, and excited about what the future holds. But after one year, I learned that I can’t avoid my struggles or use other people as a band-aid fix for deep rooted issues.

My anxiety, depression, and eating disorder came back full-force and hit me harder this time as I didn’t have an obvious problem to blame. I had the man of my dreams but I felt alone and lost.

I began cutting myself as a way to feel a few moments of release. I had so much pain and chaos in my mind, and this escalated to needing to see a wound in order to fixate my pain onto something real. I was confused. I was scared. I was desperate. For years I had been telling myself that I would be happy once I found someone to love and who would love me back. I thought that the feeling of lack, of not being enough, and of being lost and alone, were symptoms of desiring to have a partner. It became clear that outward fixes were not what was needed. If I were going to keep the relationship I had, and truly find happiness in this life, I needed to do the inner-work, and ultimately, I needed to learn how to love myself.

Being the philosopher that I am, I devoted my life to understanding what was happening inside of me and how to get myself out of this negative space. I read book after book, studying neuroscience, psychology, sociology, philosophy, leadership, and every self-help book that caught my eye. I wrote for hours each day, allowing myself to comprehend and integrate what I was learning into my real life experiences. What I discovered was a deeply ingrained negative self-talk habit that would spiral out of control and often trigger me to over-eat, over-exercise, and beat myself up. I realized that I didn’t have a loving relationship with myself, and had a habit of judging my worth and value based on what I achieved and what attention I got from others. This created an impossible expectation to uphold and an extreme emotional pendulum swing that was completely out of my own control.

Around this time I decided I needed to break up with Andrew to rediscover myself and to rebuild my sense of independence. I didn’t want to feel like I needed anyone or anything. Of course he didn’t understand when I explained to him that this was about me, and not about him, but he did his best to support me. As difficult as this was, I see this as the turning point in our relationship and in my relationship with myself. We were a part for one week, and within the first few days I realized that I didn’t need him and that I would be ok on my own if something happened in the future. I decided that I choose to be with him and I need to choose to love myself even more.

I was done being the victim. I was so sick of being depressed and allowing myself to continue in the negative and unhealthy habits I had developed. It was time to change and I knew that it was going to take conscious effort and choice every day.

What I learned from this experience was that self-love is the most important relationship to foster. If you feel alone now, being in a relationship is not the fix. Of course a loving relationship is amazing and is something to be open to, but it does not solve the problems and the struggles that you think it will. A life partner will help you experience the highest moments of your life, but this relationship will also make you struggle and grapple with the lowest points in your life. Without a strong sense of self-love, a relationship with someone else will suffer.

Whether you are in a relationship now, or are single and on the search for that special someone, here are five tips to help you foster the most important relationship in your life. Cheers to loving yourself up!

1. Take time for YOU

Put away your phone, turn off the tv, shut down your laptop, and connect with your breath. Whether you play some music, move your body, or simply sit still, you need to feel that connection with YOU. Allow yourself at least a few minutes of feeling your posture, feeling your breath, and being present with the current moment. Notice your thoughts and practice compassion. Don’t judge yourself, don’t shame yourself, and don’t set expectations. Feel the beauty and magic within your own body and your own mind. Perfectly imperfect as you are.

2. Pen to Paper

Every night before bed, take a few minutes to acknowledge what you are proud of. What are the small-wins from the day? Where did you show up brave and open? What did you learn? What did you lean into? The act of acknowledging yourself releases serotonin in your body, which is a vital happy chemical for happiness. This also trains you to celebrate yourself and to focus on what is working, versus our natural tendency to beat ourselves up and focus on where we fell short.

3. Gratitude

While you’re driving, when you are waiting in line at the grocery store, or when you have a few moments in the morning or evening, rather than reaching for your phone, tell yourself 5 things you are grateful for in this moment. Be specific. When we practice gratitude daily, we train ourselves to see the beauty in whatever situation we are in. We build our resilience and flex our happiness mind-muscle. Plus, this releases oxytocin and serotonin, more love and happiness feelings.

4. Mind-Body Connection

The words we use when we talk to ourselves effects how we feel and how we act. How we eat and how often we sweat, obviously also effects our mental health. Think of your thoughts, the food you eat, and the amount of exercise you get, as FUEL. What kind of fuel are you subjecting yourself to? Often when you feel a lack of something or a craving for something, it is a signal that you are not getting the fuel you need. Commit to eating healthy, commit to getting your body sweating, commit to learning and growing each day, and commit to practicing positive self-talk. It’s amazing how good you can feel when you start to take your health and balance seriously.

5. Let-go of Comparisons

One of the common struggles we share is the act of comparing ourselves to others. We all do it! Whether it’s through social media, seeing someone else achieve or experience something delightful, or simply imagining what others are up to, we so easily fall victim to thinking the grass is greener in other pastures. Guess what? We all struggle! We all deal with anxiety, stress, disappointment, heart ache, loss, and every other human emotion. Don’t waste time and energy thinking about what others have or fooling yourself into thinking that someone else has it easier than you. No problem is fixed by making someone else wrong, blaming, or wishing you had what someone else has. Be a do’er. Focus on the benefits of wherever you are and know that your life is what you need to focus your energy on. Where your mind goes, energy flows. So focus on growth, focus on gratitude, focus on mending your own grass and making your life the best it can possibly be.

I have created an online course that will begin April 3. The course is called “The Path to Change” and includes yoga videos for you to play with at home, access to an online community of people committed to increasing their health and WELLth, information, tools, and support from me, and a one on one coaching session with me to support you in the change you want to see in your life. When we have a support and accountability system, change is a whole lot easier and definitely more fun. Whether you are clear and ready for change or just curious about what I offer, this course is for you. I would love to have you be a part of this journey with me.  Head to www.dopeame.com for more details or reach out to me at marinmccue@gmail.com.

I hope you enjoyed hearing a bit of my story and I hope one day I can hear yours. Happy soul searching, and remember, drench yourself in love. xoxo

Step 3 of "12 Steps to a Whole New Mind"

Here it is, the third article of the 12 Steps to a Whole New Mind project. Check out www.brandedyyc.com for more great articles and insights into what's going on in beautiful yyc ;)

 

ARTICLE # 3 OF 12 STEPS TO A WHOLE NEW MIND

Welcome back soul-searchers. Last month I introduced you to the second step of this 12 step series, which highlighted the importance of positive self-talk and a morning routine to support you in retraining your thoughts to serve you in a positive and efficient way. If you didn’t catch that article yet, circle back and check it out so that you can appreciate the foundation and sequence in which I am layering these concepts, tools and practices.

My focus for this month’s article is one that I am fascinated by and am still learning and exploring on a daily basis. I am talking about FEAR. Fear of failure. Fear of rejection. Fear of making an irreversible mistake. Fear of death. Fear of playing too big and having to keep up with our own passion and expectations. And conversely, fear of not living life to our fullest. The kind of fear that keeps you small, stagnant, confused, lost, lonely, and ultimately, unhealthy and unhappy.

We all face fear on a daily basis, whether we brush up against actual physical danger or simply focus too much on the uncertainty and potential threats all around us. I have studied, played, practiced and explored my fears for the past several years. I have morphed myself into a fear-loving creature compared to the fear-loathing and self-imposed victim of fear that I once was. As I have done with any concept I am curious about and desire to loosen the grips on, I start with gaining a deep understanding of the purpose and etymology of the term.

So what is FEAR, really?

The word ‘fear’ is our term to describe calamity, danger, or something that frightens us. Fear is a signal from our limbic system telling us that something is unknown up ahead. Either our past experience is reminding us of danger or the unknown factors in the situation are perceived as potential for danger. From an evolutionary perspective, we have survived because our overactive Fight or Flight response (Sympathetic Nervous System) grabs our attention with a spurt of the steroid hormone cortisol anytime we feel, smell, see, or think about potential threats to our safety.

Cortisol gives us that “do something” feeling, along with a burst of energy to run, fight or freeze. This remarkable system kept our ancestors alive and continues to keep us fortunate evolution winners alive to this day. The chemical cortisol has gotten somewhat of a bad reputation because of our overly stressed, anxious and fearful ways of living. But in small doses, cortisol is healthy and necessary. We need a bit of stress, and in fact, a bit of trauma is actually good for us, as it builds resiliency and gratitude for the precious nature of life and its many gifts.

The inspiring author and holistic health expert Dr. Lissa Rankin (check her out, www.LissaRankin.com) tells us that despite the few actual physical threats in our immediate environment (at least in our first world country), the average person activates their Fight or Flight system over 50 times per day, and upwards to 200 times per day.

What does this mean?

We are flooded with cortisol, which halts almost every other process in the body and mind. We have natural healing abilities that only work when our body is in a state of calm or relaxation, which is not the reality for anyone who lives an anxious, stressed out or fearful life.

With that said, of course there will be legitimate reasons to feel stress or fear, and to expect a life without these bumps and challenges, is to be naïve to the nature of life. But how can we deal with life’s peaks and valleys in a more balanced and healthy way? How can we lean into fear, embrace our struggles, celebrate our challenges, and come out the other side stronger, more resilient and braver to handle the next storm?

Build your Armour

Author and Nobel Prize winner in Economics, David Kahneman says, “We think with our body.” We touched on this in last month’s article. The words we use when we talk to ourselves have an immediate and direct impact on our physiology. If we want to change the way we live our life, the way we perceive the world and the way we show up (meaning the energy we bring into every situation) it starts with our thoughts. One thing is for sure, expecting the unexpected is a great way to limit the impact when surprises pop up. There will always be uncertainty and unknown factors to play with and accommodate, so expecting curveballs will help you laugh and get curious versus feeling like a victim or beating yourself up for not being prepared enough.

One thing that has helped me immensely is to think about courage as a muscle to flex. The more I practice courage by pushing outside my comfort zone and stepping up to the plate despite my nerves, I have found it to become easier and easier, and, dare I say it, it has become fun. We get used to absolutely anything we expose ourselves to on a frequent basis, for better or for worse. Brene Brown, in her book Daring Greatly, says, “The willingness to show up changes us. It makes us a little braver each time.”

The fact of the matter is, when we are honest about what we desire and what we want to create in our lives, fear will come along for the ride and will most likely ride shotgun. We fear that we will not get what we want. We fear that we will be rejected. We fear that we are not worthy of the big and powerful goals we declare we desire. It seems, at first, that we can’t win. It’s as though being vulnerable and making our bold affirmation of the life we desire is ultimately setting ourselves up for disappointment. The problem is, as Danielle LaPorte so beautifully points out, “when you cease to desire, you cease to evolve.”

We have to acknowledge ourselves for our effort, for our passion and for our resiliency and ability to learn, versus rating our value and worth simply on the day’s level of productivity or how many people acknowledged us for the work we are doing. We build our armour by reminding ourselves daily to stop taking ourselves so seriously, to focus on improving versus proving and to explore the edges of our comfort zone. Stepping into the light of our desire, making bold declarations of the life you want to create, and setting big goals to inspire and motivate action, also comes with the reality of facing our hypocrisy. It means we must joust with our shadows, and swim through our deeply ingrained habits of thought and action that have gotten us to where we are today. You have to be willing to feel and explore the full range of your emotions, reactions, and habits, in order to heal and develop a healthy relationship with fear and your inner self-talk.

It’s all in the relationship

Fear itself is not going to change, but your relationship with fear can change. First, acknowledge fear for what it really is, an emotional reaction and energy coursing down a neural pathway of least resistance. Remember that your body and mind are overprotective and are signalling that there is uncertainty in the mix, or that you have experienced something similar in your past that did not produce an outcome you loved. But today is a new day and you don’t have to allow fear to be the backseat driver it strives to be.

In the moment you feel stress, anxiety, or fear reaching for the wheel, you can implement the techniques of Mindsight to direct energy away from the Fight or Flight response and towards the problem-solving area of your brain by asking yourself quality introspective questions. The quality of your question will determine the quality of your answer, and ultimately, the quality of your psychology or mindset. Avoid bringing in judgement and unnecessary victimizing by asking, “Why does this always happen to me?,”or “What’s wrong with me?”, or “why does everybody else have it easier than me?” Rather, spark curiosity and a desire to understand by asking “how do I want to show up here?,” or “what do I really want?,” or “how do I want to feel at the end of today?” or “what reminders do I need here to ensure I lean into this struggle?” See the difference?

In the book ‘Mindsight’ by Daniel J. Siegal, he describes Mindsight as,

“…a kind of focused attention that allows us to see the internal workings of our own minds. It helps us to be aware of our mental processes without being swept away by them, enables us to get ourselves off the autopilot of ingrained behaviours and habitual responses, and moves us beyond the reactive emotional loops we all have a tendency to get trapped in.”

Mindsight is the act of taking a step back to observe and notice what you are feeling, what your reactions and impulses are directing you towards, and what meaning you are projecting into this reality. It is you standing on the balcony, observing without judgment and sticking to the “brass tacks” of what the moment presents. It is you saying, “Wait a second, what am I noticing here? What do I really want?”

How else can we start to curb our body’s overactive Fight or Flight response? It is exhausting to feel stressed, anxious and fearful throughout your day. We all have so much going on in our lives, and at times, the responsibilities on our shoulders can feel like a weight too heavy to carry. It is so important to find time daily to reconnect with yourself. Slow down and connect with your breath and shine light on the advantages of wherever you are in this moment. We have goals. We strive to be better, smarter, more successful, more experienced, and more respected, but that doesn’t have to be a trade-off with joy and contentment in the moment at hand. Challenge yourself to spend 10 to 30 minutes each day, to take a step back and notice how you are feeling and what habits you engage in that are no longer serving who you want to be.

If you want to dig into this deeper or want to learn more, check out my website (www.dopeame.com) or reach out to me directly (marinmccue@gmail.com). I am teaching an online course, The Path to Change, beginning April 3. It is set up as a 40 day challenge, and I am taking registrations right up until that date. You can find all the information and the registration link on my website.

Check out the Events tab on this website (or Workshops Scheduled on my website) to learn about my next collaborative project with Branded. We are taking Candlelight Yoga and Goals to the next level, as a three-part series that will help you become the leader you want to be in your own life.

Book Recommendations:

Mindsight by Daniel J. Siegal

The Desire Map by Danielle LaPorte

Daring Greatly by Brene Brown

Niave Optimism versus Pragmatic Optimism

Our words carry a lot of meaning, based on traditions, experience, and repetition. Often I will find that the same words used by different people, carry a different significance. Not that the word has a complete different definition (although sometimes that is the case), but different people focus on different aspects of the same word. 

For example, when I say "FEAR"......the reactions, the stories played out in our mind, the feelings, and the synonyms that pop up, are going to be slightly, to dramatically, different from person to person. 

What do you think of when you hear the word, "Optimist"? Perhaps you think of a glass half-full, or an easy going and light-hearted yogi, or a goofy smile and a naive outlook on life. What comes up for you? I have found this word to be the center of several debates. What does it look like to live as an optimist? 

Something that has become more clear over the past few months is the need for another word to describe the type of Optimist you are striving to be. You probably have heard of the phrase The Naive Optimist - which refers to a person who stays happy, hopeful, jolly, or love-struck despite overwhelming evidence that something other than pure joy is required to handle the situation at hand appropriately. 

The phrase I have begun to use to describe my style of optimism, is a Pragmatic Optimist. To be a pragmatist means to approach each situation by assessing the truth/validity of a theory or belief based on the efficacy, the previous success rate, and the observable practical consequences.  It is a matter-of-fact mental model that steers away from emotional reactions and feelings. 

So, to be a Pragmatic Optimist is to recognize that striving for happiness, looking for the silver-lining, and aligning your thoughts and actions to serve you and the world in the best way possible, is an ideal worth pursuing. 

I have lived life as a pessimist, as a naive optimist, and solely as a pragmatist, and I know from experience that when I am committed to growth and learning, when I engage in activities that purposefully bring me joy, connection, and satisfaction, and when I focus on gratitude and seeing the benefits in whatever situation or circumstance I find myself in,  I feel content and passionate about the life I am living. 

Life itself does not have intrinsic meaning. It is up to each one of us to discover our passions, to let go of our past or our habits that weigh us down, and to create a life of purpose by following our own mental-models of what it takes to be our best-self. 

I have done the work to get myself to where I am today, and I love that my heart and soul calls me to support others to do the same. What are you waiting for? Your life as a pragmatic optimist awaits xoxo

Step 2 of "12 Steps to a Whole New Mind"

Hey all,

Below is my latest article posted on the brandedyyc website. Step two of my 12 step process I am calling, 12 Steps to a Whole New Mind. 

Check out the branded website for lots of other local and fun articles. Let me know what you think xo

 

 

STEP TWO OF 12 STEPS TO A WHOLE NEW MIND.

Last month I introduced the first article of this year-long editorial by focusing on the foundation, obviously a great place to start with anything. If you didn’t catch that article, take a few minutes to circle back to appreciate the order in which I am layering these concepts and tools.

The next step, and one that I often consider to be the most pivotal in my own understanding and growth, is a morning routine. It has been said that all it takes is 10 minutes a day of focused intentional energy towards a goal to feel like you are making progress. Let me repeat, 10 minutes a day. I don’t care how busy you are, how many companies you own, how many projects you have left until the last minute possible…everyone can spare 10 minutes each day to go inwards and focus on self-care, self-development and self-love. That’s what the morning routine is all about. It is a chance for you to slow down, take stock on how you are feeling, what you want to accomplish and what intention will help you achieve your goal.

Self-Talk

Before we dive into the specifics of a morning routine, it’s important to understand the WHY. Whatever we focus on, we create more of. Wherever you focus your attention, you build new or stronger neural connections simply by shining light on whatever you are experiencing. As my all-time favourite mantra sings, “Where your mind goes, energy flows”. The words we use create a ripple effect within ourselves, as well as the environment around us. When we narrate each passing moment, when we communicate our story to others and to ourselves, when we project meaning onto our experiences and when we reflect on our past or project into the future, the words we use carry incredible power in how they make us feel.

As I mentioned in the last article, author Shad Helmstetter – in the book What we say when we talk to ourselves – states that up to 77 per cent of what the average person thinks is negative. According to the National Science Foundation, the average person thinks 12,000 to 50,000 thoughts per day (depending on how deep of a thinker you are). This means that we create 9,240 to 38,500 negative thoughts in just one day. No wonder we have an epidemic of depression, anxiety, obesity and an overall lack of enthusiasm for positivity. I think it’s about time that we changed this fact.

Retrain Your Brain

Your mind is a unique combination of neural pathways that have connected through life experience and repetition. The more you repeat a thought, relive an experience, tell a story or hold onto a belief, the more that neural pathway ingrains as a fluid path of least resistance. Your reptilian brain – where habits are stored – doesn’t know if that habitual thought pattern, reaction, or behaviour is healthy, all it knows is what is comfortable, easy, and has allowed you to survive thus far. This is where conscious awareness and effort comes in. John Coates articulates this beautifully in his book The Hour between Dog and Wolf,

“Consciousness is merely a bystander observing a decision already taken, almost like watching ourselves on video – with the power of ‘veto’ when mindful of doing so.”

If you have a habit that is not serving you well, you must talk yourself out of it by first acknowledging the change you want to make, catching it in action and practicing in opportune moments to react differently. It’s time to bring the phrase “do-over” into your vocabulary.

New connections in your brain are forged when you notice the thought pattern, and then consciously react differently so that new neural connections are formed. It then takes repetition for 21 to 50 days, to create a highly myelinated neural pathway that can take over as the path of least resistance from the previously ingrained habit. Sound complicated? It is, because it’s always easier said than done. But here is how you can make this change happen.

Morning Routine

Set an Intention

In order to change habitual thought patterns, we need to take time daily to notice our thoughts and consciously shift our self-talk to serve who we want to be and how we want to show up. The act of setting an intention for your day will help with this.

Sit comfortably with a tea or coffee, take a few deep mindful breaths and reflect on how you want to show up for the day ahead.

What do you need more of in your life today?

Courage, Mindfulness, Passion, Open, Curious, Engaged, Connected, Receptive, Action, Posture, Self-Love, Gratitude, etc.

Know that it starts with you. Your intention is your anchor, your direction and your reminder in a simple but powerful affirmation of how you want to engage with the world and with yourself.

Mind-Map

Write your intention down and put a circle around it. Branch off from that core word and add more positive, action-oriented, empowering, inspiring, and energetic words that embody what a full day of embracing this intention will look and feel like. The act of focusing on your intention and filling a page with synonyms and actions for your day, will begin to activate happy chemicals (more on this in articles to come) and get your mind away from negativity or “baggage” from the previous day.

Mindful Movement

The act of getting your heart rate up and engaging with your breath in a mindful and intentional manner, brings your bodily system back to equilibrium. It also releases a few growth hormones in your brain to aid in mood balancing, memory, learning, coping with stress and overall sense of happiness.

Whether you make time in the morning as part of your routine, or get a sweat in at lunch or after work, it is important to make this a priority. Don’t think of this just as time to work on your body, but rather a pivotal ingredient in keeping your mind healthy, stable and open.

Reminders

We are all busy people. We have jobs, hobbies, responsibilities, several roles to play and relationships that take time to keep healthy and moving forward. Set yourself up with reminders to keep these positive vibes flowing all day long. Write sticky notes to yourself and leave them in your car or around your home. Set reminders in your phone to pop up at pre-determined times throughout your day. Get your friends and family involved by making sweat dates or expressing the need for accountability and support. You will be surprised by how well and how quickly you will feel and see the change you want in your life when you focus on it a few minutes each day.

Want More?

If you are interested in hearing more or want to inquire about personal coaching or workshops, please reach out to me at marinmccue@gmail.com. You can also check out my website at www.dopeame.com for more inspiration. I am offering a six-week Yoga and dope(a)me FUNdamentals course starting mid March – The Path to Change – check out my website for more details.

Book Recommendations:

Subliminal by Leonard Mlodinow

The Hour between Dog and Wolf by John Coates

Spark by John Ratey

Commit to the process, not the outcome

On this Valentine's Day morning, I find myself sitting alone with a cup of coffee. I am looking out towards the mountain view, where my man has headed off to for the weekend, and am overcome with how lucky and loved I truly feel. We don't make a big deal about VDAY, in fact, I am more inclined to push against the cultural norms and expectations society likes to impose on people. I love that Andrew has a passion for flying down the mountain side on skis or on his bike. Today I choose to celebrate the love for passion. We both have passions that do not involve each other, and that creates depth within our relationship.

I had a funny conversation with someone yesterday who had a strong opinion about Andrew "leaving me" on Valentine's day. To them, this was a failure on his part. The comical conversation was a reminder of why I don't spend much time with this person, as well as got me that much more curious about the negative connotation that "failure" carries.  That's what I want to dive deeper into. 

I find "failure" and "set-backs" to be a fascinating topic to discuss and to hear stories of failure are always engaging. It is a topic that comes up a lot in my coaching, I read about it in books, I see it in the media, and I experience it almost daily. Whether it is the epic and earth shaking kind of failure or just a simple miss of the target - so to speak - failure is a big part of being human. We are imperfect. We make mistakes. We act out of character at times, we get stuck in 'ruts', we create habits that aren't healthy, and we have a knack for blaming others and spreading negativity when we can only look to ourselves as being responsible for the things we don't want in our lives.

Failure can feel like we are going to die, even when there is no physical threat to fear. Rejection, embarrassment, criticism, and self-deprecation, register in your bodily system as physical pain. The expectation of reward met with the negative reaction to a "failure" is felt in your body as a sudden drop in dopamine and serotonin, met with a spike in cortisol (the stress hormone). Your mind's perception of failure being something to avoid, something to be ashamed of, or a sign that your path or project was time wasted, exaggerates your bodily reaction to failure. 

Your mindset plays a huge role in your ability to grow yourself into a stable, level-headed, motivated, and successful person overall. Any kind of change in your life will take focused and intentional energy. If you want to change your relationship with failure, you have to change the meaning, focus on the journey, and get your body moving. 

Change the Meaning

"Failure" is a way to describe not getting the outcome you desire. The more you desire something, the tougher that failure is to face. But without failure, there is no success. In the book Creativity, Inc., Ed Catmull tells us that one of the guiding principles in Pixar's culture is the mantra "fail fast, fail often". When you recognize failure as a teacher, as an opportunity to edit and relaunch, and as a reminder to stay humble and honest with where you are and what you are creating, failure is not something to fear or avoid. When you commit to the process, you are acknowledging that set-backs and failures are coming along for the ride as well. The desired outcome is the beacon of light at the end of the tunnel, but it is not where time, energy, and focus is directed. The process is the meat and potatoes of the project.  

Focus on the Journey

Life is the here and now. It is lived moment to moment in a continuous sequence of NOW, until one day, it ends. We can get so caught up in the fear of failure that we stop ourselves from truly living. Life is the journey. And what feels like it will never end, does end. The moments of embarrassment, the uncomfortable conversations and the uncertainty that arises when we are vulnerable and passionate about our creative process, are the juicy and growth inducing moments to lean into. Life isn't supposed to be easy, but the more we practice being brave, vulnerable, open, receptive, and creative, the more resilient and easy it becomes. We can get used to anything, so why not get used to playing big and enjoying every moment of your Journey while you can.  

Get Your Body Moving

In the book Spark, John Ratey goes into detail of one study after another that has proven that daily aerobic exercise is a necessary component to improve and sustain our quality of life. We are built to move. Whether it is 10 minutes of getting your heart rate up or a 1 hour sweat session at the gym, your mind and body need movement to keep balance and achieve health and happiness. Find your rhythm by committing to get a sweat going every day. When you acknowledge that this is for your mind's health and happiness, and not an aesthetic reason of getting your body in shape, you may find more motivation to keep this routine in your life. Follow a video on youtube, get to the gym for a group class, hire a personal trainer, join a run club, or commit with a friend and hold each other accountable. Your body needs to move in order for you to make the changes you want to see in your life. 

Take some time today to express gratitude for what you do have in your life. Let go of the expectations society places on you or the comparisons that keep you feeling small. You are unique. You are perfectly imperfect as you are. There is always room for improvement and we can all commit to growth and playing big in our pursuit of creating the life we desire, but first we have to let go of the unnecessary negative emotions and commit fully to the process ahead. Take a few deep breaths, enjoy where you are, and know that your energy attracts more of the same into your life. So get real with how you are showing up, and focus on your impact, your goals, and your work. Life will unfold from there. 

Happy Soul Searching xoxo

The Path to Change.....shifting gears

After careful consideration and lots of feedback, I have shifted my focus for The Path to Change to create an online program instead. Convenience, impact, community, and simplicity is the name of the game. I learned a lot from the 30 day challenge I created last year, so if you participated in that, know that I took your feedback to heart, reflected and grew from the process, and have come up with an even better platform and content to share. 

I am committed to growth and am passionate about supporting others to create their best life, and that is what this program is all about. 

With that said, I wanted to take some time to explain what you can expect when you register for this 40 day challenge....

• A commitment of 10-60 minutes per day (that's it!)
• Private Facebook group to connect our community, allowing support and easy access to my coaching services
• A log-in to my website where content will be posted once a week (for six weeks)
• Simple and impactful information, tools, challenges, inspiration, and support - posted weekly to allow you to reflect, learn, practice, let go, and grow
• 1 private coaching session with me (2D or 3D)
• Six 30 minute Yoga Videos, 1 posted weekly, that will be quality, easy to access, and will allow you to hear my words of insight and self-exploration as you move and connect with your breath

The 6 themes we will follow are tried and true, as a process that served me on my journey and has proven to be successful with the clients I have worked with. Working as a group allows me to cut the cost while adding value in the team environment. You can be involved with the online community as much or as little as you choose, and you will get out what you put in. Your time, effort, dedication, and desire to explore and get curious about your Change is a must. But as I mentioned above, all it takes is 10-60 minutes per day. 

The 6 weeks will follow the below themes....

• Connect (week 1 &2)

1. Growth Mindset
2. "Motion is Lotion" (quote courtesy of my teacher Nora Maskey)

• Create (week 3 &4)

1. Happy Chemicals
2. Self-Talk

• Clarity (week 5&6)

1. Goals/Actions
2. Limiting Beliefs/Mission Statement

If you are curious about participating and want to learn more, please reach out with questions. Register before March 1 and receive the early-bird rate. I look forward to connecting ;)

marinmccue@gmail.com

The sense of 'lack' is a signal

As I sit here looking out over the mountains from my balcony, on a beautiful and sunny Calgary winter day, I find myself reflecting with love, passion, and curiosity about how our mind's work and, ultimately, how to embrace mindfulness and live your best life possible. 

Fresh off a call with a client in Vancouver, I find myself feeling inspired, open, and vulnerable, which is a satisfying reminder of why I love coaching. As I continue on my own journey of growth and further depth into my own psyche, I am struck to write, explore, and play with the flow of energy I experience. 

I am introspective, in the practice of observing and noticing, instead of reacting. I notice how my mind attaches to everything it sees with my eyes, but there is also a constant narration dictated with a distracted voice - reflecting on the past and projecting into the future. I also notice that there are two types of voices within this dichotomy; a positive voice and a negative voice. I am fascinated by this. 

Another reason I love coaching individual's who truly desire and commit to be their best-self, is that the relationship is about inspiring each other. I am inspired by vulnerability, effort, love, creativity, curiosity, passion, and work-ethic - and I am equally passionate about leading others into this mindset. I am learning daily, moment to moment. I embrace my passion to understand the inner-workings of my mind and what it takes to create a legacy to be proud of, however big or small my ripple-effect ends up being.  

I strive for balance, to explore new ventures and possibilities, and to live my life feeling exposed and real as if I am naked strolling down the street. I have found love in my platform to support others to let-go of baggage and actually live life with passion, self-love, and success overall. To do this, I need to continue digging deeper and simplify the process in a way that can be adapted to support anyone at any point in their life. As you can imagine, simplifying this process is not a simple task. 

The last few threads in the tapestry have created more clarity and I would be honored to share this in the offering of my words and my experience. Take it or leave it, this practice of letting thoughts flow, connecting with breath, and playing with my philosopher-hat while I flex my happiness mind-muscle, is time well spent.

1. The sense of 'lack' is a signal. When you feel that something is missing, that there is a 'lack' of sorts, but you are not sure why, this is the ultimate distraction and cause of impulsivity, regret, and loss of control. This is a signal that you are lacking a "Happy Chemical", you are lacking clarity in something, or potentially, you just forgot something important and you subconscious is signaling a warning, which we sometimes experience as premonitions or de ja vu. Nothing mystical here, we are simply more perceptive and aware than we even realize. 

**See my previous blog post about Happy Chemicals to understand this concept further**

2. The common thread in stress, anxiety, fear, playing small, swinging from one extreme to the other, or feeling victim to an unhealthy habit, is a Monkey-Mind, courtesy of the 'Elephant' (refer to The Happiness Hypothesis by Jonathan Haidt for the 'Elephant and Rider' metaphor). These negative feed-back loops are symptoms of listening to the "negative voice" in your mind for a long time. Your neurons have "superhighways" to cortisol-inducing emotions (cortisol = stress hormone). Which means, regardless of you knowing something isn't good for you, your will-power is "David against Goliath", 'Goliath' being the deep-rooted habit of getting attached to "stories" or stagnant in progress.

**I have a blog post a few months back about the Elephant and Rider, reference that for more details***

At the foundation, frustration arises when there is a lack of clarity or uncertainty of any kind. When we feel threatened, confused, stuck, or unprepared, we react with frustration or anger. When we allow the Monkey-Mind to control our awareness and what to focus on, we are setting ourselves up for a lot of uncertainty.   

3. Choice towards change is first found in reactions. How do you react to a new day? How do you react to setbacks? How do you react when someone doesn't offer the attention or support you want? How do you react when you are angry? You get the idea. We so often lose our momentum towards a goal or fall into frustration and guilt which zaps energy that could be used to learn and grow. Choose to get curious about your reactions. Notice your thoughts and notice your actions. Do you think and behave in a way that serves you in the best way possible, whatever that means to you? 

4. Let go of the emotional pendulum swing. In order to stay curious, and have energy available to change your reaction in opportune moments, you have to detach from the emotional pendulum swing the Monkey Mind gets caught up in. In these moments you need to remind yourself, "I am not my thoughts", "What makes this truth?", "What else could be true?", "Stay with my breath, in this moment, with whatever IS NOW". 

5. Let go of perfection. There is no such thing. We are all perfectly imperfect. What makes us unique and vulnerable is what connects and bonds us. High expectations and a desire for Greatness is a beautiful aspiration, but within that is the understanding that failure teaches and grows us in the best, most efficient, and honorable way. To fail with humility, to commit to growth and showing up better each day, to learn and explore through what is not working, and to see the value in focusing on planting seeds versus rating yourself on outcome alone, leaves no room for perfection. 

6. Sometimes what IS NOW, is shitty. That's a signal that you need to face this now more than ever. Don't ignore what needs to be faced. Don't deny what was or what is, in an attempt to avoid its impact. Do the work. Get the support. Trust that life does not have to be shitty. As the wise and wonderful Brene Brown says, 

"When we deny our stories, they define us. When we own our stories, we get to write the ending."

7. You have to really dig in to 'limiting beliefs' and the 'stories' you've repeated tirelessly, and recognize what comes from an ingrained reaction that doesn't need to be there. Once you've done that, it's as though you elevate from being trapped inside a ship as it's sinking into balancing on a sturdy row-boat that is floating down a monstrous river.

So which voice do you listen to? The Monkey-Mind on a reckless and habit following adventure, or the voice of reason, purpose, and thirst for sensing 'lack' and expanding to know Self, Life, and Love? You can't control the outcome, but you can control your effort. And effort towards understanding, opening, experiencing, growing, and exploring life, is how I choose to carve out my legacy. What are you waiting for?

**For more support on Change, reach out to register for The Path to Change: Connect, Create, and Clarity. These concepts, ideas, tools for practice, and much more, will be the purpose and direction of our journey together. Check out the 'Workshops Scheduled' tab for more details. 

marinmccue@gmail.com

The Path to Change - Yoga and dope(a)me FUNdamentals

I know that you are busy. I am busy. It's a beautiful position to be in. We have roles, responsibilities, duties, jobs, projects, people depending on us, hobbies to keep up, relationships to nourish, down time to honor, health and wellness to invest in, and commitments that keep us running from one thing to the next. It has become almost a badge of honor, "look how busy I am".

But what are you spending all of this "busy time" on? What are you getting out of it? How are these commitments, roles, projects, investments, etc., serving you? I am sure you will find that some of the things you are engaged in are hugely beneficial and rewarding, and I would be willing to bet that there are also several hours in your day being spent on things that take energy away versus fuel, expand, and grow you in a clear direction that you are excited about. 

This is why I have created The Path to Change: Connect, Create, and Clarity; learning Yoga and dope(a)me FUNdamentals. I know it is a big commitment to choose to invest your time (and money) in a 6 session course, especially when there are so many possible courses, seminars, groups, programs, retreats, etc., that you could choose. So why choose this one??

First of all, we all have habits that are not serving us. Habits of negative self-talk, habits of self-sabotage, habits in the way we react to struggle, habits in how we eat, habits in how we spend out down-time, habits in relationships....the list goes on. This course is, first and foremost, about HABITS. The act of getting together once a week to focus solely on YOU, your health, your balance, and your growth, is an amazing gift to give yourself.  This commitment will help you adopt the habit of taking time to ensure you are setting yourself up as your number one priority. If you already have that habit, this will help you dig deeper, grow stronger in your practice, and open you up to new tools and insights into where your blind spots are. 

Each session will begin with one hour of yoga. Whether you have never practiced Yoga before or are a dedicated practitioner, the yoga portion of each session will allow you to honor where you are while offering insights into letting go of stress and comparison, and enveloping yourself in self-love. 

The 6 weeks are broken up into 3 main steps, and they will build off each other, allowing an integrative and meaningful journey that will impact the way you view your world.

Week 1 and 2: Connect

In these first two sessions, we will engage in gentle and invigorating yoga as we mindfully build the foundation and get clear on our own boundaries and potential limitations.

We will focus our group work on the power of Self-Talk, Goal Setting, Body Language, Growth Mindset, and some basics in Nutrition. With only an hour of coaching, the time will fly by as you take notes, engage in reflection and writing, and set yourself up for a powerful week. 

Week 3 and 4: Create

In the middle two weeks of this series, we will bring in some more heat into our yoga practice as I introduce Yoga Beat and Power Flow. Still mindful of limitations and modifications, you will be taught ways to engage in your practice, honoring your body, and having fun regardless of the level of 'expertise' exemplified by the other practitioners.  

Our self-development work will then get into Limiting Beliefs, the Neuroscience Behind Habits and Happy Chemicals, How to Think About and Tell Your Story, and Creating Your Personal Mission Statement. 

Week 5 and 6: Clarity

With four weeks of intentional and empowering work behind us, we are ready to gain clarity and momentum for sustainable change. Our yoga practice will integrate what we have learned so far, and can be a little more interactive as you let me know what you are curious about and what you want to explore. 

Our group work will transition into Integrating what we have learned by creating an Accountability System, Revisiting Goal Setting, Creating a Support Systems that Incorporates Happy Chemicals, and Aligning our Lives with our clear Core Values and Purpose. 

This is only 2 hours out of your Saturday, for 6 weeks. It is amazing what we can accomplish with focused attention and intentional coaching. I am so passionate about this work and love being a part of people's journey as they let go of what is no longer serving them to leave space open to embrace and tune into what truly matters......*insert your Core Values here*. 

The early bird registration closes end of day February 15, and the regular pricing for registration will be open until 2 days before March 12. Reach out if you have any questions or to register for your spot. 

marinmccue@gmail.com

Investment:

• $270 Early-Bird ($330 with Child-Care. ages 3+)

• $300 After Feb 15 ($360 with Child-Care)

Where: The Village (4039 Brentwood Road NW)

When: Saturday March 12, 1-3pm (and the following 5 Saturday's)

Why: Because it is time to let go of what was and truly embrace and honor a life of self-love, passion, and growth.

Mindsight and Mindfulness: the ultimate balance

I wrote this blog post in September 2015 for the yyc-cycle blog page. As I am preparing for Article #3 on brandedyyc.com on a similar topic, I referenced back to see what I said and realized I hadn't shared this on my website yet. So here it is, enjoy ;)

Mindsight and Mindfulness: How to integrate these two practices into your life

I first learned the concept of “Effort and Surrender” in yoga teacher training at the start of this year. I was immediately drawn in and intrigued by this mplimentary contradiction d have been reflecting and integrating this into my life ever since. I found truth in this for my breath; inhale is the effort, exhale is the surrender. I have also found this supportive in how I pursue the things I want in life; action and experience is the effort, while letting-go, accepting the present moment for what it is, and embracing and loving who I am, is the surrender. Two seemingly unrelated concepts (effort versus surrender), yet when brought together create a beautiful, balanced, and unique way to approach living, striving, and thriving. 

What has become clear to me is the equal importance and power of these two concepts working in harmony. In regards to gaining clarity and direction in oneself, I perceive for as mindsight, and surrendes mindfulness. Let me explain. 

In the book ‘Mindsight’ by Daniel J. Siegal, he describes Mindsight as, 

“...a kind of focused attention that allows us to see the internal workings of our own minds. It helps us to be aware of our mental processes without being swept away by them, enables us to get ourselves off the autopilot of ingrained behaviours and habitual responses, and moves us beyond the reactive emotional loops we all have a tendency to get trapped in.” 

So what does this mean? 

Mindsight is the act of taking a step back to observe and notice what you are feeling, what your reactions and impulses are directing you towards, and what meaning you are projecting into this reality. It is you standing on the balcony, observing without judgment and sticking to the “brass tacks” of what the moment presents. It is you saying... “wait a second, what am I noticing here? and, what do I really want?” 

Our brains are fascinating, vast and intricate. So much so that they are almost incomprehensible; logical yet mystical, straight forward but oh-so complicated. One of my favourite sayings is “where your mind goes, energy flows,” and as I learn and experience more I see why this speaks volumes when striving to live with intention. Siegal refers to this in a different way; “[h]ow we focus our attention shapes the structure of the brain.” 

Everything you do in life can be broken down into habits. Habits of thought, habits of actions, habits of speech, and the ultimate - habitual (emotional) reactions. We are constantly forming new habits, whether we realize it or not. The key to mindsight is to utilize conscious effort, repetition, novelty, and/or emotional arousal, to form new neural pathways that will take over the old pathways and become the new path of least resistance. We can be in the driver-seat of our own life and literally re-shape our brains to react and create habits that serve who we truly want to be. 
Traumatic experiences (extreme emotional arousal) or limiting beliefs (based on experience in the past or taking the word of a “wise elder” without feeling and experiencing for ourselves) can create an overly sensitized reactivity loop in the limbic area (aka “fight or flight”). We know that higher levels (or a constant flow) of cortisol is toxic for the body and brain. Mindsight allows us to step away from this reactive loop and recruit the higher functioning areas of our cortex to “override” this limbic system. How? In comes Mindfulness. 

So what is Mindfulness? Siegal says, 

“Mindfulness is a way of intentionally paying attention to the present moment without being swept up by judgments or thoughts.” 

So, basically, Mindfulness creates a sense of receptivity and openness to the current moment without attachment. It allows us to be open to whatever the moment presents, with an open heart and an open mind. Siegal says:

“Openness implies that we are receptive to whatever comes to our awareness and don’t cling to preconceived ideas about how things “should” be. We let go of expectations and receive things as they are, rather than trying to make them be what we want them to be. Openness enables us to sense things clearly. It gives is the power to recognize restrictive judgments and release our minds from their grip.” 

There it is: mindsight and mindfulness. Two wings of the same bird. Effort (mindsight) to create direction, to bring presence and clarity into each moment, to understand your brain and who you truly are, and surrender (mindfulness), that reminder to exhale, to embrace and love who you are, where you are, and trust that you can handle whatever the next moment brings into your awareness. 

Now that you have an idea of what these two concepts are and why they are pivotal in taking charge of your own life, what’s next? How do we actually integrate these and put them into practice? 

In order to retrain your brain into adopting a new vocabulary, a new perspective on life, or new habits of thought and action, you must repeat it, play with it, talk about it, reflect on it, write about it, and surround yourself with other people who strive to live in this mindful and intentional way. 

This is only scratching the surface of what it means to live an intentional and purposeful life. Take some time to reflect on how these concepts are landing in your body. What do you notice? What are you curious about? What do you need to let go of to make space for mindsight and mindfulness? What do you need to embrace to remind you of the energy you want to bring into your life today? Write it down. Set reminders in your phone to take 5 deep mindful breaths throughout your day. Notice when you are feeling anxious and allow yourself a few minutes to talk yourself through it; what  am I feeling? what am I making it mean? what am I becoming more aware of? what am I learning? what do I really want? 

Mindsight is the effort; that view from the balcony, detached from the ‘waves’, yet observing, noticing, and feeling with curiosity (and not judgement). Mindfulness is the surrender, the exhale, the moments of peace and contentment despite the storm or distractions of daily life. 

This all takes conscious and mindful energy at first, but after a week it will bring insights and awareness into your reality that will surprise, entertain, and comfort you. After a few weeks it won’t take energy, it becomes your new normal, your new reaction, your new way of living, your new perspective on how to show up as your best self. 

So do yourself a favor and commit to setting up reminders around your home, in your phone, or in your most-looked-at-notebooks. 

Happy balance seeking my friends ;) xoxo
 

"Meet Your Happy Chemicals"

My love affair with Happy Chemicals started four years ago. It was around my birthday and I was in a celebratory mood. I was with friends that I love and trust, and we decided to take MDMA and have an adventure. I had never tried this drug before, but was feeling open and excited to have an experience that I had never had before. MDMA acts as a serotonin-norepinephrine-dopamine releasing agent and reuptake inhibitor. This means that not only does it release these happy chemicals that produce a feeling of euphoria and extreme empathy, but also blocks the reuptake so your system is flooded. (In no way am I attempting to glorify this drug but rather am offering this as my anecdotal experience. This is still a drug and not something to take lightly).

A few hours in, I found myself walking through downtown Vancouver on my own, smiling and feeling connected to everyone I passed by and dialing up one friend after another to tell them how much I loved them. I felt superb, elated, free, detached from stress or worry, excited about whatever my future holds, and so in tune with the present moment. This realization compounded into a revelation……I have felt like this before. When I eat well, sleep well, exercise consistently, push outside my comfort zone, engage with inspiring and empowering people, create art and projects that light me up, and am actively supporting people around me…..I feel high on life.

That was the pivotal moment that took me on a journey for the next three years. I was determined to understand my mind and body, and what it takes to create that natural high on a daily basis in a real, healthy, and sustainable way.  I explored, researched, conversed with experts, and practiced tools and knowledge that would allow me to own my courage and my fears, until I had a several steps and systems that released me from my negative habit loops and brought consistent happiness into my daily life. After three years, I took the leap from my Full-Time job to create dope(a)me coaching so I could spread my passion and share my tools with others.

Knowing about these Happy Chemicals, how to create them, how to keep them in balance, and how to recognize when time and attention needs to be spent to elevate them, has been life changing for me and my clients. This is one tool and one piece of knowledge within the dope(a)me strategy. When we actively engage in activities that boost our happy chemicals on a daily basis, along with a few other strategies to let-go of habits, 'stories', and beliefs that hold us back, and create a Mindset for growth, we can increase our Happiness Baseline.

Jonathan Haidt, in The Happiness Hypothesis, speaks of the Happiness Baseline as your set-point, based on your experience, your biology, and your mindset. When something amazing happens, i.e. win the lottery, meet the man/woman of your dreams, get that promotion you’ve been working your ass off for, etc. we have a few days, weeks, or months of increased happiness, but eventually, you dip back down to your Happiness Baseline. And conversely, if the worst happens, I.e. you lose a loved one, you lose a limb, your marriage falls apart, etc., you dive down into the depths of despair, but again, given some time, you find your way back to that Happiness Baseline.

When I learned about the Happiness Baseline, I realized I was not happy with where my baseline sat. I wanted more from my life. I knew the words I used when I talked to myself, the things I focused on, and some of the habits I had, were not conducive to raising my baseline. So I needed to shift a lot in order to increase my overall happiness.

In comes Happy Chemicals. To be the change you want to see in yourself and in the world, you need the motivation, the tools, the path, and the support. Once you are clear on your Core Values, Goals, and the daily and incremental steps to align yourself with who you truly want to be, getting those Happy Chemicals pumping daily will make the journey so much smoother, and a lot more fun.

Loretta G. Breuning, PHD, in her book Meet Your Happy Chemicals, says,

“The feeling we call “happiness” comes from four special brain chemicals: dopamine, endorphin, oxytocin, and serotonin. These “happy chemicals” spurt when your brain sees something good for your survival. Then they turn off, so they’re ready to spurt again when something good crosses your path.”

Here are some basics to get to know your Happy Chemicals…..

Dopamine

From an evolutionary perspective, as hunter and gatherers, life was strenuous and required the exertion of a lot of energy to find the basics for living life. Dopamine is the happy chemical that spurts when you are seeking or working towards something, or when you find something that is good for your survival.

It feels like motivation, energy, and pleasure. It Aids in sleep, memory, being in action, mood, and overall cognitive ability; like learning, attention, and building new habits by forming new neural connections. You can produce this naturally by getting a sweat going daily, setting goals and taking incremental steps to get there, creating a to-do list and checking things off as you go, mindful movement with intentional and focused breath, and creating a constant reason to seek as you collect experiences, resources, knowledge, etc.

Endorphin

This chemical doesn’t play as big of a role in happiness, but rather supports survival by spurting when we step outside our comfort zone to the point of pain. This chemical masks pain and releases a euphoric and blissful feeling, giving you energy to push to a new level of physical exertion.

Evolutionarily speaking, this was what helped our ancestors escape from predators when injured or in need of a burst of energy to move or think quickly. We get spurts of this chemical when we push through the “wall” in physical exercise and has been equated to the “runners high”, or the ability to move large and heavy items in the face of extreme danger that we would normally not be able to budge.

Serotonin

Our ancestors learned quickly that we are stronger and capable of much more when we work together as a unit or tribe. Serotonin is the happy chemical that would spurt when you did something that furthered your integral role within your group. It is the desire for social dominance, respect, and status.

It feels like safety, balance, and confidence. It aids in mood balancing, bowel regulation, and cognitive ability. You can produce it naturally by acknowledging what you are proud of on a daily basis and by acknowledging that your status will continually go up and down and that it is important to focus on the advantages of wherever you are now. Also by engaging in Mindful Movement and aerobic exercise, getting sunshine and fresh air, working on a hobby you are passionate about, actively let go of comparisons, and try something new to continue building skills and open yourself to new opportunities.

Oxytocin

This is the “love” chemical. We have survived because we reproduce. This chemical promotes survival with the desire for social bond, loving relationships, and healthy interactions.

It feels like safety, trust, love, and connection. It is an amnestic hormone, which means it has the ability to wipe out previous neural pathways that lead to past lovers, as well as to forget the pain of child birth. You can create this naturally by listening to soothing music, engaging in meditative breath, laughter, sex, a 20 second hug, connecting with friends or family that you love and admire, or working up a sweat while laughing and connecting with your peers.

These chemicals are all complicated and there is a lot more to know about them than what I have shared. Research is still teaching us lots about how these chemicals work and the various differences that arise within each individual, but what we do know is awe-inspiring and can significantly change the way you live your life if you are mindful of engaging in activities daily to produce them.

Despite their differences they have a lot in common with each other as well. You can produce a combination of them when you engage in the act of gratitude, when you work up a sweat, when you slow down and connect with your breath through Mindful Movement, or when you get fresh air and feel sunshine on your face. When you actively pursue balance and eat foods rich with vitamins and anti-oxidants. The foods we eat are our source of fuel. Eat whole foods and a balanced diet, avoid processed foods and sugars. A good "rule of thumb" that I follow is to ensure that at least 80% of food bought is chosen from the 4 wall perimeter the grocery store.

And then there is Novelty. You can’t get the same beautiful and delicious spurt of happy chemicals by doing the same thing every day. You need to try new things, stay open to new opportunities, learning and growth.

Knowing all of this is one thing, but actually changing habits and retraining your brain to let go of neural pathways that have been there for years, to make way for new pathways that serve you better, takes patience, time, and persistence.

Loretta G. Breuning, PHD, explains,

“Building new circuits in adulthood is like trying to slash a new trail through dense rainforest. Every step takes huge effort, and the new trail disappears into the undergrowth if you don’t use it again soon. Such trail-blazing feels inefficient and downright unsafe when a nice superhighway is nearby. That’s why people tend to stick with the pathways they have.”

This is where support, mindfulness, and clear direction and goals help you stay focused on why you are willing to struggle and persist in your journey. Set yourself up for success by engaging with someone who will support and cheer you on. Whether you reach out to me to learn more and set up a support system, or enroll people in your life already, this is a journey you will be thankful for embarking on. Happy Trail Blazing!

xoxo

marinmccue@gmail.com