With acceptance and peace, space is created to shift

I have been deeply engaged and curious about a hazardous pattern I am noticing in myself. I know it is vital to take time to relax and restore my energy in between bouts of effort, intensity and growth. Yet, when I gift myself a day to relax, in comes the self-talk around being lazy, being not enough, followed by irrational fear-riddled self-talk about my lack of discipline and potential to get fat if I eat one more snack. It also pulls me away from connection, and I step out of integrity as I become the person who bails on plans and chooses to stew in loneliness and dis-ease. I find it a lot easier to not pay attention to my ego when it is inflated - or at least to not be as effected. The deflated ego rides along with pain and suffering and darkness, a much heavier cocktail to swim through.

I am face to face with this pattern every time my schedule opens up and I have space for some much need R & R. I don't want to keep myself busy out of fear of what my idle mind concocts. And I know that the more I run from something, the stronger the impulse becomes. I want to enjoy my down-time and embrace the spaciousness in my schedule when I have it.

I have two weeks off in July around my birthday, and as a gift to myself, I am taking some time now to contemplate what I have learned in this process of noticing, what I need to be aware of and what I need to practice, in order to step into spaciousness whole-heartedly, and even to give my deflated ego some space to have its pity-party but then move on. 

First of all, it's okay to struggle. And it's perfectly okay to find yourself in a pattern that is not serving you. Celebrate your awareness! Celebrate your healthy and able mind that just noticed something that carries immense possibility for growth. There will always be something that needs time and attention, so the point is not to attain perfection but to stay in the practice of noticing, accepting, creating space, and shifting in your chosen direction. I am not upset about this pattern I am observing in myself. I find it to be fascinating. What an interesting reaction to such a life-affirming practice of restoring and regenerating energy. And I know that my own suffering can be shifted into compassion in one breath. There is always a way to expand your perspective and see the light and dark at the same time - neither one being better or worse than the other - just different aspects of the human experience. I am neither the dark nor the light, I am the space that holds it all. 

Like most things, as Micheal Singer reminds us, "the problem is not the problem, it is your relationship to the problem that is the problem."

With that in mind, how is my relationship to self-care/relaxing getting in my way? 

I feed off of the feeling of progress. I absolutely LOVE being in the creative process and seeing my hard work manifest into action or results for myself and for others. While I do need to honor my downtime, there is opportunity for me to shift my relationship and actions in my self-care so that I actually feel recovered and energized from my downtime. 

I am a believer in a strong beginning and a strong ending, while allowing the middle to be flexible, adaptable and focused on finding the flow. As I gear down in July, here are the steps I will (re)invite into my day to ensure that I am honoring my self-care and not finding the need to recover from my days off.

# 1: start my day with movement that sparks some fire (fire breath, arm movements connected to breath, a walk around the block, etc.)

# 2: 30 seconds - 6 minutes of meditation (connect with the space between thoughts and breath, outdoors whenever possible) 

# 3: Pen to paper (set a timer for 10 minutes, get my creative juices flowing by free-writing or working on a project)

#4: In the evening, engage in another 30 seconds - 6 minutes meditation (give myself permission to feel whatever I am feeling, giving it space to be released as I open back up to the moment)

I know that if I follow through on these simple daily steps, I will cultivate the energy I desire. I am excited to step into the 32nd year of my life knowing that I am a bit wiser, stronger, and braver than the year before. Always growing. Always learning. Always practicing my love for life. 

“Compassion requires that we get in touch with what hurts. It’s the pain, the suffering itself, that invites compassion to manifest. The intelligence of compassion brings forward a kindness that is not trying to get rid of suffering. This goes counter to the ego’s wishes. Ego only wants to be protected from pain. Compassion opens to pain.

When compassion is present, our defensiveness can relax. When our defenses are down, we can look objectively at our situations and see the true origins of our suffering. Then we can intervene skillfully to address the real causes and not just the symptoms. SO another aspect of compassion is the capacity to be with suffering as a means of coming to, and experiencing, more truth and greater freedom.”

- From the Five Invitations by Frank Ostaseski

Make today a good one ;)

Marin McCue

xoxox

30 day challenge

Today marks the one month approach to my 32nd birthday! It has been a big year and I want to step into July with some structure and playfulness. I have created a 30 day challenge that will support you in understanding the ancient wisdom in yoga philosophy called the Yamas and Niyamas. These are principles, concepts, and tools to practice that all lead to a deeper connection with life and with yourself. I have found so much joy and growth in contemplating these concepts, and I am excited to share them with you!

This 30 day challenge will be one that incorporates a bit of reading and learning, which will accompany and assist your own unique desire for growth. It will also involve some movement - yoga and body weight fitness - as well as time in nature. The commitment is 10 minutes a day, and you can engage more or less as you wish.

Please reach out if you have questions or would like to register. The investment is $30 and all you need is a notebook and pen to get started! 

I hope to hear from you ;) marinmccue@gmail.com

Mindfulness Practice

We have everything we need to live full and happy lives. When you understand how your "machine" works, it is a whole lot easier to navigate. Your body is smart. It has to be in order to live this life, to function with the ongoing chaos inside and outside your own physical boundaries, and to continue growing from infancy until you unfold into death's grasp.

Your brain wants to heal you. It’s main job is to keep you alive. But one of the fucked up ways that it does that is to be on the lookout for danger at all times, and it is overly sensitive to little things that could potentially be dangerous. Like an unmet glance, an unmet expectation, and something as simple as déjà vu that reminds you of something that was uncomfortable in your past. We are triggered 50 to 300 times a day to feel as though we are unsafe, and in that state digestion stops, healing stops, and we lose access to higher levels of thinking. A little bit of stress is good for you but too much of anything is no longer a good thing. This is why mindfulness is so important. With mindfulness we become aware of how we are feeling and what we are thinking about. From this awareness we are able to calm down and redirect our mind towards what we want more of rather than focusing on what we do not have or where we lack.

What is Mindfulness?

Mindfulness is mono tasking. It is fully investing in this present moment as it is, even when it is terribly uncomfortable. With practice we start to realize that we are not just our emotions or our thoughts or our body or our actions. We are all of those things and none of those things. If you can witness something then you are more than the thing you are witnessing. When we develop a stronger relationship with the witness we are no longer attached to the emotional pendulum swing of our day and rather find a calm and steady state where we are witnessing our emotions and able to efficiently calm ourselves down so we can be problem solver’s rather than sitting in the energy of the problem.

The goal is not to protect ourselves perfectly because then you will not grow and you will not build the resilience, through experiential learning, that you need. Let yourself be imperfect. Let yourself be messy. Embrace yourself as a work in progress and a masterpiece right now as you are. A non-dualistic approach to life and growth that allows you to love and accept who and where you are right now while still striving and working towards your goals and your ideal future. It is when we embrace the space between where we are now and where we desire to be that we get access to a reservoir of high-quality energy and tap into the magical flow of life.

Allow every day to be a new adventure and experience, and trust that you can navigate with a clear mind and open heart by taking time each morning to ground yourself, to notice where your mind is going and how you are feeling in your body, and then create action steps and reminders that will serve who and where you are now and where you desire to be. An intimate relationship and conversation and connection with yourself in order to honour the balance between remaining unattached to the moment and fully invested in what the moment has to offer. 

Mental Health Awareness Week

2018 came in with a bang and I am reminded this week (being Mental Health Awareness Week) that I have not taken time yet to slow down and do a solid reflection and self-inquiry session with myself. This is my process of tending to my own mental health and ensuring I am listening to my body and noticing the patterns that are arising - to send more energy to what is working and redirect where I am feeling stuck or stagnant. 2018 has been one big project after another, at least a couple of events each month, and a roster full with clients, and while I am in awe of the growth and momentum that I have cultivated, I still need to remind myself to slow down, reflect, and edit my direction mindfully. 

I was fighting off a cold last week (I think I won) and to me that is a clear sign that my body needs and wants some time to feel where I am and engage in more gentle movements and self-care. My meditation habit has been slipping more occasionally, and every time I recommit to that simple five minutes of stillness, breath and presence in the morning, I notice a huge difference in my energy all day long (truth be told: I meditated for two minutes this morning and I felt amazing about that). So, to truly honor the signals I am getting and my desire to lead by example, here I am...reflecting, asking and answering high-quality questions, and recommitting to the course that will serve the sustainable growth I desire to flow through. 

What's the reminder I need today?

• Take in quiet and peaceful moments as often as I can. Sit in gratitude and enjoy exactly who and where I am right now.

What would I tell/remind a client if they were in my position right now?

• Your body wants to heal you. It’s main job is to keep you alive. But one of the fucked up ways that it does that is that it is on lookout for danger at all times and it is overly sensitive to little things that could potentially be dangerous. Like an unmet glance, and unmet expectation, and something as simple as déjà vu that reminds you of something that was uncomfortable in your past. We are triggered 50 to 300 times a day to feel as though we are unsafe and in that state digestion stops, healing stops, and we lose access to higher levels of thinking. Little bit of stress is good for you but too much of anything is no longer a good thing. This is why mindfulness is so important. With Mindfulness we become aware of how we are feeling and what we are thinking about. From this awareness we are able to calm him down and redirect her mind towards what we want more of rather than focusing on what we do not have or where we lack. Continue calming your system down by recommitting to your morning meditation. That simple few minutes in the morning primes your system for the rest of your day!

What is Mindfulness?

• Mindfulness is mono tasking. It is fully investing in this present moment as it is, even when it is terribly uncomfortable. With practice we start to realize that we are not just our emotions or our thoughts or our body or our actions. We are all of those things and none of those things. If you can witness something and you are more than the thing you are witnessing. When we develop a stronger relationship with the witness we are no longer attached to the emotional pendulum swing of our day and rather find a calm and steady state where we are witnessing our emotions and able to efficiently calm her self down so we can be problem solver’s rather than sitting in the energy of the problem. The goal is not to protect ourselves perfectly because then you will not grow and you will not build the resilience through experiential learning that you need. Let yourself be imperfect. Let yourself be messy. Embrace yourself as a work in progress and a masterpiece right now as you are. A non-dualistic approach to life and growth that allows you to love and except who and where you are right now will still striving and working towards your goals and your ideal future. It is when we embrace the space between where we are now and where we desire to be that we get access to a reservoir of high-quality energy And tap into the magical flow of life.

What are my priorities this week?

• Be mindful of my tendency to overexert myself when I am already feeling low on fuel. Choose more gentle movements, and when I am creating my own workouts, commit to 20-30 minutes rather than a full hour. Bring more diversity into my diet and slow down my eating process by being mindful with each bite. Connect with the people in my life who are creating and loving life and feed off their energy as we create together and celebrate struggles and successes. Take time each night to reflect on my day with high quality questions, and organize my to-dos for tomorrow. And, block off at least one full afternoon to just be and allow myself to engage with whatever feels appropriate and nourishing at that time.

I am committed this week to getting back into a rhythm of writing and pursuing my balance and contentment by being in conversation and creation around mental health awareness. So I will be posting on my blog a few times this week, and sharing more of my journey (struggles and successes) through the many platforms I am grateful to have at this point in my life. 

I am here for you if you need someone to chat with or if you want more direction in how to be in the practice of tending to your own mental health. We are stronger together. Bye for now xoxox

Building a business and brand....my way

I started dope(a)me three years ago, in February of 2015. Wow! Three years. In some ways it feels like barely any time has past and in other ways it feels like I have packed ten years of experience into three. I learn from slowing down and reflecting, so here I am...slowing down...reflecting. Through asking and answering some high quality questions (a couple of my own and the rest from friends on social media), I hope to land on some insight and inspiration that you and I can share in. Here we go ;)

How did I start? What was helpful for generating momentum?

With just a budding desire in my heart, and my mind focused on grit and passion for growth, I feel like I started the momentum by just speaking it out loud. I made my goals public. I was chatting with friends about my dreams and sharing my aspirations with anyone who would listen. I asked questions about what people wanted or were interested in and practiced sharing my ideas and offering coaching and support to anyone who was inclined to open up. I knew that if I spoke it out loud enough I would feel more accountable to actually do the damn thing. Through conversations and brainstorming I slowly became more clear in where I wanted to start. I figured that it made sense to find multiple streams of income to ensure that I was giving myself the space and exposure to practice my way into making this a reality. I can't speak enough about the importance of EXPOSURE! So many of the opportunities I have had have been the result of random encounters due to saying Yes to speaking engagements, trying new things, going to parties, attending workshops, meeting strangers, and sharing my ideas openly with friends who then keep me in mind as they meet new people. 

It was such a funny feeling to spend so much time thinking, planning and creating something and then realize that no one else is thinking about it and everyone else has a brain full of their own stuff to focus on. Infusing my ideas, workshops and offers of support into other people's lives in a way that draws attention and gets a buy-in is a long process. It takes time to not only plant that seed but stay with it long enough that the seed grows into something that others see value in - while also being mindful of not bombarding people with "LOOK AT ME!" I for sure overstepped boundaries, pushed too hard, became obnoxious, or had moments of victim-hood in this process. And it was from those painful, and at times, embarrassing moments that I learned exactly where those boundaries are and how to be more gracious and patient with my message, and with myself.

What was my vision when I started this business?

I had written out an ideal schedule that became my goal. A certain number of spin classes, yoga classes, 10 one on one clients that I would work with for three months at a time (i.e. as one graduates from my program, another client would step in), and one big event at least every two months. In my mind, if I could create that then I would be set. A clean and simple structure that would pay the bills and keep me invested in the things that I love.

I had other goals for the future of my business that included running wellness retreats, creating an online program/community of clients, and travelling North America to speak at events and host workshops for teams and businesses. And I planned to go back to school for a leadership degree as a five year goal. 

What did it actually look like when I started?

A few months in I was working with four clients and was shocked by how much time and energy that took. My plan of working with ten clients at a time, at least for now, no longer looked ideal or feasible. I had hosted several events and none of them pulled in a lot of people or revenue. I was teaching spin and yoga, and that was my only consistent pay cheque. To say I had moments of doubt would be an understatement. I wanted this to work so badly but I was also painfully aware of how much work I was putting in and how little money I was getting in return. So again, the practice was in the daily reminder that "this is supposed to take time." And sustainable growth is about the slow build with persistence. I was learning so much on a daily basis and was forced to be in my own personal development work because I had others depending on me. There was so much good, but there were definitely many days of self-doubt and floundering. I had to ground myself daily with these key reminders so that I wouldn't get lost in the tunnel of fear and doubt. 

How much time did I spend on a daily/weekly basis at the beginning vs. now?

I definitely had way more free time in the beginning than I do now ;). I think I had to be more disciplined because it was easy to not do anything all day and not have anyone there to notice or care. The workload looked very different back then as well. A lot of my time three years ago was spent reading, drawing out diagrams and playing with different exercises or tools that could be "homework" for potential/future clients. I would create 30 day challenges and send them to friends to try out. I came up with one idea after another and would just launch it out into the world to see how it lands. Anytime I came up with homework or new routines to try, I would put myself through the work and take notes on what I noticed and what could be shifted. Kind of like I was in experimentation mode and everything I created I would try on myself first. While the time consumption was very similar then as it is now, back then it felt a little more forced and I felt a lot more rejection and struggle. I now feel like I have been around the block a few times so I am not surprised by struggles, and I am not set back by failures, and I bounce back a lot quicker after missteps. I have also found and sustained an awesome core group of other entrepreneurs who I get so much inspiration and energy from. 

Around one year in of my business I was working and teaching 6-7 days a week and it was not super efficient. One of the big shifts I made was to re-look at my schedule every 6 months (ish) to assess where I could be working smarter, rather than harder. While I have way more responsibility, clients and projects on the go now, I have learned how to balance my schedule and honor my down time so that I can be very efficient in my work. 

How to balance making money now versus what will make money in the long run?

Such a good question!! There were two points of time in the first two years of my business that I almost took on a role at a large business just to get the stability of a pay cheque. But I also wasn't willing to compromise everything for the sake of a new job. In both situations, once it was made clear that I was expected to put in 40+ hours of work and there was no wiggle room in that, I just couldn't do it. I didn't want to give up on my dream entirely, and I didn't want to work myself into the grave, and I felt a lot of pressure from myself and my hubby to be "successful" now. 

It was through several difficult conversations (with myself and my husband), trying on new ideas, playing with possible jobs, then re-stating that I am not ready to give up and I need the support, space and time to make this happen. I had to fight for this several times. I had to make peace with a limited budget and the potential of debt in exchange for my passion and happiness. Being a budding entrepreneur and enjoying the work I was doing was actually making it so I was spending less money in general. I no longer have a shopping impulse to get a quick hit of joy in my otherwise unhappy existence. In fact, I recently made a commitment to not buy any clothing for a full year. 

The more I talked about my finance struggles and fears with others the more I heard this to be one of the most common struggles - no surprise there. And when I heard other peoples stories and what they were doing to creatively make it work, I was inspired to keep pushing. I was constantly on the lookout for a side job that I could fit into my schedule without sacrificing what I truly wanted. Because of this, I began to branch out and express my desire and ability in group facilitation, small business leadership and culture consulting. I spread my reach by writing articles for several other businesses, I wrote my book, I collaborated with as many people as I could, and I attended events, workshops, and networking opportunities to keep myself surrounded by the energy and inspiration I needed. I aimed to spread myself. I imagined myself in a tug boat, throwing out 100 fishing poles with the trust that at least a few of them will bring in some fish. And over time, I would figure out which fishing poles to discard and which to pay more attention to. This was the mental model that landed me in the direction of mental health advocate, leadership and culture consultant, mindset coach, author, and group facilitator, along with a much more creative and flexible approach to coaching within the dope(a)me discipline. 

What has surprised me about running a business?

Honestly, my confidence was a slow build and I had to be in the work of coaching myself and seeking out other coaches and moral support on a regular basis. I surrounded myself with people who were doing things I was inspired to do, and living in ways I am inspired to live. It was through these invaluable connections that I tapped into the momentum I needed. I couldn't have done it on my own, or maybe I could have, but it definitely would not have been as fun, supportive, and joyful. 

What have been the three best exercises or questions to keep me focused and mindful of my brand/business/image?

• Daily writing/drawing out ideas /flow charts/diagrams
• Repetition
• Movement/connection/yoga/meditation

What are some common questions on my mind daily?

• What would compassion do?
• (not a question, but a daily positive affirmation) Let go, allow
• What would be fun?
• What can I let go of? 
• What needs to shift?
• What's the most important thing right now?
• What am I learning?

What keeps me motivated?

• a variety of good food
• a desire and love of feeling freedom
• seeing and feeling progress in myself and those around me
• nature
• fun
• sweat

What have I learned that I was not expecting to learn?

I didn't really know what to expect at all in this entrepreneur life. I truly have been making it up as I go along and just following the "fishing rods" that seem to be pulling in the fish. I have learned that running a business feels a lot like tending and caring for a living organism. While I can be balanced, clear and empowered one day, the very next day I can be overtaken with struggle, overwhelm and self-doubt. While I would not have it any other way, it is a daily effort and I need to be creative and thinking about what's next. Even when things are flowing and growing and working well, I am still putting in time and effort to play with what I could do better, and where I can be more efficient, and what gaps I am noticing in my ability or energy, and what I need or want to implement, learn and launch three to six months from now. I do feel like I am riding the wave now, but still it takes a lot of mindfulness and awareness to stay on the wave and cultivate the strength and wisdom to get back up each time I fall or lose my way.

Also, a point that my husband likes to mention often....five years ago he asked me if I would ever become a yoga teacher, and I responded with a "definitely not." ;). At the time I was convinced that I loved being a student and I had no interest in becoming a teacher. I began to toy with the idea once I landed on the decision to start a business and knew I needed to get more creative with other ways to make an income and nurture my inner-self. And it wasn't until I had a very open and fun conversation with Alice Hong about yoga that I decided she was someone I wanted to learn from and spend more time with. It was because of that connection that I dove in, and I am so so so grateful that I did. 

What would make my life so much easier but I continue to not do it?

I am a morning person. I am one of those people that when I wake up in the morning I am excited and eager to get into my day. And, this is not the case when I go to bed late (past 12pm). I know my natural and most powerful rhythm is found when I go to bed at an earlier time and allow myself to wake up early and refreshed. And my husband is a night owl. It is not always easy for me to go to bed when he is so fun and I want to hang out with him. Some nights I stay up way too late because of that and then I have to put in way more effort to get myself into my peak state the next day. I have gotten a lot better with my discipline in this area but it is still something I have to be mindful of daily. 

Also, I know I would benefit  from engaging in more radical self-care. Not just relaxing and sitting around, but the more radical and efficient and soul-fuelling activities like going to a float tank, engaging yin yoga, practicing yoga nidra, more meditation (self-led and classes), taking time to draw beautiful baths, taking naps, going for massages, etc. These are the activities I continually remind myself that I need more of in my life.  

What are the sacrifices?

What comes to mind here is that I have had to become more realistic in what lifestyle I can expect for now. For example, I have had a dream of owning a home for a long time. To have more space, to decorate, to make a home my own. And, this is not possible for me right now. It was a hard pill to swallow when I said to my husband "I want to buy a house so badly" and he responded "well you need to be making a lot more money in order for us to do that." I realized that a house is not the most important thing to me and I would rather live in a small (cut cute and cozy) apartment that allows me the space and freedom to build a career that lights me up inside and outside. When it comes down to it, I would much rather be living my dream all day every day and be fed and sheltered in a minimalist way. The more I live my passion, the less "stuff" I feel like I need. Simple actually feels best. And I am so grateful for everything that I do have. 

Thanks for sending in your amazing questions and for being a part of my slowing down to reflect and learn. I feel grounded, clear and excited for a creative weekend ahead, and I hope you do to.

If you have any more questions in this realm, or anything else you are curious about, please send me a message! I would love to hear from you. 

And check out my workshops scheduled to jump in on some of the fun and expansive opportunities coming up!

Bye for now xoxox 

"I deserve to be heard"

The first time I heard the mantra "I deserve to be heard" was several years ago when I was introduced to the Chakra system. The throat chakra is one of seven main energetic centers in our being, and it is the home of expression, non-violent communication and generous listening. The reminder we receive when in contemplation of the throat chakra is that we each have a unique contribution and a unique perception of reality. It takes conscious communication to bridge the gaps between our-self and the other, to create and foster our boundaries, and to speak our truth, to ourselves and to others.

In a yoga teacher training a few weeks ago, I was invited to repeat "I deserve to be heard" while in a guided meditation. While this was not my first time repeating these words, there was something different in the experience this time. This was the first time that it truly landed. Tears formed in my eyes. A wave of love, peace, acceptance and power washed over me. It was like I had one hand tied behind my back unknowingly and someone just gave me permission and the tools to untie myself. It was an extremely cathartic experience.

As I have sat with this for a few weeks now, I am getting more clear on what makes this mantra so powerful. First of all, mantras are an amazing way to shift your self-talk patterns efficiently. 95% of what you say today you also said yesterday. We are creatures of habit. When you bring in new thoughts, and repeat empowering words or phrases (i.e. mantras), you feed your brain new energy and are more likely to repeat these words and phrases later on. Your words cast spells, and overtime, you will believe whatever you say about yourself. With any great power comes responsibility. Mantras are only one piece of the holistic puzzle of self development. We need to be face to face with what makes us uncomfortable and continue harnessing our awareness of our own patterns and habits that are not serving who we desire to be. From this awareness, we can edit as we go, shift our patterns and habits with self-talk, reminders, support and accountability. 

Every voice deserves to be heard. This doesn't mean you deserve to be heard more than others. It also doesn't mean you have the right to talk over others or that what you say is more true than what others say. It simply means, you have a voice and you deserve to use it and be heard. That's it, simple. This is not projecting a rule of any kind, it is offering up a tool for your inquiry and discernment. 

For me, what was so powerful was that I had been struggling with my ability to effectively communicate with my husband. My monkey mind can jump in wild directions, and sometimes I will begin sharing something without context or back-story to bridge the gap between his perception of reality, our physical environment, and where my mind has gone. In fact, this becomes a point of conflict for us as he pushes back on my share with questions like "what are you talking about? why are you telling me this?" Rather than keeping calm and walking back through the process of how I got from A to Z, I had a pattern of feeling sad that I wasn't understood, hurt that he wasn't more curious about what I had to share, and upset that I was creating a limiting belief and story that my husband is not someone I can share my raw and unfiltered thoughts or ideas with. 

I am not one to get stuck and allow limiting beliefs to take over, so I chose to get curious and inquisitive with myself to get more clear on this pattern and what shifts I could make to grow through this obstacle. 

When I repeated, "I deserve to be heard" in my mind, I realized that I had been holding on to a belief that I share too much and that I need to keep things to myself until they are polished and ready to be delivered efficiently and profoundly. While there is some truth in that, it is also not complex enough to embody the full truth. It is not a hard and fast rule that I want to abide by. I love the freedom of speech! I love that my mind is creative and thoughtful and that I can come up with wild ideas and put them into action. My goal is not to stifle my voice, it is to become more deliberate in how I communicate and to share more context so that the conversation is co-created rather than me talking at my husband (or anyone else). 

Like most things in life, too much of anything is no longer a good thing. And rather than swinging from one extreme to the other (i.e. from over-sharing to not sharing at all), I wanted to find the healthy balance. For me, "I deserve to be heard" is now the reminder I need to repeat daily to honor my voice and contribution. It reminds me to slow down and think through what I want to share so that I honor the power and influence I can have. It reminds me to allow unfiltered and raw conversations to flow, and not be too caught up in thinking that everything needs to be manicured and polished. Sometimes yes it does, and other times, raw and unfiltered is exactly what is needed. Each moment is a new opportunity and I strive to be present and engaged with what the moment calls for, and to do that, I need to remind myself that "I deserve to be heard."

And guess what?? So do you!

Why a Five Day Evolve Retreat is right for you

Why a Five-Day Retreat? Five reasons why we at Evolve follow a five-day format for our retreats:

1. Habits dig deep and we want to ensure you have enough time to move from your path of least resistance (i.e. your old habits) into a new direction that serves you well (i.e. your new healthy habits). Rather than being inspired for a couple days and then go back home to status quo, we are more interested in life-long sustainable shifts that will change your perspective and motivate you to keep doing the work.

2. We have a lot to share and we believe in the integral importance of balance. We could bombard you over two or three days with more information than your brain can handle, instead, we choose to spread the inspiration over five days so that it is a comfortable progression that will leave you fueled, nourished, rested, rejuvenated and motivated to keep your progress going at home.

3. Happiness in life is not achieved simply with insight. You need time to practice, integrate and have conversations that will support your development. In The Happiness Hypothesis by Jonathan Haidt, he says,

“The level of happiness you actually experience [H] is determined by your biological set point [S] plus the conditions of your life [i.e., loving relationships, as well as having and pursuing the right goals, in order to create states of flow and engagement) [C], plus the voluntary activities [V] that you do.

H = S + C + V.”

We want to support you in all pieces of this happiness equation. We are complex beautiful beings and we must give ourselves the space and time needed to understand the layers that make us who we are.

4. We believe in experiential learning. Whether it is a hands-on cooking lesson or a nutritional tutorial before we sit down for a meal, a workshop about sleep, meditation, mindful eating, or goal setting, a group fitness class or a one on one session with one of our many experts on staff, we want to make sure you get access to everything we have to offer. A five-day immersion will ensure that you do not feel rushed to meet your needs and you do not miss out on any of the amazing benefits we offer.

5. We know from experience that momentum can feel nearly impossible to start, but once it is in motion, it is nearly impossible to stop. We have a five-day outline that will spark momentum into healthy and mindful living. We want to make sure that when you head home you feel motivated, clear and supported to continue the momentum you cultivated. The real work begins once you are back at home, and we are excited for you to put these tools to good use!

Growth Mindset to learn from - rather than stay victim to - your Triggers

What are triggers? They are strong emotional reactions that arise suddenly as a result of some stimulus, and it is the mark of a deep wound or limiting belief.

How do we learn and grow so that we do not get triggered? The answer is found in the pause between the stimulus and the impulsive reaction. Like a thorn in your side that you have spent years concealing, protecting, and avoiding in hopes that it will never be touched again, the only way to remove the trigger is to find the thorn and do the work to learn, release and heal. This takes patience, curiosity, and a growth mindset.

We all carry emotional baggage. Whether we are reacting to things in the moment that are less than ideal, or holding onto judgement, resentment, guilt, or sadness from past events that rocked us to our core; this emotional baggage weighs us down. Where does this come from? Why are we so hard on ourselves? Why is it easier to pass judgement and compare ourselves to what we are not, versus loving ourselves whole-heartedly and choose forgiveness and compassion as our first instinct?

Like most things I am discovering, the secret sauce to shift into a new direction and create new habits starts with a change in perspective. First of all, your triggered state is not happening because of the person in front of you or because of who you are, it is the sign of a trauma or un-digested experience from years ago.

“No one situation or person is fully responsible for the magnitude of our emotional charge. That person or situation has usually caused an emotion to surface that was already there, connected to some hurt that occurred in the past. One of the consequences of our habit of ignoring emotions is that they tend to pile up. So most of us have backlog of emotional wounds connected to situations that we never dealt with or resolved” (Conscious Communication by Miles Sherts).

Triggers are not something you can just “let go” of. That’s like having a fracture in your femur and expecting that you can just will it away. I don’t think so 😉.

Once you are aware that you are in a triggered state, try this…..

1. Take a few moments to gather yourself by creating a sense of grounding. Connect with your breath and tune into 5-8 seconds for an inhale, a pause at the top, and 5-6 seconds for the exhale, a pause at the bottom. Get out of your fight or flight state!

2. Then, ask yourself, what do I really want here? What do I want for this relationship? How do I need to show up here to move through this with grace, vulnerability and authenticity?

3. Once you can remove yourself from the situation, find some time to put pen to paper and write about your experience. What did you notice as the trigger arrived? What did it feel like? What “need” was not being met in that situation? 

4. What follow-up is needed (perhaps a do-over to share more context into what state you were in?) What reminder do you need next time you find yourself in that triggered state?

Trauma is generally a multitude of layers. Expect that this process will take some time and exploration. Use the wisdom of the Growth Mindset to bring in high quality energy and focus more on the process versus the destination. A Growth Mindset points at the joy of continually getting better at something rather than being fixated on not being enough right now. It is about being in the process of improving and developing skills rather than trying to prove your worth and demonstrate your skills. This mindset is ideal for the personal development journey because you will be face to face with parts of yourself that make you uncomfortable (to say the least). Your relationship with growth, yourself, and this life will dictate how much energy you can cultivate in that pause before you decide what direction you truly want to go in. The skills you cultivate in self-inquiry will serve you for a lifetime. They are tools that will allow you to move through difficult conversations and emotions with greater efficacy and empowerment each time.

You got this xoxo

Mindful Nourishment

In a recent yoga teacher training, my teacher said “learning is less about bringing in new information, and more about remembering your own wisdom that has been lost or buried beneath the layers.” This has stuck with me. Of course, there is a process of bringing in new information, and I resonate deeply with the experience of hearing something “new” and it landing so calmly, like a coming home after a long journey, that it feels like a veil has been lifted and I got access to something I had forgotten.

My first experience with mindful eating felt that way. It did not seem forced or foreign or inappropriate or silly, it immediately opened my heart and mind and I felt love, joy and nourishment before taking one bite.

Photo by jacoblund/iStock / Getty Images

Another reminder I got from my yoga teacher recently was “when the student is ready, the teacher appears.” Again, this rings true in many experiences in my life. I can hear the same thing over and over but until I am ready to fully receive it and make the changes necessary to integrate it, it won’t fully land and I will not have access to it. Mindful eating has also shown up in my life in that way. While I know that it is something I want in my life, it is hard to remember it each day and it is easier to stick with my path of least resistance which directs me towards large portions of food, not wanting to share, and scarfing down my meal while mindlessly engaging in something else that distracts me from the sensations in my body as I ingest.

Perhaps this is an experience you can relate to as well? How many articles and/or conversations have you witnessed about Mindful Eating? Have you been able to access the mindful eating skill when it is time to sit for a meal or have a snack? If yes, congratulations! If no, that’s okay too. Sometimes the first time you hear something it simply becomes a seed planted and then it takes time and attention to nurture it into a living and breathing organism that slowly shifts your habits over time. So, this blog post may serve as the seed being planted for you, and for others, perhaps you have seen and heard a lot about mindful eating and this will be the catalyst for you to fully receive the message you need to shift your eating habits. And, for others, mindful eating is already a habit and this will serve as a gentle reminder and give another perspective into the already beautiful tapestry you have created in this field of study.

Photo by LoveTheWind/iStock / Getty Images

We can waste a lot of energy thinking about what to eat, what we should or should not eat, and what we did eat that we shouldn’t have. We spend time and money restricting ourselves, trying fad diets, and then splurge our money and energy by indulging and feeling shame or judgement that we lacked the discipline to do what we said we would do. Your ideal “diet” is a lifestyle and it is sustainable, balanced, and will adjust day to day based on your energy output and your mind and body’s need for that day. And that takes mindfulness as you are in tune with what you are feeling, what you need, and what you want. It is not just about calories in and calories out, but rather the quality of the fuel you ingest and the quality of your thoughts and presence as you prepare your food, as you use your senses to perceive your meal, as you eat, and once you feel nourished and complete.

Mindful Eating or Mindful Nourishing (or Soulful Eating as Eating Psychology expert Marc David refers to it) is an ideal way to approach food. It is about experiencing and being present with the food you eat. It is the realization that no food is inherently good or bad, but rather your mindset and quantity matters more than anything. It reminds us to slow down and pay attention to each bite, each chew, the smells, the texture, the taste, and the nourishment being delivered to every cell in your body. When we approach our food as medicine with a desire for nourishment and gratitude for its creation and presentation, you are more likely to stop when full and move on to something engaging and nourishing away from the table afterwards. Change the way you perceive your food and look for a sustainable lifestyle instead of a quick-fix.  

Try this on to practice:

At least one meal per day, engage in 5-3-1. (Ideally, this is the habit to create before ingesting any food in your day - but start with one meal a day and build this habit like a muscle being flexed)

5 – once your food is prepared, sit with it and take in the beautiful nourishment with your eyes. Before taking a bite, take five deep belly breaths to calm your system down and ensure you have blood flow in your digestive system in order to fully ingest and deliver the nutrients to where they need to go.

3 – look at your food (or close your eyes) and reflect on three things you are grateful for in this moment. Whether it is an expression of gratitude for the food or for your mind and body or for the environment you are in, this will ensure your mood is positive, which prepares your body to absorb as much nutrients as possible.

1 – lean in and take one big sniff of your food. When you get access to more of your senses in any given situation, this supports your ability to be present. And, your sense of smell is 10,000x stronger than your sense of taste. You will enjoy your food more and be more in tune with your body’s sensations by slowing down and getting your system ready for ingestion.

Happy Mindful Nourishing! Today is a great day to get started. xox

Bridge the Gap - Be the Change

It has been four months since Be the Change made it's way into the hands of the public, and what a ride it has been. I have had many people ask me: "what has shifted since releasing the book?", "what's next?", and "what has the entrepreneurial journey looked like for me. How does the story continue?"

I figured I would take some time to answer these questions in a thorough and inclusive way, not only for you reading but also for me to support my own clarity and continuity. With that in mind, I am going to use this as practice to create a flow from Be the Change (book #1) into the conversation that I want to create in book #2 - yep you read that right ;). 

The Conclusion of Be The Change reads as follows (all in italics):

"You think if you change things outside, you'll be okay. But nobody has ever truly become okay by changing things outside. There's always the next problem. The only real solution is to take the seat of witness consciousness and completely change your frame of reference...No solution can possibly exist while you're lost in the energy of a problem."

The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer

It has now been three years since I took that leap away from my career at lululemon to launch my business and become a yoga and spin instructor. There have been a lot of ups and downs but I have held strong to the belief that with practice, patience and perseverance I will carve a path that is uniquely mine and will have a positive impact on the world. After years of an intense inner-battle, I can finally say that I have found myself and I am a legitimately happy person. Don't get me wrong: I still struggle. I still have moments or days here and there where it takes a lot of energy to get myself going or to ground myself. I am not ashamed if I decide to reschedule everything planned to gift myself a full mental health day. I don't feel sorry for myself and I certainly don't get into the downward spiral by thinking I am broken, incapable or not enough. Instead, I love myself up. I put my hand on my heart and repeat "I am safe. I belong. I matter. I am perfectly imperfect." I don't resist the natural ebbs and flows of life. I let myself fall and I trust that I will bounce back stronger each time. I am able to share my story, my current struggles, and offer support from a place of desire for connection and pursuit of instilling hope and motivation in those who feel defeated or left behind.  

I truly feel like the chapter in my life that was resoundingly saturated in darkness and pessimism is no longer a part of my being. I remember the struggle, I recall the pain and anger, and I can confidently say that my thought patterns have become aligned with who I am at my core. I am far from perfect and I make mistakes, but I love who I am and I can see that my path is unfolding in a direction that I am proud and excited about. My hope for you is that you remain conscious and open to what life can teach you. Practice being conscious of your subconscious. Step into life like you are here for a reason and don't want to hold back. You are here nonetheless, and it's worth exploring what you are truly capable of. 

It's time to get out of our own way. Listen to the voices from those who are also doing their work and eagerly want to lift you up. Commit to your practice, build your road-map and know that with time and persistence you will shed the layers and habits that don't serve you. You will grow into the sustainable, resilient, vulnerable, content, and open person you have the privilege and honor to be. Don't waste energy trying to hide. We slowly take off the armor once used to hide weaknesses, fears, and failures and dive into opportunities that could lead to heartbreak. Because what doesn't kill you makes you stronger -- if you let it. Be open to discover what lights you up, what triggers your limiting beliefs, and what song your soul is dying to sing. It's time to fly.....(end of Be the Change - but the story continues....)

Creating this awakening is just the beginning. We need to cultivate the ability to re-awaken over and over again, as we continually slip back into old habits and ways of being. My biggest learning as an entrepreneur and constant-seeker of enlightenment is the importance of getting out of my head, away from my mind-chatter, and to tune into the universal flow that connects me to a reservoir of peace, creativity and trust in my energetic contribution in this world. I have found this to be the most fuel-efficient and heart-warming practice to engage in. Life as an entrepreneur is bountiful and challenging - as most great things are. It is up to me to stay motivated, get creative, think outside the box, enroll others, and put myself out into the world to continue generating work and relationships. It has taken a couple years to find my groove. I have launched many events, and some have been total flops (and therefore amazing learning opportunities) and others have been so successful and easy that it felt like the universe wanted something and I just happened to be the one ready to deliver at the right time and place. 

At least once every couple of months I take an hour or two to slow down, write out my mission statement my core values, and ensure I am grounded in what I set out to do. I remind myself of my purpose, direction and business model. I re-work what doesn't seem to be working, and I open up conversations with my trusted tribe of inspiring entrepreneurs to get to know my blind spots and try on new perspectives. I am constantly reading, writing and exploring the word of other's and integrating this new knowledge into the structure and systems I have in place, and add it to the plethora of what I offer small businesses and one on one clients. I play with my social media content weekly, trying to find the rhythm and intervals of sharing versus asking, giving versus receiving, creating versus regurgitating, promoting myself versus promoting others, etc. Basically, I am still figuring things out, and I have come to realize that being in the process of figuring things out and being open and curious to continue learning and growing is my sweet spot. 

One of the metaphors I continue to come back to, and that I love sharing with other budding entrepreneurs or go-getters, is to think of myself as a fisherman in a row boat. Out in the middle of a lake, I cast out a hundred fishing rods. As a fisherman, I know I like to fish and I enjoy generating nourishment for myself and others, and that is enough to keep me grounded and patient in this boat. Overtime, I notice some rods are generating way more fish than others. I notice certain times of day and certain types of bait that seem to be more successful as well. Slowly, I begin to drop the rods that are not bringing anything back my way. Eventually, 100 rods is pruned down to the 5-10 most consistent and plentiful tools.

But just as anything in life, as the universe expands and we all shift and evolve, the balance point we strive for also changes. This is a dance with the universe, and it takes mindful attention and daily attunement. This is why it is way more important to fall in love with the process versus get your sights stuck on a particular reward in the future. The external future stuff is fleeting and doesn't exist until it is the present, and it won't fill you up the way you think it will. The real, life-sustaining work is being in the practice of loving who and where you are right now, and continually creating experiences that take you further from the ego and closer to the interconnected energy that we are all a part of. 

We are all trying to do our best, be our best, and prove our worth. We are on our own journey, intertwining with others, but on our own path, creating our own reality. What we create is completely our own doing. Of course, we can't control what we can't control, but there is still a lot that we can control - through awareness, choice and practice. 

We are not meant to be followers, blindly inspired by the experiences of others. We all must experience "ego death" - not to actually destroy the ego but to experience the loss of its grip and discover what waits on the other side. It is a retraining of the foundation of the relationship with the ego. From this unique experience, we then can each put words together to describe the insights from interconnectedness. Feeling a part of everything and nothing all at once, disconnected from time, with moments of clairvoyance, transcendence, and purity. It's a unique and nourishing process that each one of us has the ability to foster, but only when we pave our own way, do the work, and lead our self. 

Human beings by nature are imperfect and to follow others' without creating your own experiences and ways of knowing is a sure-fire way to create cult-like thinking and stunt your own growth. While I set out to learn and share my experiences of retraining my relationship with my ego and develop more of a deep-knowing in the higher consciousnesses or energy that we are all a part of, my invitation to you is to embark on your own journey inspired by mine. Don't take my word as fact, use it as a starting point for you to be in your own inquiry and discovery. My story may light the fire within you, but it's up to you to nurture it, get to know it, and allow that fire to become the furnace for your own beautiful creations and authentic joy.

So, welcome to the continued journey of my life. A passionate entrepreneur who is committed to growth and self-discovery, and is lit up by the opportunity to support others in creating the foundation and momentum they desire. 

Cheers to loving the process and sharing more of our hearts as we go. I am happy to lead by example, but remember, nothing changes for you until you commit to your work as well. 

xoxo

The EGO - relationship training

"Events in the world only effect us through our interpretations of them, so if we can control our interpretations, we can control our world" Jonathan Haidt

The EGO is a fickle beast. It can feel like a bi-polar character that lives within the confines of your brain; at times an un-welcomed fear and exhausting visitor, while other times it toots my own horn and makes me feel quite pleased with myself. 

It whispers in the morning, "today is going to be great" and then quickly flips the script and says "I am not enough." It then sees a squirrel and yells out "How fun, look at that!" My ego sizes people up and casts judgement, and then humbles me quickly by saying "that girl is prettier than me. That teacher is better than me. That person looks way more powerful than me." My ego pushes me to stand up for myself when I feel belittled or un-cared for, and then it pumps the brakes quickly in fear of being rejected or isolated. This roller coaster ride used to be the catalyst for mental breakdowns and complete lack of trust in myself. It was enough to consume my time and energy all day long until I felt as though I had nothing left.

Discover & share this Pandawhale GIF with everyone you know. GIPHY is how you search, share, discover, and create GIFs.

With a deeper understanding, appreciation, compassion and patience, we can all practice our way into a more balanced and healthy relationship with this impulsive and seductive part of ourselves. 

Brass Tacks: WHAT IS THE EGO?

I like to use the metaphor of an Elephant and a Rider to understand the complex relationship in my mind. The Elephant is your subconscious system, and it is wild. True to it's character, it is strong, territorial, and drawn towards instant gratification. A perverse safety mechanism signals an alarm as soon as it senses discomfort or the allure of "feel-good-now" when it becomes clear that it is being pushed to avoid the reward now for something else to come later on. 

The Rider, in this metaphor, is your higher-level thinking capabilities. It is the part of your brain that allows you to problem-solve, to sit in discomfort and work through it as a means to an end, and it brings you into a goal-setting mindset to work hard for a reward down the road. 

This Rider sits atop the Elephant, and ideally (for the best results in mood and well-being), we want these two to work together in harmony as a team. A skilled Rider knows how to coax the Elephant to do what it wants. It can calm the Elephant down when it gets rattled. It can redirect the Elephant when it goes on a rampage or gets lost. And it can point and guide the Elephant towards a higher purpose, slowly and patiently training the Elephant to be the wisest and best version it can be. 

Your EGO, comes from your Elephant. While your self-talk resides in the realm of the Rider, it is deeply connected and affected by the feelings, habits and reactions of the Elephant. Without awareness, and a healthy and balanced relationship between these two major players of the Self, we tend to feel like victims and lack a sense of control in how we show up and how we grow. Knowledge is power! And with knowledge comes responsibility. 

Discover & share this Elephants GIF with everyone you know. GIPHY is how you search, share, discover, and create GIFs.

Your Elephant has a few basic characteristics and needs. It needs to feel safe, a sense of belonging, and a sense of purpose. It equates survival with high-status positions. Which means, it wants to feel-good-now and will resist delayed-gratification because initially it seems like a threat. It wants prestige and to be important, and gifts our body with happy chemicals when we experience such things.  

When we are too attached or focused on the conversation and feelings that our EGO presents, we fall into a wild roller-coaster ride, in search of our next "fix" and highly attuned to our level of status in comparison to others.

In The Heart of Coaching, Thomas Crane dictates this list to describe the character and habits of an EGO-driven person versus someone who has retrained their relationship to serve their higher good.

The EGO trap moves us in the direction of being...

• Self conscious versus self-aware
• Separate versus connected
• Arrogant versus humble
• Controlling versus nurturing
• Cautious versus creative

The EGO trap trains us to...

• Want attention rather than pay attention
• Take things personally rather than remaining detached and free
• Seek approval from others rather than be in self-inquiry and self-love to seek our own truth
• Follow external authority rather than listen to our innate wisdom behind the mind-chatter
• Strive for perfection rather than find pleasure in being in-process

HOW TO RETRAIN THE RELATIONSHIP:

The ideal is to feel balanced and centered in our mind and body. A state in which the ego is no longer at the helm. To be “centered" is to be aware of, and let go of, the ego’s preoccupation with seeing itself as the center of the universe. You are unique, powerful, and special. And so is every other person who has come and gone. Celebrate and love those around you, and remember that others' success is not your failure, and vice versa. 

Your EGO keeps you contained in a small box with thick edges. Learn to break free. Expand with each breath and each day that passes.  The life of your dreams is waiting to be birthed and you have everything you need already inside of you. It is waiting behind the mind-chatter.

Discover & share this Ego GIF with everyone you know. GIPHY is how you search, share, discover, and create GIFs.

“As the seasons change, so must we. Our old habits don’t have to run our lives; our past doesn’t have to become our future; the momentum of change ultimately leads us toward greater awareness, wisdom and peace” - Dan Millman, The Laws of Spirit

Love to you all, xoxox

ORENDA

We are all capable of so much more than we realize. Not only do we have limited access to the depth and breadth of our brain's capability moment to moment, we also are creatures of habit. We fall into cycles and patterns due to the relative comfortable nature these habits offer, even though they may not serve who we are and where we desire to be. 

"Orenda" is an Iroqious word to describe the belief in a supernatural force, present in varying degrees, in all people and objects in this world. It is the power behind all great accomplishment as we discover our ability to effect change in ourselves and in others. 

Perhaps you have experienced a peak-state before. When time seems to disappear, motivation takes over, energy seems plentiful and nourishing, and you connect to a deep and innate wisdom rather than being attached and influenced by the roller-coaster ride your mind-chatter tends to take you on. It is a feeling of immense power, trust, and belief in your ability to create and grow through every twist and turn in life. It is a force that elevates you and those around you. With this kind of personal power and desire to bring positive impact into the world, amazing things can happen.

It is something we all share as human beings, and while some seem to access it and other's do not, we are all capable and it is our duty to uncover, unleash, and elevate ourselves into this version of self we are destined to be. 

The Orenda Movement is dedicated to support anyone and everyone to understand and tune into this innate power. It is your birth-right and it is a habit to form. With tools, support, practice, inspiration, and a like-minded community all working towards a similar goal (i.e. Personal Power), not only will you discover your own Orenda, you will also learn how to nourish it and integrate it into your current life. 

Curious to learn more? Reach out with questions, join our faacebook group and conversation, and stay tuned for events and articles created and released to further our journey in cultivating a relationship with Orenda xoxox

The Post-Christmas Five Day Detox

Hello my friends ;). Let's get back into our routine of health and wellness without berating ourselves for the indulgence there may have been over the past few days (weeks?) of the Holiday season. Being around family and friends and slowing down from the hustle of work is sooo good for you. We can use that foundation and fuel and (re)-establish routine without being extreme. 

Detox does not need to be a huge restriction and it does not need to feel like punishment. I am an advocate for sustainable change and enjoyable growth, so let's detox and stabilize as we lead up to the New Year.

DAY 1: Boxing Day

• Reduce your candy/chocolate/cake intake (reduce is the key word!!! Don't completely shut the door on treats, but be mindful to eat less of that today)
• Get on your mat! At least 30 minutes of Yoga (youtube, self-led or get yourself to a studio that is offering a class today)
• 15 minutes of an Ab workout (use that fuel you have ingested!)
• JOURNAL: write about how you want to feel at the end of each day when you lay your head on your pillow. Backtrack from there and remind yourself of the actions, thoughts, and habits that will support you to create that reality on a daily basis

DAY 2: December 27

• Focus on getting more Root Vegetables, Grains, and simple proteins in each meal (pay attention to portion sizes and listen to your body.)
• Get yourself into the gym and lift weights for 45-60 mins and do some interval cardio training for at least 30 mins. Blast your system and get some sweat dripping!
• JOURNAL: write about what you see as major accomplishments and highlights from 2017 and what you want to accomplish in 2018

DAY 3: December 28

• Eat to feel grounded and nourished. Mindfully eat and notice how each bite makes you feel. Slow the eating process down and really pay attention to how you feel.
• Challenge yourself to engage in a 30 second meditation, 3x today
• Get on your mat for at least 30 minutes of yoga, and create a fun tabata workout for yourself (Choose five different moves - example: squats, lunges, pushups, handstand kicks, resistant band moves, situps, planks, etc - and for each one, you go 20 seconds on, and 10 seconds rest, 8x)
• JOURNAL: write about your self-talk habits and what shifts you can make by infusing more love and compassion into your words

DAY 4: December 29

• Eat colorfully. Aim to get diversity in every meal. Try new things. Get off auto-pilot and bring some new-ness into your meals today. 
• Do five Sun Salutations in the morning and get active during the day by being creative. Try a new workout class, put on a youtube video that looks fun and challenging, call up a friend and try something together, etc. 
• JOURNAL: set a timer for 20 minutes and hop on google to do some research and writing about SELF-LOVE, BALANCE, and VULNERABILITY. Fill a page or two with reminders, quotes, ideas, and inspiration

DAY 5: December 30 

• Eat like a King at breakfast, a Prince at lunch, and a Pauper at Dinner. Get well-rounded meals and take your vitamins!! Eliminate refined sugars today and challenge yourself to drink more water.
• Focus on self-care by pulling out your foam roller or lacrosse ball to massage your entire body. Dress comfortably but with your fun stylish flare today, and take time to remind yourself how unique and powerful you are. Stand confidently and come back to your breath throughout your day. 
• JOURNAL: make some notes on what the past five days has opened your eyes too. What felt great? What challenged you more than anything else? What did you learn? What new habits are you going to instigate for the New Year? How will you practice and what will support you in your accountability? We are all capable of massive change and growth, and when we build in accountability to get feedback and support, almost anything becomes possible for you. 

Have fun. Remind yourself that imperfection is beautiful and perfection is not generous. Be messy. Keep trying. Love yourself up along the way. You got this xoxoox

Word of 2018

I started a tradition a few years ago. At the end of every year, I take ample time to reflect on my year and land on my successes, my learnings, my growth, what I am proud of, what I want to spend more time and attention on, and what I deem to be the powerful direction and reminder for the year ahead. This is a powerful tool of manifestation. I have learned that choosing a word or direction for the year is a way to really get to know a concept in action. I read about the concept, I bring it up in conversation, I write about it, I reflect on what I am noticing and where I need to adjust/edit and try again. Whatever you focus on, you create more of. A great way to practice your way into being the architect of your own reality.

It is so fun to now be able to reflect back on the words I used for several years leading up to this one. I can see the growth and the journey that these words have taken me on. I am excited to share this with you ;)

2013 - Passion/Create

This is the year that I started this tradition. I was working at lululemon athletica and I knew I wanted to embark in a new direction but I really had no idea what that looked like. I knew I needed to follow my passion, but I also was not clear what I was passionate about anymore. So I chose Passion and Create as my words. I thought about passion and creativity daily, I studied it, I found ways to explore the concepts and try to understand them in different ways, I talked about it with others, and I tried lots of new things to open my mind to what is possible. These words reminded me to be in pursuit of passion and cultivate creativity all year round. 

2014 - BOLD

This is the year that I realized I was passionate about Goal Coaching and facilitating. I began entertaining the idea of starting my own business and I knew that what I needed was to build my confidence, stand tall and proud, and learn more about how to be a powerful leader and coach. Bold was the word that I landed on. My reminder to take chances, put my name in the ring when anything new and challenging was presented, live loudly, explore my leadership skills and stay strong and passionate in the pursuit. This is the year of my serendipitous meeting with Andrew Obrecht that quickly turned into an opportunity to step into my role at yyc cycle as a spin motivator. The training had already begun for the group of Original Motivators when I met Andrew. One passionate conversation and Andrew invited me to join the training, as there just happened to be one bike still open in the studio they were training in, and we both felt like this was meant to happen. After almost a full year of living up to my word BOLD - I was ready to show up and be seen in the way I desired. 

2015 - Fearless/Create

This is the year I left my full-time, well-paid, community centric job at lululemon. I started my business - dope(a)me - and was committed to giving my all for at least one year before slowing down to truly assess the efficacy of my work. I knew it was going to be a bumpy ride and was going to take a lot of creativity and perseverance. I couldn't allow failures along the way to deter me. FEARLESS and CREATE were my reminders to stay the course. This is also the year that I started my yoga teacher training. I had a good friend in this training with me that heard me talk about my word of the year, and she gifted me a necklace with a pendant on it that said "fearless." Now I have this beautiful reminder that I put around my neck anytime I need a boost. 

2016 - Momentum/Connection

Year two of my business and it was working! This was the year that I knew I needed to keep digging in deep and create the momentum that would be impossible to stop once it got going. This was my reminder to focus on relationships, "plant seeds", and get myself involved in community efforts that would keep me accountable and motivated to put in the work and create the momentum I desired. 

2017 - Unfold/Trust

This year has been a big one. This is the year that Mental Health advocacy became one pillar of my work; something that found me once I truly allowed myself to be seen. I knew my book would be released and I needed the reminder to trust the process and allow myself to unfold rather than force this rosebud to bloom. This was the year of slowing down to speed up. Softening my edges and enjoying who and where I am now. To focus on nourishment and continue letting go of the layers that have limiting beliefs and old wounds that need love and care in order for them to be healed and released. This was the year of cracking myself open and allowing vulnerability to truly take over. What a year ;)

2018 - Inclusive/Foundation

Bring on 2018! This is the year of staying connected to my roots, seeing the power and impact in quality one on one connections, being focused on community and creating experiences that are accessible, relate-able, comprehensive, and powerful in collaboration and execution. I don't want to lose sight of my purpose that has motivated me to get this far in life. I want to inspire and truly support individuals who then can go out into the world and generate their unique positive impact. One person at a time, I can create a huge impact in the world. This reminds me to stay open and present with who is right in front of me. Whether there is a room full of people or only one person shows up, I do not want to be disheartened or empowered by numbers. Making an impact in one person's life is more than enough to keep me motivated and driven on my journey. 

I would love the opportunity to lead you through the process of reflection, creation and manifestation to support you in creating your transformation this coming year. I am happy to meet up for a one on one experience or I can organize a group session. If there is lots of interest I will rent a space to host a larger event. I have not planned anything yet as I just finished the book launch events and was gifting myself some down time. The beautiful thing I am learning though is that when I gift myself downtime and I truly embrace it and dive into it, I don't need as much I thought I would. This work lights me up and I find fuel in creating transformative experiences. I'd love to celebrate this life with you ;).

marinmccue@gmail.com

xoxox

Book Launch complete!

My last book launch event was held at Lole 17th ave on Thursday December 14 in the evening. It was a wonderful conclusion to what I am considering to be phase one of my book launch. What do the following phases look like? I am not 100% sure yet, but I am excited to spend the next couple of weeks over Christmas in planning mode for 2018. 

What a wild ride this past month has been! In just over five weeks I have sold over 200 copies; collectively online through the lulu.com website, on location at Wild & Raw and Liv yoga + wellness, and in person at events and delivering myself. I wanted to take a few moments here to thank everyone who has been a part of this book launch in big and small ways, and to share what I view as the highlights of this experience thus far. 

First, THANK YOU!!! HustleCo workspace, yyc cycle, Liv yoga + wellness, Wild & Raw, Saje Natural Wellness, and Lole 17th. These businesses were huge supports and I had so much fun hosting in your space. Jenn Moonflower, Katie Fisher, Fiasco Gelato, David's Tea, and Heather Bowen - you all donated your time and treats to my events and certainly helped class everything up! I couldn't have pulled off such diverse and nourishing events if it weren't for you.

Now, highlights. It has been interesting to reflect as this process has unfolded and one of the consistent questions I have received is something along the lines of "what is the most inspiring message you have received so far from a reader?" Where do I even begin???

Here are the series of events/highlights that stand out as they gave me more confidence and motivation to continue on this path despite momentary resistance and self-doubt. 

1. While I was in the final stages of editing and designing the format of the book, I had a few people in my life who expressed interest in reading my book and offering feedback. One person in particular blew my mind in this process. My friend Andrew Elford read the book over the summer and reached out after asking to meet for coffee to talk about it. To my pleasant surprise, Andrew came to that coffee date with several pages of notes he had taken from the book. He went through each point, sharing what he loved about the book, what it sparked inside of him, and how he has never experienced a book with such a well-rounded story and offering of personal development tools. Seeing the impact that my book had on him, made me feel like my goal had been achieved. I had said throughout the making of this book that if I could have a positive impact on ONE person because of my story, then I have succeeded. To have that boost of confidence from Andrew before the book had even been published was exactly what I needed to trust and release the project into the world. Thank you Andrew!

2. I had six book launch events planned. I wanted to share as many different themes from the book as possible, and make each event unique so that someone could come to all six and get something special from each one. The biggest one was set to be the first one, at HustleCo on November 12. I walked into that event so excited and grateful. Nervousness was barely on my radar. For the first time ever, I publicly shared (by reading aloud) a part of my life that I had been so ashamed and upset by when it had occurred years ago. I was apprehensive to read the preface of my book in front of all of these people I know and love, but because of that resistance, I knew it was exactly what I needed to do. I gave everyone context into the thought process behind landing on this excerpt to read for them and gave them warning that it won't be easy to hear. I didn't realize how hard it would be to actually read it out loud. But I did. Through tears and the occasional need to stop and reground myself, I read about my experience with self harm during one of the toughest parts of my life. What came from that experience was a connection in that room with each person. Several other people in the room then shared what they had felt and thanked me for my courage. That was my first lived experience of feeling the healing effects and intimate heartfelt connection that comes from being raw and vulnerable in an attempt to empower and encourage others in a group format. I will never forget that moment. 

3. Because of that experience at the first event, I then had the courage I needed to read that excerpt again at the second event, at yyc cycle Avenida. This event may have been my favorite. it was such a unique experience on the spin bike that I am excited to recreate in the new year. We traveled through the Hero's Journey as the playlist I made had a song to match each integral step. It was like a personal development and guided meditation ride. When I read from my book after, it was hard to tell where the sweat ended and the tears began. So many sweaty hugs and deep connections made in that room. Because of that event, and the event at Wild & Raw where we talked through the Hero's Journey and began re-writing and reframing your life's story, I have realized the power and beauty in creating experiences around the Hero's journey. There will be more coming in 2018 for sure!

4. Each event I could feel myself getting more open and ready to share more of what used to make me terribly uncomfortable and embarrassed. I began receiving amazing messages from friends and strangers alike. Messages that read, "Because of what you shared, I found the courage to share more of myself with my loved ones," and "I keep your book with me everywhere I go and it makes me feel less alone," and "Hearing your words about your darkest moments has given me the courage and trust that I also can overcome and thrive." These messages have lit me up more than anything. To hear that my story has become an anchor of support and courage for others is something I am immensely grateful for.

So what now? I have been sending copies of my book to big hitters in the mental health and personal development community. Doing what I can to spread my reach and create more opportunities for speaking engagements and offers of support where it is really needed. I would love to be able to speak at schools, support groups, wellness retreats, and be in collaboration with like-minded people. 

If you have any questions, ideas, or connections for me, please reach out. This project is about creating conversation. I would love to hear from you! marinmccue@gmail.com xoxoxox

Head into the Holiday with a Fresh Perspective

Imagine you are a famous painter. You are working on the masterpiece of your lifetime on a canvas the size of a 12-story building. Although a daunting task, you choose to focus on the exhilarating nature of the opportunity. You have the supplies you have experienced needing in past projects yet you know this is unexplored territory for you. You approach this pursuit the way you have approached all other projects, one brush stroke at a time. While the finish product will be a beautiful integrated visual of everything you love in life, it can also be viewed as hundreds of small images. You step up to the blank canvas, ready to let your inspiration take over, and you begin. While you are standing close to the canvas it is as though you are zoomed in to focus on one small part of the bigger picture. You are so focused on the first image that you almost forget that there are hundreds more to complete.

The first image you paint is a sunset – a beautiful recreation of the sunset you witnessed one magical night on a vacation you took a couple years ago. You then walk a few feet to the left and paint an homage of downtown Calgary, as you have spent countless hours in awe of the monstrous buildings that create the unique view you see from your drive into the core from the outskirts. You then climb a ladder to begin painting an image of friends chatting and laughing over coffee at your favorite café in town.

Each image on their own are stunning. You have been so focused, you soon realize that you zoned out for a bit – completely enthralled by the mechanics and birth of color on canvas. You have been so “zoomed in” working on little details and making each image the best they can be. Although you feel some pressure to finish this masterpiece in an impressive and timely manner, you know you need that big picture perspective to truly create the masterpiece you once envisioned.

So you put down your paintbrush. You take several steps back as you focus on your breath and remind yourself to “slow down to speed up” and “enjoy the process” and “it’s the journey, not the destination that matters most.” From this calm and grounded mindset, you turn around to take a look at what you have created so far. You are in awe. Look how far your have come! You see the beauty and the intricate details while also seeing the gaps, the areas that need more time and attention, and the details that will pull the images together.

Before stepping back in, you allow yourself some time to just be who and where you are. You take a few notes to remind yourself of the important things you noticed when you took steps back so that you can integrate these learnings into your action. You acknowledge that even though you are a creative person, you too need inspiration. You know that even though you are a strong and confident person, you too need support and encouragement from those you love. You recognize that even though you are proud to be independent and a leader, you too need to be a learner and a student. And you believe that even though you will experience some rough patches and occasionally lose your way, all you need is to create space for yourself to step back and reignite the passion and purpose that brought that big-picture vision into reality.

As we head into this Holiday season, we need to step back and calibrate. Here are some questions to support your self-inquiry as you engage in mindful maintenance.

1. Where have you allowed one concept or definition about who you are slip into the driver seat rather than embracing the expansive complexity of you as a whole? You are not just ________, you are also ________, _________, ____________, etc. Don’t let yourself fall victim to black and white thinking.

2. What healthy habit has slipped out of your mind that once was serving you well? What will you do this week to bring it back into your routine?

3. What whispers has your body been sending your way that you have not created space for? It’s time to slow down and listen to the wisdom of your body. Sometimes generous listening is all that is needed.

4. Remind yourself: what are your big-picture goals to complete before the end of the year? What actions and reminders will you set for yourself to ensure you are in the process of creating what you desire?

Now step back in and work on that masterpiece. xoxox

My Book is finally ready for you!

What a wild ride! I am so excited to officially announce that my book is done and ready for purchase. Late on Sunday night I pressed submit and publish and ordered my first 100 copies.

This project, a year and a half in the making, is finally done and now public domain. My heart, sweat and tears have been invested fully into this book and I am nervous/excited about its completion. I know my story will not resonate with everyone and when you open yourself up fully there is always a chance that criticism or negativity can creep in. And I also know that my story will deeply resonate with many, and will potentially be the catalyst for some positive change and insights in the minds and bodies of those who need it most. To me, the potential upside definitely outweighs the potential downside. 

I hope my story makes you a bit uncomfortable and allows you to look in the mirror and ask where you have held back, where you need to heal, and what steps and actions to take first. I hope my story cracks you open to see that we all struggle and we all can benefit from being a little more raw, a little more honest and a little more vulnerable. I hope my story makes you gaze into your loved ones eyes with pure joy and contentment for this perfectly imperfect moment. I hope my story gives you hope, ideas, insights and motivation to dig deep and push outside your comfort zone. And most of all, I hope my story brings you to a place of courage as you reflect on your own story and re-frame your experiences to be the strong foundation beneath your feet versus the weight on your back. 

To assist in your journey, I would love to have you attend one of my book launch events to practice this work and put it into action. Here again is the brief overview of each event... 

1. Sunday November 12 (4-6pm) at HustleCo

**Free Event to celebrate and connect. Register here...

2. Sunday November 19 (4-6pm) YYC CYCLE AVENIDA

*This event will include a spin class inspired by the theme of the book - taking you on a journey with each intentional track. Followed by some snacks, stretching and a short book reading. 

3. Saturday November 25 (2-5pm) at LIV YOGA + WELLNESS

*Be the Change with Yoga Beat. Join me for a sweaty and inspired yoga beat class as we move through the chakras and build a deeper mind-body connection. We will then move through a short workshop that will support your understanding of the important relationship between your conscious and subconscious. Includes copy of my book.

4. Sunday November 26 (630-830pm) at Wild & Raw

*This is a writing workshop that will incorporate delicious brain foods as we learn how to reframe your life's events to be the empowering foundation beneath your feet rather than the weight on your book. Learn how to use the Hero's Journey format to write your life's story. Link for registration not open yet - reach out if you would like to reserve your spot ($25 registration - books available for purchase at event)!

5. Sunday December 10 (9-1030am) at SAJE (just off 17th ave)

*Join me for a morning of Yin / Yang yoga with themes and readings from my book. This is a free community event. Opportunity to purchase my book at the event. 

6. Thursday December 14 (630-830pm) at LOLE (on 17th ave)

*Join me for an evening of YIN yoga and connection. This is a free community event. 

Reach out for more details or with questions. I am always happy to connect. Hopefully see you soon xox

Mindful Transitions - post on Wild & Raw blog

I am very excited to be a part of the Wild & Raw ambassador team this Fall. Part of this program involves instagram takeovers, blog posts, events, collaborations and a whole lot of fun. Head to Wild & Raw and mention my name to get a 10% discount on your order. Trust me, it's worth checking out! Not sure what to order? Ask the amazing staff what they would suggest as you describe how you are feeling and what you enjoy. ;)

Here is my first blog contribution to the wild & raw website. Check it out. At the bottom I have the link that will take you to their website so you can learn more about this wonderful family owned business in the heart of Kensington. 

M I N D F U LT R A N S I T I O N S
written by Marin McCue

Just as the seasons change, so to our mind and body goes through cycles, phases and periods of stagnancy and growth. As the air gets crisper, the leaves change color and move from taking space in the sky to covering the ground beneath our feet, and the days get shorter, our inner environment is also shifting. We are called to create and be in new experiences and routines that will accommodate and flow with the changing external environment.

I want to tackle the question:
What are some mindful ways to transition into the Fall?

Summer is a time for exploration, adventure, energy and passion. It can feel like a huge shift when we enter the Fall and we hear and feel our body asking for comfort, warmth and routine. The change of pace can be enough to halt our progress and cause stagnancy as we fight the natural flow of the seasons and long for more sunshine and heat. But what you resist, persists. A great lesson in life is to surrender to what is.

With that preamble, let’s dive into five great practices to bring into your repertoire to support your smooth transition this Fall.

1. NON-NEGOTIABLE SELF-CARE // Open up your calendar and schedule quality you-time. A block of time that you commit to as an important appointment with your self. Take yourself to your fave café (Wild & Raw has a great atmosphere for this sort of thing), get yourself a warm elixir or energizing shake, and sit down to put pen to paper. Start with a big question you have been grappling with and allow yourself some space and time to explore the conversation and pull the wisdom out that is waiting to be heard.

2. BRAIN FOOD // Organize a book club with a small group of friends. Create a short book list that sparks your curiosity and excitement to learn and explore. Here are a few of my faves:

• Rising Strong by Brene Brown
• The Untethered Soul by Micheal Singer
• But What If We Are Wrong? By Chuck Klosterman
• How Emotions are Made by Lisa Feldman Barrett
• The Gifts of Our Compulsions by Mary O’Malley
• Nourishing Wisdom by Marc David

3. MINDFUL EATING // Sign up for a mindful cooking and eating class. We are lucky in Calgary to have so many amazing small businesses and entrepreneurs who specialize in this sort of thing. Everyone at Wild & Raw and the other three powerhouse ambassadors are a great place for you to start your research. We all get into ruts and needs some support and inspiration to try new things and learn more about how we can heal and empower our own mind and body through food.

4. JOURNALING // Commit to 30 days (or more) of nightly journaling. Make note of the words you are over-using in your vocabulary and what words or mantras you want to bring into your vocabulary. Capture your patterns of self-talk that take you down into low energy or limiting beliefs about who you are or what you are capable of, and then follow a series of Q & A as you challenge yourself on the truth of those statements and how you could shift your perspective to allow for more compassion, growth and imperfection in your journey. And finish off with recording what you are proud of and grateful for.

5. GOALS + BOUNDARIES // Commit to your personal goals and boundaries. Bring on the holidays, the family dinners, the work and friend’s parties, and the many reasons to neglect your personal time or commitments for the sake of pleasing others. Take some time this month to get clear on what your goals are as we lead into the end of 2017 so that you come out the other end refreshed, energized and motivated to keep your momentum going. As I like to say – and I am sure many others have said this before me –the world will find boundaries within your boundaries.So make and set clear boundaries, share your goals and curiosities with those around you, and allow the intuitive nature of the Fall to open you up to the wisdom and possibilities within you and all around you.

Be the Change - Book Launch series

What better way to celebrate the completion and release of my first book then to get people together to connect, move and grow! This project took a year and a half to complete, and I am excited to share the work and the conversations that this book brings into the world. 

I have put together a series of book launch events and workshops so that the deeper purpose behind the book - connection, practice and self-inquiry - can be the forefront of the journey.

I will add all the live registration links once they are created, in the meantime, please reach out to reserve your spot and I will send you the link once it is ready (marinmccue@gmail.com).

Here is a brief overview of each event: 

The first event on this list is in the largest space and is intended to be an interactive celebration as we come together to connect and hear my story about writing the book and the purpose behind the book. 

Sunday November 12, 4-6pm at Hustle Co

The second event will be at my spin studio yyc cycle Avenida. This event will start with a full 50 minute spin class with a special twist. I will lead you through the Hero's Journey on your bike, followed by some snacks and a short book reading.

Sunday November 19, 4-6pm at YYC Cycle Avenida

The third event will be at LIV yoga & wellness. This event will incorporate a personal development element. Take part in a conversation as we dive into a short exercise to understand the relationship between your conscious and subconscious and the many ways to calm your fight or flight system as it is overactive and triggered several times throughout your day. We will review the chakra energy system and use this to support our powerful, fun and sweaty Yoga Beat class. A short book reading, some snacks, and an opportunity to opt into some homework with follow-up to put your new found inspiration into practice. 

Saturday November 25, 2-5pm at LIV - Be the Change with Yoga Beat

The fourth event will be at Wild & Raw in Kensington on Sunday November 26, 630pm-830pm. Come ready to explore multiple realities as we play with multiple perspectives within your own life's story. The words we choose to use when we relay our story, relive it in our mind or avoid parts due to pain, all creates the vibration of how we view life, what is possible, and where we are headed. 

This informative workshop will incorporate intentional journaling to reframe your story to be the powerful foundation beneath your feet versus the weight on your back. I will share my story (as well as read excerpts from my book), share my process and guide you through an interactive process of goal setting, action formulating, routine generating and writing your way into a new way of thinking and being.  

While we are doing some deep introspection we will also keep things light and fun by engaging in playful exercises, sharing stories, and seeing the many ways we can cause more suffering or more joy with simple shifts in our language, posture and breath. Come learn more about this fascinating mind-body connect ;)

*Link to register will be posted soon

The fifth event will be at Saje Natural Wellness, (130 - 880 16 Avenue SW). Come with your yoga mat, ready to wake your body up. A gentle and invigorating yoga practice on Sunday morning followed by a book reading in savasana and an opportunity to shop at Saje before they open.

Sunday December 10, 9am Yoga at Saje

The sixth event is at Lole (911 17 Ave SW). An evening of conversation around how to create an evening routine that nourishes your mind and body, followed by a Yang/Yin yoga class and a book reading. 

Thursday December 15, 630-830pm Yoga @ Lole

The Home-Stretch into the Next Chapter

I just finished the final read through of my book to complete the notes for edits and additions. Before receiving the test copy of the book, I felt 80% confident that it was powerful and ready for the world. And now, I am now 98% sure. I don't know what it would take to get me to 100% - perhaps I am too realistic to believe in anything 100%. 

It was such an amazing moment when I opened that package and held the first real copy of my book in my hands. What a surreal experience. The test copy was exactly what I needed to see the book with fresh eyes and ensure the thread that weaves the book together is seen and felt throughout the story. 

It was also really neat to read my own words and receive some insight that sparked positive change in my current mindset. Our lives are complex, and our minds are even more complex. Some of the great lessons and ideas that have improved many areas of my quality of life continue to show up to instill the wisdom of their simple and adaptive power. 

While this blog post is intended to shed some more light on my book and it's upcoming release, I also want to share more about where I have learned and grown the most in the last few weeks. So read through the next few paragraphs if you would like to go on a journey with me, otherwise, scroll to the end to find a short video with an excerpt from my book.

I have been working with a really amazing coach recently. She is a good friend that I coached a couple years ago, and now that she is almost done a year long coaching program, I thought it would be a great synchronistic relationship to invest in. I have been hesitant to engage in a coaching relationship as I have been quite motivated on my own, love to coach myself, and am surrounded by coaches and inspiring individuals that elevate me daily. I wasn't sure what I would get out of engaging with another coach as a coachee. But I am so glad that I went for it. In three sessions over a couple of months, I feel like I got the tune-up and redirect that I didn't realize I needed. 

While I have been quite successful in adopting a growth mindset in many facets of my life, there are bound to be some angles or ways of being that are a little stickier as the navigation from fixed to growth mindset can be a bumpy ride. 

I have been in the conversation with many people - for months - about the process of protecting your own energy as you engage with clients, friends or family members that are living with more darkness or are deep in struggle. I have been gathering anecdotal experiences and tools to try from many different people. "Here is what works for me" is a common way we offer learnings and engage in these types of inquisitive conversations. 

I have heard ideas like,

• "take some time to meditate before stepping into these difficult conversations to ensure you are grounded and protected"
• "zip up an energetic cloak before stepping into those environments and zip it off after as you step out of the situation"
• "rub your entire body off gently as if to dust off the energy that is not yours to carry"
• "wash your arms up to the elbows"
• "allow yourself to be a vessel as the conversation moves through you but does not become a part of you"

I found all of these suggestions to be fascinating and creative, and while my intention was to try them out, none of them felt like me - it felt inauthentic to engage in any of them - and I was left struggling with my own resistance and feeling like I was not a good enough coach if I didn't possess this "self-protective" skill.

In comes my lovely unicorn of a coach. The first two sessions we had together she invited me to participate in an exercise to discover my "essence." Different than core values, your essence is the energetic experience others have while in your presence. It is discovered through vulnerable and real conversations with those close to you, as you record the answers to a couple succinct questions. 

While your core values are concepts you strive to live by and create the foundation from which your choices and feelings of success, value and purpose come from; your essence exudes from your being and leaves a lasting impression on those around you. 

I love stuff like that, and while I truly appreciated this exercise, I also do very similar activities with my clients and with myself. It was great to receive another tool of exploration, but for me to really commit to a coaching relationship that I will need to invest money and time into I want something bigger, deeper and more growth-inducing.

Our third session I was asked what I was curious to explore and wanted to talk about. I responded that I am very curious to talk energy, how to protect it from others influence, and how I can use this to be a better coach. Great. It's on. 

I picked up her call on Thursday night, sitting in a cafe with my notebook ready to take some notes. She started by asking me what value I want to get out of this call; what do I want to walk away with? My response was that I wanted more tools and more ideas of ways to protect my energy and be more confident in how I show up with clients. 

She repeats it back to me and I agree that is what I want. We begin to get into a conversation around this request and what has brought me to this point. I explain my predicament, the compounding self-talk that results, and my attempt at trying different techniques but not feeling good about any of them.

She begins asking me question after question that moves my focus to different aspects of the situation that I had not been paying much attention to. She repeats back my responses to ensure she is hearing me correctly and then offers some insights in what she is hearing from me. What assumptions have I made? What have I made that mean? Is that true? Where else do I notice this pattern? What is becoming more clear here? Sounds like you are in the practice of trying to be perfect, is that possible? What else is possible?

The journey these Qs - and many others - took me on was brilliant. I was supported to pull insight and learnings from other areas of my life to find wisdom in this current struggle. I had been so fixated on the concept of protecting my energy I had lost sight of some of my core operating principles. I am an improviser, a perfectly imperfect compassionate and creative person, and I enjoy having a positive impact on others. When I had been noticing my energy being influenced by others or when I walked away from conversations and didn't feel like I had really impacted that person as much I wanted to, I was allowing myself to sit in limiting beliefs and judgement around what it needs to look like to be a coach. Because I thought I needed to protect myself, anytime I felt my energy get depleted or drawn into someone else's struggle, I would judge myself for being wrong or weak. This judgement would seduce me down a rabbit hole and shunt off my ability to rise above and access my higher self, which resides in my consciousness. When we are triggered or stuck in thought patterns, we are in our subconscious habits and limited to our naive experience rather than the vast openness and connectivity that we access in our conscious mind. I want to be in the vast openness! But because I was fighting my reactions, looking for protection, and judging myself for not being able to protect myself, I was simply getting in my own way. 

I realized that while I am great at pausing after my initial reaction to allow space for my higher self to respond, I was limiting myself by looking for the silver-lining, trying to create the positive upswing, or basically, searching for my next quick hit of happy chemicals that would get me out of this low vibration feeling. My coach helped me realize that my need for control was getting in the way of my equal need and desire to be an improviser. And my desire for positivity was skewing my ability to be neutral and content.

One of the things I say all the time, "we need to be content with our discontentment." And I had been so fixated on trying to find ways to "protect" my energy, I had lost sight of my bigger need and want to be collaborative, vulnerable, open, trusting and strong. I can feel the emotion at hand, I can be in the struggle and feel the pain of myself or those around me, and I do not need to control the situation. I need to trust more in my ability to learn, guide, lead by example, and fuel up by being neutral instead of seeking elation or avoiding depression. This is intimacy without attachment, something I abide by in so many other areas of my life.

Timing is such a magical and wonderful thing. I love that I am in the home stretch of getting my book out into the world. I love that these coaching conversations happened in such a powerful way while I finished editing my book and could see these same lessons and realizations had happened for me already and just needed to be relearned in the relatively new territory in my life as a coach. 

Now I am that much more attuned and ready to grow and flow through the next several months that I am carving out to be big and bold. I am more aware to notice my pattern of judgement, my desire to feel good, and my tendency to get rattled when I want control and don't have it.

I am ready to practice neutrality and teach myself that I can be open and connected while also remaining neutral as the witness behind the scenes. From this space of neutrality I have access to the space for improvisation and my higher level of thinking and being. 

Another layer has been shed. Another level of awareness has been accessed. Another chapter to embark on. This Fall season has me feeling grateful and excited for what is and what is to come. 

Now, back to my book. With the last few edits now sent off to my graphic designer and a conversation in process to get a well-known and inspiring yyc entrepreneur to write a foreword, we truly are in the home stretch. My goal is to have the final copy sent in before the end of this month, and then the book will be ready for purchase by mid October. 

I will be planning and promoting workshops and a book launch event once the dates for publishing are more clear. So stay tuned, and thank you for all of your support and love. xoxo