HOW TO HANDLE SET-BACK
“Set-backs” are subjective. It is all about your mindset and relationship with these integral moments of learning and growth. If you change your relationship with fear and “failure” can you see how your experience with these qualities would be impacted?
Anyone can dream big and set goals, but it is in the ACTION and our ability to walk and thrive through the fire that determines our level of success and well-being.
Take a moment to do some self-study…
What is your current relationship (or habitual reaction) when faced with:
1) an opportunity to SHINE
2) constructive feedback on something you care deeply about
3) the possibility of “failure”
4) love from another and self-love
Our impulsive reactions are habits that are deeply ingrained with the intention of protection and/or seeking safety. I have found this to be one of the simplest reminders; if i am feeling defensive, resistance, overwhelmed, overthinking, distracted, or avoidant, these are all signals that my mind-body does not feel safe and is reacting with habits that serve to protect what feels vulnerable. While there are many ways to address this imbalance and reassure your system that you are safe, this first phase is focused on HOW WE THINK. If you have a deep-rooted belief that “failure” is disastrous, or that perfection is expected, or that it is too risky to be seen or loved, then you will manifest this as a self-fulfilling prophecy. We see what we already believe and we attract more of what we think about, for better or for worse.
The attitude or relationship you notice with certain people or concepts come from your beliefs. You can’t change other people by focusing on them. You can’t change the reality of fear or set-backs or struggle in life, but you can change your relationship and what you make these things mean. The way you talk to yourself, the stories and meaning you project and repeat, and the repetitive action you take, all create your unique perception of life.
To change our deeply ingrained beliefs we need to be patient, curious and self-aware so we can notice when the grips of our past takes hold on the possibility of the fresh moment. Old beliefs that maybe saved you one time as a young child, become limitations in our evolution as adults. Assessing and changing beliefs is a vital part of re-parenting and healing these old wounds. Limiting Beliefs have a resonance of tunnel vision, they are deflating, and generally are aligned with black and white thinking. They also generally have a facile quality, meaning, they appear neat and comprehensive only by ignoring the true complexities of an issue. Even if these limiting beliefs have an iota of truth in them, they are too rigid and sticky to encompass the more expansive truth that is more aligned with the human condition.
Alright, let’s wrap this up with some homework!
Here are three steps to build your mindful armor (versus reactive armor) to handle and flourish through your set-backs:
1) Envision what you truly desire
My good friend Mandy Balak, founder of Ace Class, led a meditation this week with the theme of innovation and beliefs. She asked us this question several times and I have had so much fun playing with it in my journal…
“What is the truest, most beautiful ________ of my life?”
This is an opportunity to plug different aspects of your life into this one potent quality question and create a vision of your deepest desires.
What do you desire for your intimate relationship(s)?
What do you desire and envision for your own business?
What would be the most beautiful expression of your ideal day?
What is the truest possibility for your relationship with yourself? Give it a try!
2) Create a Mental Model that guides and reminds you how to “lean into struggle”
A mental model is a blueprint from something you know well, placed on top of something you desire to shift in how you relate to it. For example, I know how to train for a half marathon in a way that is fun, patient and includes lots of struggle. I can then write out a metaphor of what it takes to successfully run a half-marathon and then use that blueprint to keep me steady and focused in other areas of my life where struggle seems to have a more deflating impact on me. What do you know well?? “Life is like a box of chocolates?” WHY? Play with writing it out in depth as a metaphor and see what arises as you place that blueprint on the area of your life that has been causing you suffering.
3) Commit to a Daily Routine
What you do daily matters more than what you do once and a while. We all need to have space and energy in our mind and body in order to be self-aware and capable of choosing a mindful response after an impulsive reaction. We need to build the habit of reflection, self-study, and ensure that we are doing what we can to befriend our nervous system and get access to our rest & digest state. I have a FREE morning routine 21 day challenge that can support you with this. If you are not a morning person, then commit to an evening routine instead.
If you are curious to learn more, please reach out to connect. I would love to hear from you. xoxox