Social Media Awareness Challenge update

It is no secret that social media sheds light on a fascinating paradox. These tools of connection, used for extended periods of time, tend to leave people more lonely and depressed, whether they are consciously aware of it or not. The good-feeling boosts we get from our online status become addictive, yet they pale in comparison to the deeper and more complex good-vibes we get from face to face interaction.

I have been paying close attention to my own addiction to my handheld device, and at the beginning of 2019 I made a commitment to retrain my relationship with social media. {for my previous blog post on this challenge, read here}.

To be completely honest, my social media self-imposed boundaries have slipped a bit in the past few weeks. Initially this challenge began due to my realization (over many weeks) that I was/am addicted to my phone. Every moment of pause - standing in line, at a red light, walking to and from places, or on the couch at night, I aimlessly scroll through my social media. I knew this was not a habit I wanted to continue with.

At first I tried to consciously limit my time on my phone, using will-power and discipline alone. But of course, habits are strong, and even when I knew I didn’t want to scroll through instagram, I would find myself doing it anyways.

So, boundaries. I decided to delete the instagram app immediately after using it, and would not re-install it until once home at the end of the day when I had an intentional post/message to share. I also made an effort to ensure that anytime I went onto a social media platform, I would comment/connect with at least one person.

This shift in my routine was exactly what I needed. I retrained my mind to use social media as a tool for connection and to stop wasting energy and time scrolling as a distraction or avoidance of my current reality.

For two weeks now, I have stopped deleting the app. I rarely ever find myself scrolling mindlessly now, but it does happen occasionally. Although I catch myself quickly and I now have more energy available to remind myself to close the app and re-connect with what is actually around me at that time, I know I still have some learning and retraining to do with social media.

I run a business and of course I need/want social media to support my marketing efforts. And I am mindful that I want to be extremely conscious and deliberate in what I choose to share and how my sharing can impact others in their relationship with social media.

While reading the latest edition of Psychology Today, I stumbled across an inspiring article that spoke directly to what I have been experiencing. A short review of a new book called Digital Minimalism by Cal Newport.

It starts with:

“Newport, a computer science professor at Georgetown committed to helping people carve out a focused life in a culture rife with distraction, has consumed the data on just how hooked many of us have become on handheld social media delivery systems. For him, the problem with smartphones is essentially one of control. “Few want to spend so much time online,” he writes, “but these tools have a way of cultivating behavioral addictions,” and subsequently generating mental, spiritual, and even physical exhaustion. “

His proposed cure? DIGITAL MINIMALISM. {For full article, read here}.

The article continues with some interesting and predictable results from testing a digital minimalism challenge with a group of volunteers. While, for some, it was quite literally a detox from a deeply addictive habit, in the end, the “…participants found themselves in the enviable position of having a blank-slate digital life to rewrite any way they pleased, but ideally with intentionality and limits.”

Another beautiful insight form Newport’s work is that while technology has expanded what is possible for our lives, it has also created a feasible result of potentially eradicating any and all free space and time for self-reflection or simply being with our own thoughts. Without self-study, witnessing, or being in the practice of noticing our thoughts and patterns, we will remain in habits that don’t serve us, our growth trajectory will plateau, and our busy-minds will get busier and louder until a breaking point.

So, here I am again, ready to commit and play with the boundaries in my relationship with social media to ensure I use it as a tool and not as an escape. I do not open any apps in the morning until I have moved through my morning routine. I do not open social media unless I have a purpose and plan. I plug my phone in by 9pm at the latest each night, and give my mind and body space to be and space to breathe.

Let’s do it together :)

Dear Little Me

Inner-Child Work

I believe there is a young, naive, scarred and scared inner-child within us all. One of the activities I support clients through is writing a letter to their inner child. Not only is it a healing process to move through as an exercise, it also offers depth and ideas of ways to talk to your inner child when you feel his/her grip as an impulse or compulsive reaction. What we deny, avoid or run from, ends up controlling us. When you shine your loving light and attention on the various subconscious characters that take the wheel, you give them space to move and release on their own. If you have the intention of releasing or removing these characters, they can get stronger instead of weaker. When your intention is simply holding loving space, meeting the sensations and emotions, you allow your wise system to do the work for you.

I highly recommend you carve out 20 minutes to write a love letter to little-you. Tell him or her what you needed to hear when you were young. Send thanks, love, appreciation, praise, gratitude, forgiveness, a warm embrace, and full acceptance.

As an example, here is my letter ;)

Dear Mare Bear,

I love you. I love your sass, your strength, and your humor. I love your tenacity. I love that you would walk into the room as a five year old and fully believe you are the strongest person in the room. I love how you never shy away from conflict and are willing to literally step in with your fists up when it means protecting those you love.

I am sorry for every time I let you believe that you weren’t enough. I am sorry for letting you compare and judge your body on a daily basis, and for allowing you to think for years that your size was a testament to how worthy you are of love. I am sorry that you heard and saw so many examples of poor nutrition, toxic self-talk and unhealthy relationships with food. It’s not your fault. You were young, impressionable. You knew you were destined for great things in this life and you did everything you could with the information and support you had. You are perfectly imperfect.

I know you were doing the best that you could.

I know that your heart is pure and full of love.

I know that even when you showed up as a bully, it wasn’t intended to be malicious and you didn’t know the long term impacts such actions could have.

I forgive you for every temper tantrum, every lie you told, every dollar you stole, and every cruel comment you expressed. I forgive you, and I give you full permission to forgive and love yourself.

I love you and am so grateful for who you are and who you have grown into being.

From now on, anytime I feel you creep to the surface needing attention, I promise to slow down and listen. I see you. You don’t have to hide or pretend to be something that you are not. I hear you. You don’t have to worry about saying the wrong thing, being left out, being made fun of, or trying to impress anyone. I love you, for who you are, for who you wanted to be before you were ready, for who you knew you could be, for who you needed to be, and for who you have allowed me to become.

Little me, I love you.

For more activities like this one, reach out to inquire about one on one coaching, group workshops, team building, or my upcoming online program. Head here to register your email and receive the first two chapters of my book for free (which has lots of exercises and resources to play with as well).

I am gathering emails of people who want to be a part of some test-piloting for a couple programs I am creating. If you’re intrigued, hit me up ;)

marinmccue@gmail.com

A little about me

My Philosophy:

I am deeply influenced by the work of many big thinkers, philosophers, authors, facilitators and entrepreneurs who have come before me and who are currently making waves in the world. While I have created a unique system that aligns with my experience and wisdom, I continue to learn, adapt and evolve as a coach.

My coaching philosophy is rooted in connection, empowerment, physical movement and co-created support. I have many tools and ideas to share and teach, but I also know that each client has their own knowing and wisdom that needs to be uncovered and trusted.

My goal is to always work myself out of the job. I want my clients to walk away with the skills needed to be a life-long goal setter, a coach in their own life, and a resilient and powerful individual who stands tall in alignment with their own core values, essence and purpose.  

My background:

I would like to say I have always felt this strong, this comfortable, and this resilient to the turbulent ride life can be, but that's not true. Looking back, I see strength, I see resilience, I see growth and learning, I see passion and a deep-rooted desire to be someone that makes a difference, but that's not how I felt while going through it. Life is fucking hard. We live moving forward, but we learn and grow by reflecting back. My past has many chapters, as does yours. My story picks up pace once I graduated from High School in 2004 and played division 1 basketball at San Diego State on a full ride scholarship. It was at this point in my life that I realized that having outward goals is not enough to create the happiness I was striving for. I had everything I had worked for, yet I hit the lowest point in my life. 

I came back to Canada and graduated from the University of Alberta in 2009 as a Philosophy Major (U of A being the fourth University I attended before I finally settled). While studying philosophy I developed a love for intentional introspection and playing with "formulas" that show how to create happiness, how to live a full life, how to change your mindset, and any other internal struggle (or curiosity) that sparked passionate interest. 

I began working at lululemon athletica a month after graduating and instantly loved the support system and the free access to any studio or gym anywhere in the world. This was the catalyst for my love of yoga, which I now teach and have embedded yoga philosophy roots in my coaching services. As a manager I became fascinated by the philosophy and psychology of leadership and how closely connected it is to what I learned as a leader on my sports teams. I began to study, practice, and implement these tools I was learning. 

I was intrigued and drawn to the process of goal setting and goal coaching others, and soon became the go-to person for goal coaching. During my 6 years at lululemon, I conducted over 100 goal setting sessions, either 1 on 1 or in small groups. I began branching out and leading goal coaching for small businesses, sports teams, and clubs and loved my ability to get creative and build something unique that catered to each individual or group's needs and curiosities. What started as an intriguing opportunity at work had become my passion. I finally had an answer to this question that I had sat with for years: "If I could do anything all day and somehow make a living off of it, what would it be?" I had my 'fuck yes'. My answer: inspire people to reach their goals and live the life they want to lead. 

That huge first step of finally knowing what I wanted to do with my life and having the tools and know-how to make it happen was such an exciting and motivating feeling. But it is only the first of many big leaps and learning's along this intentional and self-motivated path. It was February 2015 when I took the leap to start dope(a)me as a business and set out to create something new and adventurous as an entrepreneur. It has been a whirlwind and everyday I am grateful and excited about the life that I am leading.

Since the launch of my business, I have moved through countless workshops, seminars, courses and trainings to deepen my own healing and offerings to clients. And I don’t plan on stopping that learning trajectory anytime soon.

For more information about who I am or what I offer, continue perusing through my website, check out my book, or simply reach out (marinmccue@gmail.com).

I would love to connect. xox

Know your Machine

Know your Machine

Join me for this exploration of the complexity of your machine, how to navigate, and what verbiage shifts will support the process.

There is a lot more to our actions than what appears on the surface. We are driven by our habits, experience, intentions, assumptions, beliefs, and chemical makeup. I can easily confuse myself when I allow my wheels to wildly spin, second-guessing, and playing devil's advocate as I decide what actions to take and what direction to head in. And when I act from emotions, or react to stress, or make decisions when I am unsettled, I witness the dysfunction that arises when I operate from impulse rather than respond with deliberate and conscious discernment.

I struggled for years trying to learn how to trust my "gut." I still need to pause and test out whether I am being driven by fear or am being guided by something bigger than the habitual buzz of mind-chatter. 

What is intuition? Do we have a connection to a higher power or higher self that offers hints, feelings, or guidance? How is this different from our mind-chatter? Which voice do we listen to?

I have struggled with these questions for a while now. I grew up with a self-sabotage self-talk habit, and often was drawn to act and speak in ways that harmed myself or others. My intuition, if there is such a thing, was lost behind the loud chaos in my mind. I went from being a confident and courageous girl into a fearful and depressed teenager. My un-becoming into adulthood has been a process of re-finding my voice, and learning how to harness my power, passion, and trust, to create a direction of intention and purpose. 

What began as strategic goals and challenges, morphed into intentional living with a flow and trust in my own inner-knowing. But how did I get to this place? What have I learned? How can you find your unique intuitive knowing versus getting trapped in the mind-chatter?

A good place to start

Heuristics

In Daniel Kahneman’s book "Thinking, Fast and Slow", he educates us on the power of heuristics. Heuristics are short-cuts in our mental search for understanding, and can often be misunderstood as intuition, or objective truth. Kahneman says, “the technical definition of a heuristic is a simple procedure that helps find adequate, though often imperfect, answers to difficult questions. The word comes from the same root as ‘eureka’.”

One of the most common is the Availability Heuristic, which is the reliance on information that comes to mind with ease when contemplating a topic or decision. Because of a recent experience, strongly charged past experience or a story you have heard, the way you perceive things will be colored and filtered through what examples come readily to your mind.

For example, as you think about what to eat for lunch, your mind will generate ideas based on what you have eaten recently and what is readily available in the fridge. Or, when you are deciding whether to sign up for a self-development course that will be an investment of time and money, part of your decision process will be based on your most recent experience with investments, time commitments, and registered courses. Although these experiences might have nothing to do with what your mind and body actually needs, it will skew your perception of what you consider to be important and relevant facts. Basically, we learn from our limited experience, so the examples we come up with will be aligned with what we know, which is not always the same as what is "true" or what is needed. Common sense right?

Kahneman says, “My intuitive impression could be due entirely to journalists’ choices of topics and to my reliance on the availability heuristic…The situation has provided a cue; this cue has given the expert access to information stored in memory, and the information provides the answer. Intuition is nothing more and nothing less than recognition.”

There are also Affect Heuristics, “…where judgements and decisions are guided directly by feelings of liking and disliking, with little deliberation or reasoning” (Kahneman). How often have you made a decision based on a feeling of repulsion or attraction without a reasonable explanation either way? I know I have. We don’t like feeling uncomfortable or uncertain. But the reality of our existence is that there is a lot of uncertainty.

For example, a few days ago I was invited to go to the movie theater with some of my siblings and my mom. I became overwhelmed with anxiety when I considered meeting up for this movie date. Had I simply reacted from that sensation, I would have either refused the invitation and struggled with guilt and confusion, or I would have shown up steeped in anxiety and surely would have experienced a stressful situation. But I have learned that my physiology is constantly reacting to various stimuli, and my basic affect is not necessarily aligned with reality. So I sat with the sensation. I tracked the anxiety and noticed the fluttering in my chest. It then began to increase and rise up into my throat, and I had a few moments of noticing extreme tension in my throat. I stayed with it and kept breathing, holding space for the sensation. And within a few moments, it completely subsided, leaving me in an open and neutral state. It was at that point that I was able to check in with myself and make a decision aligned with what I truly desire rather than what I have been habituated into feeling based on past experiences.

What I truly want is connection, healthy relationships with my family members, and the ability to lead by example in positive and powerful ways. So I accepted the invitation and was able to show up and be with my family with presence and acceptance. Had I ignored, avoided, or made that initial sensation of anxiety mean something more than simple physiological reactions based on my past, I would have missed out on a beautiful opportunity to continue retraining my relationship with those I love most.

We are inundated with sensation and stimuli every second. And while some things feel good as they come with bursts of happy chemicals, as soon as our happy chemicals simmer down, we are back into a state of searching for threats to our existence. Although this is not happening consciously, we feel the uneasiness that this search creates and we often look to explain it by our immediate surroundings or upcoming decisions or use the “ego” as an immediate scapegoat (more on that below).

Another shortcut in our thinking comes in the form of Intuitive Heuristics, which occur “…when faced with a difficult question, we often answer an easier one instead, usually without noticing the substitution” (Kahneman). For example, how often have you broken down a big decision into a list of pros and cons? We look to the parts that make up the big decision as a way to avoid the enormity of the decision as it is. We try so hard to make the “right choice” and will do everything within our power to analyze and look at the many factors. At the end of the day, the “right choice” is the one that provides more space, energy and opportunity, and that really is a matter of perspective and mindset.

My understanding of intuition is that it is guidance from what we have learned in past experiences, which is why it can lead us astray. Here is an anecdotal example: perhaps when you were younger your house was broken into while you were home. You saw the burglar, dressed all in black and face covered with a ski mask. Perhaps they saw you and ran off, leaving you terrified and scarred from this alarming experience. Whether you consciously realize or not, you may have "learned" that when you are alone, you are not safe. Or, perhaps people dressed all in black, or someone wearing a ski mask, is not to be trusted. So let’s say, ten years later, you meet a new potential business partner and not only are they dressed all in black, but you see a framed picture on the wall of this person at the ski hill wearing - you guessed it - a ski mask. Now, alarms might go off in your head, and because you don't remember the burglar incident - or you never consciously made the connection - your gut will do a flip and you might assume this is your intuition telling you to beware of this person. After more investigation, perhaps this person does end up being a poor choice for collaboration. So, do we call this a coincidence, serendipity, intuition, or a self-fulfilling prophecy? It’s all a matter of perspective and you will believe whatever aligns with your perspective on life.

As you can see, we are complex creatures with complex minds. What I suggest, and personally subscribe to, "don't believe everything you think." Acknowledge your thoughts and emotions, but be wary of attaching or being swept away by the moment at hand. I view these intuitive musings and feelings as tools for exploration and discovery. It is a whisper to dig deeper, to stay open, to dance with the moment and play with possibilities. Intuition feels like flow, rhythm, and trust. It is not a magical flashlight that shines only on facts and objective truths. Nothing of value is that simple or stagnant. Intuition shines on the questions we should be asking, not the answers.

When we can create a state of calm, openness, and receptivity to our surroundings, we foster an inner-environment that can calculate decisions with ease, grounded in our direction of choice. This is why I find it so helpful to have clear goals, an intention for the day, and questions that I am curious to investigate. I view this as fuel for my intuitive heuristic power. I know I have insight and inspiration within me, and when I get out of my own way and embrace the uncertainty of life, these moments of creative genius seem to flow in with much greater consistency. And the more I clear out past traumas and see the patterns that are obstructing my growth, the more pure (and grounded in what I desire versus what I have experienced) my intuition becomes.

Elizabeth Gilbert speaks to our creative powers in her book Big Magic. She says, “we are all walking repositories of buried treasure.” When we can live our life driven by curiosity, rather than fear, we embody openness and discovery versus stagnancy and resistance. Intuition is found when we let go of our need for perfection. When we let the mess of trial and error be an important part of the process, we have more energy and awareness to notice opportunities.

I believe that to tap into a fluidity and inspiration of intuition, we must acknowledge how our habits and fear try to rule us. I do not trust the first thought that comes into my mind. I play with it. I converse with it. I ask myself questions that help me understand where I have been and what I am working towards. I talk it through with people I trust. I write about it. And after all of that, then I am ready to have an opinion or make a big decision. But when there is no time for investigation, I let my heuristical power take the lead and I acknowledge it for what it is. In the end, I am doing the best that I can, and that is all that matters. 

System 1 and System 2

Relying on heuristics is not necessarily a bad way to operate. On the contrary, we save a lot of energy as heuristics are efficient in their problem solving skills. However, we also have the option to slow down and think things through more pragmatically and thoughtfully. Kahneman refers to these two Thinking Systems as System 1 and System 2. Upon further evaluation, it becomes clear that these two systems line up nicely with Jonathan Haidt’s Elephant and Rider metaphor, from his book "The Happiness Hypothesis".

System 1 is like the Elephant, also known as the reptilian brain and emotional brain. This system behaves instinctively, pulling information from experience and immediate surroundings to make decisions based on habit, survival and emotion. This system is always the first to react and houses enough strength to gain your attention regardless of whatever else is going on.

System 1 is the combination of the brainstem and the limbic system. The brainstem is the first to develop in our evolution, and it is where we gain our basic life functioning. As well, it is where we house the traumas too painful to be stored and remembered - not remembered but still in our system and effecting our body-budget (energy). This is also the home of the Autonomic Nervous System (Sympathetic NS - Fight or Flight; and Parasympathetic NS - Rest & Digest), which is our survival mechanisms. The cerebellum is part of the unconscious system, and is referred to as a "cook" because it takes in stimuli from above (conscious thought and deliberate action) or below (impulses and instinctive reactions) and discerns what is the relevant information to protect and prolong your survival - and discards the rest.

Second to develop after the brainstem, is the limbic system; the chemical and emotional brain. It is here that emotion is mediated, feelings surface, memory is stored, and habits are kept. While a lot is happening in the subconscious - approximately 40 million nerve impulses per second - there is no language here. It is all chemicals and feelings.

Our emotions are produced through the amygdala which works with the hippocampus, deciphering the cocktail of chemicals, predictions, and past experiences through external perceptions and internal thoughts.

System 2 is like the Rider; the Neocortex. It is deeply influenced by System 1 (the Elephant), but it also has the ability to slow down, assess the situation, and make a decision based on goals, delayed gratification and reason.

Sweet sweet consciousness. It is here we develop our SELF TALK; which is the breeding ground for our perceived identity, the inner-judge, the analyzer, our ability to express ourselves out loud as well as narrate our daily living. The neocortex is what makes us human above all other animals - the ability to plan, make decisions outside of habit, pay attention with discernment, express our creativity, and see choice and purpose beyond instant gratification.

All self-talk comes from our current programming. Our narrator is constantly assessing, telling stories and making meaning through aversions and pleasure, prediction and prediction-error, experience, family history, expectations and beliefs, attitudes, habits, needs, desires, and subconscious characters. This narrator works like a human Rider on top of a 6-ton Elephant.

Kahneman says, “When System 2 is otherwise engaged, we will believe almost anything. System 1 is gullible and biased to believe, System 2 is in charge of doubting and unbelieving, but System 2 is sometimes busy, and often lazy.” And a side note here, “lazy” is more a sign of disembodiment and brain shutdown due to overwhelm and exhaustion.

“Mental activity creates brain firing as much as brain firing creates mental activity”. 

The first time I read this quote by Daniel Siegal (Mindsight), I stopped and re-read it about a dozen times. Siegal’s quote highlights the complex and intriguing nature of the brain: we are not simply reacting to our environment and we are not simply reacting to what we feed our brain through thoughts and actions. We are influenced top-down and bottom-up.

A new approach without the EGO

All of this prelude is to set us up for a new understanding and relationship with the all-too-common and outdated concept of the EGO.

“Knots untie once you detach from the stories, assumptions, and ego-panic that our compulsions or sensations bring to the surface” Daniel Siegal, Mindsight

What is this elusive “ego” that has been in stories in my mind for so many years? I hear about it daily in the way others describe their own and others behavior. Sometimes alter-ego, or the sneaky ego, or the spiritualized ego, ego dissolution, or the finger-pointing at the egostiscital person…we use “ego” to describe certain behavior - or perhaps blame - our own and others deviant, self-indulgent, boastful or “selfish” [another term that needs re-thinking and reclaiming] character traits.

But what does it do to us when we use this ego-concept in so much of our analysis of patterns and habits? What is a more complex yet aligned way of thinking? I’ll tell you what I am discovering.

Rather than pointing at or blaming the ego in ourselves or in others, or claiming the ego as real in general, I invite you to instead see the natural impulses of self-gratification or the aversion to what makes you uncomfortable as the Elephant seeking happy chemicals. This is not some archetypal character that you must overcome or be wary of, it is simply a malnourished “Elephant” seeking what feels good and avoiding what feels “bad”. And the more you nourish your mind and body, take care of your nervous system, and practice slowing down to cultivate that pause between reaction and response, the more control you have in how you show up and how you consistently feel. By alluding to this “ego” we are personifying our lack of balance as something we can’t control. You have way more power and control than you realize.

I hope this process has illuminated the complex and powerful machine you have the privilege of exploring and navigating. And next time someone says, “let go of the ego", I invite you to offer instead “there is no such thing as an ego, that is a cultural echo that is outdated. What you are noticing is a malnourished Elephant that needs love and attention.”

While it is vital that you focus on feeding your mind and body the nourishment it needs, it is just as vital to take time daily to calm your nervous system, unravel the habits and knots that you have inherited or repeated into habits, and create space for the pause so you can witness your impulsive and compulsive nature as a practice field for learning and growing into who you truly desire to be.

I leave you with these wise words from @samarakate on instagram:

"When the mind rapidly fluctuates it causes us to disconnect from the beat of our inner rhythm. A distortion of our inner hum. A disconnection from the rhythm of the cosmos. The channel between the heart and mind becomes twisted and we live from the static fuzziness of the mind where nothing is clear. Anxiety, stress, fear, holds over your way of being and creates a distorted life. Your rhythm is found in the present moment, within the waves of your breath, mindful movement, creativity, and the dance of balance.”

Keep up the bountiful work of cultivating the pause. Future you is applauding present you. It’s worth it. xoxox

How to overcome obsessive thoughts

How to overcome obsessive thoughts

February is Psychology Month, and it kicks of with Eating Disorder Awareness Week. What better way to highlight this focus than to shine the light of our awareness on what gets in the way of our progress: our habits of self-talk.

What do you need to know?

We can only talk to ourselves from our current programming, which is why it’s nearly impossible to talk ourselves out of a mental struggle: we’re using the same framework that caused the problem in the first place. As Michael Singer says, “the problem is not the problem, it is our relationship to the problem that is the problem.” Whether you are stuck in self-sabotage, self-defeat, lethargy, self-harm, or a toxic relationship with food, the first step to overcoming is to slow down and listen to how you’re communicating with yourself.

Self-Observation versus Self-Analyzing

Get curious about how your body is reacting and what happens right before the obsessive thoughts take over. When your body is in distress, your thoughts will often match that state. Get off that emotional roller coaster: take a few deep breaths and think back to when and where you feel dis-ease and ease in your mind and body. Develop language to describe it; in other words, “name it to tame it.”

Once you’ve created some space and conserved some energy by quietly witnessing your reactions rather than jumping into problem-solving or self-defeat, you can take steps to calm your nervous system down.

Some reflection questions:

What changes do you notice in your body as you experience obsessive thoughts?

What sensations accompany these thoughts?

What are you making these thoughts mean?

What is a new perspective to try on here?

Acknowledge that your thoughts are habits and not objective truth

Here’s one of my most effective go-to reminders: 95% of what you think today, you also thought yesterday. Just because your thoughts are familiar and habitual, it doesn’t mean they’re true. Maybe they have little bits of truth to them, but they don’t reflect the whole, complex, expansive truth.

Bring some non-duality into your thoughts by reflecting on past struggles and acknowledging how the darkness has brought you more light. Look at the ways your toughest moments taught you strength and resilience. When we teach ourselves to find purpose and growth in our struggles, we can learn to accept and even welcome where we are, rather than shaming ourselves for being there.

Reflection questions:

What am I learning from this experience?

What have my darkest moments taught me?

What are some new thoughts and reminders I can repeat until they become new habits?

Nourish your whole self

Sometimes, our racing thoughts signal that we are lacking some basic nourishment that our mind and body need to function at their best. Imagine that your habits are a 6-ton Elephant, and you’re trying to direct where the Elephant’s going. A malnourished (or hangry) elephant is not an easy partner to work with.

We all know that it’s vital to nourish our body with sleep, movement, fresh air, balanced nutrition and intuitive eating. It’s just as vital to tend to your mental and emotional body with self-inquiry, playfulness, and peace. Obsessive thoughts don't have much space to grow and flourish when you’re focused on feeding your mind and body what they need.

In conclusion, what you resist, persists, and what you love and embrace, can heal and release. To give your thinking mind a break, get into your body and track sensation. And remember, any self-talk that plays out while you are in a “low-vibration” state is not worth listening to. There is nothing you can say to yourself to talk yourself out of the darkness. The space and healing resides outside the thinking mind, so get into your breath, into your body, into nature, and out of the routines that are not serving you.

I would love to hear your thoughts once you give this a try xoxo

dope(a)me turns 4

February 1 marks the end of year three, and the stepping into year four of my business. It’s been a wild ride with lots of learning, falling, growing, adapting and evolving. Just pause here while I do a quick fist pump.

For the past few weeks, knowing this milestone is approaching, I have been contemplating what fun and creative ways I can celebrate. I have landed on what feels like the perfect way for me to express my gratitude for this life, this business, and all of the people that have supported me along the way. The gift of giving back!

I came across Goodpin a couple of years ago when my good friend Lucy Dunne shared with me that one of her goals is to donate 1 million dollars to charity. Completely amazed and enthralled by her passion for giving back, I was intrigued to hear about the ease at which she was making this happen through the platform called Goodpin. Lucy set up a system where she could send money to clients with a link that made it easy for anyone to choose a charity of their choice and send that money with one click of a button.

As I sat with my own interest in participating in this platform, I started thinking about my own history of imperfections and the many times in my youth and adolescence where I took what wasn’t mine. I had an epiphany: I think Heaven and Hell are a self-made experience that is the accumulation of all choices and actions in your life. As I think about how I want to feel on my death-bed, what kind of life do I want to have the privilege of reflecting upon, what kind of memories and connections do I want to foster for myself, who do I want to be…I know that giving back to others and encouraging generosity and thoughtfulness are traits that I want more of.

So as I head into year four of dope(a)me, I have registered for Goodpin, and I am so excited for the ease at which I can donate money to people around me so that they can donate to the charities that matter the most to them. Goodpin is helping me strengthen the muscles of giving back, the neural pathways towards generosity, and the habits of community support. When I am on my deathbed reflecting on my life, I will not be jaded by the few instances of poor judgement and greed, because I will have many many more memories of good-will, heart-felt connections, and generosity, and I will have Goodpin to thank for making it fun and easy to do so.

Each month, I will announce a different class or workshop on my schedule that I will randomly choose one participant to donate $50 to. That person will be sent an email with $50 and a link through Goodpin to donate to a charity of their own choosing.

This month, I am donating twice as my way of kicking off year four! One participant at the Flow + Arrow retreat will be selected, as well as one participant in my Yoga Nidra class on Thursday (at 12:10pm) February 7 at Yoga Nova Studio.

Year four here we go!!

Reach out with questions or comments. I would love to hear your favorite creative ways of celebrating your milestones ;).

xo Marin

How to Shift your Mental Health in ONE DAY!

5 tips to strengthen your Mental Health today!

I heard recently, we get as much stimulation in one week as a caveman - or cave woman - would take in during their entire life span. Stop and think about that for a moment. Whether you are an outlier or not, this startling statistic highlights the insane amount of stimulation we are ingesting on a daily basis in a brain that was built and evolved from the cavemen days.

Noise in the brain is like stress in the body - and too much of anything is not a good thing. I am fascinated with the pursuit of finding more ways to let go of distraction so that I can enjoy being still, rest in the space between thoughts and breath, be with myself and with the moment, and ultimately, be with the way things are. Otherwise we are just running from one thing to the next, distracting ourselves, and falling for the misconception that the happiness we seek or the peace we desire is waiting at some destination down our path. When we are constantly riding the surface-level chemical high, we never really get to our depth. You get external validation, you feel good today and then all-of-a-sudden, you’re down in the depths of despair the next moment. That is exhausting and that is how most of us live.

In honor of Bell Let’s Talk and the many mental health campaigns and events [Flow + Arrow Day Retreat] & [Evolve - yoga nidra + cello] at this time of year, let’s press pause on the roller coaster and land on some simple ideas of how we can strengthen our mental health today.

1 - Connect with yourself

It only takes 6 mindful full body breaths to completely shift your state from anxious or (on the other end of the spectrum) lethargic, into a state of groundedness and flow. Our “tunnel vision” or narrowed perspective is generally connected to Beta Brain waves - which are a bit frantic. When we slow down, get into our bodies by noticing our breath and following the expansion of the inhale and deflation of the exhale, we change our brain waves, which calms our heart rhythm, which expands our perspective and allows us to see bigger picture once again. This simple act of slowing down to truly connect with who you are now, is the most powerful thing you can do to shift your state in a moment.

2 - Get your body moving

We are built to move. Don’t get stuck on the idea that you need to workout in the gym everyday for an hour or that your movement needs to include a pool of sweat on the floor. Sure that is great for you, but even more so, we need to honor our bodies need to move as a lifestyle. Throughout your day, listen to what you body needs and offer yourself movement that feels good. Simple stretches, neck rolls, lunges, a few squats here and there, posture check-ins, spine twists, forward folds, get outside and go for a walk, stand on your sidewalk or porch and do a few sun salutations with your breath leading your movements, take the stairs, and sit on the floor to encourage yourself to keep moving rather than melting into the couch.

3 - Before you eat...stop, breathe, take a big sniff, then eat

Mindful Eating is one of the most powerful practices I have incorporated into my daily routine. Growing up as the middle child of seven kids, I developed a habit of eating fast and not slowing down until there was no food left on the table. I also had an eating disorder for many years and used food to escape, numb, mimic pleasure, celebrate, console…to name a few angles to my unhealthy relationship with food. These habits started well-intentioned, comforting me in a time of need, but clearly does not serve me as an adult who would love time and energy for other things.

What I learned? The simple pause to smell my food before I take a sip of my yummy coffee or take the first bite of my food is all it takes to change my food experience. Pause, take a deep breath in and out, then take a big smell of your food and notice your salivary glands light up. The process of digestion and absorption is now ready, so dig in! Put down your fork or spoon occasionally, and just chew and enjoy. Notice how the food feels in your body.

Intuitive and mindful eating will direct you towards the foods that feel good and you will notice more readily when you eat something that might not be what your body needs or wants at this phase of your life.

4 - Do something for someone else
One of the best ways we can get out of our head or struggles, is to focus on serving others. Big or small; these are random acts of kindness, compassionate gestures, love letters, positive feedback, celebratory acknowledgements, offers of support, a high five, a big hug, a patient listening ear, or a shoulder to cry on. Simply put, see love in others. When we focus our attention on others and look for ways to lighten the load or brighten someone’s day, suddenly our own struggles don’t feel as big. You’re system is built to respond positively to social bonds and loving companionship: we get a juicy boost of happy chemicals when we foster loving connections to those around us.

“It is our hypocrisy and self-focus that drains us. When we become purpose-centered, internally directed, other-focused, and externally open, we discover energy we didn’t know we had.” - Robert E Quinn

5 - Develop an evening routine to support your sleep hygiene
One of our basic needs is sleep - I know, easier said than done. While it may take a few tries to land on an evening routine that supports your sleep habits, it is definitely worth the time and effort. Here are some simple things to try tonight….

• Decide what time you will plug in your phone and keep it out of your hands for the rest of the evening

• Before you shut down and head to bed, get down on the floor (with the tv on or your family nearby) and move slowly through some hip and shoulder stretches while consciously slowing and deepening your breath

• Have a warm shower or bath

• Pull out a notebook and write out three things you’re grateful for, three things you’re proud of, and what you need to release and allow tomorrow-you to handle

• Once in bed, oscillate your head slowly side to side - as if you are rocking your brain in the cradle of the fluid in your skull

• If/when your thoughts about the day begin to roll through your mind, rest easy knowing this is an important part of your brain hygiene. Your mind naturally reflects and integrates the day so that it can begin the long and short term storage process that happens over night. So don’t fight it, just notice it. Keep guiding your attention back to your breath and the feeling of you body laying in bed

I hope you take some time to implement and practice these steps. Your mental health is a product of what you do and think about all day long. Change up some patterns and routines and you will notice a huge change in your mental health strength.

Interested in learning more and experiencing mental health strength training in person??

Check out the Evolve Retreat Co day of wellness on February 2 & the Yoga Nidra & Cello evening practice

Join Lucy Dunne and I at Flow + Arrow day retreat, on February 9

Movement & Motivation with Marin and Tommy Europe on May 28

Thanks for reading! Reach out if you have questions or requests for resources or support xox

Two inquiries that can expand your Consciousness - Death and Cannabis

In honor of Mental Health Awareness, I am compelled to continue sharing openly and honestly about where I have been, but even more so, what I did to practice my way into a healthy and balanced state. A huge part of recovering from mental health struggles is a practice of getting out of your thinking mind and finding ways to expand your consciousness; see new perspectives; find rest and pause rather than being consumed by thoughts; and learning to redirect your mind when it gets stuck in a pattern that isn’t serving your highest good.

Two of the most expansive practices I have cultivated are: Daily inquiry on Death and the intentional use of Cannabis.

Below is a short snippet from an interview I had with Stephanie Nygren. I met Steph in yoga training and she now works for the Inspired Yoga Institute. IYI is absolutely amazing, which is why I took my 200 and 300 hour yoga teacher training with them. I am now a part of their faculty as I provide a workshop for each training focused on goal setting and how to cultivate the mindset that allows you to achieve your goals while also landing in contentment and peace right now. In other words, how to embrace where you are now while also working for what you desire.

I will add the link to the full interview once it is published on the IYI website.

Marin shares her University experience dealing with depression as a Philosophy major…

Being at UofA and struggling with self-harm and depression, you know I had everything I thought I needed but I was still in the same state {of depression} and it really sent me in a dark direction. I had my existential crisis at that point and philosophy is part of what pushed me into an existential crisis, but it also is what saved me. I just connected so deeply with a few philosophers, I envisioned in my head that they went through the same thing. I started to really relate to these philosophers who were so driven to understand life and wanted to dive into what is happiness. When I had that existential crisis, I felt like I flat-lined and I couldn’t rebuild my life; everything I believed in one moment was gone. I then saw it as a beautiful opportunity to rebuild the structure. I was completely raw and naked and exposed, and I used it as an opportunity to rebuild my belief system and philosophy was the perfect thing.

I remember the first few times I ventured out to walk around, I just couldn’t stop thinking about death. Death was all-consuming, it didn’t leave my mind for at least a week. I just felt like a bug that could be smooshed at any moment, I felt so insignificant. I went from feeling like I was the centre of the universe to, I do not matter. I had to reshape my relationship with death.

It also opened me up to this realization that it’s about your relationship with something that causes problem, it’s not the thing itself. I read the Untethered Soul around the same time or soon after and one of the things he {Michael A. Singer} says is ‘the problem is not the problem, it’s your relationship to the problem that’s the problem’ and I come back to that all the time. Any time I feel stuck or stagnant or something’s not working, I so quickly shift into, how does my perspective need to change here? As soon as I land on a new perspective that creates space, then I have everything I need to be able to problem solve or let it go or just look at it differently. I look at everything now as a relationship, no matter what I’m working on it’s what is the relationship between me and this thing?

That being said, what is your relationship to death now? How would you reframe that?

Now I think about death every single day and it makes me feel more alive. I take more chances, I don’t hold back from being on stage or being a beginner. I don’t worry about messing up. I embrace failure as something to learn from and grow from and I often will think in the moment, is this something I’m going to care about on my death-bed? If I say no, well then fuck-it, just do it. Like, why am I even going to stew in worry or in wondering? I use it all the time and it’s something I am so grateful for and curious about and I have so much humility around. I’m not cautious but I’m very conscious about what I’m doing and what I’m saying and who it’s affecting because I don’t take life for granted. I want to be on my death-bed and be like, I fucking did everything I could to make this life something.

What would your students be surprised to find out about you?

I am a daily cannabis user. It’s not a negative thing. Anything can be overdone and underdone. We can die by chugging water and we can die by not having any water. It’s about being mindful and really listening to your body and noticing when you’re using something as a distraction or as a crutch or as a numbing tool versus using it as a pure experience or as a medicinal tool so that it is actually giving you access to something instead of pulling you away from it. Yes, I have gone too far with cannabis before but I learned from it and I know it doesn’t feel good when I’m overusing it so I don’t do that.

Do you use it as a tool for creativity or relaxation?

All of the above. I can use it simply for creativity, I can use it for de-stressing or to help me fall asleep or relax. I’ve also been experimenting with micro-dosing. It’s very common when it comes to Psilocybin or LSD. It’s been used for people with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, or severe anxiety disorders and even depression. If you have a micro-dose, it doesn’t have psychedelic results but what they’ve discovered through different research, when people micro-dose, their brain lights up. Parts of their brain that have been dormant, suddenly there’s electrical impulses happening, like your brain comes online. It’s actually healing people from severe trauma, waking their brain up, giving them new perspective, giving them a new chance at life, new pathways. That’s the way I look at cannabis. I micro-dose so that my brain starts firing in different ways. It’s not to make me zone out or disconnect because that doesn’t feel good. I want to be engaging in things that bring me more intimately into my experience and connect more with people.

Thoughts? Questions? Inquiries? Hit me up! xoxox

Social Media Challenge for 2019 - update

My Social Media Challenge for 2019 - Retrain the Relationship

It has been an interesting month playing with my new habits and relationship with social media. I am determined to find the balance where I utilize social media for connection. I want social media to feel like a service and a support, not a hindrance or an addiction.

What is this about?

If you read my last social media post, you know that I am exploring my habits and finding ways to set boundaries and support myself into a healthier relationship - specifically with instagram. SO what have I done? I delete the instagram app right after I use it. I only install it if I have something purposeful and intentional to share, and then I must connect with at least one person before I delete it again. This prevents me from scrolling aimlessly or thinking throughout the day about the perfect picture or what I could say about anything happening throughout the day.

One of the most fascinating - and frightening - realizations is that when my mind wanders, it often wanders into a visual of scrolling through instagram! I recall pictures and posts that I have seen in the past. Hilarious and scary all at once. I also have noticed that I often still pause when something is striking and I think about the perfect angle for the picture or a caption that would go with it. Basically, my mind is trained for instagram.

On the Bright Side

On the bright side, I am noticing a huge shift in my energy all ready. By letting go of the possibility to post or scroll or upload pictures throughout my day, I am left with ample space to focus on real-time connection and soak up each moment with more presence. I am noticing that I am being more thoughtful and strategic with what I want to post and when, and that is opening my mind to pay attention to my other streams of connecting and advertising my business (programs, coaching, workshops and events). For now, I am very happy with this new boundary.

What’s Next?

Heading into February, I am committed to continue on this track, plus - the next step - I am creating a consistent weekly schedule for my social media that will allow me even more space as I get into a rhythm and template to follow rather than making things up as I go.

Let’s Connect

I would love to hear from any of you about what schedule or template or rhythm you follow with your social media connections and advertising. What works for you? What have you tried? What are you noticing in your own relationship with social media? How does that make you feel?

Anything we do can be overdone or underdone. I invite you to truly check in with yourself and ask, is social media serving me or am I serving it?

Keep up the self-inquiry and self-love my friends. xoxox

There is NO EGO

For more than a decade, I have referred to the ego, thought about the ego, looked for my own ego and pointed out various of my attributes as ego. All I can say now is that that process of self-inquiry served me for a time, but it no longer serves me. I am here to suggest that we pause and take in the possibility of removing the ego from our vocabulary.

In a Nutshell

For those interested in the bottom line, here it comes! The path I took to get there is explored after that.

We are complex. In fact, too complex for the outdated and short-sighted concept of an ego. What serves you at one point will not serve you forever. This post is my journey from important insights brought about by my ego-inquiry and how I outgrew the boundaries and restrictions the ego imposes. Perhaps you are someone who uses the term ‘ego’ in your self-observations and judgments of others, and I hope you will read through and open up to the possibility that there is a better way to understand who we truly are.

Where it all started

Over the past year I have been consistently hitting a roadblock in my ego inquiry. How do I make it fit into my ever-increasing and ever-expanding understanding of the conscious and subconscious and the greater mind and body as a whole? I found myself trying to jam the ego into other models of how the brain works that I have found to be helpful, and couldn’t make it fit.

It hadn’t occurred to me to remove the ego from my vernacular, and why would it? I am surrounded by people in the yoga and “personal development” community who - teachers, leaders and students alike - refer to the ego on a daily basis.

While in Palm Springs for New Years, in deep philosophical conversation on the relationship between consciousness and subconscious with my dad, I mentioned my struggle with defining the ego clearly and how to make it fit into my developing coaching structures. Without hesitation, my dad responded with something like: “the ego was debunked by science decades ago. Most people who continue to use the term don’t understand that; and don’t use ‘ego’ as Freud did in any event. You are hearing a cultural echo.”

Mind-blown! In an instant I felt a massive shift; a release, as I opened to a possibility that I had not considered until then. I felt a weight lifted from my shoulders and a calm feeling of truth rung deep within me. It just made so much sense. I mentioned this “new” contemplation and realization to a past client and she remarked that she actually brought this up in one of our sessions a couple of years ago and I didn’t seem open to exploring it. We both equated my resistance to the fact that at that time I was in the process of publishing my book and couldn’t hold space for that unraveling in the midst of sharing my story and my ego-contemplation with the world. I found that to be fascinating! Here I am now, ready to dig in and remove some beliefs that no longer serve me.

Retrain your EGO?

I had gone from perceiving my ego as the impulse to sabotage, compare, judge or put others down as a way to make myself feel more “right” or better-than. I had seen it as being deflated when I was hard on myself or in struggle around my own self-worth. I saw it as something that takes over when I have the urge to be boastful in any “look at me” kind of way. It was a successful point of inquiry as it supported me in cultivating the pause; that choice-point moment between impulsive reaction and deliberate response. I saw it fitting in the structure of the mind as a venn diagram; an overlap between subconscious and conscious, because it housed strong impulsive feelings, as well as manifesting in self-talk.

A balanced EGO?

I then began contemplating what a healthy and balanced ego looks like. Nothing is all bad or all good, and shaming the ego as the uncontrollable animal or over-protective body-guard within us did not leave room for growth. As the ego is described, it seemed to be necessary for our human experience, which means it is not to be killed off or destroyed, but rather it was in need of a tune-up and a shift in relationship.

And so along that route I went for a while, contemplating a healthy and balanced ego. But what does that look like? What does that mean? A healthy and balanced ego, I thought, could be a state where impulse for indulgent desire or instant gratification no longer ran the show. Perhaps a relationship with self that is so grounded and loving that the “ego” still rattled with desire yet also got on board with higher levels of living and being. For example, I thought, an ego could feel rewarded and satisfied when impulse and compulsions quieted and a clear path towards good-choices became the yellow brick road. This line of thinking felt like a worthwhile pursuit for a while.

Too complex for the EGO

However, I ran into problems with referring to the ego as if it is a character within us, separate from all other characters we tend to notice. What started as a simple way to be with and retrain my impulsive reactions, became the roadblock in understanding how to practice my way into balance in my mind and body.

So, consider the idea of letting go of “the ego” as an entity to be feared, shamed, or retrained in our system. Our subconscious generates our self-protection impulse. This aspect of our basic life functioning, evolved to make us feels good around whatever promotes survival and reproduction, and to shy away from anything that could potentially get in the way of the same things.

Our subconscious system works like a recording device, holding on to “life-lessons” in the form of memory that has dissolved into instinct, which keep us alive and make us attractive mates and social companions. This system is often misguided because what serves you at one point in time is not necessarily what is best or what will serve you in the future, and we are all subject to many cognitive biases.

Ideally, our conscious mind will learn about our subconscious blind spots, so that it can help us pause, and create space between reaction and response, so that our subconscious can develop new and more functional instincts. This happens as we continue to slow down, pay attention, and behave in new ways. Shaky, tentative, new thoughts and actions – imagine Bambi learning to walk - eventually stabilize into smooth, powerful behaviors as new neural pathways form that are consistent with our expanding consciousness. In this way, as we become more self-aware and better understand how the world around us works, our brains literally change and we become new beings. I believe that the many powerful religious and cultural representations of personal rebirth refer to nothing more, or less, than this real miracle of self-renewal.

One of the things that I find most fascinating about this process starts with the observation that what served to protect us at the age of 4 is not what will necessarily be in our best interest at age 40. However, until the tedious brain re-wiring project I just described has played out to a successful conclusion, our subconscious will continue to urge us to do what we’ve always done regardless of your conscious mind knowing better.

Try on a New Perspective

So it’s not EGO that urges us to be boastful. This is a deeply ingrained impulse connected to our need to be seen and positively acknowledged, as while our brains evolved, this was essential to our survival and propagation. And it is not your deflated EGO that pulls us into cowering or holding back from opportunity. Rather, this is our subconscious system that has either dipped into hypoarousal or has built a habit of holding back. It’s all habit. It’s all programming.

There is no ego. There is no fragmented version of us that fits the ego mold. Scientific research that became possible long after Freud did his work has made it clear that we are far more complex than Freud’s ego based model of how our minds work. It is fair to say that brains work like small social groups, in which a network of vastly different characters argue, debate and cajole each other to behave as they wish the group (metaphorically, the individual within which this is occurring) to behave. Our genes, history and beliefs all show up in these characters - the judge; the critic; the child; the saboteur; the victim; the prostitute; the fear mongerer; the calm sage; the believer in magic; the bully – to name a few of the possibilities.

Conclusion

So what? Why does this matter? My hope is that you will use this as an opportunity to slow down and check in with how you use the concept of the EGO to understand your - and others - behavior. Without blaming the ego or shaming the ego, we are left with a possibility to see what is habit, what is fear, and what subconscious character is taking the wheel. Perhaps it will support you in pausing and looking at where you are lacking nourishment rather than falling into shame or frustration. When we are nourished and grounded, we have the space and energy to show up as we truly desire, rather than being steered towards habit or the various actions our subconscious has learned as protecting and prolonging our survival. It’s all habit, and with awareness, effort and surrender, we can change what no longer serves us. Happy trail blazing ;).

Mindfulness and Meditation

”Most of our conscious brain is dedicated to focusing on the outside world: getting along with others and making plans for the future. However, that does not help us manage ourselves. Neuroscience research shows that the only way we can change the way we feel is by becoming aware of our inner experience and learning to befriend what is going on inside ourselves” -The Body Keeps the Score

I have noticed a lack of clarity in describing the difference between mindfulness and meditation, especially because I have heard them combined as Mindful Meditation - which I didn’t realize was confusing until I tried to describe what it is and how it is different than traditional meditation. This blog post serves as an exploration to define the boundaries of both and what it means when you combine Mindfulness and Meditation together.

Mindfulness:

"Just let yourself feel what you feel in the present moment, without fearing it, without making it mean something about your worth or value, without making it wrong, and witness the peace appear. "Daniel Siegal

Mindfulness is a practice of bringing compassionate attention to experiences, movements, thoughts and sensations occurring in the present moment. Mindfulness is the antidote to our human tendency to get lost in doing, stuck in auto-pilot, which directs us towards an unsatisfying cycle of needing more of everything and anything to feel good. Mindfulness is waking up and taking the steering wheel with our loving attention. We can practice mindfulness by maintaining a moment by moment awareness of our thoughts, feelings bodily sensations and surrounding environment. Any routine activity can be made into a mindful practice if you bring your full attention to it. A wandering mind is an unhappy mind. Get into your body and into your experience.  Observe without judgement. Notice your patterns of thought and action without falling into shame or the illusion that you “should” be somewhere or someone that you are not.

“When we are not taken over by our thoughts and feelings, we can become clearer in our internal world as well as more receptive to the inner world of another" Daniel Siegal

Meditation:

“Consciousness has the ability to do what is called “focus”...The essence of consciousness is awareness, and awareness has the ability to become more aware of one thing and less aware of something else” Micheal Singer

It is my understanding that meditation is what comes after the practice of mindfulness. You get to a point where you have trained your mind to focus, and to be able to stay with sensation and notice thoughts without jumping into reaction. It is from this sense of control, a sense of separation from emotions and the human desires and aversions, that we are able to access a deep peace and contentment that is an outcome of meditation. Meditation connects us with our expansiveness. It is a state of acceptance and flow, where our thoughts become distant and we are enveloped with stillness and, eventually, silence.

"Just let yourself feel what you feel in the present moment, without fearing it, without making it mean something about your worth or value, without making it wrong, and witness the peace appear. "Daniel Siegal

Mindful Meditation:

Is this term even necessary in our vernacular? To meditate is already a mindful practice, as it takes focus and the light of your awareness shining on the object of your meditation; whether that be your breath, a mantra, or any other curiosity or healing focus you have.

For me, an even more clear path here is developing the practice described as Mindful Embodiment. A process of being with sensation, tracking it, witnessing it rise and fall, while holding loving space in your body and limiting distraction and conserving energy by being still and focusing your gaze inwards.

If you are new to the world of mindfulness and meditation, start with some mindfulness practices. Develop your ability to focus. Shift into 30 seconds of meditation per day, with a focus on breath and noticing what it feels like as your Nervous System calms and your mind expands. A slow build, with consistent effort, and you will soon have a new habit that will support you mental health, your physical health, and give you access to the depths of who you are.

I would love to hear your thoughts on this inquiry, and any insights or resources that have served your own curiosity on this topic.

Bye for now xo

What you can expect from me this year

Here we are, a couple days into 2019 and full of possibility. I have spent the past few days in Palm Springs with my dad and step-mom, and their two lovely friends. It has been an opportunity for me to slow down, engage in thoughtful, fun, and intelligent conversation, and ultimately, spend quality time with my dad.

When I was an athlete in my teens, my dad and I spent countless hours together on road-trips and in the gym, prepping and debriefing games and practices, and diving deep into philosophy, psychology and anything else he was curious about and learning. I cherished that time with him. And now, 15 years later, we have had that quality time again, meaning just him and I for a full day or two, getting into the 2.0 version of those same conversations. It has been extremely beneficial for me to have such a strong and insightful sounding board to hear my ideas and inquiries and add his vast knowledge into the mix.

On our road trip to Joshua Tree yesterday, one of the projects I brought to him in discussion was my blogging, and how I want to set that up to ensure it is quality and impactful - for me and whoever decides to read along. This segwayed into my current inquiry around social media, and how - similar to food - balanced and purposeful creation and consumption is an important part of the healthy equation. As I am so aware of my own seemingly addictive relationship to my Instagram app, I do not want to keep that journey to myself and blindly add to the problem that I have heard so many voice about.

In fact, I am on the hunt right now for some kind of “parental control” app that I can use to block myself from getting on social media platforms at certain times in the day. On several occasions, I have set the goal with boundaries and parameters to limit my time mindlessly scrolling, yet, within a few days, am back to the same habit of tapping on that app as soon as I have a moment of stillness.

For me, social media can be an amazing platform for connection and inspiration, and it can also be a tool of distraction and disconnection. I want more of the first and less of the latter. How about you?

So, this is what you can expect from me this year, a series of blog posts detailing my journey of retraining my relationship with social media. And I would love to have you join me in this exploration. I want to hear what works for you! I want to hear where you struggle the most in this disconnected yet vastly over-connected world. Each month I will have a new topic to tackle, as I share what I have been doing and practicing, and invite you to reflect, play and practice, and share your learnings as well.

Let’s get social media in it’s place, an amazing tool of connection.

Step #1: BOUNDARIES

In the human brain, we have a brilliant capacity to think and discern beyond the impulsive reactions of our habits and animalisitic brain. But that animal part of our brain is 1 million times stronger than the part of the brain that makes us human. This is exactly why we can set goals and tell ourselves what is important and needed, yet in the moment we continue to choose what we have declared we no longer want. We need to set up parental control for our brains.

So here is what I am doing to practice.

First of all, as I previously mentioned, I will find an app that supports me in this. An app that literally blocks me from tapping mindlessly and scrolling through unnecessarily.

Second, I know it does not serve me to read through long posts on social media that give me a hit of happy chemicals but then disappear as I continue scrolling without contemplation or reflection. So I intend to lead by example and only post 3-4 times a week with short, succinct and meaningful notes. For those who want more, they can head to my website, join my newsletter, or reach out for one on one connection. Social media is no longer where I will be investing my time and energy as my main source of marketing.

Third, anytime I am on social media, I will comment/connect with at least one person. If I am scrolling through, it is with the purpose of real connection, which means, I reach out and make sure my community knows I see them and love them.

That feels like a great place to start this journey. I would love to hear your ideas and what comes up for you. Let’s keep this conversation going. xoxox

Reflect and Manifest

Here we are. The end of 2018 creeping towards us, and another opportunity to reflect, learn, and grow. I have found myself feeling a little scattered these past few days. The fun and distractions of the holiday season coupled with my excitement and planning for the many big projects for 2019, has left me feeling a bit ungrounded. What I have learned about this feeling and state of being is that when I slow down and make sure that I am tying up loose ends and putting things to bed that are no longer needed, suddenly I have the space and energy I need for moving upwards and onwards. Not only that, but the simple act of taking time to edit/adjust your perspective to see your learnings and insights, and direct your attention towards what you truly desire, gets your whole mind and body on-board with what you want to create. Law of Attraction is not magic, it is neuroscience. Your awareness or attention is nourishment; it grows whatever it focuses on, whether it’s the weeds or the flowers. Let’s acknowledge and learn from the weeds, and spend time and attention nourishing and growing the flowers. So that is what we will do together, because it feels a lot more fun when you are not alone in the process.

Pull out a pen and paper, or start a new word doc and let’s get crafting and manifesting!

What did your experiences in 2018 teach you? What lessons have you landed on?

2018 was a big year of studentship, healing, and trusting. I completed my 300 hr yoga TT, a Yoga Life Coaching course, Yoga Nidra training, I started teaching more variety of fitness classes, and my book Be The Change reached it’s one year anniversary of publication with just under 1000 copies out in the world! There was also a lot of mental health struggles in the close circle of family and friends around me, and I became even more motivated to be a force of mental health strength training in this world. This is the year that I officially overcame my eating disorder tendencies, as the final piece of the puzzle the VOICE IN MY HEAD, changed. I released the final bits of trauma from my past and can now reflect on my life with neutrality, no longer riddled with emotional charges.

My beautiful soulful friend Sanja Avramovic

This year brought me closer to spirit. I can now read books that talk about GOD without cringing or crossing out the word with the replacement “universal consciousness.” I am deeply enthralled by my spiritual practices and have learned the power of stillness and softness. My word for this year was UNFOLD. It was a constant reminder to be in the practice of surrender. This intention brought me into many amazing experiences that opened my mind and body in ways I had never experienced before. I was more willing to be uncomfortable. I was ready to face the darkness and meet it with light.

My meditation practice deepened, and I recommitted to a sleep routine to ensure I was giving my body what it needs to live a long and bountiful life. I now have a depth of understanding around Morning Routines, and the many tools that can be utilized to start the day with connection and purpose. I am more motivated than ever to stay the course of this inner-work and am in love with the experiences this life is affording me.

What are you curious to learn more about in 2019?

For me, I am increasingly more fascinated with mindful embodiment and FASCIA! I have been exploring more ways of working with trauma in our bodies, and I know there is a lot in the fascial system to learn from. I have my eye on some workshops by Christine Wushke.

I also want to continue reading, writing and experiencing Nature and Mother Earth in general. Whether that takes me on hikes or serves as a simple reminder to step outside in the morning rather than stay in doors until I have to leave, the more fresh air and expansive earth and sky I witness, the better. More natural health remedies, nutrition and mindful eating. And lastly, marketing and business development. I have applied for the ATB program for entrepreneurs. Fingers crossed I get in ;)

Lastly, I have been in the practice of minimalism, in many ways, this year. I challenged myself to not buy any clothing for one year, and while I did end up buying a couple essentials (winter boots and jacket), I am proud to say that I have kept this pretty steady since March 23. This has also prompted some more curiosity around the “dream home” that I have had in mind for many years. I am starting to realize that this “dream” was planted in my mind at a young age because of what I made it mean and saw others idolizing around me. To me, the dream home was a sign of success and freedom. It was this shiny, new material item that I never questioned as something that I didn’t actually need or want. This year I have become more aware in what I actually want, and more STUFF is not on that list. So I am curious to continue exploring what I am actually working towards and to let go of any stress or worry about money because I have what I need to survive and live and travel, and this dream home I thought I wanted is slipping out of my mind and creating more space for what truly matters to me.  

Goals and aspirations.

Shout it from the rooftops and you’re more likely to make it happen!

Alright, here is where the magic happens. I am calling in the power of everyone on the path of self-actualization, expansive consciousness, and the deepening of mental health strength training, to join me in this work and hold me accountable in whatever way serves you as well.

This is the year for my business to truly take off! I am running my first group coaching program and have every intention to record and automate the program so that it can be archived and offered to absolutely anyone at anytime, whenever they want to get started. The module themes and content are aligned with how to be physically and mentally FIT for your unique contribution in the world, and I am thrilled to be in a position to deliver and facilitate this program.

To continue my own growth and development while working as a leader, I will enroll myself in at least 3 programs/workshops this year.

I am also officially starting book #2! This has been the goal for a while, but I didn’t want to rush the process. I am now ready and am so excited to share the next phase of my development and inquiry.

I am working with my wonderful friend and collaborator Lucy Dunne on our project Flow + Arrow, and we will be hosting 3-4 day long or weekend long retreats this year. Our first one is February 9 and we would LOVE to have you join us! These day long/weekend long retreats are the start of a big vision we have together, and my goal this year is to create amazing experiences that will have a substantial impact on those who attend.

I am also taking on a bigger role with Evolve Retreat Co. and BOLD Athlete, and I want to support these two companies to become the best they can be.

I am excited to be partnering up with GoodPin, and will be choosing one of my fitness classes each month to be a Charity Class. Giving back to the community and supporting the energy of charitable giving is very important to me. GoodPin is an amazing local company that makes that easy! Once a month I will donate $50 to one lucky person in attendance at my class, so that they can go onto goodpin and choose a charity to donate to.

2019 is going to be huge and I know that taking care of myself and my connections with others is going to be vital.

What’s it going to take? What is your daily commitment(s)?

In my book Be The Change, near the end, I talk about The Goal Setter Mindset. This was a big transformation in my thinking about goals, and it continues to shift as I grow and evolve. Basically, rather than obsessing about your goals or getting overwhelmed by how big they feel or far off they seem, it is best to focus on the daily steps that add up to huge change.

Now that you have some clarity in what you want to learn, create, focus on, and accomplish this year, what does that look like on a daily basis?

For me, I will stick with the template of the Goal Setter Mindset, but will change the focus or perspective of each step to serve who and where I am now.

1. Connect: First thing in the morning, get grounded to mother earth, open to father sky, and connect with breath. Check-in with current state and energy, and discern what flavor of morning routine would serve where I am and what kind of day I have ahead of me.

2. Learn: Read a few pages from a book I am working through, or re-read sections of books I have transcribed into files on my laptop, or ask and answer high quality questions to learn from my own insights and information regurgitation

3. Let Go: Be in the practice of creating space and tuning into neutrality. Inspired by Paul Selig’s work; repeat...“I am here. I am here. I am here. I am free. I am free. I am free.”

4. Grow: Get uncomfortable. Practice inversions, chin ups, arm balances and the splits. Get my toughest task done right away. Choose a theme that can serve those who show up for my public classes that embodies the work I am deeply curious about and inspired by. Commit to ten minutes a day of writing/working on my book!

5. Reflect: Every night, take a few minutes to check-in and discern what I need to come back to balance. Put pen to paper and organize thoughts and actions so that my mind is clear and ready for rest.

I would love to hear what you come up with and how these reflection questions served your own process of reflecting on 2018 and setting yourself up for 2019. We are stronger together ;)

Here is the link to my website with my workshops for 2019 so far. Let’s connect!

Upcoming Workshops

xoxox Marin

Flow and Arrow

Head to www.flowandarrow.ca to get access to some amazing new content and community events coming in 2019!

Here is our first blog post on that website:

Welcome to Flow & Arrow, your one-stop shop for physical, psychological, and spiritual well-being. We know that the concepts and conversations around “mental health,” “vulnerability,” “mindfulness,” “balance,” and “personal development” have all been over-played, pushed and preached all over the place, and generally have become “buzz-words” in the commercialized self-help and happiness industry. That being said, the personal development industry is so successful because it speaks to a basic need so many of us have become intrigued and entrapped by. We are here to bring depth, connection and rebuild relationships with these vital practices in the journey towards health and wellness.

The feeling of “lack” and the struggle to find “balance” and “meaning” in our day to day lives, is an epidemic that is sending us in search of support and self-discovery. And it can be a daunting task as it takes an investment of time and money, while the results are uncertain and there are many different paths we can choose. We have been through this in our own unique ways, and have come out the other side with a passion to guide others in their journey towards wholeness. Flow & Arrow is our passion project to simplify the process for YOU while maintaining the growth trajectory we are each committed to in our own lives.

To understand the philosophy and process of Flow & Arrow, first, you need to know what you are working with. So, what do you need to know about your machine?

We evolved with a complex and wise mind and body. However, in the beginning of life, this complex system was set up to alert us to physical danger so that our reactive mindbody system could protect itself, adapt, learn, and store the lessons to influence reactions in the future. We still have this wise and magical system, but because the physical threats aren’t as frequent, it is now the psychological threats that take centre stage.

The result, for many of us, is an over-active, over-reactive, over-analytical, monkey-mind that can “know” how and why change is necessary, yet stay stuck as it is still controlled by the animalistic, powerful and impulsive system all animals share. For example, we can “know” we want to be calm, we can “know” we want to be compassionate and patient, and we can “know” what we need or should be doing for our health and wellness, yet we still don’t do it. There is a missing link between knowing and actually doing. We have developed habits that keep us on the surface level rather than exploring and knowing the depths of who we are. Some of us were taught that “feelings aren’t facts” or that “emotions are to be shunted or avoided” in order to be appropriate and easy to be around. We have lost touch with the many wise systems of our body, and too much emphasis has been placed on the thinking mind. We have become over-thinking heads detached from the wisdom of our bodies. The afflictions of a busy mind is the precursor to feelings of lack, anxiety, depression, crippling fear, self-doubt, self-loathing, lethargy, and any other diseases of the mind and body.

“We now experience the daily need to defend our self concepts rather than our bodies...Our major struggles end up being with our own inner fears, insecurities, and destructive behavior patterns, and not with outside forces...Because we have developed this hypersensitive pyshce, we constantly use our energies to close around it and protect ourselves. But this process only hides the problem” Micheal Singer.

There are three pieces to explore now….What is Flow, What is Arrow, and what is Flow & Arrow?

Flow

This is the softer side to life. Flow represents our ability to adapt, shift, and be in co-creation with our environment from a mindset of receptivity, allowing, and openness. It is stepping into the moment with your whole being; receptive, alterable, in communication with the forces inside and outside the body and mind. It is the sense of acceptance, compassion, and respect for the fragility of our in-flux existence. Flow is the result of a deep trust in yourself while maintaining a reverence for how much you do not control. It is the state where your body heals itself, your breath moves rhythmically and powerfully with ease, and your intuition and will-power can be heard and felt, as it guides you to empowered action. We practice FLOW by understanding the true depth and definition of the concept rather than the theory or the empty word. Also, with guided meditations, yoga nidra, yoga, mindfulness techniques, and an ongoing conversation in self-love, acceptance, patience, trust, and your personal form of spirituality.

Arrow

This is the fire, the determination, the grit, and the motivation for impact. Arrow represents the importance of action, hard work, and a strong sense of direction. Through unpacking and repacking our definition of discipline, we will discover the sense of freedom that arrives when we learn to stay with what is uncomfortable. Arrow will take us into goal setting, the pursuit of our deepest desires, and the dedication to our heart’s purpose and passion, as we create a roadmap to follow. We will practice the art of ARROW with physical fitness, goals, implementing daily routine, and conversations on nutrition and nourishment.

Flow & Arrow

What is Flow and Arrow? It is the pathway to overcoming the afflictions of a “busy mind” by rebuilding the relationship between your head and your heart. Together, flow and arrow represents the true dance of balance. The yin and the yang. The effort and the surrender. The expansion and the contraction. With flow and arrow, we discover the secret to sustainable growth as we find our edges and take calculated steps outside our comfort zone while knowing we have a place to recover, refuel, and learn before we expand again. This partnership of opposites is what allows us to be in pursuit of our deepest dreams and desires along with the patience and acceptance of who and where we currently are. It is the pathway to your unique balance, as we honor the vitality of fire and fuel yet also embrace the calming nature of earth and physical presence. With flow and arrow, we learn to live fully in the present moment, aware of your internal impulses yet so grounded that you can choose mindful and deliberate thoughts and actions that serve the direction you desire.

With flow and arrow you will learn how to put yourself first in a “self-full” way, as you fill the most important cup, YOURS. You will experience that heartfelt change is possible for everyone. You can retrain, reparent, reintegrate the relationship with yourself, surrounded by a supportive community of like minded people. No longer stuck in the pattern of “all or nothing,” flow and arrow teaches you how to ride the wave of emotion and sensation, to stay embodied and support yourself with high quality thoughts and actions, so that you can see the translation from “ready to do the work” to a tangible and clear path of action.

Your demanding job and full life is not in the way of your balance - your thinking mind is! Once you learn how to do the inner work, you will watch the world around you change. Welcome to Flow & Arrow.

Window of Tolerance

“Your body is welcoming you home". Read those words, close your eyes, and feel into the sensations that arise. What do you feel? What do you notice?

In the yoga nidra training I was in last week (School of Sankalpa), almost everyday, I heard our wise facilitators say, “the subconscious is always in the present.” This phrase has stuck with me. I keep coming back to it. I have been deeply engaged with the studies on the conscious and subconscious for several years. I have found huge growth by contemplating the complexity of the human system and have taken time to understand how this mind and body works. I hadn’t yet heard that phrase though - “the subconscious is always in the present.”

I had an aha moment a few days ago. The subconscious system doesn’t “learn.” It is a storage system, a recording device, and simply executes from the stimuli it is fed from moment to moment. While the conscious mind isn’t bound by time; it can be fully present, yet it can also wander, and often does. While the conscious mind can wander, and we can be aware of the wandering mind, the subconscious does not discern between reality and fiction, past or present. It simply reacts to what it is fed and feels. The subconscious system is fed stimuli from various directions, and it reacts to protect and prolong survival.

For example, while watching a scary movie, as I was last night for my Halloween celebration, as I jump or squirm or hide my eyes, my conscious mind knows I am watching a movie, but my subconscious mind simply reacts in the moment and is present to stimuli it is fed through my various senses. The subconscious reacts as if that monster is in the room, and gets your system ready to fight, flight or fucking freeze up like a fainting goat.

Our subconscious mind is at the helm approximately 95% of the time. We need to understand how this system works, especially because of its massive influence and power over our daily lives. We are being affected every moment by what has happened in the past, yet the subconscious reacts as if it is all happening right now in the present. We get a cocktail of sensations, emotions, and thoughts that can become really confusing when we get lost in the hamster wheel of reactions. Rather, imagine what’s possible when you detach from the reactive and impulsive subconscious mind and develop a deeper relationship with your pure awareness and consciousness?

The Window of Tolerance is a term and tool introduced by Daniel Siegal in his amazing book, Mindsight. We see the nature of our animal mind to avoid what is uncomfortable and push or pull us towards instant gratification, which can lead us to numb out, to get distracted, or to try to make meaning out of all the uncertainty in life. When we know this system, we can sense into it as we get activated (hyperaroused) or lethargic and depleted (hyoparoused), and rather than act out from that state, we can soften, open, and become receptive as we acknowledge the subconscious workings of the mind while honoring the wisdom of breath and surrender.

From there we can hold space for our emotions. We can be with sensations as they arise like a wave and move to their completion; giving us access to the depths of our being rather than always acting out from the surface of simple pleasure or displeasure.

From being in this practice for several months now, I have witnessed my habits and patterns change drastically. I am no longer uncomfortable in my own body. I no longer sit in judgement or dis-ease and force my mind into positivity. I am living from a depth and connection to the many layers of who I am rather than simply being on the surface of the physical body and its aesthetics. I can feel when I get uncomfortable and now stay open to receive the wave and allow it to move, bringing me in touch with my intuition and pure state of consciousness on a daily basis. I no longer fear my emotions or get confused in my feelings. the house of my being is lit up, the windows are open, the doors are unlocked, and the air of breath and joy of music flows freely without restraint or fear.

I am so inspired to be in this work and to guide and teach others how to get back into the wisdom of their body. The process is simple, not easy. And I promise, it is worth it. Get curious and open yourself up, your body is waiting to welcome you home.

xoxo

CHAKRA POP

We are made of energy. Each cell in your body is vibrating with energy, and we are attracting, dispelling, and blocking certain things in life based on our individual and unique energetic fields. There is a vast world of communication and reactions happening beneath your conscious awareness, and we are fueled and compelled to act constantly by this world. To become a more congruent, whole, and integrated person, we must experience things that allow new, healthier, more efficient linkages to be cultivated in our brain; away from the pathways that do not serve who we are, and more strength and resolve to create new pathways that do serve us. Long before modern technology and science, ancient cultures honored this energy by labeling seven main centers in the human body that housed everything that it is to be human. They called these, the Chakras.

In the ancient language sanskrit, Chakra translates to ‘wheel,’ which alludes to the spinning nature of this energy, and the importance of all seven chakra centers moving/spinning, communicating, and flowing in a balanced manner. When one center is blocked or in excess is spinning too quickly, we are out of balance and our health suffers in mind, body and spirit. This system gives us something tangible to look at when we notice these imbalances, and offers many different practices, both physical and mental, to get to know ourselves better and create balance in our body and life.

Chakra Pop is a yoga class that I have created to offer such an experience. It is an opportunity to feel the energy of each chakra, aligned with music, movements, breath, and words that will connect, cleanse and strengthen each chakra. Whether you are a seasoned practitioner or a complete novice, my goal with this class is to share the amazing philosophy that makes yoga what it is while providing a lived experience to support the shifts you desire in your life.

If you are brand new to yoga or yoga philosophy, here is a brief introduction to your Chakra system….

The FIRST chakra - Root Chakra (Muladhara - in sanskrit)

The literal translation of Muladhara means “root support.” This chakras role is to connect all of you and your energy with the Earth, aka Grounding. This is the home of safety, needs for basic survival, which includes financial and emotional security. Anything that promotes survival and generates a sense of “home frequency” is in the realm of the root chakra. And it is the most important area to check in with first, because until you tune into a sense of safety, and support the exploration of a solid foundation, nothing else matters. You will constantly be distracted and pulled towards finding safety until that sense of grounding sets in. Once you are stable, safe, and connected, you get access to your other levels of being.

The SECOND Chakra - Sacral Chakra (Svadhishana)

The translation from sanskrit means, “the place of the self.” This chakra is the wheel of creative energy and your identity as a human being within the realm of emotion, pleasure, sensuality, and your ability to adapt and flow from one moment or experience to the next without attachment or craving. Your health and vitality is deeply effected by your sacral chakra, as the intensity of emotion and addiction can create major imbalances, while a healthy relationship to sex, pleasure, flow, and emotion can be the grounds for a life full of joy and vitality.

The THIRD Chakra - Solar Plexus (Manipura)

Translated it means “lustrous gem.” This is the home of confidence (aka a healthy ego), personal power, fire and passion. A strong connection and balance in this chakra allows you to be a person of action, as you trust your self and trust the process, and are not one to be stopped by fear or self-doubt. The gut is known as a secondary brain in our body because of the intricate and complex hormones and communication systems that reside there. A healthy gut provides energy and power, while an unhealthy gut becomes an energy drainer.

The FOURTH chakra - Heart Chakra (Anahata)

The translation from sanskrit means “unhurt.” This is the home of love, compassion, and a balance between the bottom three and top three chakras. This center also represents the important balance between giving and receiving. There is immense power for health and healing in this chakra. Your heart has oxytocin receptors that literally heals past wounds and traumas when in balance. Give the people in your life permission to break your heart and trust that being open and full of compassion is the only “armor” you need.

The FIFTH Chakra - Throat Chakra (Vishuddha)

The translation from sanskrit: “very pure.” This chakra is your expression of your personal truths. Your ability to fill the space with your presence and your voice. A balanced and open throat chakra provides the clarity and ease of communication, as you trust your voice and speak non-violently, as well as patiently listen with generosity. Through conscious communication, you continually update your belief system to align with your highest-self, and you know your words vibrate with healing energy and will inspire the ears they land on.

The SIXTH chakra - Third Eye Chakra (Ajna)

From sanskrit, the translation is: “beyond wisdom.” This chakra offers wisdom that is beyond the five senses and the material world. Often explained as the “seat of the witness,” this center represents one’s ability to step off the emotional roller coaster of the ego and see the space to pause for a response rather than go with auto-pilot’s reaction. When we learn to observe ourselves, notice and witness without judgement, but rather, with curiosity and a desire for a deeper knowing, we get access to the wisdom of the third eye. The actual location of this chakra center resides in the pinecone shaped gland, called the Pineal. This gland has light receptors, which is responsible for helping you feel awake in the daytime and sleepy at night.

The SEVENTH Chakra - Crown Chakra (Sahaswara)

From sanskrit to english, this chakra means “thousand petaled.” This is the home of pure universal consciousness. While this center is where our own consciousness resides, it is also the gateway to everything above that is unseen. It can feel like bliss, or as if you are everything and nothing all at once. Being in alignment with the bottom 6 chakras will support you exponentially in experiencing the energy that is beyond the physical or beyond your own individual. It is in this chakra that the sentence, “I AM” is full and complete as it is. Beyond labels, beyond stories and limitations, this chakra connects you to the limitless and the formless.

Now that you have a familiarity with the chakra system, which one stands out to you? These provide a map for you to get to know your mind-body connection, and give you access to a cleansing and strengthening with avenues from within and from outside your body. What you need now is not going to be what you need later. This is a constant process in flux, as you tune into the subtleties of the chakra system, and skillfully learn how to assess, connect, cleanse and heal yourself on a daily basis. One step in that direction….join me at Chakra Pop (Tuesday’s 4:45pm at Liv yoga + wellness).

See you there ;)

Self-Worth

I have had some major awakenings and unraveling’s in the past few months. This summer has been a time of facing my deepest wounds and finally having the tools and space to process and reintegrate some things that have been too scary to meet in the past. The major thorn or wound that I have been peeling away the layers of has been around body image and self-worth. A complex unraveling as I have witnessed my attachments and stories rise to the surface each time I have been face to face with a very real accusation or opportunity to rewrite my thought process around how my body looks and what that means for my self-worth. I have realized that any attachment to self-worth in the realm of the ideal shape of my body is setting myself up for a very bumpy ride. One moment my stomach may be flat and I feel great and empowered, and the next it swells up and then I am face to face with this pull towards hiding and not standing as tall in my power. WTF? This has happened enough now that I can see the dysfunction. I can see the exhausting roller coaster I have been riding for most of my life, and I finally have been able to call bull shit on it.

Even when/if others make hurtful comments about the shape of my body, or any woman’s body, I can now see that that comes from their own dysfunction, wounds, and naivety from social conditioning and life experience. And my reactions to what others say (or to what I say), is showing me my own stories, assumptions, and wounds. I can see how others’ remarks and beliefs rule their life and causes suffering for them, and I do not have to take their opinions as fact or truth. I can see my shape for what it is, and choose to love every inch regardless of its current state.

My body is magic. Even when it swells, or hurts, it is pure magic and I want to bow down and honor this vehicle every single day. I still have goals that include my physical body, and I would love to have rippling abs and feel and be stronger, but I know that I will not be a happier or a more deserving person because of the shape of my body. I am more than this physical body. I am a mind, an energy, a force, a guide, and am constantly in flux. I am happy and deserving now. Working to be my best always, and loving the journey more than the ideal destination. Even the “destination” is not fixed or static, it will also flow and change and continue moving.

As I step more fully into this realization, I feel a deep sense of calm and a “home frequency” that feels supportive and inclusive. It fires me up with inspiration and motivation to share and encourage others to stay the course of their personal development work, because the bounty that continues to flow in makes life so enjoyable - even when it’s a struggle.

Disassociation from the inner-critic and the selfish push and pull of the ego does not happen through ego contemplation. I experienced the sneakiness and slippery nature of the ego when I tried to cognitively joust with it’s impulses and over-rule it with mindset and re-direction. The ego will always win if you are just trying to out-think it. Instead you must go through the back door; an embodied mindfulness, with compassionate connection, slowly increasing your resiliency to stay with what is uncomfortable and ride the wave towards wisdom and insight. It’s the simplest and most profound experience I have had yet along this yogic journey.

So I leave you with this: each interaction you have with yourself and with others is a seed you plant. And which seeds you choose to actively nourish will become your superpower. Take some time to get real with how you are spending your time, with who are you conversing with, what topics and inquiries are you engaging in, and what do you truly want?? What you do daily matters more than what you do once and a while. Take yourself seriously by actively creating the support system that will catapult you in the direction you desire. There is a way to healing and overcoming and strengthening and radical pleasure in your day to day life.

Just keep in mind, there’s going to be some resistance and struggle as you re-direct your energy from the well-worn path of your current habits and states, just as there are inconveniences, more traffic, detours, noise, and a lot of work during road construction. The new intersection or roadway being built is simply a small struggle compared to the convenience and beauty of the heartfelt upgrade. It’s time to level up.

Reach out if you would like support in your journey. I would be honored to guide you through the embodied mindfulness experience.

xoxox

HOW to devote your EGO to something bigger than you

Almost ten years ago I went through ego dissolution. It was an existential crisis, as my perspective shifted in an instant, from being the center of the universe to suddenly feeling like a bug that could be squished and forgotten any moment. It was terrifying and painful. I shook uncontrollably for hours and didn't leave my apartment for three days. Death was all around me and I didn't have the tools or the understanding of how to deal with this reality. A veil was lifted and there was no turning back. 

It was years later that I realized that that existential crisis was my ego losing its shit. Not ego death, because I am still here and I still have a sense of identity. Ego Dissolution is a process of losing the perceived boundaries that create separation between you and everything else. It can come from drug-induced experiences, meditation, deep self-inquiry work, and existential crises (to name a few). 

My existential crisis was one of the best things that ever happened to me. Over time, as I healed from the trauma of that awakening, I began to feel more alive and more mindful on a daily basis. There was less judgement, less pettiness, less fear-riddled decision making, less holding back overall. I learned to think about death every day as a beautiful reminder of the fragility of life and my passion to live each day like it's my last. It is difficult to be restrained by the immature and short-sighted musings of the ego when I contemplate the unavoidable end of life that is coming for us all.

It is easy to get bombarded with information and to allow ourselves to get quite melancholy and apathetic about the human condition. However, sadness does not heal others' sadness. Anger is not the remedy for dissolving anger. Being absorbed by the struggles around us does not help carry the weight others are carrying. And, avoiding the hurt or leaving the struggles of the world solely in the hands of others' isn't doing much good either. So what is one to do??

This has been a big topic of my own reflection and self-inquiry lately. Is it egotistical to think that I can have a positive impact on the world? Is it irresponsible to set out with the mission to spread health and happiness when there are millions of people who can only focus on finding food and shelter day after day? I have realized that my own healing and self-discovery creates a ripple effect around me. As I learn and grow, my potential for impact expands. While I cannot directly impact everyone, I know I can impact many, who then can impact many, who also can impact many. In order for us each to step into the potential of our best-self state, we need to understand our ego, and how we can use it's immense power and flexibility to cultivate a revolution of love, longevity, and life-affirming pleasure. 

What is the ego?

First of all, the ego is difficult to define because it is a unique expression for each one of us; it is not just one specific thing.

• A person's sense of self-esteem or self-importance (i.e. can result in an inflated or deflated ego)
• The "I-maker"; i.e. the separation between what is YOU and what is ME
• "The ego is like a pair of scissors that turns your interactions into judgments where you (overtly or secretly) compare yourself to others...Anything that feeds a sense of self-importance, either because you feel like a victim or better than others, comes from ego." Yol Swan
• "The ego is an identity of our own construction, and identity which is false. If we take all the beliefs of what we are - beliefs about our personality, talents, and abilities - we have the structure of our ego" Gary Van Warmerdam
• The ego feeds on pleasure and creates disturbances to avoid discomfort

How to retrain your ego and devote it to something bigger than you?

While it is obvious that you are a unique individual, there is also truth in the statement that "we are all one." There is a unifying energy that we are all a part of; a collective consciousness and rhythm that all of life flows within. We all share in struggles, in comparisons, in the cycle of life and death, and this earth is home to us all. When we can cultivate that healthy sense of individuality while also attuning to the peace that comes along with ONE-NESS, we tap into a power beyond measure. This is how we devote our ego to something bigger than seeking that next high, or achieving that next selfish goal, or being acknowledged for that thing you did. your ego wants to feel good, and you can train it to pursue the high of supporting others, the positive buzz from learning something new, and the joy of celebrating others' successes. While it may begin with a focus on delayed gratification while you have the urge for instant gratification, over time your mind and body learn that it feels really good to make healthy choices, to connect and encourage others, and to be a part of something bigger than you. Even in my case, I have trained my mind and body to feel good as I contemplate life and death. 

It is the busy-ness of our thinking mind that pulls us away from being full and content with the moment as it is. Here are four steps for you to practice your way into dissolving the unhealthy habits of your ego and developing strength in the healthy aspects of your ego....

1. Don't just do something for the sake of doing something. Slow down, do less, sit there and direct your attention inwards. Notice where your mind goes and practice just watching and witnessing rather than engaging or getting busy to distract yourself. 

"The less active your mind, the easier it is to discern what's true and what's illusion - that is, what comes from intuitive wisdom and what may be disguised as understanding but is really motivated by ego" - Yol Swan.

2. Meditate. Everything you need is already inside of you, behind your mind-chatter. You can achieve a sense of confidence without it's clingy-cousin Arrogance. 

"The paradox is that the more you work toward dissolving your ego, the more empowered your sense of self emerges, as your need to 'belong' or compare to others diminishes" - Yol Swan

3. Pleasure is your birth-right. Anything you can do, you can overdo or underdo. So engage in pleasure in the name of love, connection, and nourishment, and remember that while we need water to survive, even water can kill if we get too much. 

Practice Intimacy without attachment, and Satisfaction without "What's next?"

4. Learn, forgive, and practice compassion. We are all doing the best that we can with the information, energy, and capacity that we have. 

"The self discipline and self awareness required to achieve a higher perception of life and spiritual growth means the dissolution of ego. The key is to maintain that focus and presence of mind in ordinary life and pierce through the coloring of the mind that wants you to remain stuck in the false self images and illusions you get attached to - especially the 'spiritual' ones" Yol Swan. 

Practice humility without insecurity, and contentment without comparison. How about you versus you-yesterday rather than You versus anyone else. 

Most importantly, the dissolving of the unhealthy habits of the ego is a process and will not happen over night. Choose to fall in love with practice, and you will fall in love with life ;)

I leave you with this......

“... what is said about the ego becomes food for it self. The ego is self justifying to the bitter end… The ego is a concept and yet it is real… It is like quicksand; no matter what we do or which way we move, we sink deeper. If we do nothing, we’ll also sink deeper… we must do something, and yet there’s nothing we can do… In living with this, try to find the ego, try to see it, face-to-face. Don’t try to know something about it, try to find it… Know that whatever you find, behind that is more you go, feeling proud and taking credit for having found something. Be especially careful of discovering egolessness, because that is ego and drag… Continue to struggle, don’t give up, and no there is nothing you can do. Whatever you find, know that the ego has found it. Whatever is not found, the ego has not found it. Be careful also when you hear that one perfectly exquisite and definitive explanation and remedy. The ego says it, the ego here’s that, ego knows it. The ego smiles and self satisfaction. Don’t give up. If you do, it is the ego that gives up. If you don’t it is the ego that doesn’t. Just try to see it, face-to-face. Be committed to this, even though it is the egos commitment.“  - Robert Rabbin

<3

How and Why to meditate

My relationship with meditation has many chapters at this point. It has been on my mind for over a decade. First as something I was told to do by doctors to help with my mental health. And while I agreed and understood it to be an important thing to do, I didn't do it. 

I began to read countless numbers of self-help books and noticed a common denominator in the messaging was meditation. I learned there are many different ways to engage in meditation and decided it was something I needed to give a good try. 

I started with a 30 day challenge, as I thought I needed the accountability, motivation, and sense of fun that comes with a short stint of a daily challenge. I set my aim on 10 minutes a day, as it seemed like a low number and an easy target. The first few days went great. I would sit out on my balcony, enjoying the fresh air. My back would ache after a couple of minutes, but I was determined. A solid five days of meditation and I felt great! And then, I missed the sixth day, and then the seventh day, and the eighth day. Suddenly ten minutes felt like a huge barrier and I lost my steam. 

No problem though. I celebrated my few days of success and went back to the drawing board. I had learned a beautiful lesson in writing my book Be The Change. I set the bar low by stating I would write for ten minutes a day, and that made it possible for me to commit every day to at least ten minutes. So perhaps, I thought, I needed to set the bar lower for my meditation goal. I landed on 30 seconds a day. I knew I would always meditate if it was just a mere 30 seconds. So off I went once again. This time, it worked. Two solid months of 30 second meditations. The beauty that came from this was that I learned to crave the feeling meditation afforded me. And while I would start each day with 30 seconds of meditation, it soon trickled in throughout my day. I had a few moments in my car before a meeting; meditate for 30 seconds. I am out walking and falling in live with the rhythm of nature; sit down and meditate for 30 seconds. I am feeling anxious and wound up for no apparent reason; drop what I am doing and meditate for 30 seconds. Honestly, I felt POWERFUL! I felt like I had more control in my mind and body then ever before. 

After two months of this beautiful practice, I decided it was time to increase my goal and would now meditate for 6 minutes each morning. I did that for one week, and then fell for the allure of the bigger-better game. I increased my goal to ten minutes for that week ahead. I managed to get in two meditations. And then, for some reason, I increased my goal to 20 minutes, and completely stopped meditating all together. Interesting ;). 

The battle within me amped up. I noticed my mood and energy levels began to fluctuate a lot more. I noticed my need for control in my food, body image, and surroundings elevated. My mind slowly downsized from feeling in tune with the expansive flow of life and collective consciousness, back down to being consumed by surface level disturbances. I had touched the jewel of a daily meditation practice, and then found myself back in the prison of my own body and mind. Interesting experience indeed. 

Since then, my meditation practice has been inconsistent at best. I have reverted back to my 30 second commitment, and am in the practice of embracing where I am and relearning the art of making meditation a daily habit. Part of my process is to write about it. Writing is my favorite integrative exercise, as I land on exactly the reminders and the pathway I need to feel supported and accountable to the things I desire in life. 

What I hear from many people in their own struggle with meditation is a lack of understanding of how to engage in it as a practice. Like most things we know are important in life, we can easily land on the WHY, yet it is the HOW that we get tripped up on. 

Why is meditation a worth while pursuit?

• It trains your mind to find the calm in the storm
• It pushes the "reset" button
• It builds your relationship with your Witness state (behind your mindchatter)
• It strengthens your ability to PAUSE after your impulsive Reactions so you have space and awareness to choose a thoughtful Response and deliberate direction
• It supports your expansive, heart-warming, compassionate filled, and fuel-inducing perspective that everything is connected

Let's talk the HOW....

First of all, if you have dabbled in meditation and have uttered the words "I just can't get my mind to calm down, meditation doesn't work for me." Guess what? If you tried to meditate, then you did meditate! You do not need to have a quiet mind in order to have had a successful meditation experience. You noticed your mind wouldn't calm down? That's meditation. Noticing. Awareness. Observation. 

Yes of course meditation feels better when you experience a moment - or more - of quiet, and expansive space, and it takes time to build that muscle. 

If you are intrigued and would like to practice, here are some steps to follow....

1. Create a comfortable space

Whether you sit, lay down, stand proudly in alignment, or move slowly and mindfully, the first step is creating a sense of safety and comfort so that your mind has a chance of finding the calm depths within. 

2. Posture matters

Sit up tall. Take a few moments to assess your posture and ensure you have lots of space for full breaths. Slouched posture not only triggers your fight or flight response, it also prevents full breaths, and can be the cause of aches and pains, which will pull you from your experience. Sit against a wall or on a chair as you build you postural muscles. 

3. Breath

Your breath is the gateway to your inner-environment. Full long breaths that invite in presence as you allow your breath to become the most interesting thing inside of you. Notice your breath as if you have never noticed it before. This supports your ability to get out of your thinking mind, and into feeling your body. Imagine your diaphragm as a balloon, and feel your front, sides, and back inflate with each inhale, and then surrender to the moment as it is with each exhale. Breathe in a way that in intentional, but not aggressive. 

4. Choose a focus with you inner gaze

With your eyes closed, focus your gaze at the backs of your eye-lids. And then imagine your head is a bus, and while at first it is as though you are in the front seat, staring directly out the windshield, allow yourself to take a few steps back to the backseat. Still able to see everything as before, but also the ability to see the space in between you and your thoughts, your emotions, and your reactions. 

5. Choose a focus with a mantra

I do not always engage in mantra, and I find it to be quite supportive in times when my mind feels more erratic or I am aware of a negative loop in my mind that needs to be rewired. Repetition is a convincing argument. And I am better able to stay in the moment and on purpose when I have a short phrase or one empowering word that I am focused on as my anchor. 

6. Visualization

Another tool I opt to use is the power of visualization. I imagine myself floating beneath the ocean's surface or above the clouds in the sky. I imagine my body is growing and expanding, touching everything around me and becoming connected to everything in the universe. I will also at times visualize my day and how I want to feel and show up from moment to moment. Planting seeds in my psyche in terms of my chosen energy and direction, making it more likely that I will remember these powerful feelings and intentions as I go about my day.

7. Space in between things

In the end, my goal with meditation is to feel aligned with the space in between things. The expansive space in between my thoughts, my breath, my emotional pendulum swing. This supports me in finding my status quo, my baseline, my higher-purpose and reservoir of energy as I know there is a lot I cannot control in life, and the best way to navigate is to improvise in the moment with an open heart and open mind. And every time I start my day aligned with that expansive space in between things, I am quick to notice when my thoughts hone in on something that does not serve me. I am able to step back into expansiveness with one deep mindful breath, and back into the flow of life, as the imperfectly perfect bountiful experience that it is. 

Most importantly, keep in mind that this is a practice. As I shared in my own story and relationship with meditation, it has been a bumpy road, and that is okay! We learn by doing. We learn by trying things on and reflecting on what works and what doesn't. And what works for me will not necessarily be the jewels and nuggets of wisdom you need. Use my experience as a platform to start, and then get into your own pursuit of trial and error. When you fall in love with practice, you fall in love with life.

xoxo Marin

Learning from my shadows.....again

I received a heartfelt message from a soon-to-be friend on instagram a couple of days ago. This friend opened up about her struggle with weight, divorce, motivation, and the desire to develop a better self talk habit through daily journal writing yet a resistance to it in the form of lacking a deeper understanding of the purpose and the HOW.

Quite honestly, this message came to me at the perfect time, because I also needed the reminder. For me to stop and do a little bit of reflection and digging in to find the answer I could share and inspire for another, was the healing I needed at the time too. 

My response to her is threaded throughout the paragraphs below, however, I wanted to take some time to write it out in a way that speaks to me and speaks to anyone else who reads these words. 

The purpose of daily writing is to rewire your thought patterns. It’s not about writing the negative or the positive stuff - it’s about choosing thoughts that create space for you to be who and where you are now, which then provides you with the energy and motivation for action. It's hard to make progress or find contentment when consumed by what you don't like in yourself or what you lack. There are so many other things to think about, and there are many perspectives to try on that allows you to be honest with where you lack yet in a way that provides compassion and inspiration.

Definitely be honest about where you’re at and what you’re noticing, and then shift into how you are embracing it, what you’re learning from it, and what you’ll do to practice this shift in perspective. Sometimes we need to remind ourselves and practice our way into letting go, forgiving, accepting, and setting up action steps to move onward.

Most importantly, it’s okay to not feel okay. It’s okay to struggle and to feel as though you are retreating into yourself. It's okay to have habits and patterns that get in your way. We all do! The main difference in those who are still productive and perhaps even happy or content in their struggle, is their perspective. I try really hard to remind myself daily to embrace my imperfections, love my shadows, learn from my missteps, and just keep trying! It certainly feels better when you are engaging in life in a disciplined and internally directed way. And it feels better when you get the sleep you need and the nourishment you require.

We are human, we are imperfect, and we can be content with discontentment because it means you are alive and you have the opportunity to shift as soon as you’re ready or are forced to make a change due to life circumstances. Either way, you’ll do it eventually, and I’m right here with you. 

Every morning I wake up and look at my body in the mirror, and too often my mood is determined by the shape I see. How much did I eat yesterday? How much did I move yesterday? How did I treat myself yesterday? It becomes completely ego-centric when I allow my morning trajectory to be determined by my mind's judgment of my body's current state. There is so much more to me than the shell of my body. I have depth, and I am grateful for the opportunity this life and this body affords me. I want to step into each day with love and compassion in my heart as I embrace my shape and make healthy and mindful decisions moment to moment because that is how I navigate life with the fuel I need. 

I struggled with body image, severe depression and eating disorders for many many years. I wrote a book about my journey and my overcoming. And still, I am not immune to this very real human condition of self-doubt and depression. I struggle to stay motivated to engage with life. Sometimes I want to just sleep, and it feels difficult and consuming to engage with other people. I experience anxiety and worry that I’m not interesting. I judge myself harshly and become consumed mentally when I overeat. 

Yet, I know that being thin is not what makes me happier. It’s the pursuit of health and longevity that will invite in happiness. It’s the act of getting sweaty or taking time to meditate that brings about good feelings - at any size. I started this morning with a simple and short meditation - as I sat on a stool facing out the balcony window to take in the light and the buzz of the wind and the few cars on the road. I reminded myself - don't just do something, sit there. I noticed my mind wander to a few situations in the recent past that irked me, that disturbed me, and I can see now that there are a few things I am carrying around with me that are contributing to my low state. So often there is something real in life that has bothered me, and instead of dealing with it, I try to just let it go, yet the low vibration feeling stays with me and manifests in other ways. Our brain likes order and meaning, so it will attach to anything as a way to explain the low vibration feelings that are present. 

Focusing on needing to be thinner to be happy is just attaching to something tangible as a reason for your feelings of lack. To heal the hurt of your relationships that need mending or dissolving, and to reclaim your life with passion and purpose, you need to change the glasses that you perceive your life through. Retraining your self talk patterns is a great place to practice.

I call it being pragmatically optimistic. When I’m writing to rewire my thoughts, I start with what I notice I am feeling. I then ask myself questions about what else could be contributing, and what are some other perspectives to try on, and what’s something I can do today to learn, grow and let go. The process of asking and answering high quality questions is where the shift awaits! So, the questions I am sitting with today, and I invite you to do so as well....

• What is one thing I can do today to mend the hurt from a past conversation or relationship that seems to be nagging on my psyche?
• What is my self-loving and compassionate mantra to land on and repeat when I find myself engaging in a habit or pattern today that I am committed to shifting or removing from my life?
• What am I giving myself permission to feel today?

To close, I have a beautiful quote to share from Angi Fletcher. She is a model, mother, and vulnerable advocate for body image and self-love practices. I stumbled across this and felt immediately hugged by her words. Enjoy ;) 

"There are seasons for everything. Happiness doesn't come in a body shape; health and vitality does; having more energy does; being able to move easier does; not being as depressed does. But all these things comes from what you put in your body and what thoughts you choose to believe, not just in the shape or size of your body. When I was in my thinnest body measurement wise, I was also at my thinnest capacity for love, patience, strength, adventure and happiness. Your body is your body. It is changeable, moldable, flexible and more capable than you can imagine. But it is just a shell. You are in control of your mind and what you put into your body to either make it a machine or a prison" Angi Fletcher