Tell me what perfection is...

Episode three of season three of my podcast was such a delight to facilitate. I find it to be so fascinating to reflect on the journey of various concepts and beliefs in my life, and how they have evolved into a release or into a deeper rooting. The notion of perfection has played an important role in my self-inquiry, and it was such a treat to share that journey and hold space for others who are all in their own unique relationship with this concept.

Below are a few minutes from the beginning of this episode transcribed for your reading pleasure. Find the links to the full recording at the end. Enjoy, xox.

Marin: I'll give you some context into tonight's topic. It really popped up for me actually in our last recording. Where the word perfect was used so many times in so many different ways. And I just became really curious about that, of the different ways we're using it. Sometimes it was positive, sometimes it was negative, sometimes it was something you can never reach. It was hyperbolic often, being used in a way where it's like, well that's not really what I meant, it's just like, that's the word I use because it's this nice exaggeration that we throw around all the time. Right, “I'm dead tired”. Well, are you really? “I'm as fast as the wind”. What does that mean? 

We say these things that are just kind of an analogy, but it's hyperbolic. And that's one of the first things one of my teachers said when I broached this topic with her about what do you think about perfection, and she said, a lot of the English language is hyperbolic. And that's really all I have to say about it for right now and I was like that's genius. That's a huge part of what makes this concept so confusing is the different ways that we use it. 

…..

And so there's a few different concepts - or I'll go with the word container - that we can use to understand perfection. Not only does perspective matter, but so does scale. As well as what type of language am I using, is this hyperbole, or am I being really serious about what I'm saying? And as I will get more into kind of playing with different ways of discussing this and exploring it, but I wanted to start with sharing that the only thing I really know for sure is that when I claim perfection as now. my whole body settles. 

Like it's, it's this internal striving for more or what's next and control and this is wrong, all of that just settles, because I confidently step in and claim, “no it's perfect”. And being this nerd with the nervous system, I know that when I feel so calm and settled and soft, there is space for alternative pathways, for sampling new information, for noticing things that I've never noticed before, because I feel safe. And to me, this practice that really has been introduced because of Beth, of claiming perfection as now, I've now been able to link it to what happens in my nervous system. 

So everything else is contemplation. It's interesting, some will be opinion based on experience, but that's the one thing I wanted to start with because it's what I can say I know this for sure because this is my visceral experience on a daily basis. 

So, you know, kind of trying to frame what our definition of perfection is. That's really all I wanted to kind of put out there to start with is, that's what I know, that's what I'm feeling. 

I am curious to hear from you Beth, when it comes to this discussion, this inquiry around perfection, whether it's how you would define it, or, or what you want to start with, you want to say about perfection.

Beth: Yeah, I think I'm going to start with what my teacher said, and then I'm going to move into kind of where it all kind of began for me. And this came up with my teacher, about two years ago. We were in conversation about some big -  probably cause and effect and karma or something like that -  and I just remember having this moment and we were in a circle and I looked at him and I said: “You think people are perfect too!” And everybody went silent. And I was like, oh did I say something wrong. And he just looked at me and he said, “If you say so”.

And then we moved on with the conversation. Which was, I mean I sat with that for a really long time and it's true. If I say so that's true, that is my reality. So then I kind of had to sit with, well (a) Why did I feel so uncomfortable? Why did the room go silent? Like what, what's the problem? I finally spoke my truth in a room that I thought was safe and it didn't feel safe so why what's the problem?

And so now I'm going to take you back to kind of where I think the issue started for me is, is growing up with a severely disabled sister. And when you have a disabled sister, she's just your sister, period. And then one day you go to school with her, and you realize everybody else thinks there's something wrong with your sister. Everything, the way she looks, the way she talks, the way she dresses, the way she thinks, the way she moves. Everything! 

And being a child and watching every other child, every other child, pointing out making fun of somebody for having all these “imperfections”, was so confusing. It was so confusing. And so I grew up really almost angry like “she's perfect! Why can't you see she's perfect? What is wrong with you, that you can't see she's perfect? There's no problem with her.”

“Well, you know, Beth, she's never been able to do math like you.”

“Yes She Can! I know she can. I know she can because when I take her downstairs and I spend three hours teaching her math she can do math. It’s that you don't want to take the time to teach her to be able to do what you think is going to make her perfect.”

And so, as I got older, that's like the reality I'm walking around and in the world, is a whole bunch of people that have agreed to this collective consciousness of humans are flawed. And I, I'll be honest, it really just totally confuses every single cell in my body, why every single human wants to claim, and own the fact that not only are they flawed, so are you. But it's okay you're flawed because I'm flawed too. We're both flawed. And it just like it really confuses me. There's very few things that I have been met with more resistance in my life than people who want to tell me why not only are they not perfect, I'm not perfect, and the world's not perfect. And it, like I said it's just very very confusing. (A) that not only do you want to clean that for yourself, but the fact you actually want to put that energy on everybody else walking around in the world. 

You know, and the next layer that I'm going to go into is like, why, why are we doing that. I think it's because, as a collective consciousness, several of us are separate or have separated ourselves, or have been taught to be separate from our spiritual self. And our spiritual being is in the present moment; perfect. It is a reflection of divine love and light. There is nothing wrong with the present moment. And if you claim there is then show me one piece of evidence that says that this present moment is not perfect. 

And so I think that that's, you started talking about space and time, it becomes about achievement. Perfection becomes something we have to acquire as opposed to being something that we are. But then becomes the question of stagnation. Well then, then we're stagnant, we're not progressing. Well, really?

I can look back on myself 10 years ago and I am not the same person but I don't think I'm any more perfect. I don't think I'm any more perfect today than I was 10 years ago, or 20 years ago or 30 years ago, nor do I think I’ll be anymore perfect 20 years from now. It's just a whole bunch of now moments that are strung together. And if you're in the Now moment, there is no other answer other than for me; you're perfect. And I'm perfect, and I can only see you in the same light that I know my truth as. 

Marin: Thank you. Yeah, you know that the story that is coming up for me is one of the first times that I played, or that I taught yoga. It was at a family reunion in BC, and I was teaching. I have a pretty large family, I grew up Mormon, so when we all get together, it's like, lots of people. 

So, early in the morning for these three days, I said that I would lead a yoga class outside for any of the family who wants to join. And my dad came to, I think all three of them, and on one of the mornings, I was saying things along the lines of, like, you've got to accept yourself for who you are. Accept this moment, it's all there is. Right. What if you are exactly who and where and, you know everything that you're meant to be in this moment, like just a lot, a lot of that as the theme of like just radical acceptance.

And my dad pulled me aside after and challenged me on that. And he said: You know I don't know if I agree with this, like, just accepting things as they are things that you were talking about. And he said, you know, his worry was that if people are really to just accept that this is what it is that yeah they'll stop trying. It'll turn into this, this passive lifestyle of like well I'm perfect, so why try or, you know it is what it is, so I'm just gonna lay back and wait for the universe to come knock on my door and tell me what's next. 

And similar to the way you described Beth, I sat with this for a long time. Right. It was a moment where I was like hey there's truth in what he just shared, but something's off. Like, that's not the whole truth. And what I realized years later through continued practice and study is, oh, it's non-dualism, that I was feeling. We were both right. Yet this incessant fear of passivity or stagnancy or I'm not going to be enough, I won't achieve the things that I need to achieve, to be, “successful”. 

That's a very extreme fear that will lead us into, well, equal and opposite extremes in all different directions. Right, it's the push and pull. If we are really heavy or focused in one area, it's going to throw everything off balance. And so that became a big part of my practice as recognizing that okay if I'm going to speak to acceptance and perfection, you're perfect right now. Well, I also need to include... well, what does it mean to be both perfect and adaptable? What is it to be in this place of radical acceptance, yet still acknowledge that I have desires and goals? I do want to achieve things. I'm just not so attached and fixated to these achievements that I think that's all that it is, or that's all that there is, and that I’ll suffer if I don't receive it. Right, that's to me like nervous system dysregulation, I'm not going to be happy until I get x. Well, what if I don't get x? And what if I get X and it's not what I thought it was going to be, then what? 

Right, so it's about recognizing that when we come back into regulation, back into this moment, back into the perfection that is now. Well now I have choice, and I have energy, and I have possibility all around me. And I can just be so content, right here. So, every step of my journey now is something that I savor and I enjoy because now is perfect,

And I will say that I think an important part of this journey as well is recognizing what your current beliefs are and knowing that it's okay to slowly make your way into claiming perfection now, because that might be quite a leap, for some. I know it was for me. Originally, when I was kind of tracking back my journey of my relationship with perfection, and it started with, I must be perfect. Right, classic perfectionist. And always disappointed. Always let down because I was never perfect. It drove me crazy. 

And so then I flipped into, oh, I can be both. I'm perfectly imperfect. And that felt really good for a long time. It did, it was liberating, actually, to be perfectly imperfect. And only a couple years ago I slipped into striving for is a negative feedback loop. It's suffering. I had a very strong stance, I didn't like the word perfection. I didn't want to use it. I thought it was wrong. Leading me back into, yeah it felt initially like it was leading me back to this place before where I had a lot of suffering. Right, so I didn't want to use it. 

And it was through conversations with Beth, where it was a little bit like, “what's wrong with claiming perfection?!” Like, she's so charged about it, and I love it because I was like, I need to pay attention to this, there's something here. 

And, and I have to say in our interactions there have been moments where it's like, I just don't know, like I still like this perfectly imperfect, and I still don't know if I want to use the word perfection just because of how misleading it can be. But I honestly can say now as I said in the beginning that this is, this is a daily practice for me now, of just pausing and going this moment is perfect. And it's just everything. Like, oh if it's perfect, I can be here. I don't have to refuse reality anymore. If my whole body says yes.

Beth: It frees you to be. There is no more need for doing. You can be. You can be a being, a human being. You know, again, it's not that human doing, it's like the perfection has become attached to a doing-ness. You know, it's something that we're chasing, we're acquiring something. You know, I wish I remembered who said this quote but “desire is the source of all suffering.” Right, and so like making perfection something that you're desiring in the future causes the suffering.

And I'm even gonna say suffering is perfect. Suffering is perfect. I've been through major traumatic events that I've had to consider well then Beth is that perfect? Yeah, I do believe if I could step back far enough, who am I to  say it wasn't perfect. Horrific things have happened that I've been witness to, you know, and nobody would ever think that that was perfect. But years later I can look back and be like wow that happened and that happened, we all know the butterfly effect right. If you can stand back far enough, who are you to say that it wasn't perfect? It might have been really scary. It might have been really awful. It might have been really dark and filled with shadow, but that doesn't mean it wasn't perfect. 

Full episode on Apple Podcasts

Full episode on Spotify

Energy Sovereignty

In episode two of season three of my podcast, Beth and I brought in a special guest - Shawna Robinson - to speak to Energy Sovereignty. This conversation taught me so much in regards to what I am already doing really well when it comes to being responsible for my own energy, as well as some simple tips on how I can bolster and enhance my energy work even more.

One of the practices that I have been playing with daily since this episode is visualizing an energy shield in my morning ritual. Each day it is slightly different, and I have loved the creativity and deeper connection and awareness this has brought into my field.

Below are a couple of short excerpts from our conversation, and a link to get access to the full recording. Enjoy xox

Marin: What comes up for me is the importance of Co-regulation. Of course it's really important to understand how to self regulate, but we also have the privilege to be in friendships and partnerships and families and workspaces, where we can be around other people that we can feel safe with. And when the energy is good as Igor is bringing in this fall of light, this joy and this love, it uplifts everyone. It's such a gift. When we can take responsibility for our own energy, that's what heals the people around us. We make them feel safe and calm, and they start touching into the joy inside of them. So when we do this practice for ourselves, it just becomes infectious in the best way. So thank you, I'm feeling your love and your joy and your sparkle and it's such a gift.

Beth: I like how you said, infectious. I think Shawna and I were actually just talking about how, for each person that really steps into that energetic sovereignty, they touch 10,000 other people.

Shawna: Yeah, and it can go higher too. 

Guest: Hi everybody. I just wanted to thank everybody for having this Zoom meeting, this is wonderful. It's amazing how things come into your life at just the perfect time. I think last week I was talking to my friend about this being a sovereign being, and how we get to choose the reaction and the reality around us. I kind of just wanted to share some tips I guess, or something that I've been practicing. Back to the example of, you know somebody cutting you off. It doesn't come naturally, but we tend to take things very personal. But sometimes, what that person does is on them and it doesn't have anything to do with you. And actually it's most of the time, it's on them. And so, or if they you know, show you a finger or whatever the negative that comes your way, I find that saying “oh it's on them” is almost like an excuse and then you're taking that responsibility of abuse on them, and that works okay too. But if you were to try, just try, again it's not always easy and sometimes it feels forced, but send them love.

Just send them love because they say we're all connected and sometimes it's very hard for us to recognize that we're connected. But if you send them love, then I guess that just, then you're also responsible for that situation and for that scenario.

And then another little thing but again, I've been practicing is the gratitude, which you can create the reality. So simple example, you're driving on the road and the light turns green just for you. You know when you approach that light and there's no cars and the light just like turns green, right there. And so you say thank you, simple, and it can be really anything. An elevator at your floor when you press the button. A person's smiling at you at the park. It can be really anything, but recognizing that is amazing and then you just say thank you and move on with your life. And then if it's a negative situation sometimes we can even say thank you for the negative for the negative situations. But keeping the emotions in line.

So you say thank you, it doesn’t have to be emotional so you are keeping your negativity in control, but you can still say thank you. For example, you know, if you lose money, you can say thank you for just taking the money and not somebody's life or health. So gratitude, sending love, and not reacting to the negative. Just recognizing the negative and stopping right there, and be like okay.

So it's like a pendulum. So if you're reacting negatively to something you are pushing the pendulum back, and it just gets stronger and stronger. But if you're not reacting you're not pushing the pendulum and then everything kind of comes in balance. So those are just little things. 

Shawna: And love is the highest frequency there is. I think there is so much wisdom in what you just shared because love is the highest frequency, full stop.

Beth: Yeah I was thinking that’s like a shielding practice. I use a mantra when negative things come at me. I literally feel my heart, like the door slams shut. It’s like “you did what?!” And my heart closed! And when I feel that, there is a mantra that goes off in my head, “oh, I love you deeply and completely and I always have and I always will and there’s nothing you can do that will change that.” And I repeat that over and over in my head and I actually feel my heart open back up. Would that be considered a shielding practice?

Shawna: 100% yes.

Marin: You know, so initially that heart slamming shut is a protection. Right. It’s one of the many multifaceted ways that the body tries to protect itself. Which is so amazing that it can do that. And when you can notice it, and use a mantra like that that provides a sense of safety, and like “this moment is perfect” and open you back up to love, that protection is not needed anymore. So it does relax. That is such a great reminder.

(later on)………….

Shawna: If I may add into that. If we pull this back to an energetic practice. If we pull this back to looking at how we're managing our fields, and what our intentions are, and the frequency that we're putting out into the world. I'm not saying it's going to eliminate “bad” things from happening, but your frequency is really the only guarantee that you have in life.

That frequency is going to determine what you attract, what you deflect, what sticks on you, what doesn't. So a lot of those things that may be fearful or stress inducing, if we have an empowered practice that we are mindful about on a daily basis, those things don't come into our fields, they just don't. And I can, I can say that from my experiences over the last five years, there are things that just don't come into my field. They're not welcome, that frequency is not allowed in, that frequency has no business being in this sphere.

And so when we're talking about stress, this practice could be one way to set you up in your day, where we're maybe freed up for the good stresses. Right, we maybe have the capacity to handle some of those more challenging, negatively stressful things better, because you're starting to come at it from a place within your own self, that gives you the ability to handle it from a higher frequency or from a higher perspective, or from a much more “in your body” kind of place. So I'm just going to pull all that stress chat back to an energetic level that I think some of these practices can absolutely bolster or insulate you towards some of those negative stressors.

Marin: Yeah, and I appreciate you framing it as positive stress and negative stress because I think that actually helps delineate a little bit more of what I was referring to when it came to actually some stress is good. Like, taking a cold shower is stressful. It activates your nervous system, but it's good for you when you're engaging in the practice to boost your immune system and to use it as an opportunity to practice breath work. To run stairs, that's a stressor. But it's a positive stress experience because you're choosing it. You're mobilizing your body and you are activating your system, you also are doing a lot of other really good things at the same time.

So it's different than moving into fight or flight or shut down or being stuck in chronic stress. So even something that started as a positive stressor; if you stay in that activated state and you don't regulate out of it, it turns into chronic stress and that destroys your body. But being alive - aliveness, mobility - these are types of stressors. Eating food, digesting, that is a stressor. Right, so being alive is a stressor. It's just about managing it, making sure that we are regulating.

I always come back to rhythms. As long as there's flexibility, there's health. If there is stagnancy or, you know, a really incoherent rhythm, then something's off. But if we can move flexibly through all the different states of our nervous system, then that's, that's health.

Full episode on Apple Podcasts

Full episode on Spotify

Getting vulnerable about vulnerability

Season three of my podcast began a couple of months ago, and this time around the majority of the episodes thus far have been a live recording on the Superseed yoga platform with my good friend Beth Davis. We host these live gatherings for anyone who wants to listen in as Beth and I unpack and tease apart a concept we are curious about, and then we open the discussion for anyone to contribute or ask questions. It has been an amazing experience so far.

Episode 1 was all about vulnerability. Below is part of the transcript from the episode, followed by a link to listen to the recording.

Marin: So, the first question that we want to pose together is, well, what is discernment? And how does it play a role in vulnerability? Discernment means good judgment. Right? So what is it to have good judgment when you are also practicing vulnerability? 

And this one really speaks to me because I'm someone who loves vulnerability. And for a few years I thought vulnerability was just speaking whatever was on my mind, whatever felt like truth in the moment and it always felt really raw and powerful. And I had a few situations where I was approached after sharing something with the question of, “you know, do you think that was maybe too vulnerable?” And my first reaction to that was taking offense. “What do you mean? How can you say that? There's no such thing as being too vulnerable!” 

And because I'm also a very curious person who loves to be in self inquiry, that question stuck with me for a long time. What does it mean to be too vulnerable? Like, what the hell does that even mean? And that took me into this conversation on discernment, and how that's an important part of vulnerability. And where that brought me to was understanding the difference between containment versus suppression. 

I don't want to push something down or avoid it. But I also know that containing is really important. Some things are uncooked and processed or premature. And if they're spoken, before they've been processed for a little while, it can make the conversation a little bit more difficult. And so to me, discernment, with vulnerability is the process of slowing down. Making sure that when I feel something that is really raw, vulnerable, that I first meet it myself before speaking it out into the world.  That I turn towards what I'm feeling and I make sure that I feel stable and I'm getting to know the layers and the depths of what it is moving through me before I voice it or express it.

Another piece of that, though, is recognizing that it's going to be imperfect. And you're going to make mistakes. And that's okay. But it's the process of just coming back and slowing down and meeting what's there. So that there's this inner stability, even in the raw sharing, or asking or expressing of any kind. It just reminds me of how when I've shared something really premature with someone, and I'm feeling unstable, well, now they're feeling unstable. And now it's too unstable people in a really difficult conversation. And again, that's okay. You'll find a way through it. But it can be a lot easier if you take the time to find the stability in yourself first. 

So Beth, what comes up for you from that question?

Beth: I think there's a couple of things that popped out at me right away. One was you mentioning that it's not going to be perfect. And I have the complete opposite view. I believe everything is perfect. And perhaps it was perfect in the sense that it was just an opportunity for you to learn how to move forward next time more in alignment with something that feels good to you.

The second thing is, ease, you talked about how can I make this easier. And so anytime you're dealing with vulnerability, finding a way to cultivate more ease for yourself and by doing so, you will also do do for the other people around you.

And then the last thing, I think that the more that you work through consciously practicing being vulnerable, the better you become at having worked through creating ease, recognizing that the goal being to create safe space, not only for yourself but for the people around you. So I guess that would be in that stop, that pause, in that time that you take to breathe. The question being ‘how can I make this space safe for myself and this person in front of me?’ 

And then I'm not going to say it's a more perfect conversation. It's a different conversation that I think will feel better as you move to be more in alignment with who you truly are. 

Marin: I love that you brought In safety. That's such an important part of it. When two people feel safe in a conversation, they can go a lot further into the unknowns together.

Beth: It's interesting that you started the conversation saying how fitting it is that we chose vulnerability as the first topic. We met a few minutes before you guys joined and I was like, ‘I feel so vulnerable!’ You know and that's perfect for us to be able to discuss that. And in that space between us meeting and you all joining us, Marin really cultivated safe space. So we did, we practiced a couple of breathing exercises, we connected to our heart, we read a couple of things. And we really got grounded inside of ourselves so that we could cultivate safe space for each other and then for all of you. Because the goal here is to lead a discussion that I hope opens up into a beautiful flower where some of you actually want to contribute to the conversation and perhaps broach being vulnerable with us.

Full episode on Apple podcasts

Full episode on Spotify

My Philosophy

Are you curious about what a coaching program with me looks like?

My philosophy:   

Where are you now and where do you desire to be?

We are creatures of habit; accidental and intentional. With knowledge in how habits are formed, where our beliefs and self-talk comes from, how our emotions inform our orientation and moment to moment perception, and how to develop a reverent connection with your heart, we can conserve and create quality energy. With that energy, we can step into a witness role where change and mindfulness becomes second-nature.

Emotions are at the root of every moment and life experience. Your emotions impact your ability to pay attention and what you pay attention to. Emotions influence your memory, capacity to learn, the decisions you make and the judgement and beliefs you see the world through.

If you are feeling anxious or overwhelmed, your brain is not in a state conducive to connection, learning, growth, creativity or resiliency.

Understanding how emotions impact relationships and communication, as well as how to regulate and offer a safe space for connection for others to regulate, will have a huge impact on the health of your business and your life.

The longest and hardest journey in life is from the head to the heart. It's also where we discover the wisdom and liberation we seek.

It is with compassion and mindful practice that we discover the pathway towards our deepest desires of feeling whole, happy, and aligned in purpose. We are not just what we eat, we are also what we think, perceive, experience, say, do and ingest through our senses from our external and internal environment.

We are relational beings and are more efficient and productive when we feel supported and are held accountable. Whether you simply need a "tune-up" or are seeking a longer term support system to learn and be held accountable, I am here to get creative with you.

I know everyone works at different paces and are in different places, and I am here to meet you where you're at. When we develop a new relationship with self-discipline, purpose, and passion, we all are capable of living the best life possible. 

Send me an email with questions - marinmccue@gmail.com

What is "samskara"?

Recall the last time you experienced a physical wound, and how you adapted your movement and activities to avoid aggravating that wound further. Imagine that same wound was accidentally touched or bumped against something, and the sharp or explosive reaction that caused you to pull away, curl in to protect, or express clearly to others that they must be more careful around you. All of these potential reactions are valid, as our drive to survive is a powerful internal system that seeks comfort and avoids pain.

Now imagine that this same wound never heals. How would your life be forever impacted if you were always on high-alert to ensure your wound is not touched?

In yoga philosophy, such wounds are spoken of as samskaras. They are the energetic and emotional wounds from traumatic moments that were too overwhelming for the support and resources available at the time. While the natural and healthy cycle of hardship is rupture and repair, samskaras are the ruptures that did not get repaired, leaving behind knots of disconnection. Rather than remaining in the explicit suffering of a rupture with no repair, the body separates that part of you experiencing the trauma and moves it into the implicit realm, as if that part could curl up around the wound to carry the emotional burden while "the rest of you" can continue on functioning in the world.

While this is a wise and important adaptation for humans to survive in a (at times) cruel and unpredictable world, the samskaras will continually derail the free flow of energy into the loops or obstacles of limiting beliefs that block our growth, yet their intention is to protect these deep wounds from being touched or from experiencing the familiar pain these wounds hold. Well intentioned in their creation, samskaras point us towards where we need to direct love and attention within to guide this stuck energy back into its free flowing nature.

As a practice of non sleep deep rest, yoga nidra facilitates a potent brain wave state that is conducive for transformation. When we approach this practice with the reverent curiosity to see and know our samskaras, we then can use the word medicine of sankalpa to nurture our wounds while we feed our subconscious a new narrative.

What makes this a unique and personalized un-covering is the understanding that we are complex, and while we have many "wounds," we must learn how to patiently discover which wound is closest to the "surface" and begin the unraveling and healing with sankalpa from there. In doing this, we heal and release stored energy of wounding one layer at a time, and the changes in our daily life will be evident as we have more space for presence and less time spent in defensive, protective and autopilot ways of being.

Want to learn and experience more?

Join me for an 8 month program to deep dive into the stages of the yoga nidra practice as a template for releasing the “old” and creating space for the “new".

Join me live on Sunday’s at 10am mst (starting April 18) for a weekly yoga nidra practice on Super Seed. Sign up now to get your first two weeks free.

Breath and Rhythm

Breath and Rhythm

Your brainstem houses an important system (The Reticular Activating System, or RAS) that receives and organizes all sensory data in priority and relevance to survival (based on belief, experience, current state and neuroception) and sends the salient information to the Thalamus (which acts like the mailroom or lead switchboard of the brain). The RAS is like a net that catches all stimuli and filters our what is salient to then direct that further into the brain for processing.

It's like a bloom of stimuli congregating at and through the brainstem, feeding information to various parts of the brain blooming in intervals at a speed of 20 to 80x per second (20-80Hz). An internal metronome that speeds up or slows down in an attempt to match the internal environment with the external environment. Generally speaking, the quicker the metronome, the more consuming (or loud) the sense of self becomes.

Also within the RAS, is the Respiratory Central Pattern Generator, the area that controls the unmanipulated natural breath; i.e. how you breathe when you are not paying attention to your breath or when you watch your breath without interfering. Depending on how fast the bloom of information is pulsing through the RAS, the rhythm of our breath will be impacted, speeding up or slowing down depending on the internal metronome's pace. While your present moment natural breath is a tangible source for knowing your current Nervous System state, it's also the entry point to consciously go inward and regulate what needs healing and reframing.

What does this mean?

Your current state, "sense of self," the sensory data your brain is paying attention to, what you are aware of and what you make it all mean, is directly linked to this internal metronome that can be accessed by slowing down the breath and gifting your brain slow, calm and consistent space to receive, reorganize and reappraise in mindfulness.

"The respiratory center located in the brain continuously monitors blood pH, carbon dioxide, and to a lesser extent oxygen. When the level of carbon dioxide in the blood increases above programmed levels, the respiratory center transmits impulses that tell the respiratory muscles to breathe in order to remove the excess gas. When we breathe too much over a period of hours to days, as is the case of chronic stress, the respiratory center adjusts to a lower tolerance of carbon dioxide. Having a lower than normal tolerance to carbon dioxide results in the respiratory center increasing the rate of impulses to the respiratory muscles. The result is habitual overbreathing and excess breathlessness during physical exercise." - Patrick McKeown

Why is this important?

Knowing the relationships between these areas of the brain and the rhythm of your breath illuminates the correlation between HOW your are breathing and your current perception and experience of self, others and the world. As well, we can see that our breath patterns can get stuck when what we need and want is a flexible breath that appropriately matches the current needs of the body.

Your Psychology is in your Physiology

The Insula is a key limbic structure that interacts with the heart, pericardium, diaphragm, etc., and receives information on an emotional and affective level. This informs your heart about your emotional state. If the RAS is saying "this is what you should pay attention to," the limbic system is saying "this is how your should feel about it." (Michael Hamm, neurofascial approach)

The Insula plays an important function in the re-representation or reinterpretation of interoceptive signals, which we can access when we learn to cultivate more space for feeling rather than the quick assumptions or actions that are reactions from past experience. To change a belief, we must first change our perception of self. And to change our perception, we must explore the space of feeling unconditionally, or as I like to say "don't just do something, feel something."

In simple terms, when we notice an urge for action or a story/belief, rather than charging forward, instead we want to practice slowing down and tracking sensation as we slow down the rhythm of the breath.

As Stephen Porges, father of Polyvagal Theory, says, “Story follows state.” If you feel disconnected from yourself or others, or caught in cycles or hysterical patterns, it's possible your internal environment is responding inappropriately to external stimuli. In other words, the Nervous System is "trying" to take perceptions of the outside world (exteroception) and merge those with the perceptions of the inside world (interoception) and link them so we can operate in our environment appropriately (proprioception). When things are out of sync, you can take action by “holding the hand of your breath” and guiding your system to settle and access calm so that you can be with what is arising rather than being “taken over” or overwhelmed or avoiding it all together.

The act of conscious breathing with a coherent (5 or 6 seconds inhale and exhale) and functional rhythm is what revives a sense of synchrony in the RAS and supports harmony in the brain. Harmony in the brain results in more space and energy for growth, awareness, practice, course-correction, patience, compassion, and upgrading beliefs and perspectives. It's like shifting from trying to balance and pay attention to various chaotic waves to a state where all waves move together harmoniously. Even quick breathing, when engaged in consciously and therapeutically (Conscious Connected Breathing, for example), when done for short periods of time, can act like medicine as bouts of acute stress increase our immune strength and when we complete the cycle by regulating and coming back to calm connection, we increase our resiliency and expand our window of tolerance.

Want more?

Watch this 36 minute clip from a workshop on Optimal Breathing and the Rhythm of the Nervous System from Inspired Yoga Institute’s virtual day retreat.

Join me for an 8 month program to master the practice of Yoga Nidra, optimize your breath and befriend your nervous system.

Tune in and optimize your rhythm with nervous system and breath work

I haven’t written much publicly in a while. I have been enjoying more space and attention in journaling as I workshop my own processing and dive deeper into novel realms of exploration that require more containment before I share openly about what I am discovering.

A part of me really misses the habit I once had in being disciplined with my writing and how that led to writing and publishing my book three years ago. I would love to write another book in the next decade of my life, as reflecting and creating with words is one of the most magical and deeply satisfying things I enjoy in my life.

As someone who has spent much of my life living stuck in a nervous system survival state, I am thrilled to have an understanding of how amazing the autonomic nervous system is and how to befriend it and utilize the fucking magic that is a regulated nervous system. Knowing the geography, the mechanics, the chemistry, and the psychology of the breath and it’s intimate relationship with the nervous system is one of my most gratifying passions.

Before I continue, I feel compelled to acknowledge and speak to the fact that learning how to regulate one’s nervous system is a privilege for those who also have an environment to live in that is conducive to safety, welcoming and nurturance. While anyone and everyone would benefit from understanding their nervous system functioning more vividly, it saddens me to think of so many children - and adults that used to be children - exposed to a cruel world without a safe person to predictably co-regulate with. I feel an urgency in learning, practicing and sharing because of the potential impact such knowledge and skills are for human beings.

Your current nervous system is the product of the dna building blocks ascribed to you, in relationship with every experience you have had in your life, how you reacted to it, and how long it took you to get back into a regulated state. We are shaped by our experiences as our experiences are shaped by us.

How you react and to what, how you think, what you think about, how you move, how you sleep, how you cope, what and how you eat, how you move towards or pull away, how you connect with your self, with others, with the world around you, and with spirit, all emerge from the nervous system platform you are currently inhabiting. Your unique rhythm is programmed into your nervous system and is either flexibly moving and adapting and being listened to and nurtured, or it is fixed, ignored and suppressed through over-ride and misunderstanding, resulting in a dried out and rigid state, severing you from connection and restoration.

Your internal rhythm is either flexibly moving and adapting to the changes of each moment - which is either “appropriately” matched or misreading cues based on prediction errors - or it can get stuck in one state, inflexibly fighting or bracing against the changes of each passing moment.

The result? We disconnect from our surroundings, we shift into a protective stance of emotional reactivity, and we play out stories of our past rather than co-create as embodied beings intimately alive with presence in the now.

By exploring my own rhythm I was able to notice and show self-compassion towards a pattern of feeling a slow and steady escalation towards overload, a story of “this is too much,” and a subsequent shutdown of my senses, disconnection from others, a story of separation, and a narrowing of my focus to the mental realm where issues like shame, guilt, self-criticism and loneliness were all battling for attention. In my late teens and early twenties, I developed many coping strategies to avoid or distract myself from my overwhelm. I shopped, I drank, I exercised, I watched tv, I partied, and sometimes even socializing, reading or working on something healthy and productive were also utilized as ways to escape, or at least momentarily get a break from my incessantly dysregulated mental landscape.

Now that it has been almost 10 years since I started this journey of understanding, befriending and reshaping my nervous system, some insights have become clear:

1. The deeply programmed internal rhythm each one of us has, began shaping in utero as an embryo developing lungs. The early life experiences we had in regards to co-regulation and self-regulation are the foundation of current breathing patterns that arise unconsciously. We restrict our breathing to restrict our feeling.

2. Tending to one’s own rhythm is equally important as consciously attuning and harmonizing with the rhythms of others. Knowing how to self-regulate is essential, and knowing how to co-regulate is a biological imperative.

3. Thinking in terms of rhythm is a great way to notice where and what feels stuck. A healthy rhythm is a flexible rhythm, a dynamic dance of push and pull.

4. “I am listening.” In order to effect change, we need to listen. Healthy, sustainable change is found in the emergence of a healthy rhythm. Learn to slow down, turn towards what arises with self-compassion, feel and listen with patience and curiosity, and you’ll be initiated into a relationship with the wisdom that is your body.

5. Show kindness and friendliness to your nervous system when it steps in to protect. These are the best moments for self-discovery and integration. Something has been triggered and now you get to turn towards it with compassion and curiosity and potentially unburden it from the unconscious pattern of protection and invite it back into a healthy and flexible place.

6. There are certain breath patterns and reminders that support the body in its vitality and resilience. Listening to our current patterns illuminates where there is stuck-ness, and practicing specific breath techniques throughout your day can gift you support in reshaping your nervous system’s sensitivity and expand your window of tolerance.

So, where does one start? You can begin by setting an alarm or reminder to be heard and seen every 90 minutes with the prompt to stop what you’re doing and turn towards your breath. Gift yourself 30 seconds to 3 minutes to relax your belly, breath slowly and smoothly in and out through your nose, and tune into your innate ability to restore and re-appraise simply by guiding your breath into a balanced and soothing rhythm.

Want more?

On March 23, 6-9pm mst, join me for a virtual workshop on zoom to learn the language of polyvagal theory to equip yourself with a map of your nervous system, followed by experiential practice with breath, meditation, visualization and putting pen to paper to capture the language and visceral experience of your own nervous system in action. Learn how to listen, self-track, and what steps to follow to develop a daily practice for befriending your nervous system.

When we breathe together, we grow together.

xoxo

How to Breathe your way into stress reduction

Pause and notice your reactions and recognize that they are actually effects of your habituated predictions. Respond with ease, love and compassion to allow the charged energy to be seen, loved and felt before any action or meaning is landed on. After feeling unconditionally, choose the action that aligns with your highest self. Over time, you can retrain your brain to predict in alignment with what you desire

Easier said than done, right?

Sometimes the brain fog or stickiness of our charged emotions can appear too big or overwhelming to overcome. A daily practice of connecting with self and ingesting several minutes of safety with intentional breathing techniques is what we need to create the space and energy for awareness and change.

Stress is not inherently bad, but too much of anything is no longer healthy. Chronic stress is wrecking havoc on the mind and bodies of people all around the world, and leaves us susceptible to extreme reactions and complications to the normal exchange of viruses and bacteria that make up who we are.

When stress becomes chronic, meaning there is no break from the hustle and overload of working from home, homeschooling your kids, breathing fast and shallow, or navigating the constant uncertainty of a global health pandemic, the brain stays in protection mode and doesn’t get the message to turn off that stress hormone cascade. The result: parts of the brain that are needed for balance, memory, perspective, and accessing safety begin to atrophy and shrink while other parts - like the amygdala - grow larger and more robust, causing an increase in emotional instability and reaction of fear.

It is time to take control back. As we approach the end of the year, we need to commit to the daily practices that the body needs for optimal opportunity to restore and create new healthy habits.

Below are a series of breathing techniques for you to experience and play with as part of your daily routine. For a personalized experienced to learn and practice mindfulness, meditation and breathwork, I am offering up to three sessions at a special holiday package price, and am happy to customize in any way based on your needs or the needs of a loved one that you would like to gift this to.

Add in some gentle movement before and after, and check out my Yoga Nidra program coming up in the New Year to set yourself up for the support and inspiration needed to make the changes you desire.

This is your year to take full responsibility for your health and wellness. xoxo

marinmccue@gmail.com

Why is Mindfulness and Meditation worth practicing daily?

A high quality question and a willingness to be curious, patient and explorative leads the way to conscious growth. It's not easy, and, there are many practices and tools that make the journey efficient, pleasurable and balanced.

In calm observation and an openness to the present moment with loving awareness, we get access to coherence and harmony. Unfortunately, many human beings find themselves stuck thinking about thinking, feeling and acting in ways they do not truly desire, and an overall state of disharmony and chaos where wounds and triggers lead the way.

The stress response forces a consuming fixation on the physical body and the sense of "I" because you are prepared to fight for your life, run for your life or freeze/"play dead". Often what we perceive as "egotistical" is actually simply a pattern of protection resulting from an overactive brain that is seeking safety and sensing a whole lot of danger. The instinct for survival can get wrapped up in the expression and experience of oneself as "the center of the Universe."

When the Sympathetic Nervous System is chronically activated, not only do you lose connection to your ability to expand your perspective, you also disconnect from your ability to digest your food, heal your body, grow and evolve. When danger is at the forefront of your subconscious drive, you can only think or do what you have thought or done before.

When someone is unconscious, all the same brain regions of a conscious person are firing and functioning, they're just no longer synchronized with each other. "Conscious" equates to an orchestra in harmony, while "Unconscious" equates to a cacophony. To be a conscious communicator requires a level of awareness that ensures you are grounded and receiving rhythmic breaths, curating harmony within your own body. In harmony, you will have space to listen, to ask more questions, to show love and support, to avoid assumptions or judgments, and to notice the unconscious reactions without feeding them and adding story to them. Ultimately, a sense of harmony allows us to choose love over fear.

The key here is daily practice. Find a practice that meets you where you are at, brings some pleasure and ease instantly as it doesn't venture too far off from what you already feel capable of. For example, I started with 30 seconds a day. It was the way for me to ensure that I would do it daily. After three months, I found myself engaging in 30 seconds of mindfulness (letting go of the external and moving in to meet my breath) throughout my day. This then led into feeling confident and capable to set a timer for 3 minutes each morning to just be with myself and notice the constant change moment to moment and day to day. This growth continued as I was generous and compassionate with myself throughout the process, and today I am meditating daily for longer than I had originally thought was possible for my ADHD mind. Small changes with persistence and consistency equates to massive growth and change.

There are many ways to practice daily mindfulness meditation, for example, breath awareness and pranayama techniques, embodiment practices of tracking sensation, witnessing and detaching from the over-identification of what arises, one-pointed focus on an object or emotion, moving mindfully to music or in yoga postures, guided visual journey, or using mantra to anchor in each moment. Within a few weeks, the Hippocampus increases its grey matter, which improves memory, learning, emotional regulation, sleep quality, and reduces pain. This area of the brain is generally found to be smaller (less grey matter) in people with depression and PTSD. There will also be increases in grey matter in the Temporal Parietal Junction which plays an important role in perspective (and shifts in perspective), empathy and compassion. As well, there will be a decrease in grey matter in the Amygdala, which correlates with overall stress reduction. People who struggle with chronic stress and anxiety have a larger Amygdala as it is being "exercised" more when there is more fear and emotional reactivity in one's life.

These changes all support our ability to expand the Window of Tolerance and optimize all functions within the body, leading to quicker recovery and regulation, higher quality energy and higher quality of life. What are you waiting for?

Why knowing the language of PolyVagal Theory could change your life

A mental model that has served me well in this journey of growth and optimal mental health is to view the process as if we are learning how to be experts at river kayaking. The river being life, the kayak being your body-vehicle and the paddles being your breath. A wild and beautiful journey that requires presence and power to stay centered, present and "in control" as you make the most of whatever terrain you find yourself in.

Before you can embark on a river kayak journey, joyfully riding into the rapids and knowing when and how to re-fuel and restore, first you must get to know the tools and map.

When we live unconsciously, your kayak and paddle may feel like they are working against you. Perhaps you notice you have paddling patterns that are not appropriate nor efficient. It would prove helpful to know how and why to use various paddling strategies as well as how to self-track so you can know what kind of state your kayak is in and how you unconsciously paddle in certain states versus how to notice and then choose how to consciously paddle.

In order to do this, I have found Stephen Porge’s Polyvagal Theory to be extremely helpful. It is a template to see how the nervous system works and why tools of self-compassion are necessary to develop patience and loving space for learning and growing, because being a beginner is not easy.

Before we dive into polyvagal theory, let’s review the Autonomic Nervous System:

The Autonomic Nervous System (ANS) controls involuntary responses to regulate physiological functions in our major organs in relation to danger and safety signals internally and externally. We evolved to switch attention instantly when we sense danger: the snapping twig that might signal an approaching predator, or the shadow that could indicate an enemy behind a tree. Our goal-directed, or top-down, mental activities stand little chance against these bottom-up forces of novelty and saliency — stimuli that are unexpected, sudden or dramatic, or that evoke memories of important experiences.

While we are immediately impacted by the signals relayed via our ANS - as they are automatic - we also have the capacity to consciously take control of our Nervous System when it's signals and reactions have proven to be maladaptive.

"One general way of considering the distinction between these perception modes is that with the bottom-up we are experiencing the mind as a conduit of sensory experience whereas in top-down we are additionally a constructor of information. A conduit enables something to flow freely, directing that flow but not changing it much; a constructor is fueled by input and generates its own input, a transformation that changes the fuel into another form: It constructs a new layer of representational information beyond the initial sensory input. The mind can be a Bottom-Up Conduit and Top-Down Constructor...Without Constructor, we don’t learn; without Conduit, we don’t feel...Differentiate and then link the two, and we become integrated."

- Daniel Siegal, MIND

We influence our ANS top-down and bottom-up with our emotions, feelings, sensations, thoughts and conscious or unconscious meaning-making. The healthy functioning of the Autonomic Nervous System is central to our physical and mental well-being. And to develop the habit and skill of optimizing your Nervous System will open up gateways you may not know are possible yet. When you feel good, life feels good. When you tune into a sense of flow within, life begins to flow with ease. When you understand how to get yourself into that ideal and optimal state, suddenly the roadblocks or struggles that once plagued you begin to unravel and release in the present moment.

The Polyvagal theory can be understood with the image of an upside down traffic light with three main states of Green, Yellow and Red. This theory also aligns nicely with the Window of Tolerance (coined by Daniel Siegal), and so I will speak to both.

The Window of Tolerance is a term used to describe the zone of arousal in which a person is able to function, learn and heal most effectively. When people are within this zone, they are typically able to readily receive, process and integrate information and otherwise respond to the demands of everyday life without much difficulty. In polyvagal theory, this same zone is referred to as The Social Engagement System, because it is the state where we can be present, open, and connected to ourselves, others, nature and spirit.

While there are many benefits to expanding your window of tolerance and spending more time in that optimal zone, one major reason for practicing this expansion is that those who spend more time outside of the window of tolerance (in Hyperarousal or Hypoarousal) have a higher rate and re-occurrence of disruptive mental health afflictions.

Hyperarousal is our first line of defense when we are triggered by stimuli of danger (which is objective and subjective). It is the fight or flight system, or sympathetic system, or limbic hijack, or Sympathetic Overdrive. All of these names are pointing to the same state - an overactive mind and body that is unsettled with a surge of cortisol and adrenaline. In polyvagal theory, the window of tolerance is the green light, and this sympathetic reaction of mobilizing with fear is considered the yellow light; i.e. proceed with caution.

Hypoarousal is the next line of defense when we have not been able to find or feel safety, the body engages the shutdown response. We move into Red - full stop. Once in this immobilized with fear zone, it takes a lot more effort to activate the system, find and feel safety, and make our way back into the window of tolerance.

For me, having language and understanding of this wise and protective system has supported me in letting go of any shame or judgement in thinking that something is wrong with me when I fall into bouts of depression or shutdown. I have a visual of how my nervous system works and I do not expect that I can function long-term when I allow myself to remain in a hyper-aroused state. I engage in self-tracking throughout the day to notice what I am feeling, how I am breathing, what I am thinking, and I regulate myself so that I do not spend more time than necessary in either of my survival states. The polyvagal theory makes this simple:

“Am I in green, yellow or red? What do I need now to hold space for what I am noticing and gently regulate myself in needed?”

While there are specific breath techniques that can support the process of increasing the window of tolerance and accessing more loving presence on a daily basis, the first step is to simply get into the practice of self-tracking to see yourself more clearly and what patterns your nervous system engages in.

To take this a step further, and to see the polyvagal theory weaved into the window of tolerance, I have created the image below. It shows Hyperarousal and Hypoarousal on the periphery, to represent what it looks like and feels like when the window of tolerance is a thin line between these two survival states, and how we can actually experience both hyperarousal and hypoarousal simultaneously.

The center circle is the window of tolerance, and as it expands it does not exclude us from experiencing agitation or shutdown. However, it gives us access to the ability to remain present, loving and compassionate with ourselves as we move through these natural states (and hopefully, without remaining there for very long). This expansive window also gives us access to two hybrid states:

1. Sympathetic system and social engagement together, as healthy competition, intense focus or exuberant playfulness.

2. “Shutdown response” (also known as the dorsal branch of the vagus nerve) is met with social engagement, which allows us to slow down mindfully, cuddle, meditate and engage in restorative activities.

I hope this brief tutorial through your autonomic nervous system has sparked some insight and given you access to a little more compassion as you witness and experience your patterns through the lens of the polyvagal theory and window of tolerance.

For more support, reach out for a consultation.

marinmccue@gmail.com

Breath - why this automatic function may need to be retrained

"With each conscious breath, we present ourselves with Life itself. We land in the present moment with burgeoning awareness. Each deep, nourishing inhale is literally an abundance of inspiration and energy. Each relaxed, surrendered exhale is a letting go of both the "same old, same old" and the need to replace it with something new. In its place we find ourselves naturally alive in the midst of perpetual change."

- Trevor Yelich

Breath & Rhythm

The Reticular Activating System (RAS) is located in your brainstem. It receives and organizes all sense data in priority and relevance to survival (based on belief, experience and current state) and sends the pertinent information to the Thalamus. The Thalamus is like the mailroom of the brain. All sensory input is swept into the Thalamus to then get dispersed throughout the brain. This is happening at 20-80 HZ - an internal metronome that speeds up or slows down in an attempt to match the internal environment with the external - creating waves of information to be processed 20 to 80 times per second.

The Respiratory Central Pattern Generator resides in the RAS and is the area that controls the unmanipulated natural breath; i.e. how you breathe when you are not paying attention to your breath or when you watch your breath without interfering. This unmanipulated breath is working to maintain a baseline level of Oxygen, Carbon Dioxide and pH in the blood at all times, and this baseline or equilibrium can be set at an unhealthy balance when coping with chronic stress and the impacts of "overbreathing" or "underbreathing." The good news: this habituated/natural breath pattern can be retrained and optimized over time. Like any habit, with conscious doing, you effect your new subconscious way of being.

The waves of stimuli and assigned importance is what formulates your sense of self and directs you to pay attention to whatever is deemed a priority; based on past experience, beliefs, current state, and environmental factors. Generally speaking, the quicker the metronome, the more consuming (or loud) the sense of self becomes. Your breath is swept up in this bloom of stimuli. While your present moment natural breath is a tangible source for knowing your current Nervous System state, it's also the entry point to consciously go inward and regulate what needs healing and reframing. Story follows state. If you feel disconnected from yourself or others, or caught in maladaptive or hysterical patterns, it's possible your internal environment is responding inappropriately to external stimuli. In other words, the Nervous System is "trying" to take perceptions of the outside world (exteroception) and merge those with the perceptions of the inside world (interoception) and link them so we can operate in our environment appropriately (proprioception). When things are out of sync, you can take action by holding the hand of your breath as you access what is real for you with compassion and curiosity.

The act of conscious breathing with a coherent and functional rhythm is what revives a sense of synchrony in the RAS and supports harmony in the brain. Harmony in the brain results in more space and energy for growth, awareness, practice, course-correction, patience, compassion, and upgrading beliefs and perspectives. Even quick breathing, when engaged in consciously and therapeutically (Conscious Connected Breathing, for example), when done for short periods of time, it can act like medicine to allow people to experience themselves, others and life differently. It may be reducing their identifications (by down regulating the default mode network in the brain that is involved in identity and autobiographical memories) and providing more ready access to old beliefs and other mental/emotional material.

It is through the slow, soothing and gentle rhythm of your breath that you can access your higher self state regardless of whatever else is present for you. It is this harmony and rhythm, or the regulation of breathing, that is intimately linked to the regulation of all processes in the brain.

Because rhythmic durational breathing seems to synchronize the brain, we can then see why different patterns of breathing elicit different experiences of self. And when breath-work is repeated consciously with an intention of seeing ourselves more clearly, we can potentially facilitate different knowledge of self. Regulation and human up-leveling starts with you, each of us, together, as one.

"Altering our breaths' depth, rhythm, and rate changes our attitude, perception, and stress level. In essence, to have breathing patterns at all is to be experiencing imbalances in some way. When in health, the human body is constantly adjusting itself around optimal homeostatic ranges and will therefore constantly adjust the depth and frequency of breathing to meet the demands incurred internally and externally (through changes in activity and environment)."

- Trevor Yelich

The main breathing muscle

The diaphragm is the thin dome-like muscle that attaches to the bottom of the heart and lungs, expanding out in connection to the chest wall, spine, ribs, sternum, abdominal cavity, and anchored at the first (or lowest) ribs. Referred to as the thoracic pump, it is the negative pressure in the chest during inspiration that pulls venous blood into the vena cava and right side of the heart so that it can circulate to the lungs. The respiratory diaphragm is one of six pumps (or diaphragms/transverse planes) in the human body.

"The diaphragm is a major component for inspiration. To inspire means to take a breath. If the diaphragm becomes loose and pliable - as the largest muscle in the body - then it starts to secrete the peptides of inspiration. When you are inspired, you are friendlier, you are more loving and more caring, your more willing to share. "

- Guru Singh

Most commonly spoken to is the relationship between the respiratory diaphragm and pelvic floor diaphragm, as the ideal healthy functioning being these two moving in sync - both lowering on the inhale, and lifting back to neutral on the exhale - managing the movement from intrinsic core through the entire body. The movement of breath is our primary source of energy, detoxification and connection to life. Each breath impacts us at the cellular level, supporting the process of metabolism which is essentially the process of continual change.

"It has been suggested that around 70% of the toxins brought into the body are removed through the breathing process, which happens through two main processes. First is the simple elimination of the by-product of a living body's metabolic process, carbon dioxide, with each exhalation. Second is through the movement of the diaphragm, our primary breathing muscle. This muscle's movement assists in activating the movement of lymphatic fluid throughout the body, carrying poisons/toxins, dead cells, and excess water from around our cells back into systemic circulation. This waste material is then separated and broken down into reusable components and refuse. The reusable components are recycled and reused by the body. The refuse is expelled from the body and/or stored in lymphatic nodes to keep it from negatively impacting the body. A medical study on diaphragmatic breathing showed that deep breathing leads to as much as 15 times the normal amount of toxin elimination in the body."

- Trevor Yelich

Diaphragmatic breathing also ensures the removal of excess water from the extracellular environment via a well circulating lymphatic system and keeps cells in what is known as a "dry state." It is vital for cells to be in a dry state in order to absorb the oxygen available in the body. The imbalances from poor oxygenation in the cell leads to cell death and/or disease (i.e. cancer).

"[Conscious] Deep abdominal breathing also stimulates and refreshes the internal organs directly, through massage, and indirectly, through increased cardiovascular circulation. The use of diaphragmatic breathing has also been shown in medical studies to improve the hearts' health in patients with heart disorders."

- Trevor Yelich

When you understand and experience your breathing as an integrative process, with many body parts and systems' optimal functioning being in intimate relationship with the health and act of breathing, you may start taking your breath more seriously.

What is it to breathe well/properly?

When you feel good, life feels good. When you tune into a sense of flow within, life begins to flow with ease. When you understand how to get yourself into that ideal and optimal state, suddenly the roadblocks or struggles that once plagued you begin to unravel and release in the present moment.

Your inhale is connected to your Sympathetic Nervous System, and exhale is part of the Parasympathetic Nervous System. There is a time and a place for breathing through your mouth and it is not meant to be habitual way of breathing. Challenge yourself to breathe through your nose as often as possible throughout your day to keep steady levels of nitric oxide flowing and gain the benefits of using the nose for filtration, hydration, and breath volume management.

Tune into the proper initiation of the respiratory and pelvic floor diaphragms and intrinsic core working harmoniously. On your inhale, feel the natural drop down of both diaphragms, creating space for breath, and on the exhale, the surrendering release as both diaphragms lift back up to neutral. This detoxifies your system and cultivates an increasing level of present moment awareness.

By remaining steadfast on the breath, we experience a wide range of our impulsive reactions, and can consciously and gently notice, feel and release by remaining with the rhythmic breath at an exceedingly slower rate (towards 6-8 breaths per second). Including breath holds at the top of your inhale and bottom of your exhale will support you in increasing your tolerance to CO2 fluctuations, which is a vital ingredient for our body to absorb and utilize the oxygen it needs.

"Breathing slow, less, and through the nose balances the levels of respiratory gases in the body and sends the maximum amount of oxygen to the maximum amount of tissues so that our cells have the maximum amount of electron activity." - James Nestor, Breath

By engaging in this breath technique daily you will improve your ability and capacity to stay aware, present and conscious to constant change and choice while witnessing your patterns unravel before your eyes. When you understand and experience your breathing as an integrative process, a gateway to higher levels of consciousness, and having a direct impact on your physical, mental and emotional states, you may start taking your breath more seriously. With intentional practice, conscious doing becomes your new subconscious way of being. Stress is not the enemy, it is your teacher.

"The way you choose to cope with stress can change not only how you feel, but also how it transforms the brain. If you react passively or if there is simply no way out, stress can become damaging.”

- John Ratey, SPARK

CO2 Tolerance

The common reminder to take a deep breath when feeling stressed can have an adverse effect in our system. While oxygen is obviously necessary for life, it's CO2 that we need to pay more attention to - specifically to ensure we have enough in our blood at all times in order to capitalize on the oxygen available.

Generally speaking, we need approximately 5-7.5% CO2 present in our lungs/blood to ensure that we can utilize the 95-98% oxygen saturation in our blood (which is the common level for those at sea level or acclimatized to current altitude). Without enough CO2, the O2 sticks to the blood cell wall and will not absorb into the body, which was discovered in 1904 by the Danish physiologist Christian Bohr (referred to as the Bohr Effect).

"Danish physiologist Christian Bohr discovered over a century ago: Blood with the most carbon dioxide in it (more acidic) loosened oxygen from hemoglobin. In some ways, carbon dioxide worked as a kind of divorce lawyer, a go-between to separate oxygen from its ties so it could be free to land another mate. This discovery explained why certain muscles used during exercise received more oxygen than lesser-used muscles. They were producing more carbon dioxide, which attracted more oxygen. It was supply on demand, at a molecular level. Carbon dioxide also had a profound dilating effect on blood vessels, opening these pathways so they could carry more oxygen-rich blood to hungry cells. Breathing less allowed animals to produce more energy, more efficiently. Meanwhile, heavy or panicked breaths would purge carbon dioxide. Just a few moments of heavy breathing above metabolic needs could cause reduced blood flow to muscles, tissues, and organs."

- James Nestor, Breath

For most people, getting enough oxygen is not the problem. At sea level, generally, 75% of the O2 inhaled is then exhaled. Even in exercise when we need more O2, the body generally exhales as much as 25% of the O2 inhaled. Breathing greater volumes of air actually equates to less O2 being delivered throughout the body, as CO2 levels drop, airways constrict and O2 begins to stick to the blood cells.

"Rather than focusing on breathing in more O2, we should be focusing on retaining the CO2 in our blood, which facilitates the delivery of O2 throughout the body."

- Patrick McKeown, The Oxygen Advantage

High CO2 Tolerance is directly correlated to an expansive Window of Tolerance, which means more awareness, more energy, more presence, more healing and more positive growth.

"Chronic overbreathing leads to loss of health, poor fitness, and compromised performance and also contributes to many ailments including anxiety, asthma, fatigue, insomnia, heart problems, and even obesity."

- Patrick McKeown, The Oxygen Advantage

With each 9-12 minute practice session of nose-breathing, conscious breath holds, and intentional and gentle practice of remaining in the state of slight air hunger, your respiratory center readjusts (resets) to a an increased tolerance to fluctuations of CO2 levels (i.e. lower volume of air and calmer breathing), and nasal breathing will become more comfortable and natural.

"Holding the breath after exhalation provides greater consistency for measuring progress, involves less stress on the lungs, and provides a higher concentration of both nasal nitric oxide and CO2 which relaxes, and dilates the airways."

- Patrick McKeown, The Oxygen Advantage

“The yogi’s life is not measured by the number of his days, but the number of his breaths” B.K.S Iyengar

In summary: Breathing Well/Proper Breathing

"Underbreathing," "Overbreathing," versus "Breathing Well: breathing less more often and breathing more occasionally."

"Scientists discovered that our capacity to breathe has changed through the long processes of human evolution, and that the way we breathe has gotten markedly worse since the dawn of the Industrial Age. They discovered that 90 percent of us -- very likely me, you, and almost everyone you know -- is breathing incorrectly and that this failure is either causing or aggravating a laundry list of chronic diseases. On a more inspiring note, some of these researchers were also showing that many modern maladies -- asthma, anxiety, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, psoriasis, and more -- could either be reduced or reversed simply by changing the way we inhale and exhale."

- James Nestor, Breath

Chronic (unconscious) Under breathing:

- Apnea while awake

- Unconscious shallow breathing (generally associated with hypoarousal)

- Intellect Over ride/Overthinking

- Not present

- Often coupled with overbreathing (when pattern is hyper and hypo)

- weak diaphragm, strain on heart/thoracic pump, poor lymphatic drainage, poor digestion/metabolism

- CO2 elevates and blood pH drops to acidic level

Chronic (unconscious) Over breathing:

- Can manifest with chronic mouth breathing, excessive yawing or sighing

- chronic anxiety, ADHD, body image obsession/eating disorders (generally associated with hyperarousal)

- low tolerance for CO2 locks you in overbreathing pattern

- CO2 drops and blood pH rises to alkaline

Almost all cellular functions in the body take place at a blood pH of 7.4, our sweet spot between alkaline and acid.

Breathing Well - Breathing Less more often and more occasionally:

- Coherent Breathing

- Expand window of tolerance and build strength in diaphragm with Conscious Connected Breathing and Conscious Breath Retention to be with elevation and descension of Carbon Dioxide without panic or avoidance (Optimize tolerance of CO2 fluctuations)

- Buteyko techniques for mild air hunger to slowly reset your Respiratory Pattern Generator

- Discern when to upregulate or downregulate versus when to compassionately be with your current state to re-pattern and reparent emotional charges (increase Vagal Tone for quicker emotional resolution)

- Work towards 5.5 rhythm: approximately 5.5 breaths and 5.5. liters of air per minute (breathe less)

- Increase Aerobic Capacity and Red Blood Cells (exercise while nasal breathing and work towards slowing breath rhythm as heart rate and work load increases)

For some of these details explained, check out my podcast episode all about BREATH. For more information (yes there is a lot more where this came from!), please reach out for further support.

If you have questions, need support, or have some feedback to offer on what I have shared above. Let’s keep learning and growing together.

marinmccue@gmail.com

"Is there such a thing as too much empathy?"

I remember the day I first recognized that the amount of Empathy I was feeling had become debilitating. I was sitting in anger towards my mother as I watched her struggle with the divorce with my dad. This anger I felt confused me because I recognized my justifications of anger were surface level and petty. I then realized that anger is easier to feel than sadness, and I suddenly dropped beneath the anger and got access to immense sadness and pain as I felt myself attempt to “be in her shoes.” I cried and trembled. It was overwhelming, all consuming, and debilitating. I remember googling soon after that “is there such a thing as too much empathy?”

My confusion amplified as my current understanding of empathy was that it was wholly good and important, yet my experience in the moment was telling me otherwise. And so, I shut down my feelings and leveled back up to anger, so that I could get some energy back and function in the world.

Years later, my awareness was showing me that my avoidance of sadness, pain and empathy was maladaptive. I was choosing activities that were numbing or extreme in nature, and I saw more narcissism within me. I was too quick and eager to avoid and turn a blind eye to others’ pain. In fact, other people struggling around me became a huge inconvenience. So once again, I acknowledged that anger and frustration is easier to feel than pain or sadness, and I expanded my heart open to let myself feel what has been lurking beneath the surface all along. Debilitating sadness, grief, shame and an overwhelming empathy flowed in. This time I had some tools to support me. I was able to meet the feelings, go deeper to get to know the sensations in my body, how they moved and how they didn’t move, and I began to visualize little-me emoting these feelings. This was healing on so many levels. I was cracked open and I felt confident in my ability to hold this larger emotional space.

Although this process was able to take me deeper and move through emotions rather than be weighed down or fearful of them, I still found myself in consistent episodes of heartache as I continued to practice my current understanding of empathy, of feel to heal, and occasionally found myself in shame and guilt as I saw my part in others’ pain and took on the responsibility to try to feel what they were feeling. All the while I knew that I would never fully or truly understand what others’ experience is or feels like, yet I thought it was my duty to lean in with my heart and take on some of the emotional baggage my ancestors and my blind-privilege and cognitive bias had contributed to. Yet once again I found myself in overwhelm as empathy weighed heavy on my heart and mind.

On March 5, 2020, I walked into a guided shamanic journey, ingesting over 7 grams of Psilocybin mushrooms, and one of my intentions was to develop a new understanding and relationship with empathy by bringing in compassion and wisdom to balance it. While I could write a novel about my psilocybin experience, this blog post is specifically about Empathy ;). I walked away that day with a visceral understanding that Empathy is not what I had thought it was for so many years. I realized that I can try with all my might to feel what other’s feel, and it will always be a projection as I can only experience through my own lens.

Fast forward several months, and I found myself once again in despair caused by self inflicted shame and guilt around my white privilege, white fragility, and the veil lifted that allowed me to see my part in the racist system and racist ideas and beliefs that have been rained down on me my whole life, and for generations. While I was deeply entrenched I was also highly aware and fascinated as I witnessed my own debilitation and downward spiral. I was able to hold loving space for the part of me that was so habitually ingrained to respond with overwhelming empathy. This opened me up to research, to conversations, to self compassion, and a slow build into a new way.

In my podcast episode uploaded today with my good friend Yemie Sonuga, I share how my white fragility and imbalance with empathy led me to make poor decisions in how I showed up as a friend and ally. And Yemie schools me with love, grace and accountability of what the social justice movement truly needs - people who have done their research and found their stability so that they can join with right-action rather than needing to be held up and educated by those who are fighting the good fight.

A few days later I was speaking with Anshu Narayan on The Expert Connect Wellness Chat and before we went live, Anshu was telling me about a huge gesture her family made over the weekend to support a family in need. She said something along the lines of, “while we can never know their pain, we can let them know we see them, that they are not alone, and that we are here to support them.” My jaw dropped as I felt these words land as the medicine I needed to hear once again. I let her know how timely that statement was and what I have been going through as I find my footing beyond debilitating empathy.

A few days after that, I was at my dad’s house for dinner and began the evening catching up with my step mom and sharing what is alive, exciting and challenging right now. As I walked through my learnings, lessons and insights around empathy, leadership, anxiety and the beautiful sharings I have received in timely conversations, she responded with: “This reminds me of Rabbi Friedman’s work.” She then gave me a synopsis of how as a young mother she had struggled with how to strike that fine-line balance of empathy while not taking on her children’s struggles or pain as her own.

And so I leave you with this, a couple paragraphs paraphrasing Friedman’s work from a post titled “Empathy Doesn’t Cut It”:

“Rabbi Edwin Friedman was even more suspicious of empathy; he saw it as “a focus on weakness or immaturity rather than on strength, an orientation toward others rather than toward self, and a way of avoiding issues of personal accountability” (Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix, 1999, 2007, page 134).  He argues that although empathy may be “an essential component” in a person’s, and especially a leader’s, “response repertoire,” there is no evidence that it makes one more responsible for their own or another’s situation or destiny.

As a matter of fact, Friedman suggests, empathy is most often a partner to a lack of self-regulation, and therefore the encouragement to invade the space of a neighbor.  Empathy without the limiting force of a well-defined and emotionally well-regulated individual acts like a virus: it is “reactive and very much like parasitic dependency.”  Thus Friedman scores the “fallacy of empathy.”

In summary my friends, as we all continue to expand our emotional and self-regulation abilities, we must remember that while we cannot truly know the pain of another, when we know our own pain and desire a world that is more fair and just for all, we can use our privilege, our voice, our power, to take a stand for those with less privilege, to lift people up to be heard and seen, and to ensure that we do not berate ourselves into inaction or elevate ourselves at the detriment of others.

xoxo

Thinking and Sensing - two different skills that overlap

As a teacher, I often find myself pausing when I am in a flowing, visceral experience to reflect on the steps and potent cues that are present to further my ability in guiding individuals or facilitating groups in to embodied states. While I love my desire to teach and guide others, it also comes with some challenges. I have had many experiences that were moving deeper and expanding wider than I had ever previously experienced and my inclination to pause the flow to asses where I am and recall the steps to get there have pulled me out of pure presence. Sometimes I am able to surrender right back in, and other times the pure energy moving through me stops its flow and I am not able to tap back in. This recurring experience has brought me closer to understanding the Quantum with the reminder…..

“You can’t know where something is and how it is moving simultaneously.”

I understand this as speaking to the realms of the Experiencer versus the Narrator. When I am fully in the flow of pure sensational experience, the flow often stops when the Narrator chimes in too much to make meaning and structure. Both modes are imperative and overlap in many ways, yet they are also distinctly different and grow stronger and wiser when you can cultivate a relationship with them separately and in unity.

I recall being quite confused the first several times I was guided in Embodiment practices. I was told to get out of my thinking mind and just feel, just notice what I am feeling, just experience what I am feeling, just observe what I am feeling and how it moves. And then I would be asked what I am noticing, and suddenly my “thinking/narrating” mode would begin analyzing, relating to memory or coming up with ideas, and I would lose touch with the pure experience of sensation and embodiment. How do I describe what I am feeling without “thinking?”

This is where the overlap comes into the picture. “Thinking” in the traditional sense of the word is the realm of the narrator and often is experienced as thinking about the past, the future, deciphering meaning and story telling. On the other hand, “thinking” in the ream of embodiment refers to observing and engaging with the sensations in the body in the present moment. Sensing and feeling without stacking on meaning-making, judgements, action plans, and problem solving is the skill of the Divine Feminine energy within. It is the Liminal Stage that can be expanded and illuminated to feel more and get access to deeper levels of wisdom that cannot be heard or felt in a busy or activated mind-body.

As we explore and feel and sense what is being experienced internally moment to moment, we develop the ability to hold loving space for ourselves and offer ourselves the unconditional love and self compassion that is required for us to access the space to regenerate and upgrade our DNA. This is how we get out of our own way and tap into our innate ability to heal. You will know you are in the realm of the experiencer when you are noticing what you are feeling and allowing it to be there. It is a state of turning towards what you notice with love and curiosity.

True confidence arrives from an internal appraisal of our ability and capability in whatever the task at hand is. Whereas, arrogance is a forced state of overplaying one’s ability that does not include an internal appraisal and relationship with the divine energy within. Any quality that feels forced is simply a mask we are wearing in an attempt to cover up the wounds of insecurity, scarcity or fear. To take the mask of and develop the pure and deep virtues of essence, you need to turn towards the discomfort beneath the facade to feel, love, hold space and integrate the unprocessed or unfinished sensation/emotion with your loving presence. When we learn how to feel unconditionally, to notice sensation and be with ourselves in the liminal stage between impulse and reaction, we see the intensity that has habitually been pushed away and we open up to the possibility that there is treasure on the other side of this discomfort. It is in this space that we start to reframe the story we live into and upgrade what we are capable of. More presence means more power.

Creating daily rituals for practice provide nourishment as our mind-body harmonizes and integrates when rhythm is present. Yet even too much ritual can cause problems. Blindly engaging in ritual tends to create cognitive biases, which are systematic tendencies that lead our thinking away from a rational judgement, even when we are presented with facts that prove our current beliefs are not true. Our mind is constantly constructing our understanding of reality and the foundation is composed of our beliefs and experiences. When one of these beliefs is challenged, it can feel as though our whole construction is threatened. When living in an unconscious auto-pilot state, it’s a lot more “efficient” and comfortable in the moment to disregard new information rather than allow our whole life construct to be broken down and rebuilt.

However, when you have a daily practice of releasing the grip of the analytical/thinking mind and continue cultivating a relationship with the divine feminine by surrendering control, letting go of the material world and opening to the immaterial, recognizing the illusory construct of your ego/personality and feeling into the Source energy of loving presence with the knowledge that We Are All One, it becomes a lot easier to consistently adjust the construct of the mind and strengthen a Growth Mindset. When you are not overly identified with your “mind,” your beliefs, your personality, or the material world, it won’t feel as threatening to break down the construct occasionally and rebuild with the new information you have.

When we are too ingrained or attached to our beliefs - habitually in our survival mode - than anything that does not fit our current model of perception is often belittled, fought against, or ignored altogether. Too much rigidity leaves no room for growth. If you are willing to be wrong, you’ll see your own biases with much more ease and compassion.

As the saying goes, knowledge is for the mind and experience is for the body. Knowing this work is different than experiencing this work. We need both.

Want to experience this work? Check out my offerings or reach out for personalized support. I would love to hold space for you.

xoxox

How to practice Awareness and Embodiment with B.R.I.T.A

Chronic Stress manifests differently for each one of us, and can lead to various forms of breakdown. Bottom line, too much stress high-jacks your brain and body and eventually leads to sickness. When you get your stress under control, you get access to the innate abilities that we are privileged to experience as human beings.

Rather than avoiding the discomfort, seeking pleasure or entertainment, or perceiving “upsets” as meaning something is wrong, we must instead turn towards ourselves and begin the process of dismantling the stories and beliefs and fears that are driving our cyclical patterns of suffering.

"The core emotional experiences of the past that have an impact on our current experience are by their nature uncomfortable. Our automatic impulse is to push them out of our awareness so that we can get on with our life. This is called suppression and is achieved through sedation and control. This is akin to a jar full of water, as your authentic self, the awareness of our authentic true present nature. And the oil in the jar is the uncomfortable emotional, physical and mental experiences. Shaking the jar endlessly in an attempt to change our experience just mixes the water and oil so we can’t see where they separate. All our endless doing and thinking results in a murky mixture. Reactivity is shaking the jar. Response is allowing the jar to come to stillness, so we can slowly scoop out the oil. Put the jar down, watch it, and allow the oil to come to the surface"

- Michael Brown, The Presence Process

To develop the skill of holding space for ourselves and witness the “oil” separate from the pure “water” of our Essence, we must practice Interoception. Interoception is the scientific term for the ability to feel what is going on internally, inside your own body. It is a vital skill as we cannot address or understand what we are not aware of. Through interoception we can discern what is fleeting, what is familiar, what we need more of or less of, what is an important feeling to pay attention to, what can be simply enjoyed, and what requires more time and attention to avoid a compounded future glaring issue. As a skill, interoception is critical in order for us to be in charge of integrating and consequently releasing emotional charges.

How do you know when you have to pee? Can you feel your heart beating? Notice gas bubbling up your esophagus before a burp? What about the sensations that arise right before you yawn? Have you ever noticed a heart-ache when experiencing grief? Do you notice sensations that tell you you are full? How about the tingles or weightlessness when in immense joy or bliss?

The more you practice noticing, the more fine-tuned and granular your abilities become. Some say we can get so good at this skill that we can be in direct contact and conversation with our organs, tissues, various systems and potentially viral intruders. If you are not aware of something, there is not possibility of control or intentional change.

Building interoceptive awareness is as simple as being with each bodily sense and feeling what arises without analyzing and story telling or getting into action right away. When the left side of the brain is dominant (analyzing, problem-solving, thinking, etc), it is quick to chime in whenever something is uncomfortable. Yet, for us to get to know our depth and what is going on beneath the surface of the exposed ice berg, we must be willing to feel unconditionally without immediately getting busy in our mind to figure it out. It takes patience to be with what is there and allow it time to unfold and guide you into its depth and nuances.

"Interoception is your brain’s representation of all sensations from your internal organs and tissues, the hormones in your blood, and your immune system...This produces the spectrum of basic feeling from pleasant to unpleasant, from calm to jittery, and even completely neutral....

You might wonder what this hotbed of continuous, intrinsic activity is accomplishing, besides keeping your heart beating, your lungs breathing, and your other internal functions working smoothly. In fact, intrinsic brain activity is the origin of dreams, daydreams, imagination, mind wandering, and memories...It also ultimately produces every sensation you experience, including your interoceptive sensations, which are the origins of your most basic pleasant, unpleasant, calm, and jittery feelings."

- Lisa Feldman Barrett

Try this:

Pause for two minutes

Get comfortable and close your eyes

Direct your awareness to your breath

Direct awareness to the palms of your hands and sustain for 1 minute to notice the various changing sensations

Mindfulness is the antidote to our human tendency to get lost in doing, which directs us towards an unsatisfying cycle of needing more of everything and anything to feel good, a constant striving and struggling and getting stuff done instead of living. Mindfulness is waking up out of autopilot and taking the steering wheel of our loving attention.

"The process of embodiment is connecting the channels between the body, brainstem and limbic areas up to cortical awareness and begins with the felt sense of noticing our inner experiences. Daniel Siegal refers to this as the 'subtle music of the mind, the ebb and flow of energy and information that we sense during the moment-to-moment shifts in our internal state throughout the day...that continually color your subjective sense of being alive.' However, the process of reconnecting to our inner experience can be coupled with fear and danger.

As we move our awareness inwards we can often re-experience past unresolved hurts, pains, and traumas. Sensations are often over-coupled with fear and danger messages. Clients may be fighting for survival to avoid this awareness and it can feel destabilizing. Yet, staying in our Window of Tolerance as we re-experience our past pains, hurts and traumas is the path to healing and clearing these samskaras."

-Prem Robin Campbell

Embodied Mindfulness is not aiming to control or suppress or stop thoughts, instead it is a state of being where we aim to pay attention to our experience and sensations as they rise without judging or labeling. Allowing the waves of our internal environment to move through to completion rather than continually stopping the wave and storing unfinished business, wounds, fears, and unhealthy patterns in our body.

"You will get to a point in your growth where you understand that if you protect yourself, you will never be free, you will not grow "- Micheal Singer

As you tune into the sensation(s) in your body, be warm and open with it, hold loving space for it, and describe it with words (to support the detachment from the story or the intensity of the feeling). Create space for it with your breath. Get curious and intrigued by it. Watch where it goes, how it might shift or stay put. There is wisdom in those spaces. The sensation may spark a thought, something that this feeling or this sense of openness reminds you of from your recent or not-so-recent past. Be in the flow of your thoughts and neural connections as long as it comes from an embodied space. As soon as you notice you are solely in your thinking mind, the meanderings and afflictions, get back into your body, back to your breath. The wisdom comes from the embodied mindfulness. The space that is created when you meet your sensations with your full-heartfelt attention. Integrate the unfinished business stored in your body and land in a clear path towards further alignment in your mind and body. Slow down, get quiet, get curious, and listen to the whispers and nudges that are there to guide you.

“Developing the lens that enables us to see the mind more clearly stimulates the brain to grow important new connections...How we focus our attention shapes the structure of the brain.”  Daniel Siegal

We can practice mindfulness by maintaining a moment by moment awareness of our thoughts, feelings bodily sensations and surrounding environment. An observing without judgement. Noticing patterns of thought and action without believing everything we think and without shaming ourselves in our hypocrisies.

"To extract ourselves from the maze of the mental plane requires that we choose to drop the story and instead pay attention to feeling its causal emotional charge unconditionally. As long as we cling to our stories, we choose the past over this moment....

The stories we tell ourselves, which we began telling once we start developing our mental capacity, established our current library of core beliefs. Because much of the charge that drives these beliefs was imprinted in our energy system before we had mental, and hence conceptual capacity, none of these stories are valid. They are all effects, which means our beliefs form an illusory mental passageway, we mistakenly walk along as a desperate means of making sense of the apparent chaos and unpredictability of our circumstances.

Because our stories are rooted in what we believe happened in the past, what we suspect this means for the future, it means that until recently, we have been designing the quality of our human experience based on fearful ‘guesstimations’. We have allowed the unintegrated aspects of our child self to be in charge of determining what is best for based on its undeveloped interpretation of the world. Since none of these stories are valid as a means of interpreting our current human experience, and definitely not of any use for integrating, it's self-defeating to continue to allow these unconscious core beliefs to function as the parameters by which the quality of our current experience is determined. For this reason, we now become conscious navigators of our life experience.

The first step in this new direction is to DROP THE STORY. Even if we believe our stories have the validity to stand up in a court of law, they are still mental interpretations of charged emotional predicaments. Clinging to any story is clinging to the past. No story has the capacity to free us from the past. Only feeling what is, without condition, empowers a return to an awareness of presence and the radiance of present moment awareness that emanates from us whenever we identify with this authentic expression of our being." - Micheal Brown

How do we engage in this practice in a tangible and clear process???

Utilize BRITA to scoop the oil off your pure authentic nature that is the water

B - BREATHE; functionally, fully and with PolyVagal theory in mind so you can BE WITH whatever is real and arising in the NOW.

R - RECOGNIZE you are feeling something. Perhaps you have been triggered. Acknowledge you may have just "flipped your lid". Soften as you remind yourself that you are a human having a human experience. Triggered by something external which has touched an internal wound, surfaced a memory from your unintegrated past. What a blessing it is that this unprocessed emotion is now at the surface for you to be with it and integrate it. Dismiss the "messenger" of the upset and send gratitude for the set-up. Following the re-action of blame or anger (or any other habitual re-action) is equivalent to accusing the mirror for the content of its reflection.

I - IDENTIFY the emotion and any sensations that are readily available to be felt. Identify where you are on the spectrum from Hyper to Hypo (or from Green to Yellow to Red)? Where in your body and/or mind do you notice the activation? Where are you on the mood meter? If an alien who has never experienced sensation was asking for descriptive detail, how would you label what you are feeling? Anxious? Angry? Frustrated? Disgusted? Fearful? Numb? Sad? Go deeper and meet the raw sensation beneath the emotion.

With Self-Compassion and patience, identify and describe sensation beneath the Emotion:

pulsing, temperature, density, weight, color, direction, open, expanding, contraction, tension, familiar, new, tingles, prickles, sharp, dull, ache, shape, flow, jagged, deep, surface, loud, subtle, numb, clear, intensity/mild, shooting, movement, squeezing, pointed, pushing/pulling, dense, stuck/shifting, localized, sound, light/dark, empty/full, etc

T - TRACK IT! Be with and feel the sensations unconditionally. Just as we cannot attach to any moment of our breath, we must witness and track sensation in a similar way. Observe without judgement as the sensations arise, move, shift, pulse, tingle, grow, transform, etc. Can you sustain curiosity, awe, wonder and love as you create space around whatever it is you are feeling? Just witness the natural flow without agenda, without manipulating it, without trying to fix, heal or understand it. Shifting from projection to integration. Allow these sensations to transform back into their true nature; energy in motion. "Integration is the conscious digestion of the unintegrated aspects of our childhood." Micheal Brown

A - ADDRESS IT by practicing self-compassion. Turn towards what you feel and meet it with loving awareness. (depending on the situation, there are various avenues for this integrative phase. Upon moving through the previous stages, you have guided your nervous system back to safety, and your higher thinking capacities are back online. This is where we need to step into new habits of self-soothing and engage in conscious communication, rather than cover the emotion back up with our old coping mechanisms.)

"The goal of the practice is not perfection, it's to be a compassionate mess" - Kristin Neff

Curious to learn more and become a master of your own Integration? Check out these offerings to find a program that aligns with what you need.

xoxoxo

"How to be an Anti-Racist" by Ibram X. Kendi

*Ibram X. Kendi takes us on a journey through his upbringing and the various stages of racism and anti-racism that he has seen and participated in as well. All quotes in this post come from Ibram X. Kendi’s book, “How to be an Anti-Racist.”

There is no amount of quotes or summaries that will do this book justice. This is a must read for everyone (or listen on Audible as I did), as the Anti-Racist movement is not as simple as simply ‘don’t be a racist’. If we are not willing to open ourselves up to consider that we can do better, be better, know more, love more, support more, and be more, then we will continue to blindly participate in a system that treats people differently based on the color of their skin. As author Ibram X. Kendi states: “Denial is the heartbeat of racism.”

As I used to say - and what I hear many people say when I engage in this conscious conversation - is, “I am not a racist, just ask ‘x’ or listen to these examples of my non-racist behavior.” Well, it’s a lot easier and a hell of a lot more comfortable to acknowledge where we are obviously not-racist than it is to see our blind participation in a racist system and the toxicity of our unconscious actions. I see people get defensive and angry; appalled that anyone would challenge their identification as a “good person” by pointing a finger and accusing of them of racism. And as Ibram X. Kendi so graciously explains, having a racist idea or behavior does not make you “a racist” and even people who have lots of racist ideas and behaviors, does not mean necessarily that they are a bad person. This is not about labeling some people as racist and others not, rather, understand that each one of us - regardless of skin color - can have racist ideas, beliefs, thoughts, actions, or judgments, even if/when we don’t identify as a “racist person.” This is a human problem, and as humans, we all need to acknowledge where we can do better.

This is complex and I admire Kendi’s ability to show compassion and his own humanness as he acknowledges his blind acceptance and participation in racism as well. I particularly enjoyed Kendi’s explanation of why race neutrality is not helpful. He describes the opposite of racist to be anti-racist, and that the safe middle ground of not-racist is actually a mask racism wears.

“The construct of race neutrality actually feeds white nationalist victim-hood by positing the notion that any policy protecting or advancing non-white Americans towards equity is reversed discrimination. That is how racist power can call affirmative action policies that succeed in reducing racial inequities ‘race conscious.’ And standardized tests that produce racial inequities ‘race neutral.’ That is how they can blame the behavior of an entire racial group for the inequities between different racial groups and still say their ideas are ‘not racist’. But there is no such thing as a not-racist idea, only racist ideas and anti-racist ideas.”

One of the important perspectives that was illuminated for me while ingesting this book was the notion that there is more genetic differences within racial groups than between racial groups. We are so much the same, and have used color and race to create a divide and separation that is illusory.

“There is more genetic diversity between populations within Africa, then between Africa and the rest of the world. Ethnic groups in Western Africa are more genetically similar to ethnic groups n western Europe than to ethnic groups in eastern Africa. Race is the genetic mirage.”

Kendi goes on to explain that while ALL LIVES MATTER and potentially removing all racial categories may be the final step in the process, the first step is to acknowledge the mirage of differences that are built into our system and that we blindly accept. We cannot declare ALL LIVES MATTER when we haven’t first acknowledged and rectified the fact that our system does not operate with the Modus Operandi that ALL LIVES MATTER.

“To be Anti-Racist is to recognize the reality of biological equality - that skin color is as meaningless to our underlining humanity as the clothes we wear over that skin. To be anti-racist is to recognize there is no such thing as white blood, or black diseases, or natural Latinex athleticism. To be anti-racist is to also recognize the living, breathing reality of this racial mirage, which makes our skin color more meaningful than our individuality. To be anti-racist is to focus on ending the racism that shapes the mirages. NOT to ignore the mirages that shape people’s lives”

Police brutality towards Black Lives is another sad truth that has been an issue for many generations. When I hear people defend the police and blame the black person who resisted, I am overcome with anger and disbelief. Why do you think he/she had the impulse to resist? How does resisting arrest equate to a life being taken away? Why is it the victim’s responsibility to calm the nerves of the over-reactive fearful “superior” with the weapon? When Kendi connected police brutality and victim-blaming to the similar discourse around women who are raped, I had to stop the audio and sit in silence for a couple of minutes to let that sink in.

“Black people are apparently responsible for calming the fears of violent cops in the way women are supposedly responsible for calming the sexual desires of male rapists. If we don’t, then we are blamed for our own assaults, our own deaths.”

Ultimately, this book taught me to question my behavior, beliefs and thoughts and to stay humble and compassionate as I acknowledge my blind-spots, forgive myself for blindly participating, and then get educated and make a new choice. We need to stop generalizing individuals behavior as if it tells us something about an entire race, and we need to stop generalizing an entire race as if that tells us something about the individuals that are in that racial group.

“To be an Anti-racist is to recognize that there is no such thing as Black behavior. Black behavior is as fictitious as black genes. There is no “black gene”… All we have are stories of individual behavior. But individual stories are only proof of the behavior of individuals. Just as race doesn’t exist biologically, race doesn’t exist behaviorally….Anti-racism means separating the idea of a culture from the idea of behavior. Culture defines a group tradition that a particular racial group might share but that is not shared among all individuals in that racial group or among all racial groups. Behavior defines the inherent human traits and potential that everyone shares. Humans are intelligent and lazy. Even as that intelligence and laziness might appear differently across racialized cultural groups.”

It makes me sick to my stomach when I suddenly become aware of my own racist beliefs or ideas that I no longer am willing to stay blind to. My white privilege has brought shame and confusion as I see it more and more and question how and what I can do to be a part of this shift from oppression to elevation. I know that if I get stuck feeling sorry for myself or paralyzed by the overwhelm of frustration or confusion, I am likely to become blind once again to my participation in this systemic problem. Yeah it’s uncomfortable and I am stumbling through this learning process sometimes with grace and other times with so much awkwardness it pains me. Yet this is the work, and I have learned time and time again that when I lean into the discomfort and choose the “hard” path, I grow and evolve in ways that serve my highest good.

As Brene Brown said in her recent podcast episode with author and activist Austin Channing Brown: “I am here to get it right, not be right.”

So with that, I encourage you dear reader to focus more on IMPROVING rather than being defensive or trying to prove you’re not a racist. Just accept that you probably have some racist ideas and beliefs deep within you, that it’s not your fault, AND it is now your responsibility to do the work.

xoxox

How to Handle Set Backs

HOW TO HANDLE SET-BACK

“Set-backs” are subjective. It is all about your mindset and relationship with these integral moments of learning and growth. If you change your relationship with fear and “failure” can you see how your experience with these qualities would be impacted?

Anyone can dream big and set goals, but it is in the ACTION and our ability to walk and thrive through the fire that determines our level of success and well-being.

Take a moment to do some self-study…

What is your current relationship (or habitual reaction) when faced with:

1) an opportunity to SHINE

2) constructive feedback on something you care deeply about

3) the possibility of “failure”

4) love from another and self-love

Our impulsive reactions are habits that are deeply ingrained with the intention of protection and/or seeking safety. I have found this to be one of the simplest reminders; if i am feeling defensive, resistance, overwhelmed, overthinking, distracted, or avoidant, these are all signals that my mind-body does not feel safe and is reacting with habits that serve to protect what feels vulnerable. While there are many ways to address this imbalance and reassure your system that you are safe, this first phase is focused on HOW WE THINK. If you have a deep-rooted belief that “failure” is disastrous, or that perfection is expected, or that it is too risky to be seen or loved, then you will manifest this as a self-fulfilling prophecy. We see what we already believe and we attract more of what we think about, for better or for worse.

The attitude or relationship you notice with certain people or concepts come from your beliefs. You can’t change other people by focusing on them. You can’t change the reality of fear or set-backs or struggle in life, but you can change your relationship and what you make these things mean. The way you talk to yourself, the stories and meaning you project and repeat, and the repetitive action you take, all create your unique perception of life.

To change our deeply ingrained beliefs we need to be patient, curious and self-aware so we can notice when the grips of our past takes hold on the possibility of the fresh moment. Old beliefs that maybe saved you one time as a young child, become limitations in our evolution as adults. Assessing and changing beliefs is a vital part of re-parenting and healing these old wounds. Limiting Beliefs have a resonance of tunnel vision, they are deflating, and generally are aligned with black and white thinking. They also generally have a facile quality, meaning, they appear neat and comprehensive only by ignoring the true complexities of an issue. Even if these limiting beliefs have an iota of truth in them, they are too rigid and sticky to encompass the more expansive truth that is more aligned with the human condition.

Alright, let’s wrap this up with some homework!

Here are three steps to build your mindful armor (versus reactive armor) to handle and flourish through your set-backs:

1) Envision what you truly desire

• My good friend Mandy Balak, founder of Ace Class, led a meditation this week with the theme of innovation and beliefs. She asked us this question several times and I have had so much fun playing with it in my journal…

  “What is the truest, most beautiful ________ of my life?”

  This is an opportunity to plug different aspects of your life into this one potent quality question and create a vision of your deepest desires.

• What do you desire for your intimate relationship(s)?

• What do you desire and envision for your own business?

• What would be the most beautiful expression of your ideal day?

• What is the truest possibility for your relationship with yourself? Give it a try!

2) Create a Mental Model that guides and reminds you how to “lean into struggle”

• A mental model is a blueprint from something you know well, placed on top of something you desire to shift in how you relate to it. For example, I know how to train for a half marathon in a way that is fun, patient and includes lots of struggle. I can then write out a metaphor of what it takes to successfully run a half-marathon and then use that blueprint to keep me steady and focused in other areas of my life where struggle seems to have a more deflating impact on me. What do you know well?? “Life is like a box of chocolates?” WHY? Play with writing it out in depth as a metaphor and see what arises as you place that blueprint on the area of your life that has been causing you suffering.

3) Commit to a Daily Routine

• What you do daily matters more than what you do once and a while. We all need to have space and energy in our mind and body in order to be self-aware and capable of choosing a mindful response after an impulsive reaction. We need to build the habit of reflection, self-study, and ensure that we are doing what we can to befriend our nervous system and get access to our rest & digest state. I have a FREE morning routine 21 day challenge that can support you with this. If you are not a morning person, then commit to an evening routine instead.

If you are curious to learn more, please reach out to connect. I would love to hear from you. xoxox

Why "This Feels like Truth" is a dangerous phrase in our vocabulary

In a conversation with an insightful and inspiring friend a few weeks ago, we were chatting about subconscious programming and how fascinating and difficult it is to reprogram the deeply ingrained beliefs and traumas from our past. I can’t remember exactly what she said, but she alluded to something I had shared about my personal experience with hypoarousal and that it sounds like my shut-down pattern is trying to teach me something. In that moment, I felt shivers move down my spine and I wiggled and smiled as I expressed what I was feeling. Her eyes brightened and she leaned in to say: “that means it’s true!”

In that moment, I agreed with her. “yeah that feels like truth” I said.

A few days later, speaking to my father on the phone, I shared this story with him and the un-deniable good feelings that prompted my friend and I to claim that insight as truth.

My father reminded me of the danger of this sentiment. Recalling his (and mine) upbringing in the Mormon religion, and how “feelings” were manipulated consistently to be evidence for truth or non-truth. Feelings were used as a way to enforce obedience. Feelings were a way to instill Fear.

He shared his memory of straying from the church in his adolescence and when he announced to his family and congregation, at 19 years old, that he has decided to “come back” and to serve his Mission for the church, he was applauded and celebrated. He said that felt so good that in that moment he took it as evidence that it must be true and it must be the right thing to do.

Our senses are not designed for the complexities of truth, of the Universe, and the nuances of bias and manipulation. We have a tendency for bias and to look for evidence that proves our limited purview as the “right way.”

“Our senses, after all, evolved on the African savannas hundreds of thousands of years ago: They were useful for keeping us alive, whether that meant avoiding a hungry lion or figuring out whether a certain leaf was safe to eat.” - Neil DeGrasse Tyson

Our senses are superb at picking up on danger signals, and innately inclined to find solace and vital space for “rest and digest” when we feel safe. What is “safe” objectively is not what is “safe” subjectively. What is it to be safe? Danger and safety signals to the individual - the subjective experience - is not necessarily aligned with objective truth. I can experience a danger signal from thinking about something in the past that was painful or imagining doom and gloom in my future. One person may experience a full on panic attack and be riddled with fear on an airplane while another person is flooded with safety, creativity and pleasure in the sky. Perhaps I hear an “authority” speak about how loving he/she is and the many stories that “prove this statement as true.” And maybe, this “authority” reminds me of someone I trust and feel good around. Simply through repetition and familiarity I may experience safety signals when I see this authority, yet that doesn’t mean it is objectively true, that’s just my experience.

The notion that “seeing is believing,” Neil DeGrasse Tyson writes in Astrophysics for People in a Hurry,

“...works well in many endeavors, including mechanical engineering, fishing, and perhaps dating.… But it doesn’t make for good science. Science is not just about seeing, it’s about measuring, preferably with something that’s not your own eyes, which are inextricably conjoined with the baggage of your brain. That baggage is more often than not a satchel of preconceived ideas, post-conceived notions, and outright bias.”

We are all susceptible to bias, and we all have history that colors our desires, assumptions, expectations and beliefs. Even scientists get things wrong.

“Sometimes, scientists get the details wrong. Working on the frontiers of knowledge means that data and evidence—even that which is uncovered and analyzed by trained scientists—will lead to honest mistakes. But the scientific method (and process of publication and peer review) means that claims are challenged and argued over. As Neil points out, the structure of science means that researching and arguing move scientists closer to the truth, even if there are small errors or blind spots along the way. Hardworking scientists, he says, are always going back to the drawing board—or are already there—as a way of getting a firmer sense of the object of their inquiry. The process isn’t always pretty, but it moves us in the right direction.” - Neil DeGrasee Tyson

What I am realizing is that being “right” is not the be-all-end-all. What matters most is our ability to express and communicate our beliefs, where they came from, what potential biases we are working with, and then be willing to engage, ask questions, be open to new data, and ultimately, be willing to be wrong.

As I am navigating the overload of misinformation and non-experts making bold claims or regurgitating tunnel-vision perspectives on complex topics, I am learning how to think more like a scientist.

I see this as the pathway to integrating and balancing the masculine and feminine within each one of us. Too much reliance on “feeling” and “intuition” increases the possibility of blind bias, seeing what we already believe, and confident delusion. Too much reliance on analyzing and pragmatism could disconnect us from deep wisdom, collective consciousness, immense joy, freedom and embodiment. We need both. We need to honor and engage the material universe and we need to stay open, curious and compassionate as we surrender to the Unmanifest Universe.

Imagine the expansion and innovation that awaits when we expand our field of vision and ask questions rather than trust “authority” or stay shackled to the impulsive reactions programmed into our mind and body.

There is truth in all perspectives, and Objective Truth is only what can be verified and re-created through measurable experiments. Everything else is opinion, personal truth and theory. There’s purpose and power in naming it while remaining open to new data.

It’s time to question everything and gain clarity in our own biases, assumptions, beliefs and expectations. Objective Truth will become more obvious as you do the work to let go of what you want to believe and open up to what else could be true.

Testimonials from Befriend Your Nervous System with Yoga Nidra

I know my experience in this pandemic is not the same as everyone else. I do not want to glamorize self-isolation, however, I am practiced in focusing on the good and choosing gratitude on a daily basis. I acknowledge that for some, this pandemic has sped things up and created more work and responsibility (i.e. anyone in health care, oil and gas or financials, to name a few). Yet, for me, as a fitness instructor, yoga teacher at high schools, wellness retreat facilitator, and mind-body-life coach for groups in workshops or individuals, 90% of my income starting mid March to the foreseeable future has been cut. I am in creative mode every day playing with the various possibilities of how I can shift my business model to accommodate the world we are now in. AND, I am grateful and intrigued by the opportunity to get to know myself more intimately and spend more time befriending and retraining my nervous system so I can be an even stronger force of good in this world.

For me, being in self-isolation with the many tools I can wield and practice daily feels like ultimate Freedom. At the same time, I am very much aware and sensing the massive amount of grief, fear and uncertainty that is moving like strong and consistent waves through the collective.

What good can I do now? My main focus for the time being is to continue offering my two online group coaching programs on a consistent basis. I know there is immense value in these offerings and I am filled with joy and gratitude as I read the testimonials that continue to pour in. Right now I am in week 3 of the 4 week program The Four Pillars of Stress Resiliency, and the 6 week program Befriend Your Nervous System with Yoga Nidra begins again on April 28 (the four week program will start again on June 17).

Both programs are registration by donation for the time being. Meaning, whatever you are able to donate in exchange for participation, I will happily receive with no questions asked. You can send me an email with questions and the etransfer donation can be sent to the same email (marinmccue@gmail.com). Many people have donated and asked to be a part of both programs, which I am so thrilled to accommodate. I am also exploring facilitating these programs for individuals who want more one on one time, and for small groups that approach me with the desire to have the program offered just for them. I am happy to explore any ideas that come my way!

Here are some of the amazing testimonials I have received in the last few weeks.

“In the realm of the body and mind, Marin facilitates multiple pathways for anyone willing to dive a little deeper into themselves. Her depth of knowledge, wisdom and passion allow her to continually bring new and innovative ways of connecting to oneself. I am incredibly grateful for the workshops I have attended and the growth that has accompanied. I just finished the 6 week yoga nidra workshop and my heart is so full. It was an amazing resource to have access to while not being in the same city. Thank you for your dedication and all the knowledge you share.”

“I loved the program and didn’t realize I guess that it would be live with other people – which is fine, I just don’t tend to share a lot in that setting. But I did go through every week, did some reading and really spent some time on understanding and focusing on my body, my breath and what was happening. Even if there were some “sticky” spots, I even let that go and accessed what it feels like to just “be”. I found that probably the best part of the experience was to just take a breath and just “be”. Although, there are many times during a day that doesn’t happen, at least now I am learning to step away from what is bothering me/busy day, and take some time for myself.”   

“The REAL impact I've felt is completely different than what I expected. It wasn't the Weapon Against Bad Feelings I was expecting... first, it was an understanding of how deeply I've labelled feelings as bad or good, and the growing inkling that this labeling system didn't really come from me, and later that it was a tool of suppression and control that I was using on MYSELF like some kind of monster authoritarian government (gasp). Then it was learning about the complexity and paradox of all these feelings, which kind of threw my bad/good list into a state of confusion as good and bad feelings mixed together and became one. Then it was a slow acceptance of the purpose and ever-present nature of the feelings I had once labelled as bad. I started to let them in the room. And now over these last six weeks, I've felt a growing embrace of those feelings. (I should mention that if anyone had tried to sell me a program promising to teach me how to let my feelings be what they are, I would have run away really fast).

The elements of yoga nidra, the chakra system, and sankalpa have helped me bring this all into the present moment. I can learn from and release stories I've held in the past (they come up again from a different aspect, and I listen, learn, and let them go again). I can also let go of my deep desire to understand and control the future, which is of course entirely unknowable and necessarily chaotic. In the past, I was taught that variations of sankalpa were ways to pave a very specific road to success (I'm thinking vision boards with photos of a fit lady driving fancy convertible through the Tuscan countryside, words like "Joy", "Freedom", "Adventure", and a crowd of adoring fans clapping, accompanied by a the fit lady herself telling everyone how this all came to fruition through simple envisioning), but I've come to learn that sankalpa really has nothing to do with bringing to life a dream slideshow for the future. I think this is the true takeaway... through these practices, I can embrace unchangeable and necessary (and joyous) chaos, and jive with the ensuing emotions that colour my life. They aren't enemies at the gate, but important messengers flying through my open window. I'm now better at moving all the stuff out of the way that tells us me I must be more, or less, or that my life experience is lacking or troubled. And even more, I'm more present and empathetic with other people when they're behaving certain ways, and able to look past the shallowest level of their emotions. I can release that burden from myself rather than taking it on as my own.”

“The 6 week program was a great.  Even though I didn't attend the entire program but the ability to access the videos and the work you shared weekly was powerful. The one thing that I took away was being able to sit with my breath and energy.  That focus on energy and how it is moving and making me feel is very important for me as that helps me get in better alignment with my own self. I would highly recommend this program to everyone.”

“I think I got the most out of connecting during the actual session itself.  Given the timing of everything I was super grateful to have the meeting every week. I did not do the breathing consistently but I do feel that I got more comfortable with yoga nidra and am glad to have that in my toolbox to pull out if I’m feeling off.  I hope/think that I will continue that. I also found the mantra/sankalpa helpful and the thing that I will incorporate.”

“I really wasn't sure how much I'd get out of the zoom chats when I thought about it being a group type connection but I'm loving it. I like hearing about what everyone else is experiencing and sharing perspectives. It's really lovely!”

“We are 2 weeks in and I am loving it. The conversations are real, the questions are of quality, the guidance is above the bar. I encourage you to register for the next go around. It is worth the time. Invest in your knowledge so it can become wisdom.”

“The program was amazing, and honestly I did not feel as though I lost out by only being on a couple calls. I actually watched both weeks videos every week (even if I was in a call), and that almost made me feel more into the program. I think what stood out to me the most was just breathing… as funny as that sounds. I take it for granted all the time and it was just a reminder to slow down and breath. And like I said in the beginning my biggest thing was to slow down, and now I know how to do it.”

I am so grateful for everyone who has participated in these programs and I am excited to continue being in this work with future participants. Reach out, let’s get started.

xoxox

The line between Science and Woo-Woo

I am a very curious person. From an early age I have been asking questions like: who are we? where did we come from? why are we here? what can I know for sure and what can I actually never really know? what is valuable to think about, to feel? who do I want to be? what impact can I actually have? why does any of this matter? who would I be if I didn’t believe that? what can I change? what needs to change? what am I learning?

These questions used to be the prison walls of my own mind. It started as simple frustration and confusion from being fed “truth” by the religion I was born into while my own internal gauge of “truth” did not align. Eventually this spiraled into an existential crisis followed by several years of existential stupor. I continually had the feeling as though I was falling into a deep dark crevasse, and as soon as I managed to climb out of it (days or weeks later), it would only take a few questions to spiral me back into a dizzy spell and tumble back down into that all too familiar crevasse of doom and gloom. My mental dis-ease manifested as a mental health crisis; an eating disorder, depression, anxiety, self harm, drug and alcohol abuse.

Years of practice, learning, opening up, sharing my story, seeking support and guidance, and completely changing the Default Mode Network of my mind, and I am now steady, healthy, strong and live my life aligned with the pure nature of my being. I am healthy and deeply in tune with my mind and body, which allows me to dive deep into rabbit holes, hold space for others who find themselves stuck in darkness, and explore philosophy that is disconnected from science without losing my connection to reality. I can explore the furthest reaches of my current knowledge to highlight my blind spots, vulnerabilities, weaknesses, strengths, gaps, etc. without worrying that I won’t be able to find my way back.

I like to think of myself as a bridge. I enjoy plunging into the esoteric, mystical, spiritual and quantum, not only to appease my own curiosity, but also because I enjoy guiding others to the edge of their knowledge and beliefs while staying in partnership with science and the material world. It becomes a slow and patient process of pushing up against the edges of our current understanding to expand what we see, believe and know to be possible. When we honour our basic needs and have a stable routine for the daily practice, it is amazing what we can change and create within ourselves.

When we are intimately and intricately connected to a foundation of safety, balance, science and simplicity, we can learn to lengthen the bungee chord we use to plunge off into various directions, always with the intent that anything we discover or re-experience from a new lens must be able to come back to the foundation and align with what we know to be true. Which also speaks to the importance of not lengthening the bungee chord too quickly or too soon. Without that continual checking in and integration, it is far too easy to get lost in the mystery of the universe or to jump and slam ourselves against the earth.

In my own learning and development, I have been plunging into the quantum and the ancient texts of The Kybalion to feed my curiosity around my desire to seek out the Universal Truths that are the foundation for this life we are living.

The further away you travel from source, the more rigid or formless you will become. And to stay connected to Source, it makes sense to have some universal truths that serve as the key reminders for a healthy relationship.

What is balance truly? It’s dancing the line of form and formless, masculine and feminine, effort and surrender, full embodiment and mystical exploration, all contributing to the expansion and contraction of energy that is our life force in the present moment unfolding. It is the “engine” that adapts, communicates, grows, and is a part of something bigger yet also the unique individual experience. How do we dance while honoring the Universal Law of Change?

I do believe there are basic (yet not so basic) key tools and gems of wisdom that are pure in nature and 100% malleable through misguided perspectives, attachments or attempts at generating control of status. In general, I think if any of these key truths are dissected on their own, they will not hold up to human complexity. It’s only when taken altogether, the tensegrity of equal and opposing forces creates a frequency of energy that is stronger, more resilient, and has the capacity for high highs and low lows. I think when we get too caught up in analyzing we have stepped away from one of the Universal Truths; we must honor both the masculine (analyzing) and the feminine (medium of felt perception).

I am new to thinking in terms of Universal Laws and Truths, and of course there are plenty of people who have already said or discovered what I am stumbling upon. I do not claim any of these thoughts as mine, as they are serving me now, and I am open to new information and guidance so I can continue down the path with curiosity to know full mind and body integration.

What I appreciate about The Kybalion is the use of the concept THE ALL when referring to the force of energy of which all creation has manifested from. I like the neutrality of that, compared to the energetic resonance I feel when I use the term GOD.

I also like the play with words that happens with using THE ALL as our framework for attempting to grasp what it is and what it is not.

(1) THE ALL must be ALL that REALLY IS. There can be nothing existing outside of THE ALL, else THE ALL would not be THE ALL. 

(2) THE ALL must be INFINITE, for there is nothing else to define, confine, bound, limit; or restrict THE ALL. It must be Infinite in Time, or ETERNAL,--it must have always continuously existed, for there is nothing else to have ever created it, and something can never evolve from nothing, and if it had ever "not been," even for a moment, it would not "be" now,--it must continuously exist forever, for there is nothing to destroy it, and it can never "not-be," even for a moment, because something can never become nothing. It must be Infinite in Space--it must be Everywhere, for there is no place outside of THE ALL--it cannot be otherwise than continuous in Space, without break, cessation, separation, or interruption, for there is nothing to break, separate, or interrupt its continuity, and nothing with which to "fill in the gaps." It must be Infinite in Power, or Absolute, for there is nothing to limit, restrict, restrain, confine, disturb or condition it--it is subject to no other Power, for there is no other Power. 

(3) THE ALL must be IMMUTABLE, or not subject to change in its real nature, for there is nothing to work changes upon it nothing into which it could change, nor from which it could have changed. It cannot be added to nor subtracted from; increased nor diminished; nor become greater or lesser in any respect whatsoever. It must have always been, and must always remain, just what it is now--THE ALL--there has never been, is not now, and never will be, anything else into which it can change. THE ALL being Infinite, Absolute, Eternal and Unchangeable it must follow that anything finite, changeable, fleeting, and conditioned cannot be THE ALL. And as there is Nothing outside of THE ALL, in Reality, then any and all such finite things must be as Nothing in Reality. Now do not become befogged, nor frightened--we are not trying to lead you into the Christian Science field under cover of Hermetic Philosophy. There is a Reconciliation of this apparently contradictory state of affairs. Be patient, we will reach it in time.

I do align with the belief that there must be a great “engine”, energy or cause of life. On this material and human plane of existence, we can not know all that THE ALL is. We are part of it, come from it, all of it is in us, yet as THE ALL it is beyond EVERYTHING and is therefore rudimentally unknowable.

“THE ALL is in the all, all is in THE ALL.” We can understand that anything that IS, is a part of THE ALL. And conversely, anything that IS, houses THE ALL within it. The way this makes sense to me is to think of a single cell within your body. That single cell has the DNA makeup for absolutely everything that you are. All that you are is housed in that single cell, yet it is also an individual cell and manifests as an important part of the whole, and not the WHOLE in and of itself.

"Under, and back of, the Universe of Time, Space and Change, is ever to be found The Substantial Reality--the Fundamental Truth…. 

"Substance" means: "that which underlies all outward manifestations; the essence; the essential reality; the thing in itself," etc. "Substantial" means: "actually existing; being the essential element; being real," etc. "Reality" means: "the state of being real; true, enduring; valid; fixed; permanent; actual," etc. Under and behind all outward appearances or manifestations, there must always be a Substantial Reality. This is the Law.” - The Kybalion

The Kybalion speaks to Seven Principles of Truth…

"The Principles of Truth are Seven; he who knows these, understandingly, possesses the Magic Key before whose touch all the Doors of the Temple fly open."--The Kybalion. 

1. The Principle of Mentalism: “The ALL is MIND; the Universe in Mental”

“We can transmute one mental state into another, along the lines of Polarization. Things of the same class may have their polarity changed.”

2. The Principle of Correspondence:

“As above, so below. As below, so above.” Truth corresponds on all planes of manifestation. 

3. The Principle of Vibration: “Nothing rests; everything moves; everything vibrates”

4. The Principle of Polarity: “Everything is dual; everything has poles; everything has its pair of opposites>”

5. The Principle of Rhythm: “Everything flows out and in; everything has its tides; pendulum; rhythm compensates.”

6. The Principle of Cause and Effect: “The ALL is above cause and effect, except when it wills to become a Cause. Every cause has its effect; every effect has its cause.”

7. The Principle of Gender: “Gender is in everything; everything has its masculine and feminine principles; gender manifests on all planes”

“He sees that nothing really IS, but that everything is BECOMING and CHANGING. Nothing stands still-everything is being born, growing, dying-the very instant a thing reaches its height, it begins to decline--the law of rhythm is in constant operation--there is no reality, enduring quality, fixity, or substantiality in anything-- nothing is permanent but Change. He sees all things evolving from other things, and resolving into other things--constant action and reaction; inflow and outflow; building up and tearing down; creation and destruction; birth, growth and death. Nothing endures but Change. And if he be a thinking man, he realizes that all of these changing things must be but outward appearances or manifestations of some Underlying Power--some Substantial Reality.” - The Kybalion

I am not suggesting you believe in Hermeticism and I am certainly not suggesting or judging you if you prefer to speak and believe your version of GOD. What I do suggest is that we can all pause and reflect on where religion came from, and begin to question the manifestation and evolution of religions to gain clarity on whether there may be another perspective to try on. Perhaps a “rule” you have been blindly abiding by can be updated, expanded or transformed as you settle into the foundational Truths that all other “rules” came from. I think all religious beliefs become convoluted and misguided when distilled into cultural rules or an organized way of living. Man is imperfect. These Universal Truths that are the foundation of so many religions have lost their potency and power because leaders in Church pull their congregation further away from Source. AND, I do believe there is wisdom in exploring consciousness and the different realms of existence as long as we don't get caught in thinking we will know what is actually unknowable. 

More questions, fewer answers. What will it take for us to find solace and power in the expansive questions versus craving certainty? What will it take to stop fishing for quick fixes and answers when the questions themselves are so much more nourishing? What are you curious about? Let’s follow that curiosity.